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 Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2012 6:18 pm
~Entry 11~ Well, there still hasn’t been much progress with Branka. She’s able to write, but she chooses not to. I’m hopeful that she’ll agree to write again soon. I think it would help her to get her thoughts on paper, since she doesn’t share them with anyone else. Things are a little more difficult for me as well now, since my work shift has changed to the evenings. So now, I tend to be gone while the children are home, and I have to depend on Gemini and Chadrick to watch her and Ourania while I’m gone. Chadrick still won’t have a thing to do with Branka though, since the... incident. When I am home, I try to spend as much time with them all as I can. I’m extra sure to try spending time with Branka. I can’t get any more emotion from her past that small sign of her feet swinging. At the least, I have that.
I have mixed feelings about setting up play-dates with the others for her. With Gemini and Chad, I had no problems. Gem was too shy, and Chad was too loud, but those didn’t interfere too much with finding at least one friend. Branka though... I need to socialize her, but... Well, I’ll let Gem explain the latest attempt to socialize. I took her to the park the other day, thinking that since she’d apparently had a nice time there before, she wouldn’t mind being there again. Besides, mother had her hands full with Chadrick.. It was hot, but I wasn’t too worried. I brought plenty of water for us, and she’s not the kind to run around like a loon as most children her age do. I was truly surprised to find we weren’t the only ones there though. It was another group like us; teenagers with what I assumed to be their younger siblings. I recognized a couple of the teens from school. Not friends, but not enemies either. Since those children were running around, I suggested to Branka that she ask to play with them. Of course, she simply went to sit on those monkey bars. I cannot begin to fathom her fascination with sitting on those things every time. Pushing the issue wouldn’t help, so I decided to just sit below her on one end of the bars and read.
Of course, not too much later, the other children got curious about the girl on the bars and came over to investigate. I think they were curious about my wheelchair as well, but as soon as they say Branka’s tail, they focused on her. My own lower half was covered with a thin blanket, to protect myself from the sun, which also saved me from their scrutiny. The teens came and I was introduced to those I didn’t know, while the children shot many questions up at Branka. Of course, she only gave them a small glance before looking up at the sky again with those unreadable blue eyes. So, the kids went back to running around. I had hoped that them approaching her would help, but of course it didn't.
Everything was going fine, until I heard Branka’s soft voice say, “Go away.” I looked up, and one of the boys was up on the monkey bars sitting next to her. And then he reached for her ear... I’m sure he just wanted to pet it and feel it, but I also knew that this wasn’t going to be good. The look on my face must have warned the other teens, because they turned to look as well. Just in time to see those little fingers brush the fuzzy ear. ...and just in time to see Branka stretch out her arm and shove the boy off of the play set without even batting an eye. I was absolutely horrified; and so was the older brother of the boy who was now lying with a broken arm on the ground, screaming his head off. Thankfully, no one decided to stick around to point fingers. They just rushed him to the hospital.
I was surprised by how quiet it suddenly was. After so much noise, all I could hear was my own heart beating all the blood into my face from embarrassment and concern. Another surprise was when I told Branka to come down, she did! So, I pulled her into my lap and tried to explain to her how she had overreacted. ...I don’t believe she understood at all. She just kept giving me that blank stare. So, we returned home, and she went back to her room to be alone, as usual.
...We’ll just have to keep trying.
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Posted: Sun Oct 14, 2012 12:00 am
~Entry 12~ If anyone else had said it, I wouldn’t have believed it. Gemini wouldn’t make up such a thing though. Apparently, she got Branka to smile! Finally! Some sign of life! What caused this miracle, you ask? Gem is making all the Halloween costumes this year, and Branka is dressing up as The Red Queen from Alice in Wonderland. Gem said that the smile happened when Branka tried the dress on and saw herself in the mirror.
I didn’t see the smile, I’m sad to say, but I could tell something was different. Branka wore the dress the rest of the evening, being very ladylike in it, as cautious as could be to keep it looking neat. Then, when it was bed time, she pulled out her nicer, heavy hangers and had me fit the dress onto it. The width if the hanger would protect the shoulders better than the wire hangers that we usually use. It was touching to see her regard the outfit with such care.
Since her good mood seemed to carry into the next day, I had her help make cookies. Just basic sugar cookies, but I had bought cute Halloween themed cookie cutters for the occasion. I will be setting aside a different evening to bake with Ourania... It would surely have been a disaster if I hadn’t asked Chadrick to take her out for the evening. Only he can truly keep up with that little girl. At any rate, Branka and I made a great batch of cookies! She followed the instructions perfectly, and I’d swear that blank look of hers held a little spark of pleasure. Maybe we can reach her yet...
