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 Posted: Mon Sep 19, 2011 8:52 pm
His annoyance was immediately wiped away the minute his boyfriend came up behind him, and Paris found himself smiling widely at the fact that, yes, he was a good girlfriend. Often he wondered why he’d never bothered to try the whole dating thing before, then he remembered that it wasn’t like he’d been around very many guys like Chris before and so it hadn’t been worth the effort. But there was definitely something very contenting about being in a stable relationship. If he could call it that. How stable was it really when Chris didn’t even know he was a boy?
Forcing such thoughts out of his mind, Paris turned and twisted himself in Chris’s grasp in order to face him, grabbing on to one of his hands to prevent him from tickling him further, while his other hand retained a firm grip on the fork he’d been using to flip pieces of French toast in the pan.
“Good of you to realize it,” he commented. Having a boyfriend like Chris was a huge ego boost. Not only was he handsome and wealthy, but the fact that he was completely hopeless made Paris feel useful. That, and he got a lot of compliments. Those, he liked. A lot. Who wouldn’t want to date someone who told them they were beautiful at least ten times a day?
Okay, so maybe it wasn’t that much. At least twice, though. More on an especially good day.
Paris pushed himself up for a kiss, raising himself on his toes at the same time that he grabbed Chris by the back of the neck and dragged him down. With his heels off and Chris being a good ten inches taller, it made kissing awkward sometimes, but Paris still rather liked those moments when their lips met. He would have taken the time to enjoy the moment more if he hadn’t heard soft footsteps coming down the stairs, and if he hadn’t decided to open his eyes to peer over Chris’s shoulder to see who it was.
He dropped his fork and Chris was shoved aside almost immediately—thankfully, away from the hot stove. For a few moments, Paris just stood there and gaped, instantly recognizing their guest and trying to wrap his mind around how it was even possible for Ladon to be here when he’d been expecting some greasy junkie in his place.
Paris would look only slightly different than the last time they’d seen one another. He was no taller but slightly skinnier, as if stress had caused him to lose weight, or as if he’d been neglecting to eat three full meals a day. His hair had grown some and he straightened it now, so that it looked even longer even pulled back into a loose ponytail. He had a small crystal stud on the right side of his nose, along with the tongue ring he'd treated himself to for his birthday, a short while before he and Ladon had lost touch, and his face and the tops of his shoulders were a bit pink from the summer sunshine after all the time he and Chris had been spending outdoors. Otherwise, he was the same old Paris, if not a bit less immodestly dressed. Being with Chris had somehow forced him to acquire a more classy (and potentially sophisticated) wardrobe.
“Ladon?” he asked, continuing to stand there in shock.
Well, this was… unexpected.
For all of five seconds, Paris stood there awash with very uncomfortable feelings of guilt, sadness, loneliness, and similar feelings of “I’m a b***h and avoided my best friend,” before such emotions were replaced by excitement and giddy happiness instead.
“Lady!” he shouted as a large smile blossomed across his face, and he swiftly dashed across the room to jump on his friend and bestow upon him the tightest hug he’d ever given anyone. “What are you doing here?!”
Breakfast, Chris, and kisses were all but forgotten.
Sorry, Chris.
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Posted: Mon Sep 19, 2011 11:29 pm
He smiled and laughed lightly when Paris smiled up at him and kissed him, happy to return the kiss. It didn't take much to make her happy, and he was glad. He was worried that she would be mad at him all day, but she seemed to be just fine.
Chris looked up when he heard Ladon's voice from the stairs and he was about to make introductions when he was suddenly shoved aside so that Paris could greet the boy he had just been claiming to be a junkie or whatever. He sputtered in surprise, watching with wide eyes as Paris practically threw herself on Ladon. W-what exactly had he missed??
"You two... uh... know each other?" he asked curiously, not really sure what to do now that Paris was suddenly hugging who he thought had been a complete stranger to him, and even more tightly than she would have ever hugged him.
He hadn't felt it before with Paris, but if he was honest with himself, he'd know that it was a flare of jealousy that rose up in him. She'd just gone from kissing him to... pouncing Ladon. Not that he had anything against the other guy... it was just... awkward now that he was obviously the one in the middle of everything.
