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The Focused virtue needs more explanation on why this is something other characters would like him for. He loves learning and trying out new things, and this is neat, but how does this have a positive impact on people around him? Is it easy for him to become enthusiastic about other people's interests, for example? I would also suggest changing the title of this trait to Enthusiastic because that seems to illustrate the point of it more than "Focused" does.

Punctual is great, but I think you should expand this beyond just an ability to arrive and get things done on time. What motivates him to be punctual, and how else does this affect his actions in a positive way? Is he reliable in ways other than always being on time, or is he very diligent and efficient with tasks that are set out for him by himself and others?

I am really confused by Wolfgang's Sincere trait. The definition of sincere is to be "free of deceit, hypocrisy or falseness," and I am not really seeing this in the description of the trait. He is an occasional liar, but he "means what he says?" What does that mean? Is he aware that he is lying? If so, he not being sincere. If he is not aware that what he is saying might be inaccurate or false, then saying that he lies sometimes is pretty misleading.

Along with this, other characters ARE going to "wonder what Wolfgang really means" if he has a habit of not telling the WHOLE truth, even if there is a nugget of truth in his words. What he says is invariably going to be compared to the reality of whatever he is referring to -- or at least to the words of others on the same topic. If he doesn't come off as untrustworthy, then he at least is going to come off as confusing.

In addition, what do you mean when you say that "he puts his forth whole self and wills things to work out?" What kind of outcome is he hoping for when he is willing things to work out? What does he do, or say, to facilitate this? How does this apply positively to other characters? Are you trying to say that he is Passionate and has a powerful emotional investment in his interests? If this is the case, then you need to rewrite the trait to focus and elaborate on this.


Unstable Moods is an interesting quirk, but as written it is kind of weak as a flaw. It could make a bad situation for someone, sure, but has just as good a chance of being beneficial. As such, this is more of a coin flip than a solid negative trait: his unpredictability can be difficult, but it can also help him as much as it can hurt him.

Also, if he is mercurial enough that his opinions can change so rapidly, then how is that compatible with his other characteristics? You've stated elsewhere (in Sincere and Delusional) that he is very passionate and opinionated, sticking so fast to what he percieves to be the truth that it can be extremely difficult to change his mind. In this trait, however, you are describing an individual whose opinions can change very rapidly and for no apparent reason, which is pretty contradictory. Which one is it -- does he hold fast to his opinions, or is he quick to let go of them and chase after new ones?

Could it be that he is firm in his beliefs but only trusting of people who feel the same way as he does, causing him to be a Paranoid or Judgemental individual who is always screening the words and actions of others for "evidence" of what "side" they're on? Is his unpredictable treatment of people based on these observations? I feel like this would make a bit more sense since you've stated that this applies largely to his treatment of other people and not of his fundamental beliefs or opinions at large. Please be sure to clearly spell out how this negatively affects other characters when you do your revising.

Being Awkward in the way you describe seems understandable and fitting. However, this does not work very well as a trait because it only really applies to specific situations: that is, when he is meeting someone for the first time. In general this reads off more like a description of how a relationship will generally progress with him than a personality trait. He starts out uncertain and kind of frozen in place, then learns more about the person or group, then develops a working ability to socialize with them. The fact that the negative part is intended to fade completely in relation to a character after a bit of interaction makes it unviable as a flaw. As such, I suggest that you replace this with something else.

For example, since he seems like a really task-oriented person, maybe he tends to be Preoccupied thinking about (or doing) works he needs to finish and doesn't give others the full attention he should be when he is interacting with them. It could also be worthwhile to play on the mention that he can be "too forward with his opinions and moods" and say that he is Pushy or Overbearing with his fundamental beliefs or whatever it is that's holding his enthusiasm at any given time.


The weapon concept looks just fine, so all you need to fix is the civilian portion. Good luck!

Hello, Face! There’s only a couple of things I want to point out, and then once those are taken care of this should be good to go!

You’ve done a good job expanding “punctual” and noting his motivation for always being on time, but I’m afraid punctuality itself (that is, being on time) is something of a minor virtue and not quite on par with the rest. To compensate for this, I’d suggest editing this a bit and maybe switching it to something like “conscientious.” That seems to suit him, and it wouldn’t require too much of a rewrite, as punctuality is certainly a part of conscientiousness (as well as thoroughness, diligence, cautiousness, which all seem to suit him, honestly, and could easily be added in if you choose to go that route)!

The second thing I wanted to go over is his “pre-occupied” flaw! It reads well, but if he’s so pre-occupied that he doesn’t pay attention to external stimuli and may be frequently distracted, how do you reconcile this against his punctuality? Does he not lose track of time? Is that the only exception to the rule, so to speak?

That’s all for now! Powered section looks great! You’re more than welcome to quote me when you’re done (or if you have any questions) and I’ll take another look!

You're very welcome! Your edits read wonderfully! Looks like it's time for a trial stamp~! XD



Good luck!!