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 Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 11:46 am
Giyari So is that us good to go now, yeah? smile That was fast. But, yes, good to go. Settings are posted and RP open for playing.
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Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 2:42 pm
Haha! yeah, I was just kinda brousing through my guilds working out what had moved on when you must have posted smile
EEEDDDIIITTTT::::::
Well, my first post done. I THINK it was alright... It reads fine to me anyway, lol.
Whadaya thiiiiink? emotion_c8
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Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 2:41 am
And posted. I've put Fred somewhere near the outskirts of the Forest, but not in it. He's going to be so much fun to play.
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Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 4:57 am
Blackbird. Or Mr. Lore if you're feeling fancy 'n formal. BB to the ones that know. I've been on Gaia since before it was cool- and before that it was Neopets. I've come a long damn way. I believe this summer makes it eight years.
I'll be working out a character some time soon. Been a little busier than anticipated, but I WILL be participating and with GUSTO.
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Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 8:21 am
umbraja [Good, strong start. I like the innocent wonder and ADD curiosity you've given her. Your description is inventive and your diction colorful. I love the interaction with the hobos and how you made each one unique. Just a few suggestions to go back and fix some of the grammar. The beginning of every sentence should be capitalized, ellipsis (. . .) should not be used, use exclamation marks sparingly, be sure to put a full space between paragraphs, try to use a descriptive identifier between every few uses of a pronoun (use 'the sash' a few times instead of 'it'), and try not to repeat the same verb or descriptor within a single sentence (unless for intentional effect). Also read over your post, preferably aloud, once it's done and fix any mistakes you find. This will help catch typos and misused words as well as improve the flow of your writing. The more you read over and edit it the better it will be.] Right. Well, I'm not sure what the problem with elipses is tbh, are they not used to represent an extended pause?
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Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 11:02 am
Giyari Right. Well, I'm not sure what the problem with elipses is tbh, are they not used to represent an extended pause? Don't worry too much about it, I'm being nit picky on the first few posts trying to get us off to a strong start. I'll back off as things settle in. If you want me to stop commenting altogether just tell me to hush and I will but I'm only trying to help. As for your question (thanks for asking btw): Honestly, I use ellipsis wrong all the time. Most RPers do. Technically they should only be used to indicate omission (such as in a condensed quote) or aposiopesis (trailing off a sentence to give the impression of unwillingness or inability to continue). Only recently (linguistically speaking) has the ellipsis started being used to indicate pause in casual writing, popularized in graphic novels, and the use is not technically grammatically correct. An extended pause is more traditionally indicated by the use of a dash (properly the em — but the double minus -- is acceptable due to ease of typing). I personally rather prefer the look of the ellipsis for this function but it gets over used. In this particular instance though I mention it because it's not necessary. The combination of a single period with the new paragraph create sufficient pause that neither ellipsis nor dash are needed. Remember, punctuation is cumulative. A period and new paragraph create a longer pause than the period alone.
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Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 2:00 pm
umbraja Giyari Right. Well, I'm not sure what the problem with elipses is tbh, are they not used to represent an extended pause? Don't worry too much about it, I'm being nit picky on the first few posts trying to get us off to a strong start. I'll back off as things settle in. If you want me to stop commenting altogether just tell me to hush and I will but I'm only trying to help. As for your question (thanks for asking btw): Honestly, I use ellipsis wrong all the time. Most RPers do. Technically they should only be used to indicate omission (such as in a condensed quote) or aposiopesis (trailing off a sentence to give the impression of unwillingness or inability to continue). Only recently (linguistically speaking) has the ellipsis started being used to indicate pause in casual writing, popularized in graphic novels, and the use is not technically grammatically correct. An extended pause is more traditionally indicated by the use of a dash (properly the em — but the double minus -- is acceptable due to ease of typing). I personally rather prefer the look of the ellipsis for this function but it gets over used. In this particular instance though I mention it because it's not necessary. The combination of a single period with the new paragraph create sufficient pause that neither ellipsis nor dash are needed. Remember, punctuation is cumulative. A period and new paragraph create a longer pause than the period alone. Ahhh I did not know that biggrin LEan something new every day, eh razz And no no, I appreciate it XD I just didn't think I would have as much wrong as I did, haha! Seeems that I still have quite a bit to learn sweatdrop
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Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 2:09 pm
Giyari Ahhh I did not know that biggrin LEan something new every day, eh razz And no no, I appreciate it XD I just didn't think I would have as much wrong as I did, haha! Seeems that I still have quite a bit to learn sweatdrop Glad you appreciate it, I can come on strong sometimes. And don't sweat it, you've got some work to do on the technical aspects but your content is quite good and that's what really matters anyway. Ya got editors ta take care of the nit pickies, the meat's in the content. [That's my Vay impression. He is very much jazz and I am classical.]