"Um... I'll just... take care of this then...?" he half asked half grumbled, turning his attention to the french toast on the stove top. "Don't mind me... I'm just in the dark over here..." he mumbled as he leaned down to pick up the fork and place it in the sink and got another one so he could poke at the bread that was cooking. He tried flipping one and ended up knocking it out of the pan and onto the stove. He winced at the mess up and quickly stabbed it and dropped it back into the pan. Hopefully that wouldn't ruin it... he would just make sure to eat that one himself.
Annabel had wandered down to see what was going on, but when she didn't think she could get any attention from them, she went to lay on the carpet that was spread out near the couches.
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Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 4:29 pm
It really was Paris. Well, a more well-dressed Paris, but certainly not dressed enough or dressed traditionally for a boy. Then again, when was Paris ever dressed as he should. It didn't surprise him, but the boy had changed. His hair was longer and had less of that messy, club look and more of that girl-next-door look to her. She was less dolled up, but then again, it wasn't late at night either. Who knew when Paris would go out to a party, but standing in a kitchen, the "girlfriend" of some rich boy, made him look like a completely different person. A stranger even - and after all this time, it did feel that way.
They looked at each other, and Ladon wondered if he should leave now. They hadn't talked in such a long time, and he worried he was going to get yelled at. Then, his nickname, one he forgot he had until Paris shouted it, cried out as the boy shoved his boyfriend aside and jumped on him. The hug nearly toppled him over, and he reached back to find the railing to the stairs to brace himself.
"I...was picked up." Was all Ladon could say to why he was here. He knew that the second he admitted that he was sleeping on a park bench, it would seem strange and a bit hilarious. Here Ladon was the one that would pick up Paris from dangerous places late at night and, being concerned, take him to his place to sleep it off. Now he was at some stranger's place doing the same thing. It was hard to have once given medicine to someone and now taking it from someone else. He also wondered if Paris would hate him for not calling him up for that help. Then again, it was hard to call someone you hadn't spoken to in some time.
It's what made this encounter even stranger.
Once he had his footing, he patted Paris' back in a awkward hug. "It's....nice to see you." Ladon, like Paris, had changed. His hair was shorter now, and while Paris had a healthy glow from being out in the sun more often, Ladon had a paleness from spending too much time at night. Up close, there were light scars traveling up his neck to his left ear. There were bags under his eyes, and he was much skinner than before. There also seemed to be a jerkiness to his motions. A underlying nervousness to what he did and how he reacted.
When Chris mumbled in the background, Ladon looked past Paris to nod at him. "We are old friends." Then rose the question that made Ladon a little concerned. Well, more than just a little. "Paris is....your girlfriend?"
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Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 5:43 pm
Paris’s feelings were stuck in a dramatic internal conflict. On the one hand, he was happy and excited to see his friend again after so long, even though he’d spent the last handful of months cowardly avoiding as much of his life as he possibly could, all because he was incapable of finding some way to meld the two halves of it together while still keeping them as separate as possible without going completely insane from all the secrets and lies and games of deception he had to play in order to keep the people he cared about safe and as uninvolved as possible.
On the other hand, he felt guilty for the very same reasons. He hadn’t even bothered to give Ladon so much as a hint of what was going on. He supposed he could have said something like, “I’ve got a lot of crap going on and I think I need to deal with it by myself for a while, but you’re still my best friend and I miss you,” but for some reason, probably that old cowardice that kept cropping up and dragging him down, he hadn’t thought to. He’d just… stopped. He’d stopped going out, he’d stopped seeing people, at least until he’d met Chris and found the perfect escape from it all.
Although that had turned around and bitten him in the a**, because Chris was involved, too, and Paris both needed that connection and feared it, because it meant the two halves of his life were slowly becoming less separate, and he wasn’t exactly fighting to keep that from happening.
There was also a third part of him beginning to rise to the surface full of no other feeling but concern, and as he pulled back just enough to truly look at Ladon without yet releasing him, Paris felt it overtaking all other worries and emotions.
