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 Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2011 9:39 pm
He made sure to note the Negaverse General’s name and add her to the list of people he didn’t like—not that she hadn’t already been on there after what she’d done at camp, but now he had a name to go with the face, and having her attack Chris and put him in such a state gave him even more of a reason to be displeased by the thought of her.
Paris frowned and said nothing for a few moments, lying along the mattress on his stomach with his head turned in Chris’s direction, his eyes focused not on his face, but on the hand on Chris’s chest. He remembered—though he would rather not—the battles in Elysion. He remembered the man—whose name he didn’t know—who’d put his hand to his chest with the intention of ripping out his starseed. He remembered how scared and helpless he’d felt, that someone could kill him so easily, that he’d suddenly been pulled into something that could result in his death, when he barely even understood.
It couldn’t have been any easier for Chris. Knowing made it easier to accept the responsibility; knowing made it easier to find something to fight for, but it didn’t make dying any easier. When things got bad, knowing didn’t strengthen their courage—it just gave them a reason to find it.
Carefully, Paris shifted closer and laid his head on Chris’s uninjured shoulder, draping an arm over Chris’s stomach to gently hold him.
“It’s okay,” he said quietly, closing his eyes as he took a few moments just to breathe. “It’s over. You’re safe. You’re alive.”
Simple things he’d repeated to himself so many months ago, over and over until he could put his bad experiences behind him and move on.
“It’s okay to be afraid… or upset. I know what it feels like. It hasn’t happened in a while, but… it’s not an easy thing to forget…”
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Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2011 10:14 pm
He hadn't really been sure how Paris would respond to him, but he was a bit surprised to feel him moving close enough to give him a one armed hug, more or less. Chris tensed for a few moments, but didn't understand why. He honestly didn't care whether or not Paris hugged him. He wasn't uncomfortable around him, or at least not as much as he thought he would be, but after everything... how could he not want his friend close by? That, and he was on some pretty strong pain medicine... although that was bound to wear off sooner than later.
No, he knew it was because of earlier. Because of how close to death he'd been, and was flinching away from physical contact. He didn't want to, though. And he really hoped that he wouldn't have some aversion to being touched by others, because he did like giving hugs and pats on the back and all that good stuff... Maybe it was just because he hadn't been ready for Paris to be so close to him? Or maybe he was making a big deal over something that really didn't matter.
Chris breathed as Paris did, letting him lay against him and reaching out with his right hand to take hold of Paris's wrist, holding his hug a little longer. It was going to be awkward sleeping in a sling, but what else could be done?
"I know," he mumbled, knowing that nothing was going to happen to him now... Or at least he hoped not. Although, coming so close to death made him rethink telling just anyone who he was, and to probably stop drawing attention to where he lived. "I know..." he repeated, trying not to sound as though he wanted to convince himself that it was true. They were in his apartment, safe and sound, with Annabel laying on his feet at the end of the bed, watching them both with tired curiosity, but not enough to get up and investigate.
But something about what Paris said was... odd... and it had his eyebrows furrowing with confusion and concern.
"You know how it feels like?" he asked, feeling his own heart throb with fear for his friend as he turned to look at him, even though they were perfectly safe at his apartment... Perfectly safe... "You... someone tried...?" he tried getting the question out, but his throat was suddenly too tight. No, they couldn't die... if any of his family or friends died... he would be completely devastated. And knowing that Paris could have died at some point was almost too much. Chris shifted his left arm from under Paris, moving it so he could pull him closer to him, hugging him as tightly as he could in their awkward position. "You never told me before... I never knew..." Then again... why the hell would he want to talk about something like that?
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Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2011 10:24 pm
Glancing up, Paris realized too late that he’d said something he probably should have been a little more delicate about revealing. In his defense, he hadn’t known. He’d told Chris so much already. Chris knew more about what it had been like for him, how he’d reacted after he’d awakened, than anyone. He had assumed, in his worry and concern and fatigue, that he’d said something about it before.