It was nice to have a calm evening with her, just the two of us. She’s had little to do with me since I brought Ourania home, and even less since Ourania grew. The poor thing seems overwhelmed by Ourania’s behavior. ..Frankly, I don’t blame her. I’m often overwhelmed myself. Branka can hardly handle being in the same room as Ourania! She’s hiding out in her bedroom even more than before, and it’s near impossible to get her to come out to interact. Branka still speaks barely more than five words at a time. Though, she seems to be opening up to Charis a bit more, which is encouraging. At least she has someone she can interact with better than her siblings. With Charis being a dream, I hope she’ll be able to positively influence my nightmare a bit as well. I’m trying, but she doesn’t give me much mind unless we’re baking together... I’ve spent more on baking ingredients with her around than I ever have.... I should start selling things to pay for buying more ingredients!
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 12:15 am
~Entry 13~ I was having a terrible nightmare. I don’t even remember what it was about. It made my chest tight, my stomach sour and my muscles heavy. Shadows... So many shadows... When I woke, I nearly screamed when I saw a figure sitting over me! My breath had frozen in my throat though, as ice blue eyes looked flatly down at me. My mind returned after a few seconds, and I raised a shaking hand to turn on my bedside lamp. Taking a deep breath, I faced my apparent bedmate. Branka was in her pajamas, her Red Queen doll tucked under one arm, kneeling near my hip. Her eyes were locked on me. When I got my breath back, I asked her if she was okay, and, naturally, she didn’t answer. She remained silent as I wiped a cold sweat from my face, and asked again if something was wrong. Her flat gaze only watched, looking me over as though trying to read some great mystery or truth in me. I couldn’t help but wonder if she had been the cause of the nightmare. Or perhaps she’d simply been drawn to me because of it. ...Honestly, this isn’t the first time I’ve woken from a nightmare to discover she was watching me. She never explains herself. She only stands or sits until I’ve woken completely, and then goes back to bed.
Tonight was no different. She knelt there, staring at me. I met her gaze right back, unable to help myself. The chill in my gut wouldn’t alleviate at all. We sat like that for quite a while; her still as a stone and my shivering like a leaf in a breeze. Finally, I got enough saliva to tell her I was okay, and that she should get back to bed. She watched me another moment, and, without a word, slid from the bed and headed back to her room. Even though she was out of sight, I was still cold. Those expressionless eyes, searching me so deep... It wasn’t until I heard her bedroom door close that I was able to move, and all I did was lay back down and cry. After learning of that tiny smile from the other day, after the nice evening of baking the other night, I think I was shocked by the return of the intense nighttime visit. The hope that I had held for her for days was mysteriously drained for the night, and I couldn’t warm back up.
I don’t know how I managed to fall back asleep, but it wasn’t until morning when I realized I was warm again. When I woke that second time, I found Ourania curled up against me, sound asleep with a content little smile on her innocent face. I hugged her close, which brought up a purr from my sleeping kitten.
Light and dark. Warm and cold. Dream and nightmare.
I must tread carefully, if I’m to prevent this from turning into some dramatic movie-like showdown...
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Posted: Sun Jun 30, 2013 1:12 pm
~Entry 14~
Again... Another nightmare.... I can remember this one though. It was about Branka...
Snow fell from the sky like falling ash, coating everything in the field in a cloying layer of gray. Leafless trees reached to the heavily clouded sky with twisting branches, and dark figures that I couldn’t place hid among the tips far above. I was numb to everything around me, unable to feel the temperature of the air, or the brush of the snow. All I felt was the pounding of my blood through my body. All I felt.. was my fear.
I looked around the desolate land, searching for any sign of sanity or life. Suddenly, there was a pop of color through the falling gray fluff. Deep red hair... Branka! I called out to her, but she didn’t turn to look. She just kept walking, somehow not dropping into the feet of snow, as though she were lighter than air. I saw others emerge from the cover of the snow behind her... angular, sharp creatures that crawled and scuttled along the ground. When I called to warn her, one of the fanged things leapt, landing on Branka’s shoulder, the weight of the creature pushing Branka down into the snow a couple inches. The puppy girl simply turned her head to look at the thing... and smiled curiously.
I was horrified as Branka petted the spindly monster. I called out again, trying to warn her to get away from the thing! I tried to run toward her, but the snow hindered my movements, weighing me down the closer I got. When Branka did finally look at me, she seemed surprised that I was there. I thought I saw the hint of a warm smile... I reached my hand out to her, and she reached back. She even took a step forward. But then the creature on her shoulder touched her head, whispered into her soft black ear, and her expression went coldly flat again. Without another look, she turned away from me. My voice went hoarse as I screamed for her.