“Ladon’s my best friend. We used to go to school together,” he explained as he heard his boyfriend mumbling in the background, thinking quickly to both answer Ladon’s question and prevent Chris from figuring things out by repeating all the little lies he’d told him before. “At Meadowview, before I was--… before I got my dance scholarship to Crystal,” he said, eyeing Ladon in a manner that seemed to say “play along, I can explain everything later, please, I’ll do anything.”
Then he was back to hugging his friend, although a bit more loosely this time, as if he were afraid to do so too tightly and inadvertently break him. “Are you okay?” he asked, looking him over quickly. “What were you doing out so late last night? It’s dangerous. You could have been hurt. You’re lucky Chris was around to pick you up and not some creepy old perv or some psycho with a knife. What were you thinking? You know how bad that side of town is. You could have called me. I would have walked you home or let you stay at my place. I… I know I’ve been sort of distant… okay, really distant lately, but I still don’t want you wandering around by yourself at night. Look at you. You look so pale and sick. Have you even been eating?”
Something just seemed horribly wrong. Something felt different, and he didn’t think it was because they hadn’t seen one another in a while. Ladon looked so… so miserable.
“You cut your hair,” he observed, lifting a hand to gently run his fingers through it. “It looks so cute. I… I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages and… Ladon, I’m so sorry…” Seeing him look like that just made Paris’s guilt feel even more pronounced. He had to be the worst person in the world. Somehow he’d turned into one of those horrible bitches who gets a boyfriend and suddenly doesn’t have any time for their friends anymore, and he didn’t even know how that had happened when he’d been so against dating to begin with, and now he felt like a complete idiot and shitty friend to boot.
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Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:56 pm
Okay, so he should probably not be messing with the food because he was pretty sure these pieces of french bread weren't supposed to sit on the pan this long... This was why he'd called Paris over, because he knew he wouldn't be able to do this... And he wanted Ladon to have at least a decent meal before going on his way.
Chris looked up when he heard Ladon say they were friends and asked about their relationship status. He stared at the dark haired teen curiously, wondering why he would question it, but Paris was on top of answering that.
"Wait, so you're Paris's best friend?? Jeez, Paris, I didn't even realize you'd never mentioned his name... I would have told you I'd met him before," he pointed out with a little frown on his face, but that was mostly because the bread was starting to burn. Should he take them off or try to cook the other side longer...?
"I wouldn't worry about him too much, Paris..." he said over his shoulder when his girlfriend started fussing. A hand lifted to rub lightly at his neck for just a few seconds before dropping away and trying to work on fixing the food he was ruining. Despite how small Ladon was, he didn't think the guy was going to be getting mugged very easily. He'd caught him off guard and had him pinned in a death hold before Chris even knew what was going on. Then again... he wasn't the best person to count on being on guard... He was told quite often about how much he needed to be more careful...
But he would rather make friends than enemies...
"You know you're welcome here any time you want," he called over to the both of them, turning off the stove once he realized he was only turning the bread into charcoal. "Seriously, Ladon," he said, turning and looking at the young man, wanting him to know that he wasn't kidding. "You're not causing us any trouble, so don't worry about it." He wanted everyone to be happy and healthy, especially those he and his girlfriend cared about.
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2011 9:10 pm
He hadn't seen Paris in a very long time, and seeing him now, he was mixed in how to react. Part of him wanted to drop to his knees, to gush out about everything that had happened, to be able to talk to SOMEONE finally at long last and just squeeze his friend until everything felt a bit more bearable in his life. The other part, a bitter, burning part of him, hated Paris. The boy hadn't come by and it felt as if his prediction that Billy would leave him had somehow contributed to him actually leaving. That the boy was right despite how strongly Ladon had felt that he wasn't. Paris had seen him for an idiot and while Ladon was usually very humble, it had hurt more to have it pointed out and made so clear. And now...
Ladon was looking at his friend who was dotting on him and telling him to take better care of himself, standing here in a luxurious apartment with his boyfriend. He could feel the acid burning in his stomach and he wanted out of here more than ever.
"I'm fine. You know where I live, Paris. I can take care of myself. I haven't seen you for a while and look - I'm not dead." His voice was flat as he strained to not be defensive and bark back at the boy. "I don't think you should be the one giving me advice I used to give you. A pretty...girl.." He narrowed his eyes at Paris in a 'what the hell are you doing?' accusation before dropping it before Chris could see. "....like you should be careful too." He felt the burning hatred rising, and he knew he should probably go, but something was snaking about in his system that made him feel the need to stay. Paris was worried about him not following with his back story. He was LYING to this boy.
