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 Posted: Sun Oct 23, 2011 1:12 pm
"A lot of people's expectations are too high in general," Chris said, although it was mostly to himself. There was a lot going on around them and new people showing up every day. "Like Callisto... At times I think all of this is just too much for her, but... would it be selfish of me to think that at least she has us to help her? People who have been around for so long to help guide her through all this crap?" He wasn't sure why the younger senshi came to mind, but she did. Perhaps it was her crying, terrified and feeling alone when they'd all gathered together for the first time that reminded him of how it should have been for Ganymede.
To be completely alone in a world like this... it was almost unthinkable. He had been lucky. He had Zia, and then he met Tony... and then others followed... Even Daniel had been drawn into this world of violence and death. He felt horrible for leaving him at the Surrounding to heal, but with a broken arm like he had, it was for the best. Chris, on the other hand, couldn't bring himself to stay. It was too painful. He needed to escape, at least for the moment.
Did that make him a coward...? To want an escape after something like that...?
"You're not useless," he said, wanting to reassure his friend, turning so he could look him in the eye if Paris felt like looking up at him. "You kicked a** at the camp... Maenalus and Babylon and I had no idea what was going on, but you knew what to do... The bats and then keeping us organized..." he said, thinking back to that experience, the first time he'd been in a large fight. Thankfully it hadn't been as bloody as the Surrounding.
Chris sighed lightly, not really knowing what else to say to Paris that might make him feel better. So after a few moments of sipping at his tea, he placed the cup down on the tray, and then reached over to take the cup from Paris as well to place it out of the way. He pulled him into a hug then, first pushing himself closer to him on the bed before reaching out to take hold of his arm and pull him towards him.
He didn't hate Paris... he hated the lies that had been told, the way he'd been lead on for so long, but he would be a moron to say that he didn't appreciate Paris for who he was, for the help he'd given all of them, for the way he'd stood up for his beliefs and made himself heard, despite how everyone else seemed to react negatively towards him. If anything, Paris was braver than he was. He always tried to keep the peace, but Ganymede spoke from his heart. Or at least it certainly seemed that way.
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Posted: Sun Oct 23, 2011 1:41 pm
He managed a tiny smile at the memories from summer camp, not because he particularly liked some of them—involving children was a bit more than he could tolerate; the senshi kids at least had something to offer, whereas regular kids were just… victims like the rest of them, only worse so—but because the battle that had occurred there had been one of the first times he’d actually felt good about something he’d done as a senshi. It had been difficult and frustrating and gross at points, like all large-scale battles seemed to be, but it had been his first instance of true success, and he’d ridden the wave of that positive outcome for a while.
“It probably had something to do with you,” he admitted. “Knowing who you were. When someone you care about gets involved, it sort of brings things into perspective, I guess. I didn’t want to see you get hurt. Plus, there were kids there. Your brother was there. We had to do something. We were just lucky we had the resources around to handle it.”
Often he thought about how wonderful it would be to have a baseball bat lying around all the time, especially when those sorts of things occurred. It was ten times better than relying on throwing rocks when his aim was far from accurate.
Paris stared in confusion when his tea was taken away, but it didn’t last for long and soon he found himself pulled into a hug. He stayed still and tense at first. He had no clue what Chris was thinking, no idea what he intended, but then the comfort came, the warm, safe feeling he’d always gotten when he sat close to him or laid beside him. He soaked it in, closing his eyes and resting against him and slowly, carefully slipping his arms around Chris to hug him back.
He liked being close to people. He liked kissing, he liked touching, he liked sex, but sometimes… sometimes this was enough. Sometimes this was all he needed to feel just a little bit better.
“Thank you,” he whispered. “I know I’ve done some shitty things. I know I’ve ******** up. You’ve been there for me since we met, like this and… and when I’m Ganymede, even if you didn’t know. I just… want to be friends. It doesn’t have to be like it used to, but… I still care about you. I still need you. Even now that things aren’t perfect anymore, you still make me feel so good about myself, like… like I actually have a shot at being worth something…”
He’d always thought he could be great, that he could be more than just some scrawny a** kid from the wrong side of town, but it took someone else thinking the same thing to actually make him believe it, to make him fight and reach for it and want it badly enough to realize that he was more than he’d been making himself out to be.