..I woke up with my own screams ringing in my ears. I flipped around to hit the lamp to chase away the shadows, panicking as I tangled within my sweat-soaked sheets. When the light came on, I was face-to-face with Branka. I couldn’t describe the look on her face... My body was frozen as I looked into those pale eyes, but then, I remembered her smile from the dream. Her reaching hand. Finally inhaling, I sat up and pulled the puppy girl into my lap, wrapped my arms around her, and held her tightly. I told her I loved her... I would do anything to keep her safe.
That’s when Chadrick came running down the hall and burst into the room. His eyes were wide, and he held a bat in his hands. He’d heard me screaming... When I told his that I was okay, and asked him to go check on the others, he nodded uncertainly. He stared at Branka with anger before I told him again to go. I heard his clawed feet stomping on down the hall, and hugged Branka tighter. And then, I felt her hand on my arm, and she gave me a small squeeze. ...There is hope. There has to be. ...I wasn’t going to lose my Branka to the nightmare. I won't!
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Posted: Tue Jul 02, 2013 9:16 pm
~Entry 15~
Desperate to find a lighter side to my puppy, I took Branka for a walk through the park. She walked next to me without reaction to anything. For the most part, she kept her eyes straight forward. It wasn't until we passed someone playing frisbee with his dog that Branka paused. Her expression didn't change much, but I could see she had raised her brow, and that her eyes had lit up.
We stood and watched the play for a while, and then Branka opened her mouth to let out a small yip. The dog perked its ears and stared at my nightmare. ..I'm pretty sure I had the same expression on my own face. With the frisbee in its mouth, the dog cautiously trotted over to us, it's big brown eyes locked on my girl. I looked up at the dog's owner, who was staring at Branka's appearance.
Movement made me look down at the canines. Branka was patting the dog's head.... and a ghost of a smile lifted her lips. Why didn't I think of this before?! The dog, however, still seemed nervous. It's tail was low with concern, but wagging hopefully. I think it could tell that Branka held a darkness within her. The dog dropped the toy, and looked at Branka expectantly. With a whisper of a giggle, which nearly made me faint from shock!, she bent to retrieve the toy and threw it for the dog! And the dog played!!
I chatted with the dog's owner a bit while the two had fun, and I found I was smiling a lot as well. She looked even happier now than when she was baking! Even though she never moved from that spot. She threw the frisbee, the dog chase it and brought it back to drop at her feet, and she threw it again. She didn't run around, or laugh, or chase the dog like other children would, but I could tell she was delighted.
However, when the guy said they had to go, Branka became quite upset. Her sudden mood shift even scared the dog a little, who suddenly seemed quite ready to go. It took quite a while to help Branka calm down after that. ..I wonder if she could handle having a dog of her own? ....I wonder if I could handle another creature in my house!
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Posted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 5:03 pm
~Entry 16~
I've noticed that Branka has been... I don't quite know how to phrase it... Getting more active lately? That's not quite right, but she's not hiding in her room as much as she was, and she's taken to sitting with me to watch television or when I read. She's been swinging her knees more, and sitting outside under the trees. ...It probably helps that Chadrick and his birds aren't here to tempt her anymore.
Gemini seems to believe that Branka is getting ready to grow. Has it been that long already? ....Actually, it feels like a very long time. I wonder what she'll be like as a teenager. Will she talk more? Will she make friends? Will she open up to me? ... Or will she be worse? Will she close herself off, or grow an attitude? Teen years can be difficult for anyone. Look at happy-go-lucky Chadrick! He went rebellious on me! Branka... How much stronger will that darkness in her become..?
I'm sure I can still help her though! After the success the other day with meeting the dog, I decided to take her to meet my brother's little dog, Pooka. I made sure that Branka understood that she wasn't to keep the dog. It was only a visit. She seemed to understand, since she only pouted a little when we left. While we were there though... it was magical! She had that barely-there smile again as she threw the ball for the dog. My brother's kids didn't want anything to do with her, but she didn't notice that at all. Like the other dog, Pooka was nervous at first, but quickly warmed to the attention. I think these visits will become a regular thing!
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Posted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 5:32 pm
~Entry 17~ Guy mean. Guy call me freek. I byte him leg. Scared mama. Do not want to. Found oven for me. Bake cake and cookies in it. Give only me, mama, and fish. Cat annoying, and bird not here any more. Good.
Well, I helped her write what I could, but she wanted complete control. Still, not bad. Trying to get her to take over the journal is turning into a long and drawn-out process.
Anyway... Yes, I had taken Branka shopping with me to buy her a gift. I'd had an Easy Bake oven as a child, and felt she would do well to have an oven that she can use on her own. She was excited by the idea, and insisted on coming along for the purchase.
Well... like any shopping trip, we had a bit of trouble. One of the other customers was a rather unsavory fellow. He made his surprise at Branka's appearance very apparent, and it only got worse when he realized they weren't decoration. He started pointing her out to everyone who would pay attention to him, and mocked her. Then he started yelling right at me! Asking what I was doing caring for a freak like her. Of course, Branka was done tolerating that, and quickly ran over and bit his leg. It was quite the scene. I had to hold Branka close as they dragged the irate man away.