Lyring, just like how Billy did to him. Making him believe their relationship was great when in truth he was hiding his true self and his feelings.
Ladon walked past Paris, moving to sit down slowly on the stool he sat on the following night. "You are looking well, Paris. You seemed to be doing a lot better since the last time I saw you, and with a boyfriend now." He smiled and then looked at Paris, narrowing his eyes in accusation. "You changed a lot."
He turned back to Chris. "How long have you two been together? I would love to hear how you met."
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Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 9:43 am
He didn't like that look on Ladon's face, or that tone in his voice. It successfully forced out all the other feelings of happiness and excitement Paris had been experiencing to see him there, and left nothing but guilt and worry in their place. The guilt was almost painful. It made his stomach roll and his chest hurt in the area of his heart and it was suddenly hard to draw breath. He knew he didn't have anyone to blame for it but himself, but that didn't make it any easier, and he'd hoped that somehow he could make up for it, that how strongly he felt and how much he'd missed his friend would overshadow it and make things okay.
Clearly he was wrong, and he didn't know how to even go about starting to fix it.
"I... I'm not the one who looks sick and pale," he countered.
Contrary to what Ladon seemed to think -- and Paris would admit that he hadn't always given him reason to believe otherwise -- Paris was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. He'd been doing it for years, perhaps not always with the greatest success, but he was surviving, getting by, doing his best. Without a mother -- practically without a father -- and in the sort of neighborhood he lived in, he'd had to learn at a very young age, and he thought he was doing good. Sometimes he thought he had a shot of making it out of there, especially now, with Chris. He thought he handled that side of town better than Ladon, who looked pale and drawn and barely anything like the boy who'd once lived in a comfortable home with his mother.
"Ladon..." he tried, but he didn't know what to say to explain himself, or how to apologize except to say again how sorry he was, but he was already being rebuffed and he wondered if any apology he could make would even be accepted.
Paris followed after him, looking somewhat dejected and wishing there was something he could do, some magic he could invoke to make everything alright again. The accusation in Ladon's eyes hurt, and Paris found himself faltering.
"We've been dating for, um, maybe almost two months now. I mean, officially," he said, even though his friend had been looking at Chris when he asked his question. "But we were sort of going on dates and stuff before that, since... since May. We met at a party back in April. Not... not one of my usual parties, but... a nicer one."
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Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 6:32 pm
Having given up on making any progress with the french toast, Chris sidestepped over to the refrigerator to pull out milk and orange and apple juice. It was probably too much for just one person, living on his own, but since he was used to Paris coming over for meals, or just wanting to snack on whatever he had, it was necessary to have a variety of things available.
Chris was about to ask Paris where he put the bacon and eggs, but soon found them in the oven, and pulled them out to slide across the table for his girlfriend and her apparent best friend to take whatever they wanted. He also took the couple pieces of french toast Paris had made before he'd ruined whatever was left and placed them with the eggs and bacon as well. Soon, the bowl of fruit, toast with butter or jelly, and a box of cereal was placed along with everything else. Like the night before, he wanted his guest to have some options, in case he didn't like something...
"It wasn't that nice..." he commented, glancing up to look at the two. He looked from Ladon to Paris, his eyebrows furrowing slightly in confusion and concern. "Uh... Did you want me to leave so you two can catch up...?" he wondered, trying to think of what he could do to get out of the apartment for a bit. "I mean... I can take Anna on a walk..." They kept giving each other strange looks and he was starting to feel a bit nervous about it all.
"And eat, before it gets cold," he encouraged, glancing over his shoulder at the pot of water. "Is that hot? If you want tea, Ladon, there's some bags in the bowl on the counter." He was feeling like he was suddenly thrust into the middle of something and... was starting to feel a little awkward.
