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[Q] Kizoku Hari || Muspellsheimr Page (Crit Plz?) Goto Page: [] [<] 1 2

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Kaori_luv

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 9:01 am


-_Wish of Tevarae_-


He looks so great and you are so very very close to a stamp! Just a few more small things and you'll be ready to go!

Idle, needs a note to that his idleness is less when someone is in trouble, it one of the things that can get him into action quickly. That way it doesn't clash.

Possessive clashes with his even tempered virtue. There is to much emotion in the possessive flaw, while there can be a little his possessiveness can't fully override his even temper. Try to cut out the things that make him less even tempered. Maybe make his reactions less towards agressive and more toward cold and aloof. The flaw it self may need to be written and that is fine, it happens some times.

Also the cool down bit for his magic is not needed, since he can't use it beyond the allotted from of time.

Quote me back when you are ready for another look through.
PostPosted: Tue Jan 06, 2015 11:22 pm


Kaori_luv

Gods, I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this! However, I think I've addressed the crit as completely as I can, and would love to get your feedback!

Thanks~

TheWishling

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shibrogane

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 15, 2015 8:08 pm


Hi, Wish! I'm chiming in on this one as a trans guy.

I really like how very little about his profile is focused on the fact that he's transgender--he's a very good character! I just wanted to ask that you change some of the terminology in use. "Female to male" was in vogue at the time of your original posting, but since then it has been considered to emphasize dysphoric thought. The more thoughtful way to indicate that your character's socialization doesn't match their experienced gender is to say they're "assigned female at birth". While Kizoku obviously may choose to refer to his specific circumstances as female-to-male, you should give that careful consideration--how open is he regarding his gender identity, how comfortable he is regarding his initial socialization as someone coded 'female', things like that--and remember that his choices will reflect your views and may influence the views of others who do not know a transgender person! When playing a minority character, it's important to be aware of stereotypes surrounding your character and take steps to avoid falling into them.

In addition, if binding ever comes up, please be aware of safe binding practices. Please please please don't have Kizoku wearing ace bandages to bind, or using duct tape, or wearing multiple binders at once. This is very dangerous, and while again, he can make this choice, this reflects your opinion on trans people so you need to be careful.

Finally, if you choose to cover Kizoku's continuing transition, please do some research into the WPATH standards of care for transition and informed consent. It is an endemic problem that people assume that hormones, driver's license changes, and surgery can be done as quickly as six months from a character coming to terms with their gender identity. This is not so. While informed consent can greatly cut down the wait times involved, this only really became a thing within the past five or six years. If Kizoku has been on hormones, it is likely he was on puberty blockers first, after at least two years of therapy and with separate recommendations from a psychologist and a psychiatrist. Even today, you are required to have two separate recommendations from psychiatrists and psychologists specifically focused on transgender oriented treatment in order to qualify for gender confirmation surgery. While it is possible to find psychiatrists/psychologists who will do informed consent for surgery as well, plastic surgeons who will perform gender confirmation surgery often require at least a year living as your experienced gender. These operations are not usually covered under health insurance unless they accompany a diagnosis of gender-based dysphoric disorder, so keep that in mind too. Changing the gender shown on your license requires proof of surgery in most states, if it's even allowed--it isn't in about 28-30 states in the union.

If you have any questions, I am around, and you can feel free to PM me--I also have AIM (hencethefortress) and Skype (knightshadeisabatmanexpy). Good luck getting Kizoku!
PostPosted: Thu Jan 15, 2015 11:32 pm


shibrogane


Hello, Shi. Thank you very much for the commentary you left on my profile!

As to terminology, in the large circle of people I know where I live, FTM is still used as a common phrasing for someone of that identity who is in the midst of transitioning. I understand it is not that way for everyone, however, and thank you for letting me know about alternate terminology.

I'm glad you showed concern for the method of binding as well. As an A-gendered person myself, with very extensive knowledge of binding procedures thanks to it being an active part of my daily life, I can appreciate the fact that you wished to ensure that I was aware of such things.

The final address to the process of legal transitioning was very helpful, and thank you for it. Hari will, shortly after his 20th birthday, be getting his surgery done, this meaning that he will have been undergoing the counselling and such for 6 years. He was on puberty blockers from age 14-16 (Having started therapy at late 13, and started the blockers at mid-14), and then was cleared to start Testosterone at age sixteen, as that is the primary age that most therapists will allow the transfer to full hormones, and he had at least one super supportive parent who helped him with all of it! Hopefully this clarifies a bit of things on the character for you! But thank you for trying to help me along!

TheWishling

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Kaori_luv

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 2:07 pm


User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.

-_Wish of Tevarae_-


The changes you made look good. Good luck winning your boy!
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