“Let’s make a deal,” he said, lifting a hand to wipe at one of his eyes so that he could turn his head and stare up at Chris without looking quite so pathetic. “No matter what happens when we’re normal like this, or how stupid we are or how angry we get, let’s always do this together. Live and fight and bleed and die together.”
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Posted: Sun Oct 23, 2011 7:41 pm
It wasn't like he was doing much. It was just a hug. He hugged him the previous day, he'd hugged Pasiphae as well... Normally he would try to give people their space, but there were times that he thought a little bit of contact would be good for the both of them.
Chris shook his head lightly, not thinking it was that big a deal as he kept his arms around the other young man. "It's not like I've been a saint through all this," he said with a grimace, knowing he'd gone over the top a few times, especially in regards to the lie Paris had told him. Although, he thought Paris was lucky to have not been present for a full blown tantrum. Thankfully he'd more or less out grown those.
No, he hadn't realized that Paris was Ganymede, although now that he thought about it he should have realized it sooner, but that didn't change the fact that they were still teammates and still watched each others' backs. Of course, he wasn't really sure how to feel about Paris's sentiments about needing him. He felt like he wasn't the right person for the job, but he also knew that he wanted to be depended on and have others go to him if they were in trouble. He'd always wanted that, so... Having Paris say he needed him... maybe he was doing something right.
"A deal?" he asked curiously, looking down at Paris and feeling guilty when he noticed how red Paris's eyes seemed to be, even if he hadn't really seen him cry. Chris held back a sigh and leaned closer to hug his friend tighter than before. "Of course... We're a team," he said, glad that he could be proud to say that. "Let's just not die, okay? But if it comes down to it..." he said, pausing sadly since he really didn't want to think about anyone dying. "I would happily die beside you and the others if we know we'd done our best."
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Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2011 2:03 pm
“Not just because we’re on a team,” Paris insisted, not exactly pleased or encouraged by Chris’s response. It seemed too… impersonal. It was the safe answer, and Paris supposed that after what he’d done to Chris before, Chris would prefer to play it safe, but Paris was looking for and expecting more.
More, but not too much—or so he hoped.
“This is just us. This isn’t about any of the others right now,” he said. He’d stand by the others, too, of course. He had during the battle, and he would again. He was glad to have people to fight alongside. He genuinely liked them, and he would probably be devastated if anything happened to them, but it was still different somehow. He and Chris were more closely interlinked. “This is just you and me. Like… extra. On top of what we mean to each other as a team. Something we’d hold to whether we were on a team or not.”
He clung to Chris a little tighter than before. He didn’t like thinking that Chris meant more to him than he meant to Chris. He’d thoughts things like that before about other people—his mother; Ladon—and it had never made him feel especially great. He suspected that was the case this time. It was a painful suspicion, but not something he was incapable of understanding. He’d gained so much from his relationship with Chris, but what did he really have to offer Chris in return?
“Just… you and me… always be there for one another, no matter what happens with the team, whether it’s good or bad or… or whatever,” he tried again, even though he still felt as if he was fumbling with his words. “Help each other live while we’re living. Like… you keep playing baseball, and when you’re feeling lousy I’ll tell you how great you are and make sure you get your a** out there every day and prove it to everyone else, and then one day you’ll go pro and be famous and all of this that’s happening now will seem like some horrible nightmare. And I’ll… I’ll keep dancing and you can just… do what you’ve always done and make me feel good about myself and I’ll… do whatever I end up doing.”
Paris kept his head on Chris’s shoulder all the while, feeling Chris’s heart beat and the rise and fall of his chest, and trying to slow his breathing to match.