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Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2011 10:19 pm
He could have continued on, letting Chris in the room and putting Paris more and more on edge. What exactly was Paris telling this boy and how pretty was he making the picture of himself in order to snag someone like this? Chris was not the typical sort Paris went with, even for a short time, and Ladon felt bitter at hearing about their little relationship that had lasted longer than a week. Two months dating. Why, weren't they just getting cozy? He wanted to pick up a glass and throw it at Paris, but he asn't about to punish Chris for something he didn't know about. Instead, he drummed his fingers on the table, reaching over to pluck a piece of bacon only because it seemed like it might make Chris happy to see him eat and if he didn't, he'd only get more of those god-awful concerned looked.
He tore the bacon in half as if he was snapping a neck and looked up at Chris. "I'm sure Annabel would appreciate it." He hinted, more or less saying he'd appreciate it greatly if Chris stepped out a moment so that things could get a bit more real in this apartment. He'd just have to remember not to throw Paris through those massive windows and hurt some pedestrians down below. It would really mess up the apartment.
"It's been so long and I feel I just have so much to talk to Paris about." It was probably the few moments since being with Chris that he was rather confident in what he said or made any sort of demands.
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 1:20 pm
Paris didn't have much of an appetite for food anymore. He returned into the kitchen area and circled around toward Chris and the stove so that the island was safely between himself and Ladon. He checked to make sure that the stove was off, that Chris hadn't left the oven on after taking everything out of it, and when that was done he grabbed a damp washcloth to wipe some of the grease splatter off of the stove-top, stiff and tense and straining under his growing discomfort.
He wasn't so sure he wanted to talk anymore. It wasn't going the way he'd wanted it to at all -- but then he hadn't even realized Ladon was here until he saw him, so he hadn't been able to devise any sort of plan as to how this conversation should go. He was sure the minute Chris left the apartment, the accusations would begin -- Where have you been? Why did you stop coming by? Why didn't you ever call? -- and though he knew Ladon deserved an answer, Paris knew he could only handle so much more of the guilt before it changed and turned into anger, because he refused to be the only one who took the blame.
He glanced at Chris, then looked over at Ladon when he agreed to have Chris leave, almost surprised that he would. It didn't seem like the polite thing to do, expecting the owner of the apartment to leave so that they could shout and rage at one another to their heart's content, but then Ladon wasn't exactly acting as he'd expected him to. He didn't seem to be himself, not as Paris remembered him, and he knew already, after only moments together, that he didn't like it.
"Okay..." he agreed, not seeing what other choice he had but to do this now. And it would be better, wouldn't it? To resolve everything sooner rather than later? "You don't have to be gone for too long, though. Just... just a little while."
He reached into one of the cabinets for a thermos to pour some coffee into, preparing it the way he knew Chris liked it -- black with just a little sugar. He handed it to him, staring up at him with a bit of a "what am I supposed to do?" expression on his face. He probably looked weak and nervous and not at all like his usual no-nonsense self, but then Ladon wasn't acting like himself either, and being with Chris made it seem okay to show a bit of weakness every once in a while.
"Here," he said, doing his best to avoid Ladon's eye. "I'll set some food aside for you for when you get back. You're probably hungry too. I... sorry about this..."
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 2:07 pm
Chris stared from Paris to Ladon and then back, although he was happy that Ladon was at least poking at the food made for him and not just... eating nothing. He felt like he was missing something, but he wasn't going to argue about leaving the apartment for a bit when it had been he to suggest it in the first place. They obviously wanted to talk privately, and although he wasn't all that thrilled about either of their expressions, he kept his mouth shut and agreed with a small nod.
"Anna," he called, moving over to the drawer where he kept her leash, watching as she jumped up from her spot on the carpet near the couches. She sat almost impatiently for him to get the leash on, and then spun around in excitement as she waited for him to head towards the door. He waited for Paris, though, walking with her towards the entry hall and picking up his keys, wallet, and phone as he went.
"Are you going to be okay?" he asked, just under his breath. Paris looked like she was about to burst into tears or... something. He didn't like it, and he had to wonder if it was okay to leave her with Ladon, especially when he'd nearly been strangled by the younger man just a few minutes earlier. It wasn't Ladon's fault, of course, but with so much strength... if he was angry, Chris was sure that Ladon would be a force to reckon with.