“I thought I told you,” he said, his voice still quiet. “I’m sorry… I thought I’d mentioned it when I told you who I was…”
He tried to remember back to that conversation, but everything had just finished happening at the Surrounding, he’d been so upset, so tired—he was tired now. He couldn’t be sure what had or hadn’t been said or alluded to. He knew his intention had been to tell Chris everything. He didn’t want any more secrets or lies between them. He hated thinking about it and would rather not remember if he didn’t have to, but he knew he’d wanted to tell Chris. He wanted him to know how bad it had been. He wanted him to know why his fear and his previous reluctances hadn’t been exaggerated.
“It was in Elysion. My second battle, the one I met Europa at. She and I got separated. There were some civilians there that time. I tried to keep an eye on them and… ended up in a fight with a Negaverse officer, though it was more him attacking me and me trying to get away. I was on the ground and… he put his hand to my chest…”
He shivered, suddenly cold, and it was as if an invisible hand reached into his chest right then and squeezed at his heart. He took a deep, steadying breath which he let out slowly, lowering his head back onto Chris’s shoulder and closing his eyes.
“Another senshi saved me. Gianfar. Of Chivalry,” he added with a soft, mostly humorless chuckle, too disturbed by the memories to find much amusement in the irony of it. “It was on my birthday. Seventeen and nearly dead. I was so terrified, I just kept running from everything.”
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Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 2:33 pm
Something like this he wasn't too upset about Paris not telling him before. It was kind of a big deal, one that he could have expected for someone to keep a secret until they were comfortable with talking about it. Almost dying was kind of a big deal, especially since Paris had been new to the whole senshi thing, and especially since it had been on his birthday. That just sucked...
He made a face at the thought of an actual senshi of chivalry existing, thinking that it was kind of ridiculous how many different types of senshi there were, but he didn't make any comment about it, especially since he didn't think there was any need to... Instead he just let Paris lay against him as Chris kept his arm around him, hoping that it would at least give him some small comfort, for whatever that was worth.
"It's okay... That you didn't mention it before..." he said, trying not to get upset about knowing they'd almost died, and that was surely how others had died before. But he was exhausted and in pain... and he had almost died. Because he'd been stupid and sought Painite out to 'talk' to her. He really was an idiot,wasn't he?
Chris glanced let out a small sigh, gently rubbing at Paris's back and hoping that it did something to sooth him. "Aren't you cold?" he wondered, glancing over to his friend in his shirt and underwear, his eyes catching a glimpse of the tattoo on the small of Paris's back as he accidentally pushed his shirt out of place. "Why blue roses...?" he asked, suddenly remembering that he'd never received an answer. From what he remembered, from back on his birthday, Peter had interrupted them before Paris had had a chance to explain.
But since they were talking about whatever they could, it might as well be a story time... Until he fell asleep, at least. It was quite late and his head was already getting heavy.
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Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 4:01 pm
Paris was about to answer Chris’s question about being cold when he was interrupted by a second question, pausing with his mouth open to glance up at Chris, momentarily surprised and confused by the inquiry before realizing Chris must have seen one of his tattoos, and the hand on his back easily clued him in to which one it was.
“Oh,” he said. “I just like them.”
He tried to remember how he’d meant to explain it that first time he’d been to Chris’s house, when he’d shown Chris and Chris had asked and Peter had come by to shove his nose into their business. He hadn’t thought it was anything deeply personal before. He’d talked about it with Ladon easily enough. Now, though, he wondered if he’d had more of a reason for picking it than he’d thought at the time, like something in his subconscious had been crying out, begging to be noticed.
“They symbolize a lot of things. Like… mystery, attaining the impossible, love at first sight, hope… things like that. They’re unique. They don’t exist in nature, so some people used to say that if you actually managed to find one you’d have your wishes granted.”
He shrugged lightly, lowering his eyes and shifting a bit closer. He kept his head on Chris’s shoulder and absentmindedly ran his fingers over Chris’s torso through his shirt, gently skimming them along the arm in the sling.
“They weren’t created by God or nature or whatever,” he continued. “They were created by man. So… I guess it’s sort of like proof… that we can create something beautiful, too… if we try…”
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Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 5:24 pm
Part of him wondered if he should be concerned about touching Paris in such a seemingly affectionate way, but then another part of him wondered why should he be concerned in the first place? It wasn't as if Paris being a boy suddenly gave him cooties. He also relished in the closeness and affection he was being given in return. Chris wasn't stupid enough to think he wasn't spoiled, and therefore craved attention, so when it was given freely, he wasn't going to push it away.