“We’ll fight for something together. You know, the things that we want. And if something happens to get in the way of that, then we’ll face it and deal with it together, and… and in the end…”
He stopped before he could finish the thought, making a quiet noise of disapproval and moving a hand to frustratingly rub at one of his eyes again. “And all that sounds so dumb and tragically romantic, and that’s not what I mean by it at all. You know I’m not asking you to be with me again. I’m not stupid enough to expect something like that, I just… need this. Like now. Being able to sit with one another and talk without arguing after bad things happen. Not being alone. Or am I expecting too much? If I am, tell me and I’ll just… I’ll stop or go home or something…”
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Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2011 9:51 pm
Chris forced back a grimace as Paris tried to explain what he'd meant by everything he'd said. About how he wanted it to be just about the two of them. To be honest, Chris wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean. Yeah, Paris was saying he didn't want to get back together with him, but... it really seemed as though he was expecting a lot more of Chris than he thought he was able to offer.
Regardless of his concerns, he let Paris cling to him as he wanted, not finding any harm in it. If anything it made himself feel better about being so desperately needed. It made him nervous and he was sure his face was turning a bit red as he became flustered. Hell, he didn't know what he wanted for himself. He was just trying to work on a way to have everyone survive. And he would like to say sweet, kind things to Paris to reassure him, but he'd never really been into reading, so his ability to be poetic and touch people with his words was... pretty nonexistent. He said things the best way he knew how, and sometimes he began to ramble, but he rarely took back what he said... if that counted for anything.
"Okay," he relented, lifting a hand from Paris's back to place on top of his head, keeping him close as he hugged him. "Okay, that's fine. I can do that," he agreed, letting out a deep sigh and shifting a little on the bed so he wasn't leaning so far over to meet the other young man.
He would have never imagined hugging another guy like this... Daniel he might have hugged in order to comfort him in the past, like when he'd ended up shoved into lockers, but that was back when they were still young and in high school. Now...? It was different. He'd dated Paris, thought he was a girl, took him out to dinners and on his boat. Hell, he'd made out with him!
For now though, he forced himself to ignore all that and pressed a kiss against the top of the straightened blond hair. "You're not expecting too much. You're one of my closest friends," he admitted. Or at least Paris knew him best in such a short amount of time. He paused for a moment before deciding to finish Paris's sentence, because after going through hell, he didn't mind being melodramatic or overly sentimental or whatever else others might think of them and their friendship.
"And in the end... I'll die with you..."
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Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2011 12:24 pm
Paris could tell Chris was uncomfortable. He wasn’t enough of an idiot to miss something like that. He did a lot of dumb things, but he was generally pretty good at picking out changes in behavior, especially when it came to the people he cared most about. Sitting so close to Chris, leaning against him, it was easy to feel the subtle changes in his body—the ways he tensed or shifted in place, as if movement were enough to make him feel more comfortable about their position, about their conversation.
He knew Chris was just trying to placate him. He didn’t blame him. He supposed it said something that Chris would even bother to offer that sort of comfort when he had plenty of reasons not to. Chris could have turned him away or shoved him out into the hall and slammed the door into his face and Paris wouldn’t have blamed him.
He sat still for a few more moments before finally pulling himself away, keeping his eyes averted as he did so. “Let’s not talk about that anymore. The dying,” he tried, hoping that by dropping the conversation and leaving it as it was, things would grow a little less tense between them.
Paris reached out to grab his mug to finish the rest of his tea, then collected the used cups and bowls and spoons to make sure they were all back on the serving tray. He slid off of the bed and lifted the tray to carry with him.
“I’ll take this stuff downstairs,” he offered.
He went slowly, allowing Chris the time to compose himself or shake off the discomfort. He could have left the bowls and mugs in the sink for later, but habit had him rinsing them out and setting them neatly in the dishwasher, along with another plate and cup that had already been laying in the sink. Who knew how long they’d been in there. It seemed as if they’d been up at the Surrounding for days. They had, of course; they’d spent many hours at night there, but never for such an extended period of time, and never under such stressful circumstances as a siege.
Once he ran out of things to do in the kitchen, Paris climbed back up the stairs into the loft, standing awkwardly at the top and he glanced over at his ex.
“We should probably get some sleep,” he said, eyeing the bed before trying to catch Chris’s gaze. “I don’t mind sharing the bed. I always sleep better with someone else close by, but… I’ll understand if you don’t want to. I won’t do anything. I’ll stay on my side. I just… I like the company. Ladon and I used to when I slept over a lot,” he added, as if a comment like that would make Chris feel any more reassured by the idea. He and Ladon hadn’t exactly had the sort of relationship he and Chris had. He and Chris had never gone beyond certain limits, but Paris’s sharing a bed with Ladon had still been a lot more innocent.
