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“But my brother,” Acubens sobbed, arms coiling around Lesath like a lifeline. “My brother, he can’t lose me. We’re… we only work together, he’s lost without me.” Oh, what would happen to him if she left? What would happen to her if she could no longer be a part of his life? What would they do without each other? She had yet to even tell him that she was a senshi. She withheld that information to keep him safe, but could she still do that as a dark mirror senshi? Oh, they were all so good to her. Leto just wanting to badly to save her, Remarque and the way she always, always thought of Alexij when she was with him. And now Lesath, with the way she held Acubens and just wished for her to have more than she already had. Like a mother. It wasn’t like she didn’t have one already, but she would never understand why Acubens had been so distant lately. Lesath did.

Under normal circumstances the pet names would have made her laugh. Especially moth momma. So that was her sphere. Moths. “Lesath… I just don’t know. I don’t know anything. I never… I never asked for any of this, Lesath.” Acubens wished so fiercely to just be a girl again. Just Micah, who loved Alexij, who watched Jurassic Park once a week at the very least. Who loved the poetry and Emily Dickenson more than anything and could spend hours pulling it apart to find hidden meanings. Micah who’s favorite color was purple and who loved cake and ice cream and Mexican food even though it gave her heart burn. Micah who turned her nose up at anything green because if it was green it was probably moldy. Why couldn’t she just be Micah?

“I can’t see anything Lesath.” Damn the possible metaphoric meanings, Acubens had gone blind. It was happening again. She was losing her mind and spiraling fast into crippling depression that could last for days. No. No not this. Not now. Hold onto Lesath and focus on how she feels. Her hands, her body. Focus. “Lesath… I can’t… see…” Why did her voice sound so far away? Don’t pass out. If you pass out you power down. Then she knows… she can’t know, no matter how kind. You have to protect… “Alexij…”

With Lesath’s gentle coaching, Acubens slowly came back to herself. Not tonight. One. We can keep Alexij safe. Two. She will be there for me. Three. On and on, one reason, one number. At the mention of Leto, Acubens came back to herself totally. Leto, her beautiful friend. First met as a cat, but known to be a good girl. Someone Acubens could trust. Carefully she lifted her head to meet Lesath’s eyes. Breath after breath, the other girl’s face swam back into her vision. Okay, this was good. Acubens shut her eyes for just a moment to clear away any residual fog before she finally settled back down. She sat back on her knees, shaking, but better. She cuffed at her eyes with her bracers, the cool steal relieving the heat from her cheeks. Looking back at Lesath she smiled weakly.

“Sorry,” she muttered, wiping the wet spot on the other’s fuku where she’d cried. “I lose control sometimes. I’m… not good at dealing with my own emotions.” She sniffed and shook her head. “I… I can’t give you or Leto an answer yet. I still don’t know where I belong. It all hinges on my family. How can I best protect them? Will they be better off with me actively by their sides, or as a stranger? No one has been able to answer me that question yet. It’s all about them.” And Keren. Maybe. Acubens was still so confused about the exuberant other girl. But she knew one thing, if she joined this family, then Keren would want nothing to do with her. She hated the chaos. Maybe as the stranger Acubens would become she could earn her love again but… only maybe.

Relief. Pure relief. No matter her path the Dark Mirror Court would still want Acubens. And she would still want them. “And no matter the path I choose, the Dark Mirror Court will be sacred. Whomever I call my team will never lay hands on you.” Warmth blossomed form where Lesath’s lips touched. No pressure, just support. This could be good. There would be a mourning period. Some adjustment. But… Acubens could deal with it. Probably. Maybe… but that was thinking selfishly. Alexij and Keren and her parents. Could she protect them if she didn’t exist? Another puzzle for another time. She was under no pressure to decide now, and whatever she decided it would be her choice and they would love her anyway. Lesath. Oh, Acubens so wanted to know her as a civilian. She squeezed her arm once before she stood, dusting herself off. To think, this started out as a fight and ended like this.

“Why does it seem that the Dark Mirror Court, a faction on the side I should be fighting, is making the most sense?” She laughed at the absurdity of it all. And who knows. Maybe Alexij will awaken as a senshi too. That would have been perfect. Alexij, the dark mirror senshi of Micah. Or something to that effect. She would look different to him, but they would be together. But maybe that was hoping for too much. She smiled once more at Lesath. “That sounds better than you could possibly imagine.” She flicked a red curl from her face and waved as she turned. “And thank you, for everything. Look for me again sometime. I’ll be looking out for you.”