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Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 10:05 pm
umbraja Somebody's read Douglas Adams. smile Quite a good start. I like how you transitioned from one scene to the next and the Sagus language is interesting (that a real language or are you making it up?). Your descriptions of how the nav spheres and flux feeling work are helpful and your bloated gas ball creature is quite fun. Thank you very much for introducing your character to another character. Just a few very minor technical suggestions, the greatest of which being to vary your vocabulary. Find a few simple descriptive phrases to use in place of your character's name or he and switch between them. Also try not to use the same words too often in one paragraph. Lastly, proofread. There's at least one typo. Thanks for the feedback, yeah, I'm in a bit of a funk concerning those particular errors. As far as proofreading goes, something always slips past the radar, always. No idea how, but I don't have the luxury of putting this down for a week, forgetting about it, coming back and getting everything I didn't get the first 55 times I read through it. T.T Sagus is the language Gingoth speaks and as such was taught to Sam. It's based on German and Spanish. I'm totally making it up, mostly to account for the species that made it up, most of the "g" sounds are actually guttaral noises and all "h" sounds are made by placing your tongue at the top of your mouth to block most of the air and blowing. In short, to hear Sam speak it would either strike someone as really creepy or insane. He knows more Sagus than Russian, his village barely spoke a language at all. Fun Fact; "Belobin!" Sounds more like "Mgelahgmin." But that's hard for Sam to pronounce so he just says "Belobin."
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Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 7:31 am
Jikial Thanks for the feedback, yeah, I'm in a bit of a funk concerning those particular errors. As far as proofreading goes, something always slips past the radar, always. No idea how, but I don't have the luxury of putting this down for a week, forgetting about it, coming back and getting everything I didn't get the first 55 times I read through it. T.T Don't worry about it. Things slip by -everyone- and this is just a game. I work in a publications office and though it's not my actual job title I'm the unofficial co-editor here (because my OCD notices these things) but even I have let a few grievous errors slip by. My first year we printed a calendar with Martober on it. 2,000 high gloss prints got all the way from the graphic designer (me), through formatting, past editing, and to the press where they were printed with Martober in the month of Halloween. Kudos if you know where Martober comes from. Jikial Sagus is the language Gingoth speaks and as such was taught to Sam. It's based on German and Spanish. I'm totally making it up, mostly to account for the species that made it up, most of the "g" sounds are actually guttaral noises and all "h" sounds are made by placing your tongue at the top of your mouth to block most of the air and blowing. In short, to hear Sam speak it would either strike someone as really creepy or insane. He knows more Sagus than Russian, his village barely spoke a language at all. Fun Fact; "Belobin!" Sounds more like "Mgelahgmin." But that's hard for Sam to pronounce so he just says "Belobin." Sweet, a linguist. Isn't language fun? Though I'm not really seeing the Spanish/German in there, course I can only count and order food in bad Spanish and haven't studied German in years. I like the sound of Belobin though, rolls off the tongue. Really can't blame Sam for not being able to pronounce Mgelahgmin, not sure I can.