Chris didn't say anything after Paris's first comment, waiting for some kind of explanation, and he wasn't disappointed for the momentary wait. He stared at Paris in slight surprise, not really good with symbolic things, himself. It was why he was good at math. The answer is either right or wrong... Well, usually, but that was a different debate.
"Are you saying you're unobtainable...?" he mused, not really caring how ridiculous it sounded through his exhaustion and ache, leaning back to rest against the pillows more heavily. "You don't seem to be the type to believe in 'love at first sight', though... But maybe I'm wrong...?" Paris always seemed to be more realistic and down to earth about things. Or at least to him. Then again, Paris was a dancer and used to abstracted thoughts... right?
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Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 5:36 pm
“No, not really,” Paris replied with another light shrug. “I mean, obviously I’m not… in a way…”
He wasn’t unobtainable. Or he hadn’t been. He’d been loose and easy and even though he didn’t care for things to be that way anymore, it didn’t change the past or make him a different person simply because he’d finally grown tired of it. Emotionally he supposed he was a bit more closed off. He didn’t like growing too attached to people if he could help it. It made things complicated. It led to pain. He showed anger and happiness, but everything deeper he usually tried to keep to himself.
“I don’t believe in ‘love at first sight,’” he said. “Not really. I believe in attraction at first sight. Lust… but love is different. It’s not… it’s not instantaneous. I don’t think it’s something anyone can really know. Not in the beginning. It’s not an easy emotion like anger or sadness or happiness. It has more depth to it, so… it’s harder to figure out. It takes time.”
How much time, he didn’t know. He’d never claimed to feel it himself. He wasn’t even sure what it felt like, or if he’d felt it before. He didn’t think he’d be able to recognize it if he did. He felt deeply for certain people—and Chris was one of them—but how was he ever supposed to know for sure if that was what love was?
“I think once people figure out that they’re in love it can feel like they were in love the whole time, so they make up concepts of love at first sight and claim to have known instantly, but… I don’t know anyone who can say that honestly.”
He shifted again, pulling himself away for a few moments to be able to sit up, looking down at Chris and drawing his legs up to his chest.
“It’s more the other part that I like about the roses anyway,” he told him. “The making something beautiful part. Not playing God so much as relying on ourselves to do something good. And the part about hope. I got another one, see?” he added, shifting his left foot along the mattress for Chris to see the tiny rose and the words written in script on the outer side of his left foot. “I got it after we broke up. I was just sort of moping around, drinking and watching Disney movies and feeling miserable and stupid for a while. I’m just glad I was still smart enough to get it somewhere I could hide it when I dance.”
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Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 6:19 pm
Chris blinked the settling sleep away as Paris sat up, not wanting to drift off while he was still explaining his tattoo. He couldn't help but smile lightly at his words, liking the idea of making something beautiful from so much corruption and hate in the world. It's what he wanted to try and obtain through talking to officers of the Negaverse. He wanted to try and figure out a way to obtain peace, but... things were turning out to be a bit more difficult than he would have liked.
When Paris mentioned another tattoo, he shifted to be able to sit up some more, but not all the way like Paris. He didn't need to move that much to be able to see the script on the inside of Paris's left foot, and he smiled lightly again to see another blue rose there, as well. "'Once upon a dream'...? I hadn't seen that movie since I was a kid... and then you had me watch it with you at least a few times," he pointed out, amused now by Paris's movie choice, but also trying to push past the guilt and lingering bitterness that had followed what led to their break up. Although, he was still wondering if it even counted as being boyfriend and girlfriend when one was... obviously not a girl.
"It suits you..." All the blue roses... the quote... Paris wasn't like anyone he'd ever met before, and he'd met some pretty interesting people before, but there always seemed to be something new about him that Chris was learning. Or maybe he just didn't take the time to get to know him well enough...?
He glanced away from his foot, reaching up to lightly touch his aching shoulder, as if testing it to see how much pressure he could tolerate. "I was kind of a douche that night," he admitted, shifting a little to try and get more comfortable, but being physically uncomfortable wasn't really the problem. "I'm sorry... I should have been more sensitive..." Or something...
