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 Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 6:20 am
Once again, Riyo spent a moment in silence. There was still a small part of her that screamed for secrecy, as if it would still save her. As if she had something left to save. But the way she saw things now, it was a win-win situation. If she told him these things and the boil wasn't affected, it would be a weight off her shoulders. If not, she would be left to sulk.
"I wish it had been that simple, Mot." Riyo's ears folded against her head as her hands rested in her lap. She looked like a scolded child. "She wasn't really home much, if at all. And to tell you the truth, I preferred that to when she was home. The times she was home were some of the worst times of my life. Eventually I learned to hide in my room when I heard her heels clack on the hard wood floor. A lot of times I was so good at it, she forgot I existed. In those days, being alone was a lesser evil."
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Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 4:09 pm
The clicking of heels on the floor. That was a hit to home. His own mother's presence was much like that; the tell tale click clack that she was coming, with her scowl and judgments at the ready. Still, despite the strict upbringing, he'd been brought up well. He loved his mother.
For Riyo, he had a feeling it was something much worse. Something far scarier than being scolded over missed homework.
"My heart goes out to you, truly." Mot said softly. He wanted her to keep going, get it all off her chest. "You don't.. have to go through that anymore, do you?"
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Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 5:18 pm
"Don't pity me, Mot." Riyo couldn't find the strength to be angry, but her voice sounded slightly agitated. "I've got enough of that for myself right now. It's disgusting..." Another reason to loathe herself now, she supposed.
"And... No. No I don't. At least, not right now. When I was... Twelve." Twelve? Or had it been younger? Sometimes Riyo couldn't remember.
"I had to..." The ghoul seemed to clam up. Her arms wrapped around herself, gently rubbing her shoulders. "Mot... Have you ever been in an asylum?"
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Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 5:24 pm
Ah, right. Riyo didn't want a pity party. He mentally noted to try and steer clear of that tendency. Hel hated tat kind of thing too, as it were. It was almost funny how alike the two of them often were. Not entirely, but certain aspects. he had a feeling neither ghoul would let him live if he mentioned it.
Riyo's question raised some flags. The reaper shook his head. "No, I haven't." He figured this was going somewhere, so he remained quiet, and waited for Riyo to hopefully elaborate.
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Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 2:08 pm
No. Of course he hadn't. Why would any normal person have to go in one? "There's nothing good about them. I'd consider them worse than prisons. In a prison, you have bars, bricks, earth tone colors that keep you aware of how worldly the place is. It has smells, textures, and other people you can interact with."
The hardest part, of course, was describing what the asylum looked like. A couple of Riyo's cats started to rub themselves against her legs, as if offering some semblance of comfort. She supposed that was enough to help her continue on. Enough to convince her that, just because she spoke of it, didn't mean it would happen.
"The moment you walk into an asylum, the first thing you notice are the bright lights. It takes your eyes a moment to adjust to the lack of dark corners one could possibly hide in. You think it might be some kind of trick of the light... But everything. Every corner. Every part of the building... Is white. Next is the smell. It's sickeningly clean, a rare yet appropriate oxymoron. It's like a bleach for your nostrils. And then the third assault to your senses is the FEAR suppression field. It's a truly comfortless place..."
It was obvious Riyo wasn't done, but she was struggling to find the right words to appropriately describe the horror. "And then there are the men in white coats. Cold, calculating creatures with nothing in their eyes but the desire of progress, of knowledge, of answers. Some try to hide their true intent behind thick-rimmed glasses. Others are not so concerned. They ask you the worst questions. The sounds of scribbling pens and moaning is all you hear. All the rooms are so small. So lifeless..."
What was the point of all of this? By the time Riyo was done describing the rooms, her eyes had grown twice as wide as they usually were. "I had to put my mother in one of those. I suppose that in itself is scary enough... But what really terrified me after I got home that night... Is if circumstances hadn't been exactly as they were, it would've been me in there instead." Her hands reached up to cover her face as if she was ashamed to admit such a thing. "For awhile I'd convinced myself that I felt guilty for putting her in there, but I didn't. I was just so happy I wasn't there myself. Then I went through the process of covering it up and... Just tried to forget. But I couldn't. In the very recesses of my mind, I'm always haunted by that place. By the inevitability of my return, by how she must look now... And most of all I'm afraid that if I go there, I won't be leaving again."
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Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 5:43 pm
Mot watched as he listened to her. Watched the fear in her eyes, the recollection of details she wished to be forgotten. He agreed to be an ear to her pain, but it wasn't easy. Mot's nature was to help, but there was nothing he could do for Riyo. No saying he was sorry for her, she didn't want pity.
"That's..." Such a horrid place. Almost as bad as the dream they'd had.
"Loneliness will drive you insane, Riyo." He told her cautiously, knowing well he was treading on very fragile ground. "I'm glad you've opened up. Maybe it will help you heal. Just don't shut us out." He smiled as best he could for her.
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Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 10:03 am
"Don't you think I know that?!" It was the first time Riyo raised her voice, immediately recoiling at her own sound as if it terrified her. "Why do you think... I have so many cats in this room?" The ghoul wanted to say it was for their sake. That she kept them to give them a home. To give them a warm place to sleep and a good meal.
But in the end, the biggest reason was for herself.
Everything was for herself.
Which was ironic, because of how much she couldn't stand what she was.
"I don't know what to do anymore." The demoness's voice sounded strained. "All I know... Is I never want to be there again. Alone in that small space. I want to be with people. People who want to be with me. I think... Anymore... That's all I really want. Just that."
Poor Mot. Riyo had just realized how much she was dumping on him. "I don't think... That even with all the might I have left in this body, I could stand to shut you or anyone else out anymore... And even that scares me a little. I don't want to be a burden. I just want someone here."
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Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 11:04 am
Mot had to look at the cats again, just to remind himself that there were a lot of damn cats here. It always kind of freaked him out a bit. His gaze fell back to Riyo. He'd expected her to lash out again, but she seemed to be accepting help, and their friendship.
Mot smiled widely.
"You won't be going back. You don't have to worry anymore." Mot said with optimism. "We'll be here anytime you need us." Mot thought a moment, thinking of something to say to Riyo to assure her he liked her as she was. "You snap a lot, sometimes you come off as haughty, and you've got a bit of a sadistic streak.." Noting how she seemed to grin evilly whenever s**t when down. Almost like he could imagine her eating popcorn at the same time.
"You're quirky in your own way, but I like that about you. Not so much when you insult me, but it's not like I never heard it before." He grinned again. As long as Riyo wasn't lonely, things would be okay. That's what he told himself.
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Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 7:25 am
Well. Riyo couldn't say Mot's optimism was always appreciated or even tolerable, but it was... Refreshing right now. The ghoul supposed they all supported her in some way, shape, or form. "Yeah, yeah. Lets not remind me of my flaws, huh?" Though maybe she did need to be reminded of who she was. Much more than where she came from.
The ghoul supposed she did indeed feel a little better. At the very least, not as apathetic. Mot had managed to take the feline's mind off herself and... Onto more important things. As she sat on the edge of the bed, her tail finally took back it's job of gently beating on the bed behind her.
"Hey Mot." Riyo started, her brows furrowing with speculations to the future answers. "I haven't gotten a chance to ask anyone else this, so... What happened to you guys after I.." She trailed off, figuring he would know full well what she was talking about. Honestly the demoness still didn't want to think about it.
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