Her ears twitched in unison with her nose. The lettuce before her seemed so very sweet, and she munched on it happily. It was a lovely day, with the sun shining down on the field of just-right-lettuce. Other little bunnies hopped here and here, occasionally crunching into a new head of the water-filled goodness. Sherrybunny watched all of this with contentment. Things were at peace, and that felt good. She took another bite of lettuce, vaguely noting the dark color it seemed to be turning.
It must have been turning color because of the cold. And it certainly was getting cold right then. Why, there was even a few inches of snow on the ground! Sherry giggled. It was cold, but rather pleasant. She took a few steps (followed by bum-hops, of course) to check it out a bit. Yep. Rather fluffy snow. Except for where it was icy. She really should stay away from the ice. Ice was slippery, and it could certainly break... Even as she thought it, she noticed that she was standing on a bit of bright blue ice. She must have walked out onto it without thinking. Well, if she just took it slowly she could—what was that?! Something moved underneath the ice. Something large. An…an eye? Was that? Yes. Yes it was. Sherrybunny ran, and she prayed the ice wouldn’t break.
When she stopped running she found herself sitting in a lovely field of wildflowers. Quite thenice place. They came in all colors. Red, blue, purple, pink, yellow, and every shade in between. Sherry laughed and rolled in the flowers for what seemed like forever. It was bliss. Pure, unbridled bliss. There was nothing in the world but Sherry and the flowers.
But then there was something. Oh! More lettuce. Sherrybunny hopped right on over to that nice lovely head. She was back in the lettuce field. The other bunnies were gone, but she didn’t mind. More crunchy goodness for her.
She pulled one great leaf off, and wolfed it straight down. She quickly had another. On her third piece, she began to notice the leaf was changing color, like the leaf earlier. In fact, the whole head was. Just what in the world was that about? The nice, crisp green and white head was turning a far-less-nice brown color. A bit of a rusty brown, and black at the edges. So odd. Sherry poked at it. Nothing seemed odd, other than the color. Curiosity tugged at her, so Sherry grabbed one more leaf of lettuce and pulled it toward her. It seemed fine. Felt just like—then Sherry noticed what was following the leaf. Out of the lettuce head a soupy mixture of stuff was starting to flow, as though she had just open up some kind of flood gate. Brown and red and pink, with bits of black and white here and there. It was thick. As it came rushing toward her, Sherry knew what it was. It washed over her and she could feel the warmth in it.
She heard a Pop! Pop! noise and spared a glance around. The other heads of lettuce were bursting, the foul liquid running forth from them as well. No, no, no, no! Anything but this. The soup was all around her, she was standing in the sticky, warm mess. It swirled around her little rabbit form, oozing and burbling. The bits…there were recognizable bits in it. Hair, flesh, and so much more that she tried not to see. Warm, gushing, and rising. A sea of bodies, fresh and smashed, oozing and growing. She knew she couldn’t run, she knew she couldn’t swim. She was going to drown in this lettuce field of death.
The darkness of her room filled her vision as her eyes flew open. Air washed into her lungs as she gasped. A dream. A terrible, terrible dream. Over and over she saw the heads of lettuce bursting with their fluids, and body parts that seemed to rise from nothing. Her waking mind now inserted the images from the council room, too. Bodies. Always bodies. Sherry shuddered and sat up. She was still shaking. After everything that happened during the past few days, and now this, it was almost too much. She felt sick to her stomach and tired, but she knew she was unlikely to fall back asleep.
"What time is it?" she asked the walls. If it were late enough, maybe she could see if one of her friends was awake. Though, liked she'd told Jake, she didn't have many. Tori would visit her, though. She knew that.
With a tiny bit of relief, Sherry reached for her phone. By this point, her eyes had adjusted to the small amount of light in her room, and something caught her attention. There, next to where her phone lay while she slept was Armagnac. Not in the shape of her tablet, like she had been when Sherry went to sleep. But a bracelet.
With disbelief her hand moved to grasp the wide brass cuff. She moment she touched it she knew. Armagnac?! The thought was hopeful.
She sounded sleepy.
"Oh, thank everything! You...You're back," she hugged the bracelet.
"You...you were a tablet again. I didn't know if you'd ever--"
"No," Sherry relayed the story as fast as she could. The Haunted House, the large dragon, the insane hunters, the thing in the red cloak, the--
Armagnac was clearly chiding Sherry.
"Yes." She was certain. Certain beyond a doubt. She told the weapon again, and then went on to tell her all about the things that had happened after the mission. Talking to people, finding the council members dead, all of it.
the wrym seemed to purr with thought, and then was quiet for a few moments.
"Now? Perfect. I am so glad you are back," she was still trying to hug the bracelet. It was a good thing she had the room to herself, because it probably looked pretty silly.
"No," Sherry sniffed. She was just so happy, she could hardly contain it.
"No, of course not." Sherry hadn't been entirely useless.
Sherry just smiled, and slipped the brass cuff onto her wrist. The world felt right again.
A dream woke me. Sherry shuddered a little, but the knowledge that she was no longer alone made everything a million times better.
The wyrm was silent for a moment. She could practically feel the lindwyrm rolling over in her head, and knew that was all Armagnac would say for now.
Sherry laughed as she checked her phone, then curled up for another twenty minutes of nap time. A year or two ago, the idea of monsters would have kept her up at night. Now the monster in her head brought nothing but comfort.
Life was a strange beast.
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Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 6:10 pm
It Won't Go Away
Oh, it was bad. So, so bad. Her face was covered in marker. Permanent, sharpie marker. Her eyes, ohhhh, that was never coming off. None of it was coming off. She wasn’t even sure why she was trying.
Scrub, scrub, scrub.
Still, she had to try. There was no way she was walking around looking like a four-year-old’s coloring book. I can’t believe he drew so much. What the hell is wrong with him?
You would think so.
The idea pleased Armagnac, that much was clear.
I’m trying. That she was. She had been scrubbing for ages. At least it felt like it.