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Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 6:33 pm
He slid his foot back once Chris had seen it, setting in down on the mattress before stretching his legs out in front him, sitting there in silence for a few moments and taking in Chris’s apology before carefully climbing off of the bed.
“I should have been more honest,” he said. He leaned down to flick on the lamp on the bedside table and crossed over to a switch on the wall to turn off the overhead light. “But it’s over now. What’s done is done. There’s nothing we can really do about it except just… move on…”
Paris climbed back onto the bed, slipping under the blankets this time. He sat up for a little longer, looking down at Chris to make sure he was as comfortable as he could possibly be. “I’m glad you called me,” he said. He couldn’t look him in the eye as he spoke, too worried about what sort of things Chris would see in his gaze, so he focused on Chris’s neck instead—on the soft, rhythmic pulse he could see there. “I’m glad that, even though you were hurt, you’re not-“
He cut himself off before he could say it, not wanting to so much as utter the word “dead” in relation to Chris. Death still scared him. He didn’t know if that would ever change. He didn’t imagine it would, considering there was still so much more living he wanted to do. He tried not to think about what it would have been like to get a call from Chris’s mother instead, with the knowledge that he would never be able to see Chris again.
He didn’t want to dwell on such painful “what ifs”, so he left the comment unfinished.
“We should get some sleep,” he said instead. “You need to rest. You look tired.”
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Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 6:51 pm
He knew he had a temper, and he knew that sometimes it got out of hand. Okay, it usually got out of hand. But he was trying to overcome that and actually learn some patience for what makes him lose his cool. He wasn't proud of his blow ups, of course, but... he couldn't always stop himself.
"Right..." he agreed to moving on. There was no point in dwelling in the past. Besides, he liked having Paris as a friend. Someone to confide in and trust to help him when he needed it. Life was a lot better when he actually kept in contact with Paris, and he wasn't really sure why it took him so long to realize it, even though he didn't know the exact moment in which bitterness turned into acceptance.
"I look tired?" he almost laughed, amused in a morbid kind of way. "That's generous of you..." Personally, he thought he looked like s**t, bandaged and black and blue and pale skinned from blood loss. He'd just gotten his a** kicked and if it hadn't been for another friend, well... he wouldn't be there right now.
Even still, he nodded lightly to Paris and allowed his eyes to close and to just... breathe... He was home now, with the doors and windows locked. Paris was there in case he needed anything, or if he had to be taken back to the hospital again for whatever reason, so he could really just... take some time to rest. And of course he called Paris... he would call him any time he needed help, but for now he let the comment go, not wanting to get into anything deep or sentimental at the moment. He trusted Paris, so of course. But he also knew he'd hurt him before, so could it be that he's taking advantage of Paris's desire to help him in the first place...?
"You should get some sleep too... I'm sorry I woke you..." he apologized when in reality he was very grateful that Paris jumped out of bed and was at his side to help him through this shitty night.
"Good night..." he mumbled, already starting to doze into what would be a restless and uncomfortable sleep as the pain medicine wore off over the next few hours.
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Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 7:28 pm
Paris smiled at the sound of Chris’s laughter, glad to know that he could still be cheery after what had happened. If Paris had it his way, Chris would never have to feel the way he had when the man’s hand had gone for his chest, and he’d woken up cold and alone in his bedroom and frightened of everything. Chris would overcome it quicker than he had. Chris would be okay, because Paris would make him okay.
He settled himself next to Chris, adjusting the blankets so that they were both covered, glancing down to the foot of the bed to see Anna sleeping there before he reached over to turn off the lamp, bathing the apartment in darkness.
“Night…” he said around a sudden yawn. In his worry he’d forgotten how tired he’d been before. Now, with the lights out and a warm body next to him, he felt himself quickly growing drowsy.
He laid on the mattress beside Chris for a time, staring at him through the dark, examining his outline, listening to him breathe. After a few more moments, Paris slowly inched his way closer and returned to lying against him, head on Chris’s shoulder and arm thrown across him.
If Chris would rather he didn’t, Paris never knew. They were asleep in minutes.
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