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Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 7:49 am
Jikial Sagus is the language Gingoth speaks and as such was taught to Sam. It's based on German and Spanish. I'm totally making it up, mostly to account for the species that made it up, most of the "g" sounds are actually guttaral noises and all "h" sounds are made by placing your tongue at the top of your mouth to block most of the air and blowing. In short, to hear Sam speak it would either strike someone as really creepy or insane. I'm going with the insane option. Just for the record, Fred speaks the equivalent of Italian, but knows Common (English) as his second language. That and any magic that he has to say out loud will be in either Latin or Greek.
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Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 9:25 am
All right, it's about time I started working on a profile for this.
I'm Alex, 20-year-old college student. RPing since I was 13ish, and I currently work as a Copy Reader for a newspaper. It's pretty sweet. I get paid to grammar people. I also speak French (rusty) and a small amount of Russian.
I think Oxford/serial commas should always be present, I think the rule about splitting infinitives is a stupid relic of a dead language, and I like to type and/or write in such a way as to most closely reflect the words as they would be spoken.
I'm also a Crew member, hallo thar everyone, and running SOUL.
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Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 9:35 am
Well he only used the German thus far...
"Hyk Kadt" "Hoch Stadt" Top City. (I am aware that high and top are separate in german, but Sagus is a simple language.)
"Gyahheenmoa" "Nirgendwo" Nowhere.
"Belobin" is similar to "Wilkommen" but means something a bit different than
"welcome" it's more along the lines of "Well lived."
He'll speak at least a sentence of it sometime.
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Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 11:04 am
dammedMule I'm going with the insane option. Just for the record, Fred speaks the equivalent of Italian, but knows Common (English) as his second language. That and any magic that he has to say out loud will be in either Latin or Greek. Yeah, insane in general for Sam. Note on language in Aelzwyr: There's lots of it and English isn't the Queen's Common, though it is a widely spoken language. The usual way of dealing with that is use of a Babel Stone, a magic item that translates common languages for the user. Venom3001 All right, it's about time I started working on a profile for this. I'm Alex, 20-year-old college student. RPing since I was 13ish, and I currently work as a Copy Reader for a newspaper. It's pretty sweet. I get paid to grammar people. I also speak French (rusty) and a small amount of Russian. Patiently awaiting your profile. Isn't editing fun? I bet you get more interesting stories than the academic crap that comes across my desk. Venom3001 I think Oxford/serial commas should always be present, I think the rule about splitting infinitives is a stupid relic of a dead language, and I like to type and/or write in such a way as to most closely reflect the words as they would be spoken. Preach. Not splitting infinitives made sense back when we were speaking German and the infinitive was part of the word but when we split that en off the ending it was just asking to get things stuck between the to and the verb. Just asking for it I say. Yeah, anyway. I can see we'll get along grammatically. Venom3001 I'm also a Crew member, hallo thar everyone, and running SOUL. Yay, Crew! Vay and I have been fighting over which one of us gets to play SOUL. We find that given our history (15 years RP and 7 years live-in partners) it is not usually a good idea for us to be players together as we tend to be -- difficult. He's already got PoD but I'm running this one and he's better at the sci-fi so it's a point of contention. Jikial Well he only used the German thus far... "Hyk Kadt" "Hoch Stadt" Top City. (I am aware that high and top are separate in german, but Sagus is a simple language.) "Gyahheenmoa" "Nirgendwo" Nowhere. "Belobin" is similar to "Wilkommen" but means something a bit different than "welcome" it's more along the lines of "Well lived." He'll speak at least a sentence of it sometime. Ok, I see it now. Wow, it's been a long time since I've looked at German. I'm really loving the linguistics here.
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Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 12:15 pm
I MAY be rocking back and forth in my chair with a stupid smile on my face at the idea of people fighting to be in an RP I made. biggrin
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