She sighed, and turned the water back on. It was cold, and totally going down her neck as she splashed herself with it. This was like the third times she’d soaped up, and she just knew it wasn’t really going to have any effect. She was totally using the real scrubby next. She would have to.
A glance in the mirror confirmed it. “Oh, I am going to kill him.” That wasn’t to say she didn’t deserve it. She had started the whole thing, after all. But still. Moderation, Jake. Moderation. She would have to teach him about it.
Sighing, Sherry turned off the water and picked up her slightly rougher scrubby. The one she usually reserved for after missions; those days when the dirt (or whatever) would just not wash off. Closing her eyes, she got right to it.
Scrub, scrub, scrub.
She was going to kill him. Heck, if it hadn't been so darn fun, she might have tried right then and there. It had been fun, though. She would have laughed, but then she might have gotten soap in her mouth. Marker and all, she had a feeling she’d look back on the whole thing and be happy. Even with all the failing she’d done. Oh, lord. She’d failed so badly. So, so badly.
I can’t mess up in this spar. What would he think of me?
Armagnac sounded less than interested.
Well, we can’t have that. The idea of Jake thinking anything but the best of her made her…not happy. She scrubbed her face harder. It was starting to hurt.
Armagnac grumbled something.
I know, I shouldn’t care about what people think of me. But I do. It was one of her biggest problems. She was always super nice or super quiet, just because she didn’t want to offend anyone. Not that she was worried about offending Jake. Just look at what that jerkface had done to her. At least he’d had fun doing it.
After fumbling around for the water faucet thing again, she turned it on, and set about getting the soap off of her face. A look in the mirror revealed that yes, she had lessened the effect of the her failures, to a point. Now her face was just red, mostly. Very, very red. It was probably going to hurt later.
“If I scrub any more, it’s going to bleed,” she said as she dried her face off. No, she would have to live with this for now. Gathering her things, she headed back to her room. “I am going to kill him, and I am going to enjoy every minute of it.”
The first thing she did when she got back to her room was put some lotion on her face. She had scrubbed too hard, and it did hurt. “I can’t even believe he did that. At least I had the decency to keep most of it off of his face. Jerk can’t even—“ Oh. Right. She had that make-up somewhere! That would help, right?
With a grin, Sherry pulled a cardboard box out from under her bed. It didn’t have much in it, seeing as she didn’t own much. Especially not after all that had happened. “Yes!” She did have still have it. “This will help cover it. Thank heaven.”
It was a brilliant idea. It even seemed to help, for the most part. If one looked close enough, well, there was clearly still marker remnants on her face. But at least it hid the red. But her eyes. Those panda eyes. “There is something wrong with that boy, Armagnac. Why would anyone do this to anybody? I mean, I get it. I started it. But…but…” she laughed. But it had been fun. She was so happy to have seen Jake enjoying himself.
She gave a wistful sigh and reached for her eye liner. She hoped the use of it would help take away from the marker that was still somewhat visible on her face.
Because I don’t want to look like an idiot. Sherry rolled her eyes and worked with the liner. Oh, it had been forever since she’d worn any, but it didn’t look half bad. It did, in her opinion, help take away from the marker the make-up couldn’t hide. Satisfied, Sherry re-applied her mascara for the day, and figured that was about as good as it was going to get. Except, no. She clearly needed some blush first. Just a tiny bit. Yes, perfect. Just like that.
Eyeing herself in her small mirror, she decided she looked presentable. Sure, she’d have to keep pushing her hair down, but whatever. “Jerkface. Not that I care about what I look like for this spar. The rest of the island, though,” she shook her head. There was no shame in losing at Jenga (except for the fact that she wore a tree on her coat). She chuckled. “It was good to see him happy, though.”
Armagnac grumbled again, and Sherry felt an odd sensation. She had felt it countless times before, but right now? It was a feeling from Armagnac, one that oozed…Sherry wasn’t sure what. If she had to describe the feeling, she would say it felt like a snake coiling itself around her, but in the back of her head. It was something she felt when the lindwyrm was worried or upset. “Armagnac? Is something wrong?”
The feeling lessened.
“Crap! I’m going to be late!” Grabbing her coat, Sherry ran out of her door. She didn’t want to keep Jake waiting.
*****************
Armagnac knew where this was going. Her hunter was an open book. Yes, the girl tried to keep her emotions bottled up, but Armagnac lived in that bottle. Besides, the child was terrible at hiding those emotions, anyway.
Armagnac’d had suspicions. A quick poke around in the feelings of her hunter had confirmed it. Though she was pretty sure the girl didn’t quite realize it. Which was probably for the best.
Armagnac liked Jake. She held some small amount of respect for the boy, and he was clearly a good influence on Sherry. Her backbone shone through with him, and he seemed effective at stopping that annoying stream of apologies the girl was prone to do. These other things however, made Armagnac less happy. Though perhaps she shouldn’t worry. With any luck, Sherry would remain oblivious. If not…
Armagnac liked Jake. But. If the boy broke her hunter, Armagnac would find some way to gut the kid.
Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2013 10:13 pm
Can One Hope Too Much?
If there was one thing pod duty was allowed for, it was time to think. Which was what Sherry both wanted, and didn’t want.
Sherry rolled her eyes as she checked the monitor. Are you jealous or something?
But that’s just it. It’s my energy. Why do you care?
“Fine then,” Sherry sighed as she continued down the duty checklist. A few moments later, she asked the lindwyrm another question. Do you really think it’s a waste? Honestly?
The reply came with no hesitation, but there was something in it that Sherry had trouble placing.
What makes you so sure?
Sherry went quiet again for a few minutes, focusing on the monitors. She thought about what Armagnac had said, and honestly, Sherry didn’t want to reply. Funny thing about having another consciousness more or less living in a corner of your mind is~ you don’t always have to talk for it to catch the drift of your thoughts.
If she didn’t know better, she might have thought Armagnac sounded a bit motherly.
How can you be certain? How much experience do you have with men?
But…you care.
I am yours? So, you ARE jealous? Sherry almost laughed, the hint of anger from Armagnac stopped her.