Regardless, Chris reached out to pull his girlfriend into a tight hug, placed a kiss on the top of her head, and with one last, small smile shown to both she and Ladon, he turned to leave the apartment with his dog out the door before him.
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 9:47 pm
He waited for the door to click, pausing a moment before getting up. He was thirsty and knew that if he wanted to talk, he'd need to drink something. He saw hot water and tea and since no one else was in the house but Paris, decided he'd make himself a cup. Despite all the food, his stomach was now too tight to eat, and he only made tea to calm his nerves just a bit in order to not destroy the place. That and to keep his hands occupied. It wasn't until he was over that that he stopped and decided on coffee instead. A hot cup before he left. He doubted he'd be staying here longer after this little chat and he didn't think he'd want to to. It was beyond awkward now with Paris added into the mix, and he felt like he had to keep moving and busy or else he'd just start pacing.
"Well aren't you two just a sweet couple." Ladon called out to the other teenager, pouring the coffee into a cup and adding cream and sugar. "And here I thought you were so against the concept of love. What happened to the boy who laughed about that idea and who didn't spend more than a week with someone? Has love finally shown you the way or are you just playing housewife?" He nearly sneered the word love as he turned about, taking a seat as he waited for Paris to enter the kitchen.
"Cute. Nice. Rich. Congrats. You got the full package." He set his cup down to start clapping slowly. "I'm proud of you. Only a liar could accomplish so much in such little time."
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 10:21 pm
Paris watched Chris leave and then slowly slinked back toward the kitchen area, nearly dragging his feet as he returned to face Ladon, knowing he was about to get his a** handed to him, in a manner of speaking. The guilt was still eating at him, making him feel uncomfortable, making him wish he could run away somewhere else. His comfortable escape from everything had just been invaded, and like the coward that he truly was, he wanted an escape from the escape.
He stood there quietly, shifting awkwardly on his feet as he listened to Ladon deride him. At first, it only made the guilty feelings even worse, but just as he'd known it would, just as he'd expected, the anger quickly began to take over and assume control. It started somewhere around the time when Ladon began to mock him and make him feel like nothing more than a pile of s**t, and peaked around the time that accusation of "liar" came into play.
That was the funny thing about liars. It usually took one to truly know one.
"Full package?" he wondered, lifting his head to shoot him a catty little smirk. "Yeah, you could say that. Not that I've seen it yet, but as the rest of him is perfectly proportionate, I have to assume the package just follows the trend."
He didn't bother to disguise his meaning, nor did he much care if it made Ladon feel uncomfortable the way any talk of a sexual nature used to. What right did Ladon really have to come in here and ridicule him? This was his territory, and he'd be damned if he let someone who was supposed to be his friend come in and make him feel like trash again.
"Jealous?" he wondered. "With the sort of a*****e you've been dating, I imagine you would be, and I could tell you all about that package there. Not all that much to brag about, to be honest. Billy must seem rather pathetic in comparison, but I'd be careful before trying to compare what I have with Chris to your delusional little relationship. Neither he nor I have said anything about love. You see, instead of acting like a child and dating someone because we're oh so desperate to fall in love, Chris and I are taking it slow and enjoying each other's company and not letting ourselves become deluded by a fantasy."
It was probably a cheap shot to bring all that up again after the arguments they'd had about it before, but if Ladon was allowed to attack his relationship as if it were nothing, then he was allowed to do the same.
"I'm not with Chris because I love him, Ladon, and he's not with me because he loves me. I'm with him because he makes me feel good about myself!" he said, and realized only as he did so that he was nearly shouting. "Because for years I've dealt with people like the douchebag you call your boyfriend treating me like s**t and tearing me down and making me feel like nothing! And now you think you can come in here and treat me the same way, when I'm finally getting my life together and I'm happy where I am?! You don't know s**t about love, Ladon! If you did, you sure as hell wouldn't be acting like this toward me when I did everything you ever wanted me to!"