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Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2011 2:52 pm
Chris let Paris pull away from him, keeping himself from looking at his friend as well. He knew Paris had been uncomfortable about the topic, so go figure he'd just make it worse. "Yeah, that's fine," he mumbled, watching as Paris collected the cups and bowls to take downstairs.
He couldn't really argue with him as he was on his way already, although he supposed he could have told him to just leave them there and to worry about it in the morning. There wasn't much left to do now besides get ready for bed and figure out where he was going to sleep. The couch was the obvious choice since that's where he usually slept when he had company, letting them use the bed, instead.
It wasn't something he was really worried about, though. Paris could do what he wanted, and that was fine with him. After such a trying couple of days in space, he was ready to just handwave everything. He had felt a bit uncomfortable about the topic and trying to force himself to just... ignore certain things, but he would feel even more uncomfortable if Paris decided to leave for his home that night. Although, he probably should check on his father...
Either way, Chris got up to brush his teeth and do all the necessary things in order to get ready for bed while Paris took his time in the kitchen. He felt like a slob whenever Paris or someone else was picking up after him, and he scowled at a pair of boxers that had been thrown in the corner of the bathroom and went to pick them up and toss into the laundry basket. Paris was probably doing his dishes, and scrubbing the kitchen down, and who knew what else. It made him feel a bit incompetent when it came to cleaning up, but then again... he just couldn't find the willpower to care about dishes when there were monsters attacking civilians out in the streets.
"It doesn't matter to me," he said with a small shrug when Paris came back up the stairs and suggested sharing the bed. He really didn't care. It wasn't like he was going to do anything inappropriate, and the bed was a hell of a lot more comfortable than the couch. "It's fine, we can share," he amended his last comment, not wanting Paris to have to pick, and he went around to the side he usually slept on so he could turn down the covers.
Annabel apparently didn't want to sleep alone either, because soon she joined them and hopped up to lay directly in the middle of the large bed. She'd probably find a way under the covers later, but for now watching the two boys was fine with her.
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Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2011 4:15 pm
He knew he should go into the bathroom, wash up a bit more, brush his teeth and rinse his mouth out and run a comb through his damp hair before it could dry into tangles and knots, but he was tired enough as it was and just wanted things to settle down and stop being so painful, so awkward, so tense. The longer it took to get to bed and rest, the more time they’d have to cautiously dance around one another and hope whatever they said didn’t make anything worse. Paris simply wanted to sleep everything off, let all the fear and worry drain away while his memories of the Surrounding slipped off into the back of his mind to join the veritable nightmares that had been the battles of Elysion.
He lowered himself back onto the bed, in the same spot he’d been before, and lifted the sheets and blanket enough to slip his legs under and scoot down until he was on his back. He smiled lightly when Annabel came up to join them, turning over and reaching out to pet her.
“Hey, pretty girl,” he said, gently scratching behind her ears. “Did you miss me?”
There were many things he knew he had to do—check in with his father, make sure he was okay and hadn’t neglected to take care of himself while he was gone, see that his kitten was fed and watered, return to the store the next day and get back to work, practice his dancing and get ready for the shows that already seemed so close. For now, though, he could take a few hours for himself, rest up, process what had happened, take comfort in Chris’s presence, and figure out the rest of his life after. Sleep seemed like such a gift after everything that had happened, especially as he knew it was the kind he’d wake up from.
Paris glanced over at Chris from across Annabel’s body. “I’d say ‘good night’ if it wasn’t morning already,” he said, trying to keep a smile on his face.
Nothing ever seemed to go quite the way he wanted it to, and he was sure the worst had yet to happen, but so long as he still had Chris in whatever way Chris would allow, he thought he could make it through somehow, keep fighting until the end—whatever end that would be.
He didn’t know what else to say, so he said nothing, merely closed his eyes and took a deep breath, which he let out slowly. It didn’t take long for his body to give into fatigue and shut down. He sank into the mattress, limp and motionless, and his breathing slowed, deep and even.
His sleep was dreamless, but nightmareless, too.
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