No. I am annoyed with you. You should focus on other things.>
More silence. The pod room really was too quiet.
I’ve tried. But I—
Pity this time.
…You know, you are making me feel worse about the whole thing.
Sherry was half surprised. For a moment, she’d thought the lindwyrm was about to launch into one of her rants, but she hadn’t. She’d stayed calm. But, how can you know? For certain, I mean. It had taken Sherry long enough to admit her feelings to herself that was a bit loathe to push them aside so suddenly. And she didn’t even know if she could.
The beeps were steady in the silence of the room Sherry focused on the noise for several more minutes, trying to let her thoughts organize themselves. “Friends then.” I will remain his friend.
Armagnac didn’t sound like this was acceptable to her.
For a time, I’m sure. But it’s bound to fade eventually. You remember that boy fro—
Sherry blinked. Oh. Right. We weren’t… Sometimes she forgot she’d lived without Armagnac most of her life.
Yes.
Sherry listened the sounds of the pod room for another long while. I’ll be fine. Being around him makes me happy.
The lindwyrm laughed.
Sherry had nothing to say.
It was probably ten minutes before she spoke again. “Life’s too short. I will do what makes me happy.”
“I don’t know if I can,” the life trainee was feeling a bit defensive. “Why does fighting make you happy?”
No. Beyond that. You and I both know you would fight, Fear or not.
The lindwyrm took a turn at being silent for a moment. If Armagnac had a body, she would have shifted uncomfortably.
What do you mean?
Ice seeped into the weapon’s voice.
Sherry was shocked, touched, and offended. Armagnac had never sounded more like she cared about Sherry than she had, and she’d never sounded like she’d ever had a heart. And at the same time… Do you really think me that “fragile”? That I would “break” over something like this? I am going into this guarded, Armagnac. I… Sherry sighed. I know that I am not…
She sighed again. “You are right,” she whispered. “I am weak. I hope…even though I know I shouldn’t.” She fiddled with a pen, as if trying to distract herself. I know I’m not good enough. But I still hope, and…and even if I am just a foolish little girl, being his friend makes me happy and I don’t want that to stop. So. That’s what I will do. I…He….. If he doesn’t know by now… if he hasn’t… Friends, Armagnac. That’s it. Even if…I’m not…and that’s fine. Just fine. She was on the verge of tears.
The protective feeling was back.
I can’t. Sherry didn’t know what she was feeling anymore.
A few heartbeats passed. It seemed she actually didn’t know what to say.
Sherry laughed. Of course I won’t hope too much. I can’t. Not after last night and… She remembered the shopping trip. And the quiet moment in his room when she’d… No. I won’t hope, Armagnac. Not about this.
I suppose not. Sherry was really good at hoping.
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Posted: Thu May 02, 2013 11:43 pm
At Least I'm Not Talking to Myself
“I suppose,” Sherry sighed as she checked the time. “We better get moving. Appointments to keep. It’ll be a nice break.”
“From you in my head, of course.” She stood, tucking her unfinished mission reports under a notebook and placing her pencil on top.
The lindwyrm hissed in Sherry’s mind. I could use the break.>
Sherry rolled her eyes as she crossed her room. “I’m so sorry to disturb you with my feelings.”
“Excuse me?” Sherry sat down on her bed and reached for her boots. “Pining? I am not pining, Armagnac. I am sad, yes. But I’m done with it. I can’t take the hurt anymore. It’s not fair to me, and it’s not fair to him. Done.” She stood and leaned over, making sure her boots were on comfortably. “That’s all there is to it.”
“You don’t believe me.” Sherry forced a laugh as she tied her scarf around her neck.
Sherry rolled her eyes again. “As you have said before.” She slipped one arm into her coat, then the other. “You were right.”
As far as the lindwyrm was concerned there had never been any question about that.
I guess… Sherry let the thought trail off as she slipped out the door.
Armagnac sounded pleased and strangely like she was trying to comfort Sherry.
And was exactly do you know? The thought was accompanied with a look that could have been mistaken as skeptical. Conversations with weapons was not unheard of in any way on Deus, but it was polite to keep them inside. Sherry had a hard time keeping her face blank, though.
You don’t have to sound like you are talking with a child, you know. I’m not one. Sherry exited the building that housed the dorms and made her way down the path toward the labs.
What does that mean? Sherry raised one eyebrow.
The lindwyrm was starting to get a bit huffy.
Of course, Sherry shrugged as she entered the Lab building. You just think I’ve been silly.
The amount of self-satisfaction poured into that one word was immense. Sherry couldn’t help grinning at it. She’d been trying to pick out the little bits of happiness in her life anyway.
Well, here we are. Sherry stopped in front of a particular room. She paused for just a moment before stepping inside. After making sure all the proper paperwork was in order (just in case) she logged herself into the proper pod. Quick and easy. A few moments later, she was alone in her head. The sensation was normally unsettling in a way, but the now familiar form of Armagnac in a golem standing next to her wiped most of that away.
A different unsettling thought drifted into Sherry’s mind. “You’re certain,” she turned to the tech in the room, “that she can’t hurt anyone in this form.”
Sherry missed the sideways glance Armagnac tossed her way, but the tech didn’t. “Yep.” He sounded very sure. “Can’t handle fear at all. I don’t even suggest trying anything.” His eyes went to the golem for a moment, then back to Sherry’s. “They’re expensive toys.”
“Right.” Sherry nodded and turned to Armagnac. “Ok. No funny business.” She turned on her heel and walked out of the room.
It was Armagnac’s turn to roll her eyes. “Of course not.” She was grinning as she followed Sherry out of the labs.
“What did you want to get into?” Sherry asked as they walked. It was easy enough to plan and schedule the testing. Armagnac and Sherry both enjoyed it. In the past, Armagnac had spent a fair amount of time informing Sherry that they would be training or something beforehand. Today she’d be quiet about it. Since it was becoming a weekly event though, it could just have been that the excitement was wearing down.
“Your things,” Armagnac said slowly. “I saw your box. You have already made a mess of it again.”
