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Siddie stared determinedly at the grass. "I'm - I'm okay," she said, though the tremble in her voice made the statement unconvincing. "Did she - tell you what happened?" She wasn't sure if she wanted the answer to be yes or no. On one hand, she'd really, really screwed up, and the thought of anyone knowing the details of that was kind of mortifying. On the other ... well, not having to explain everything would be kind of nice.

Siddie rubbed her eyes, wiping the incipient tears away. "I - I don't know. But thank you." Would her parents take her back if - if she told them she'd decided on an engagement? She didn't know what she was going to do when the silver seeds she'd saved up over the course of the year ran out. She'd never had to even think about that before.

... Why was she even thinking this? Sammy would be so angry at her. Sammy was angry at her anyway, and she didn't even know if the zombie ghoul would ever talk to her again. A little balloon of anger puffed up in her chest. What did Sammy think Siddie was going to do? She'd pushed Siddie away when Siddie had thrown away a comfortable future and the good graces of her family, all for Sammy.

Siddie bit her lip and leaned over to scoop Chili off the grass, interrupting the drutten's stalking of Handsome's temptingly exposed belly. Chili chirped with surprise, but settled into her mistress's embrace. "I don't know," Siddie said again.

"I don't know," Siddie replied quietly, and bowed her head. She'd never had to think about it before. She'd formed a nebulous goal, this year, of maybe, someday, being as terrifying as some of the professors; but the practicalities and mechanics of working for a living were alien to her. What did people do, really? Without support or money? No wonder her mama hadn't wanted that for her. She let Chili squirm loose of her grasp and crossed her arms under her breasts, thinking more seriously now. Her parents had always thought to use her. Was that the way of it? Surely that couldn't be how everyone worked. Sammy hadn't been using her. Had she?

"Who do you think you'll marry?" she asked abruptly. Not Calder, certainly, though she'd heard the two boils had an arrangement now.

"I'll be testing for advancement soon," Siddie said, and peeked at Barth under her bangs. "I don't think - I'm not sure my parents even really cared about the degree. They just. They just wanted me to meet people and be able to say I went to Amityville." She swung her leg, kicking at the grass again. "But I kind of care now. I don't - I don't want to have to leave. I like it here. I like the professors and the people and the place - I like not having to talk to my sisters," she spat. "I want to do something with myself but I don't know what I'm going to do if I can't pay for school any more."

She stood up, no longer able to sit quietly, and paced back and forth, pent-up emotion finally expressing itself. "Maybe it's. Maybe it's awful of me but I don't want to be poor and I don't want to be alone and I don't want to have to worry all the time." She was near tears again, shivering with the force of suppressed feeling spilling out uncontrolled.

"Do you - " Siddie swallowed hard. Would Sammy ever forgive her? Probably not. "Do you think it would work?" She clutched her elbows tightly, nervously, admitting to herself finally that she didn't want to go back. That this was home, and she didn't want to leave. "If we. If we say it right?" Maybe her parents would be satisfied with the arrangement. Maybe she could use them instead of them using her.

"You too, of course," she nodded. "I mean, if it's just business - no offense? But you're - um. You're a boil." The admission had her cheeks flaming purple again.

Without Contracts involved - Siddie's gaze jerked to Barth's face, startled but not surprised, all at once. He meant it, then. "I ... " She gulped. "I'll write my parents. See if they'll give in. You can write your mom, too, so she'll stop bugging you about it." Was that right? It sounded like he'd rather not worry about it, too.

She was sure that her blush was permanent by now. "I," she said, licked her lips, and took a breath. "I like ghouls more. That way. You know."

"Yes. Right. I - um. Yes, I'll talk to Sammy. I'll do my best." Throttling - yes, that sounded like Sammy, and Siddie would rather that this arrangement not end in violence and/or dissipation. It was her fault, after all, and her decision, and Barth didn't deserve to get blamed for what was only practical. She straightened her shoulders and smiled bravely at Barth. "Um - let me know if your mom is okay with it. Okay?"