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 Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 10:01 pm
Jordan's mouth twisted in a quick, wry smile. "Well. I'm trying to not-avoid Candace, for multiple reasons, but that's really not what I'm talking about." He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, then looked up to catch and hold her gaze. "Phoenix is my family now," he said simply. "Madison, Ennea, Jerry. Robert and Petra. And you too."
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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 10:08 pm
"Ahhh... well, um, good luck with.. Candace," she smiled, trying to sound reassuring. "I'm sure you'll be fine, I mean---" Reine trailed off mid-sentence when he spoke again, visibly trembling when he mentioned family, Robert and Petra in the same sentence.
She wasn't quite sure how to react- or reply, rather; tears were welling up in her eyes and she had no idea why, even, but she grabbed instinctively for the pillow to cover her face again.
"Not me," she whispered, the pillow muffling her voice further. "You don't.. want me."
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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 10:11 pm
"I promised I had your back, back there in the test," Jordan answered, not taking his eyes off Reine. "I meant it then, when none of us knew who we were, and I still mean it now."
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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 10:16 pm
"I know."
It wasn't him; the problem was her, always always her. Dad had picked on her, not Petra. Robert had picked her, over Petra, ruining their relationship.. and now- ahaha, how funny, she was here again, splitting the phoenixes apart, making everything go wrong...
"but you don't know me, even now."
Did she even know herself? Which was the lie, Roberta or Reine? Weren't they just both essentially broken, defective... failures?
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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 10:20 pm
"No, not yet." He debated with himself, then reached out to touch her hand, very lightly. "I found out, when I woke up, that I didn't even know myself very well. So I gotta do it bit by bit. Will you let me be your friend?"
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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 10:28 pm
"I don't want to..."
She left that hanging for what seemed like forever.
"I don't want to be.. Roberta." Again, there was the muffled sound of what appeared to be her choking back a sob. "I thought we were over that, but it keeps coming back." In her mind, at least, he couldn't be her friend if he was Robert's; he was already tied to that piece of her past she'd wanted to get rid of.
It was like tying a stone to his ankle and shoving him into the sea.. why, though, did it have to come to this? Why Petra, why Robert, why.. here...
Effectively she left his question unanswered- she didn't think she could make a commitment by saying 'yes', but she couldn't say 'no' to him, either.
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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 10:36 pm
"Then don't be." He let the statement hang in the air for a long moment, then got up and moved to sit down next to her, pulling her into a gentle hug; a calculated risk, but he was pretty sure she was going to break down and cry, and it would be after he left or it would be now. And if it was after he left, he was pretty sure she was going to repress everything all the more firmly and avoid him as well.
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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 10:48 pm
Reine offered no resistance when he moved to hug her, lying in his arms like a ragdoll cat- just far less fluffy and far more teary.
"You don't get it," she whimpered, feeling herself lose control again- what was it with these emotional breakdowns, she wasn't supposed to break down, ever. "I thought I'd get away from them.. if I came here, I..--" a gasp, and then another sniffle, before she continued. "I threw away everything to be away from them, because I thought that'd solve the problem, but now I.. I'm the problem, and there's nothing..."
At least he'd calculated right- Reine was trailing off into sobs again, a quivering, whiny mess of emotions.
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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 10:58 pm
"Not nothing," Jordan corrected. "You've got Alynthe now. She chose you."
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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 11:04 pm
"I meant, there's nothing I can do, unless you mean stabbing them or something and I don't think I could do that why couldn't they just have stayed in their normal lives why, I don't get it." The words came out in a rush, and she curled up, clinging closer to him- more because she just didn't want him to catch a glimpse of her awful, tear-stained, probably blotchy and red-eyed.. even red-nosed face.
Since coming to the island, she'd done nothing but embarrass herself- in front of Caelius, of a whole classroom full of people, and in front of Jordan, who she couldn't bring herself to call 'Boss' anymore- as far as she was concerned, she didn't deserve it.
"Why did you choose to come here?" It sounded vaguely like an accusation, probably because the ones she really wanted to ask that question to were Robert and Petra.
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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 11:12 pm
Jordan studied the top of Reine's head, carefully considering his answer. "I came here because I was tired of being normal and tired of being scared," he said. "Because my little brother was dead and I didn't know how to keep going any more. All there was left was trying to be normal and pretending not to be afraid, and then someone gave me a new choice." He took a deep breath and let it out in a long slow sigh.
"I think we all ran away from something."
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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 11:23 pm
dead---
She didn't ask why, or how- but it immediately brought the mental images of Petra, dead in a billion different ways, and a new wave of tears. No... no, that wasn't what she wanted; not Petra, not even Robert.
With a small sniffle she sat upright, struggling a little to break free from his embrace, then wrapped her own arms around him, feeling slightly as if she needed to comfort him, too. She had no idea what to say; here she was, griping about how Robert and Petra.. bothered her, when he was having to deal with death.
There was only really one thing she could empathise with. "I don't think we would have come here, if there hadn't been something chasing after us, somehow."
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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 11:32 pm
He was surprised when she sat up, pulled away, only to hug him in return, and briefly, his throat closed; because he hadn't talked about Andy at all over the past few months, had tried deliberately to keep the memories away, because all of them ended with a rainy day and an umbrella that wasn't red and a graveyard. Not now, not now - he let himself rest his head against Reine's shoulder, just for a few seconds, while he shoved the flood of memory back again. This was not about him, not really. This was for him to take care of Reine, in the here and now.
When he'd pulled himself back together, he said, "You're right about that. But we don't have to let it chase us." A small, painful smile. "We can turn around and face it down."
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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 11:51 pm
It felt nice, for that tiny moment, being the one relied on- that she was used to. She let herself pet him on the head, briefly worrying about whether it might be inappropriate; he was, after all, older than him, and there was no need to treat him like a child- but she couldn't help it. That was how her mother had gotten her to go to bed, most nights, with a cuddle and a few pats on the head.
Her mother... another regret she'd left behind. She hadn't even left a note, or anything- and her mother had lost both daughters, at once; it hurt so much to even think about how she might be taking it
At least, for now, the tears had stopped, and Reine was slightly calmer. All of a sudden, though, she was aware of how close they were, and with a squeak she moved to his side instead, blushing.
"I kinda have a feeling.. that.. it's just going to get worse, I don't know. How.. do you even keep it all inside? I don't like this; I don't like crying at the smallest thing, or yelling at people in public, you know- I don't want that kind of reputation."
Were you always like this, she wondered, though she didn't dare to ask him. Always so calm and composed- it's a little scary, but I know you care- even though I don't know if you should.
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Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 11:52 am
He looped his arm around her shoulders instead when she moved to his side, without comment. "Practice, mostly," he said, and huffed a humorless chuckle. "Beating on shadowlings when I get really pissed, now that I'm here. Taking it out on something I can safely take it out on. When I can." He looked thoughtfully down at her. I get scared, too. Not the time nor place. "Teasing Ferros, but he teases back."
The weapon snickered. And you're just a real joy to live with when you're pissy, too.
I could say the same for you.
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