Sherry giggled. “You’re kidding?”
“No.”
“Ok,” Sherry nodded. “I can live with that.” It was a whole lot easier than running the laps or doing the drills Armagnac usually told her to. They walked in silence back to her room, but Sherry was smiling the whole way.
“Have at it,” Sherry said as she closed her door behind them and started taking her boots and coat off.
Armagnac grinned as she pulled Sherry’s box of trinkets out from under her bed. She was still grinning as she settled herself on floor and started poking through it.
Sherry settled down onto her bed, her journal in her hands. She smiled as she watched her weapon, her best friend, practically, happily rooting around in her things.
Armagnac was still grinning when she let herself out the room ten minutes later. She hadn’t planned on Sherry falling asleep. She wasn’t going to complain though.
Posted: Wed May 22, 2013 9:20 pm
Talking Yourself In Circles
Sherry sat at her desk. She was pretty sure that what she had in mind was a terrible idea, though to be fair much of what she had done lately was a terrible idea. Why not keep the boat on the same course?
“I know,” she sighed. Of course, she didn’t have to completely follow through with this plan. What was it that one of her school counselors had always told them? Write down your feelings even if you never share the writings with anyone? Giving them a voice helps? Something along those lines. Sherry…really wanted to get these thoughts out. Sure, she had Armagnac, but…some part of Sherry was hoping to share with more than just her weapon.
Picking up the pencil, Sherry started writing.
Jake,
Hi. I hope you are well. You were far too tired last time I saw you. If you are reading this, then I have to say, “Thank you,” and, “Wow. I can’t believe I actually handed this over.”
After having some time to think about things, I’ve decided to write down a few of my thoughts and feelings.
Sherry paused and looked at her work. Good. Nice and to the point so far. Except for that one part about not believing she handed the letter over. Sighing, Sherry grabbed a new piece of paper.
Jake,
….
Sherry realized after several minutes that she was simply staring at the paper. This was actually a lot more difficult than she had thought it was going to be. She wasn’t even sure anyone besides her and Armagnac would ever see it, and she was having trouble. “Ugh,” she let out a groan as she let herself flop over onto the desk. Every single time she thought she had things sorted out, something would happen. Like last night. What was that? Jake had actually been nice. He’d even said “please”. Heck, they’d had a real discussion. Mostly. Sherry realized afterwards that there had been so much more that she had wanted to say.
Things which she could just say now. Sighing, she pushed herself up onto her elbows to stare at the paper again. If she couldn’t express herself with time and on paper, how could she hope to do so in an actually conversation? She couldn’t, could she? Now though, now she had all the time in the world to think. Ok. She could do this. I’m sorry. I’m foolish and selfish and stubborn, and I failed to see that I was hurting you. I hope that one day you can forgive me for that.
You asked me why I was hurting you. Again, I am foolish and selfish. I My happiness was taken into account where yours was not. I could make excuses for my actions, but there are none.
You also asked me why I chose you.
Sherry stared at the paper for several more moments. The apologies were the easy part. She’d already said most of that to him directly. But this part? What she found so fascinating about him, as he had put it, well, that she didn’t know if she could do. She’d tried with Chester, but it hadn’t come out quite right. She tried for Armagnac, but Armagnac always seemed annoyed by her answers.
Honestly, I don’t know. That’s like asking me why my favorite color is what it is, or why the ocean is full of life. It just is, no real reason. I think it’s safe to say it started with the first bits of humanity you showed to me. They were sadness, I think, but they were genuine and told me that even though you tried to be callous and cold, you were not that all the way through.
Then I heard you laugh. Not the cold, manic laughter you have when you want to hurt, but pleasant laughter, filled with genuine happiness. I liked it, when you laughed. And I must admit, I suppose I am fascinated by you when you smile.
Perhaps I’ve simply made an idealized version of you in my head? I’ve often heard that happens. So I tried to get to know you better and find out. In the end, I think the only thing I’ve seen that I truly did not like was when you were mean.
Chester said that it was for my benefit. That you pushed at me to save me. Armagnac seems to confirm this idea, though she is reluctant to tell me what happened when she went to visit you. I have not forced her to tell me, so you do have those secrets. Furthermore,
Sherry sat back and looked at the letter. “Well, that is a rambling bit of nonsense.” She put her elbows on her desk and her head in her hands. The letter was also full of things Jake didn’t want to know or need to know. There was such a thing as too much honesty, wasn’t there?
Reaching for yet another new piece of paper, Sherry began again.
Jake.
The thing is I think you are wonderful. Yes, you are arrogant and brash and reckless and you can be mean and kind of a jerk, but there is more to you than that. Chester and I agree on this topic.
What about you fascinates me? Everything.
Sherry stopped and sighed again. That just plain sounded weird. She didn’t want to sound like an obsessive creep or anything. Armagnac might call her lovesick, but Sherry liked to think she wasn’t quite that bad.
“No I haven’t. Based on what you and Chester have told me…I understand he sees himself as having reasons, but…”
“But…”
her voice was soothing.
“I know.” Sherry put her head on the desk. She also knew Armagnac was right. Sherry had forgiven him for being mean to her. She’d been mean to him too, hadn’t she? He said mean things, she ignored his request…maybe…maybe it would be better if she just listened to him and left him be. But then what about what Chester had told her? What he had asked of her?
“So do I, so do I,” Sherry whispered. The facts were simple enough. She really liked Jake. A lot. He was very much against this. Chester said Jake was just being misguided and that he could really use Sherry as a friend (at least, she tried not to let her hopes get too high). Armagnac hated Jake, but she had a hard time explaining why.
“No.” She’d heard it all before. She’d tossed it all around in her head before. The only conclusion she could for sure come to was this: She was foolish and pushy and selfish. It was time to stop that. If they were meant to be friends, or even something more, then it would happen. If not, well, she’d make sure to keep an eye on him anyway. Since Chester had asked.
Sitting back up, Sherry reached for another piece of paper.