Strangely, Branka seemed to pay attention to my reaction. She didn't do much, other than pat my shoulder. A tiny motion to anyone else, but huge for me. I know something is going right. Normally, she would have been all over that guy the moment he'd pointed at her. This time... My hope continues to grow.
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Posted: Tue Jul 09, 2013 4:40 pm
~Entry 18~ I get puppy. Charis give me wolf pet puppy. Charis nice to me. No take him home yet. Him mama not let him go. Her keep him safe. Good mama.
It was as though someone knew Branka wanted a puppy... Not too long after the discovery of Branka's interest, Gem came and told me that Conan's dog was pregnant!
That was a while ago though. It seems that when the pups were born, Charis came straight here to get Branka to go see them, and that's when she offered one. Frankly, I was a bit relieved, as I'm sure Branka would have been quite upset to have not been offered. That is, until I learned that neither Blue nor Conan had been asked about such an exchange. Thankfully, they agreed to let her have one when the pups are ready to part from Bran. They really are a cute looking litter.
Branka ended up staying over that first night. It sounds like they had a nice time. It was the next day that posed some difficulty. Branka did not want to leave those pups. I've never seen her have such a fit. The only way we got her to leave was thanks to Blue. She agreed to let Branka visit the pups every day for an hour or two. Branka was still quite reluctant in coming, and I let her use her little oven to melt the cheese over her pasta fore lunch, which seemed to calm her a little bit.
She hid in her room the rest of the day. When I finally managed to get a peek inside, I saw she was setting up a spot for her new pup in her room. She's really excited about this! I'll have to go buy some new pet supplies before the arrival.
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Posted: Wed Jul 17, 2013 5:19 pm
~Entry 19~ I’m afraid I can’t give too many details here. My memory is still fuzzy on what happened...
As I’ve said before, I’ve been trying to encourage Branka’s lighter side. I felt like it was working. She would sit near me more, and smile more when baking. She was less resistant when I held her hand for walks. She even let me braid her hair once. I don’t know that she’ll ever trust me again though... Here’s how it happened.
I felt bad about her being stuck in the house while everyone else was busy with their own activities, so I got her to go on a walk through town with me. I figured that I would show her the different places that she could take her puppy once it’s able to come home with her. We ate at a small corner diner, and everything was going well. We didn’t start heading back until after it was getting dark... and here’s where things get fuzzy for me.
It happened quite fast. We were walking through the park on our way back to the car. With quite a few people still lingering around, I didn’t think much on the group of bodies sitting in the shade of a tree. I couldn’t tell you a thing about them. However, I know it was them. No sooner did Branka and I pass the group than did I feel a yank on my purse. Reflex made me hold tight and turn to see what had caught the strap while I heard Branka start to growl. One of the shadowy figures filled my vision, and I remember a sharp pain on my head. Next, I remember being on my knees, holding my head as sharp growls and barks and pained cries and yelps echoed inside it. Next, I remember Branka was hugging tight to my side, and there were flashing lights, and men in blue clothes trying to sooth Branka, saying they were there to help. Probably paramedics or police. There was a lot of blood on the ground...
Now, I’m stuck in a hospital bed with a concussion and broken arm, being worried sick. They won’t tell me how Branka is doing. They said.... that she grew after they’d sedated her enough to let them work on her injuries, frightening everyone with the flash of light. Injuries... What did those brutes do to my Branka? At least she turned out better than they did. The police came in. ..They told me the men who had attacked us were all dead at the scene. Four of them, apparently. Branka apparently wouldn’t say a word to the police about what happened, which didn’t surprise me at all.
It wasn’t until the next morning that I got any further information. Despite scaring the doctors to death with her sudden growth spurt, they were able to get her cleaned up well enough. She was surprisingly injury free. Most of the blood on her belonged to those she had.. Well, it wasn’t her blood. The main concern now is her eye. One of the thugs had threatened with a knife, and ended up cutting a long gash vertically over her eye. I’m told it starts just below her hairline and down to the corner of her lips. It cut into her eyelid... her eye. She might lose it. My poor Branka...
(( So, something along the lines of this~ REF. Hair shoulder length and above, or long and in an updo of some sort. Should remain the same red color it is now, but have a streak of dark orange somewhere.
I like the long sleeves, and the belts around the upper arms. Black and orange, or red and orange tights/socks like she currently has.
An eye patch over one of her eyes. A basic black one is fine, unless you feel like being fancy about it~ Whichever eye has the patch also need that long scar below , and above if her forehead shows.
And stick to the dark tone she has going, like the dark oranges and blacks. Remember, this picture is just a rough generality of how she could look. Have fun! ))
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