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Posted: Fri Aug 02, 2013 5:38 am
Silly Self
The phone sat on the desk behaving like a phone should. Still, silent, completely unthinking. Sherry still stared at it. It was the silence part that bugged her. Biting her lip, she forced her gaze away from the phone and back to the paperwork half-finished before her.
the voice in her head felt like honey,
“What exactly do you mean?” She set the pen against the paper and began to write.
Honey and annoyance.
“Why should you mind? You can just ignore it, right?” The half completed sentence was waiting, but Sherry wasn’t paying attention to it.
Warm, annoyed honey. That was how Sherry would describe the voice.
“Hush.” Sherry didn’t even notice that she was staring at her phone again. The moments moved slowly as Sherry stared, her mind running things over again and again. "I'm the selfish one." She'd been the one to pursue friendship, even when he'd said he didn't want it. She didn't know when, exactly, she'd decided she wanted more, but she had wanted it. Even after he knew. Even after he rejected her. Heck, he'd once told her he wished he'd never met her. But still she'd clung to him, to the idea of him, and to some silly little hope. She'd hated herself for it, too. Hoping and moping like some little schoolgirl. Clinging to some desperate hope that things might work out. And why? Because she was silly and selfish.
He'd convinced her though, in the end. Finally got it though her thick skull that she was more than annoying. She was somehow hurting him. Her presence was something he despised, and he would be happier if she were not around. When she'd understood that, finally convinced herself that it was true, she'd been ready to leave him be. She knew it would likely be awkward for ages, but eventually the hurt would go numb and then it would hardly matter. Then he'd gone and confused her. Asked her on a mission, asked her not to leave in the hospital... said things. (She knew some of that was probably shock or something.) So she'd thought maybe, perhaps they could still be friends. It had been plausible. Fully a thing that could happen. Until they were alone on that boat. He'd given her the necklace and she'd kissed him again. A friendly reaction would have been a hug and maybe a peck on the cheek, which she'd done. It just... hadn't been enough. Not for her. So she'd kissed him again. He hadn't reacted badly, but he hadn't really reacted at all. But things had been nice, until the world went to hell but that had been expected, it had been a mission.
And so she'd wondered. Questioned. Decided to talk about, to ask him. And his answer was simple. No. Nothing romantic, heck, he'd even said they couldn't be friends. Impossible. They could agree on that. She'd understood then. The heart wants what it wants, and hers wanted him. And he said no. He'd confused her beyond measure, with the gifts and the kindness... but he'd told her it was impossible. It hurt, but clinging was painful and selfish and she really didn't like seeing him so sad. He'd told her already that she hurt him. So she'd given him that letter and left. Another silly thing to do. Who writes letters like that anymore? Her, it looked like. She hadn't thought she'd be able to say the words out loud. So she'd written them. And she'd swallowed her hope and her pride and given him the letter. Hope is a funny thing, she thought. It was very hard to kill. At least for her. So she'd hoped. Even for friendship, since she thought she still might be able to get used to that.
Sherry sighed, letting the pendent her fingers had begun to play with fall back to her chest. She'd found herself waiting for the phone to buzz after she'd given him the letter. Hoping for something, anything. She didn't want him to hate her. She wanted him to be happy. And though every word of that letter was true, she'd still hoped.
Armagnac considered the hope thing as much of a strength as a weakness.
"You would think he'd send a message, right?" The paperwork was getting no where fast, so she shoved that aside and leaned back.
Armagnac was using her 'I told you so' tone.
"I mean," Sherry was clearly not really listening to her weapon, "he did stay the night, even if the morning was a little rocky. He did say...he said he liked me. He even used the word love." For some reason the ball of nervousness was back in her belly. "I mean, I know he's been upset about things lately. And the whole thing with no memories was startling and unnerving."
"But I haven't heard from him since then. And I just don't know what he's thinking."
The honey was back in the wyrm's voice.
Sherry sighed again. "Yes." She actually hated admitting it. It was true though. She knew the track record, and they hadn't actually spoken since that night, not about that night. It hadn't been that long, maybe quiet was normal. She really didn't know. She did know Jake seemed like the type of person to enjoy time alone, so that could be involved. Heck. She was not the most important thing in the world. She knew that. It didn't change the fact that she was still terrified that he'd push her away again. Which was silly, after everything he'd said. He'd even stayed the night.
"So you've said."
Wry annoyance was echoed in her tone. Annoyance and something warm, something soft.
"You were part of it." Sherry almost laughed.
Sherry got to her feet and grabbed her phone. "You're right, though. I just... don't know what to say," she admitted. Really. What would be the proper word choice in this situation? Were there proper words?
Warm, soothing honey. Calming.
You're right, I think. The trainee flopped onto her bed. "I'm good at that, too." Time to stop thinking, and just do something. So she opened her phone, and stared at it. What to say? Everything she could think of sounded absolutely silly.
"Right, right. Don't think. Just do it."
Text to Jake: Are you holding up okay after everything? Let me know if you need any-------
She stared at the text, and even though there was nothing really wrong with it, she didn't like it. It wasn't quite what she wanted to say. She had a feeling she might as well just be honest, none of that silly round-a-bout stuff. So. She deleted the text and tried again.
[A.V.]
Text to Jake: Hey! You doing alright? Any chance you're free to hang out later? I'd like to chat or something.
She hit send before she could stop herself. It was silly, really. She was acting like a lovesick schoolgirl. They'd already talked, they knew how the other felt, it was all fine. Sherry was just....really out of touch with this whole relationship thing. They... had a relationship, didn't they? The idea made her smile. With the smile came that warm contentment she felt when he hugged her. Things were fine. They were better than fine. She had hoped, but she never really thought things would work out. Yet they had. It was wonderful, really. A small bit of happiness in the world.
She set the phone aside, and stared at her ceiling. Over thinking things was stressful. She really shouldn't do it. Sending the text was almost therapeutic. Hit send, and her anxiety just kind of faded away. Jeez. If she'd known it were that easy, she would have sent it hours ago.
"Armagnac," she said after a few more moments of pleasant silence, "were you being supportive?"
"Does that mean--"
Posted: Sat Aug 24, 2013 6:37 am
Waiting
She was delighted when the phone buzzed. Quick responses were a good thing, right? Of course they were. See, Armagnac, Sherry thought at she reached for the phone, everything is fine.
Sherry laughed and shook her head as her fingers hit the buttons on the phone. Of course Armagnac would say something like that. It was probably true, but that didn’t mean—
Oh. The message was not a yes. He was busy. Ok. Even as Sherry told herself it was okay, she felt her heart sink. She’d been excited to see him again. But such was the life of Hunters. Always something popping up. And…she laughed at herself. She’d just been excited. No reason to be silly and clingy. She didn’t want to come off as clingy. Was she clingy?
“Hush yo—“ The phone buzzed again. She read the text, and this time her heart fell. What did that mean? ’Don’t wait for me’? Sherry stared at that text. He…had just said he was busy. Did he mean tonight? How long was she not supposed to wait? Surely he meant…today or tomorrow, right?
[A.V.]
Text to Jake: Ok! Talk to you later, in that case. Take care of yourself!
She hit send before she could reconsider. She felt a little silly adding on a ‘take care of yourself’ but she felt like she had to say something. ‘Stay safe’ probably would have been a better choice, she realized. “Ugh.” She was so stupid sometimes.
“I don’t think that’s quite how it works, Armagnac,” she sighed in response. “What if he decides I’m too silly? Or stupid? Or I dunno, clingy?”
“I remember that.”
“Thank you.” Sherry shook her head and stood. She… would wait for him to text her back. When he wasn’t busy. That way, he’d have proper time to think about things, she wouldn’t be clingy, and life would be grand. Right? That’s how these things were supposed to happen, right? Oh dear. Why was she so bad at this?
Exasperated Armagnac. Sherry had not heard that tone very often.
--- ---
She was staring at the phone again. It had not been silent, but none of the incoming messages had been the one she was waiting on. Each day that passed made her worry more. More and more. It took every ounce of self-control to keep from marching down to his room and knocking on his door. She was surprised she hadn’t done it.
So was Armagnac.
“I mean, come on.” Sherry was pacing in her tiny room, her bare feet in near constant motion. “He came down here, told me how he felt, begged for a second chance even though he didn’t need to, and then he stayed the night. Sure, I coerced him into that, but then all I get is a “something to do” and “don’t wait for me” ? What does that mean? I mean, I knew what it meant, but he hasn’t reached out to me since then.” She was ranting to herself.
“No I can’t. I already did that once. Armagnac, he’s going to think…he probably already thinks I’m clingy or something. Maybe having him stay the night that night was too much. We just slept but…” she plopped down onto the bed. “Maybe that’s it. We just slept.”
“Yeah. I knew he was tired.” She lay back, resting a wrist on her forehead. I knew he was tired. I could see it. And he stayed even though I drew a line. You don’t think he’s upset because nothing happened?
Right. Another sigh. I just… I must have upset him somehow. Because I made him stay? Because I made him stay and do nothing more than kiss a couple of times? I just don’t know what changed. It hurts, Armagnac. It hurts and I’m afraid to ask him.
“But I want to.”
There was a gentle noise, something akin to purring.
It just hurts. All the ups and downs. And then I thought…I thought… but then he was busy and he hasn’t reached out at all. I know he’s not dead. She’d asked someone. Surely if he wanted to see me he’d have contacted me?
Yes. I know. But I don’t want to annoy him. … He asked me not to wait. What did that mean, Armagnac. Why does it feel like he meant forever? Like he broke up with me? She laughed then, a sharp, bitter noise. Not like we had anything to break. She’d been hung up on that line all day. ‘don’t wait for me, please’. She’d stared at it over and over, and each time her heart sank a little more. What do you think I did wrong?
Sherry didn’t comment. They both knew they didn’t agree on some points. Even though the pure hatred was no longer in her voice, Armagnac still did not agree with Sherry on that point.
With a sigh, she reached for her phone. She didn’t want to be clingy or annoying. But she knew sooner or later she’d need to talk to him. She’d never ask him what she did wrong, but she had to know if he’d changed his mind.
[A.V.]
Text to Jake: Hey! How are you? I was wondering if you’d like to hang out later?
Some part of her knew already. Kisses led to heartache.
They blade of the glaive ripped into the shadow beast, tearing it to nothing. Sherry watched as it fell, proud.
I am not useless and weak. If I were...then I would stay. But I am not. "So I will not stay." The distorted version of herself was not happy about that. She’d wanted her to stay.
The needle slipped through the cloth, a moment later the string was taunt. A few more stitches and it would be good as new, or nearly. Then she'd return it. She smiled while she worked.
Sherry ran over the ice. She had to make it to safety. They all did. She knew they would, wouldn’t they? They just had to keep going.
Sherry knew why Armagnac was saying it, but she didn’t want to believe her.
The blade hit the training dummy. Sherry was huffing and puffing. The weapon was heavier than she’d anticipated. She’d need more training. Much more.
Side Blessings
All Sherry remembered was feeling numb. She hadn’t wanted much in life, but she felt like they’d just taken it all away again, and there was nothing she could do about it.
Something deep down told her that her own mother would not be that sad. And that broke her heart.
She stood in room full of dried blood, putrid smell, and rotting bodies.
Her hair was a mess, she smelled like 'holiday' and she knew she had glitter and green lipstick smeared here and there. But she'd survived.
"I know what we are," she said it quietly, almost whispered it. She held his gaze. "I know what we give up.”
It had been cold work, hard work, but fun work. She was surprisingly happy with how it turned out.
She had no where else to be, even though she was getting the impression that he wanted her to leave. She'd nearly gotten up, too, but she had hesitated.
"Hey. Are you hurt or just not talking to me?" The soul of her boot firmly planted itself in his ribcage, and she shoved him. Hard.
A sudden urge came over her. She reached a hand out, and picked up a small, stray piece of driftwood. She then poked at the holes with the stick.
She didn't quite know how to find what she was looking for. Should she ask someone? Sign up somewhere? This was all still new and strange, and no one had told her how to go about finding...
It stained her gloves , her sleeves, her knees. The bandages did nothing to stop it, if flowed out fast and strong.
It was warm. So was the cat on her chest.
"Augh! You are a selfish little b***h. I ask for one thing, and you just don't even allow me that one chance for happiness? I don't even know why I'm friends with you." She stormed from the room, slamming the door on her way out.
She dropped the letter on the bed. It was a goodbye, and it hurt worse than she had imagined it would. She didn't say anything as she turned, leaving the room.
It reminded her of the good times. The shopping and the cakes and the laughter. And now…she didn’t even have the music. It was gone. Broken.
Which left her alone. She supposed that was fine. She grabbed her lunch and set off to find a quiet place to eat it.
Inside the box was the loveliest heart-shaped pendant she'd ever seen.
Posted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 9:37 pm
In The Quiet Morning
It was nice. Warm and comfortable and- she inhaled deeply –it smelled nice, too. She thought it did. Her face was scrunched up against the pillow and she shifted ever so slightly, not much, because she was already so cozy.
The distaste in the weapon’s voice was more than evident.
That’s changing, Sherry replied. It was, and he’d initiated it. Well, she’d hunted him down for his birthday, and been the stubborn one about not leaving before, but that aside, he’d come to her. He’d asked her to stay in the end.
The weapon snorted, more or less.
Sherry’s eyes opened and she blinked them. Do you really think that?
Not that, the other part.
The lindwyrm left her answer at that, with a bit of feeling behind it.
Sherry supposed that was true, in a way. She had been stubborn and he had given in the other day when things had gotten… bad. She knew that had been because it was easier than flat out fighting about it. But now?
No, she thought. It’s not like that. She smiled, going over the various memories. Him coming to visit her, his birthday, waking up next to him and happy. If it were like you said, then those things wouldn’t happen.
Sherry gave her head a small shake, and at the same time she reached out and grabbed a hold of Jake’s shirt, pulling herself closer to him. He hardly stirred as she pressed her head against his torso. He’s maybe lonelier than I get, but it’s more than that. Nevada was right. The feelings are still there, somewhere. He remembered me in the Tear, even when we’d both forgotten, and before that, her mind’s eye flashed over the kiss he’d left her with before he pulled out his heart, before we remembered- we’d already found each other. And after… well. He may have forgotten me, but he came and found me, and we’ve already started making new memories.
the voice in her head sounded particularly snake-like this morning, and Sherry was almost certain she could feel Armagnac coiling around her. Her tone was dripping with contempt.
Oh, please. Two things. One, Sherry nestled a little closer to Jake, I’ve known him for ages. Two, kisses and cuddles and sleep are not things you should be using that tone on me with. Besides, even if there was more… it’s not something you should be judging me on. Honestly it’s—
Resignation and anger echoed in her voice. There was something Sherry took to be a sigh, and then the anger was heavier.
Sherry felt the dark, empty cold in her chest again, and it sent a shiver down her back. The Tear messed him up. It’s not…it’s not entirely his fault.
Sherry shook her head slightly. No. I’m not being foolish about it. He forgot more than just me. Circumstances being what they were, well… it’s not his fault. I would have been suspicious of me, too. And you would have been screaming for blood. It’s over, it’s done. We’ve started over, Armagnac we—
The question all but dripped with curious malice.
I told him-
I do. I can feel it, I can see it. And I will hate him for it until he proves to me that he is not using you for just a bed warmer; until I know that he cares for your squishy little heart. Because I do not think he would care if he knew how much he hurt you.>
Sherry felt the tears pricking her eyes. It’s not fair. You know what I’m afraid of, and you’re using that against me. She didn't like the pain.
A low chuckle accompanied the words. Armagnac didn’t even give Sherry time to answer.
She was trying really hard not to cry. She knew Armagnac disapproved, but they’d not thoroughly talked about it. You wouldn’t believe him anyway, would you? He’s already showed me how he feels. But we both know there is nothing he could do to prove it to you.
Her arms wrapped even tighter around Jake. I AM looking at this through the pieces of a broken heart, Armagnac. I see everything I don’t want to see, too.
Another sigh.
Are you saying you’re willing to give him a chance?
The feeling from the lindwyrm was one of resignation and finality. She was done discussing this for the moment.
That was fine with Sherry.
Grifferie
Crew
Deus Sherry
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Grifferie
Crew
Deus Sherry
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Posted: Tue Dec 17, 2013 10:28 pm
Broken
The door shut behind her and she shrugged her coat off onto the floor. Her scarf came next, but that was given a spot on the desk to rest on. It fell from her fingers and she paused, eying the rest of the desk. A moment later, boxes of nicotine patches fell to the floor, uprooted from where they’d been forming a small pyramid on the edge of her desk.
“Damn things,” she muttered. The tears were coming back, and Sherry blinked as she bent to remove her boots. She’d been good and not cried in front of the techs, not cried on her way to the dorms. She really should be proud of herself for handling it like she had.
“Is that so wrong?” Her fingers worked the laces on her boots, and sherry was frustrated by the tears she saw hit the floor. “It’s really stupid, isn’t it? He said… the whole time, Armagnac. The whole time. And I want to pretend he never said it.” She did her best to stifle a sob as she slipped her boots off. Another sob was swallowed as she flopped onto her bed and curled up into a ball.
“But why?” Sherry whispered. “Why would he do that?”
The weapon’s voice was soothing, lace with anger and hate, but soft and crooning. Almost musical, in a melancholy sort of way. Armagnac knew what buttons to push inside Sherry’s mind. She knew what the hunter wanted and needed to hear.
It was unsettling having someone read your mind and your heart. Sherry knew, she knew she should not forgive him. Not after this. But she still wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around him and hear that it had been a lie. Or that he was sorry. Or—
“That,” Sherry said into her pillow, “doesn’t make sense.” She was on the verge of sobbing. Stupid boy. Stupid her, too.
It’s still silly. Sherry thought, as she rolled and shifted and shuffled her covers around her. She was tired and hurt and sleep would come early for her tonight, early or not at all.
Ever crooning, ever soft. The voice in Sherry’s head was laced with concern and warning.
“I know.” She couldn’t. Trust had been shattered with her heart, and honestly, that was a big part of the reason she felt so very empty. Cold and empty in the chest. The hole she hated, just there threatening to consume all of her feelings except the hurt. She’d trusted him, and he’d just lied and used her and lied some more. Stupid girl. Weak and caring. Foolish little Sherry.
She curled up into a ball and let Armagnac tell her all the ways she’d screwed up, and all the ways Jake was terrible. It didn’t help. She still felt alone. Alone and hollow.
A solo goes here when I get teh time to finish it. QQ
Nightmares and FEELS
Grifferie
Crew
Deus Sherry
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Grifferie
Crew
Deus Sherry
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Posted: Sun Jan 01, 2017 1:51 pm
Drabble Excerpts from the Personal Log for Sherry Greyson – Mediterranean Outpost beginning June 12, 2016
Day 1 Arrival at outpost. I have permission to continue exploration of the ruins and cave system (which has indications that it was not all naturally made) nearby as my primary concern, but daily activities of the outpost duties are still to be done. I’m excited! It should be far more entertaining than the daily routine on the island. Change of pace and all that. I’m told the weather is nice, and I’m looking forward to that. No word from you know who in months, but if he were dead someone would have told me. Probably.
Day 10 Little of consequence to note. No new findings. The map has, thus far, been accurate. Still have a day or two to go before we reach as yet unmapped pathways. Slight Fear spike noted at 5:04pm – faded and a follow-up searched yielded nothing out of the ordinary. It seems that in recent years the area has become more popular with tourists. They want to go to ‘unusual places off the beaten path’. Only makes our job harder, honestly.
Day 24 Minor disturbance today. Lower level Fear being trying to harass locals. Dealt with. Saving the details for the official report.
Day 30 One full month logged! Several interesting relics found, none showing a Fear reading. It’s too bad, they are really neat.
Day 45 Dirt permanently caked underneath my fingernails. Armagnac says it’s what I get for choosing to dig in the dirt. She has a point. Did have an interesting reading today in the 8th Small Chamber (with the snake image). Tried to track it down, but it faded. I’ll continue to monitor it for a few days.
Day 59 I requested to stay longer. There is something down there, I just know it. I also requested new beds for the outpost. A pipe dream, I know, but these beds are horrendous. I miss MY bed. I wonder if I could get it shipped here. Right now I’d settle for my good pillow. I should have brought it with me.
Day 62 My phone is dead. Note: Phones can only survive a fall of so far. It’s going to take a dent out of my paycheck.
Day 71 Large disturbance registered just beyond the 12th cavern. Small party heading down to determine what we’re dealing with.
Day 73 Second day without returning to the surface. Communication with the outpost is still open – Fear readings are rather steady. Almost certainly a creature and not a relic of some kind – we think it’s moving. Only way to know for sure is to catch it.
Day 81 Nothing like a warm shower! It was a creature – details in report – not like I’d forget THAT anytime soon.
Day 84 Petition to excavate the cavern where the creature was has been granted!! Unfortunately it means I’ll be underground for long stretches – but I’ll still have to rotate in for outpost duties. Something to focus on, I suppose.
Day 99 I’ve been off island for a whole 99 days. Underground for 6. I think I’ll like this ‘week on/week off’ thing. Much more than 7 days underground and I might go nuts. I have found some things of interest down here. Not the least of which were weapon tablets – well, remnants, I think. I’ll know more when we haul them up.
Day 126 How long does a broken ankle take to heal? I think it’s broken. ******** me. Stuck underground with a broken ankle. Can’t even go exploring. Stuck here cataloguing things while others do the fun stuff. This is why I don’t think I’d like an admin job. Paperwork is boring. Note: Lamp 3 keeps flickering. Must remember to get it checked out.
Day 128 Ankle is fine. Newbie seemed shocked at how soon it healed. I almost forgot things like that got faster as we get older. Interesting statuette found. Unusual for this region. Taking my time to catalogue it.
Day 150 A whole 150 days! I feel comfortable here. It’s nice. In other news: I know he’s not dead, I asked about him. Maybe he forgot about me again? Armagnac says I’m an idiot and that I should learn to take a hint. Maybe I should? *There's a sad face drawn here*
Day 160 Odd Fear readings have put a halt on the usual explorations. We’ve shifted tactics – first priority is always the civilians. Increased scouting means more sunlight for me, so that’s good.
Day 172 Nearly had a heart attack this morning – found a mouse in the showers. Might have overreacted and taken out a wall. It’s a reflex!
Day 180 Still getting odd readings. Had an odd report from tourists who’d gone off the path. People need to read signs. We put them there for a reason!!!!
Day 196 Merry Christmas!! Not much for festivities this year – The Fear spikes that started two days ago increased in frequency shortly after dawn. No real pattern yet – not that we can see. We’re getting two extra bodies to help keep up with patrols – a little gift from our superiors? I know I count any extra support a gift. P.S. - I hope you’re well, Jake. Merry Christmas, wherever you are. PPS - I hope everyone else is well, too. I wonder how the Island is doing? I hope my room is still intact. I must remember to inquire about it.
Day 203 Happy New Year’s Eve! Short one today – we have to go hunting again. There is certainly SOMETHING down there.
Day 204 Nearly lost a newbie, Moon says they’ll be fine. I didn’t escape unscathed either. I’ve had worse injuries myself – a day or two of sleeping and I’ll be fine. Hurts something awful though. Creature is neutralized. Seemed like the last one – but bigger. They’re always bigger. There IS a concentration of Fear down there, though. We think it’s why the portals are so unstable here. I’m suggesting more investigation.
Oh, yeah! Happy New Year! Here's to endings, beginnings, and hopefully surviving another year!
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