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 10:39 pm
"Oh hold on. I forgot to drop down and bow to you for taking care of everything in my damn life! Where would I be without you kindness? Without you doing EVERYTHING for me and bending over backwards for me to make me happy.." And then he stopped and narrowed his eyes. "...and yet I was the only friend who never made you bend forward." Yeah. He wanted to do sex puns. ******** it! He could do sex puns. It wasn't as bad anymore. Not after -
And then it started. No amount of tea or coffee or mantra to stay calm could make his already horrid temper keep itself in check. Ladon was much worse with his emotional stability than before, and if Paris wanted to push. He could push back. The boy was asking for it. To bring up Billy even made it worse.
"You ******** don't know s**t, Paris! To come and shout at me and tell me I was living a fantasy. What the hell are you doing here? You like to feel good but you're just using that kid to feel better about yourself. He thinks your a girl! I heard him. He kept calling you his girlfriend and she and that is not the type of girlfriend girlfriend gay guys use. You want to tell me I was living a fantasy when you prance around here like some little housewife. Your a selfish b***h whose using him just like you used to use guys before. You told me yourself you liked being with those people before cause you liked having a good time and this is no different. You LIKE toying with people and you're no better than Billy for doing it. You're lying to him to make this work. So you want to make stupid sex jokes. To talk that sick stuff just cause you can? Fine. Let's go there. What is he going to think of YOUR package when he sees it? I'm sure that after two months, he thinks that all that important stuff is already set out on the table. You REALLY think he's going to just brush something that important off?"
He wanted to throw the cup. He wanted to break it into pieces and use a shard to cut the boy. Maybe a face scar would humble him a bit and give him a better personality?
"So keep on educating me, Paris since you are SUCH a great expert on relationships. The amount of guys you sleep with doesn't make you a dating genius. It just makes you easy, and because you clapped your legs for 2 months doesn't make you in any position to tell me about great relationships and how things are supposed to me. The reason you were with douchebags isn't my fault. That was yours. YOU said you didn't believe in love and so you had fun picking up crap from clubs. How about you stop acting like a little kid and take responsibility for how you went about back then?"
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 11:30 pm
He didn't even know what he was doing anymore. First there was guilt, then there was anger, then there was rage so blinding he could barely even remember feeling happy to see him all of ten minutes ago. When he'd first seen Ladon come down there stairs, Paris had begun to formulate the thought "Why did I stay away for so long?" Now he thought the question didn't even need to be asked, not if things were going to be like this.
But they hadn't always. They'd argued before, sure, but it had been innocent and juvenile and in the end they'd gotten over it and moved on. Now it was full of so much hate, and half of his own wasn't even directed toward Ladon, but toward all the things he hated about himself.
"You know what? Okay, I am lying to him, and maybe that cheapens things, maybe that precludes me from having the right to judge you! You want to know the truth? I started seeing him the same way I started seeing a slew of other people! I thought it would be funny! I thought it'd be a great laugh to see the look on his face when he finally figured it out, but somewhere along the line, things changed, and I don't know what the hell to do anymore because after all the shitty things that have happened in my life, I don't want to lose one of the only things that's actually been good! He takes me out, Ladon! He takes me out and he treats me like I'm worth something! He tells me I'm beautiful and he looks like he's actually proud to be with me! He thought I was good enough to actually introduce me to his parents! Which, I don't think I need to remind you, is a hell of a lot more than you ever thought of me, considering I always had to sneak around your mother, and we were only friends!"
Somewhere inside Paris wanted to stop and go back and start all over, but he didn't know what he should have changed, what he should have done differently about this morning except perhaps not come over at all. No matter how happy or concerned he'd been about his friend, it didn't seem as if Ladon had intended to let him escape this, and he wasn't even sure what he did to start it.
"What is it, Ladon? What are you really pissed off about? Because you didn't seem all that thrilled to see me even though I've spent months thinking about you! Are you angry because I haven't been to see you? Maybe that I haven't called? Because that's a two way street, Ladon! I don't remember you trying to get in touch with me either! Have you even thought about me at all? Were you even concerned about why I hadn't shown up in a while? Did you even stop to think for one moment that something might be wrong, or were you too concerned about yourself to care?"
He'd had many reasons to stay away -- so many things he was trying to hide, so many things he didn't want to draw Ladon into -- but he wondered, deep down, if it was more than that, if there were more selfish reasons, if he was perhaps gauging how much he really meant to the person he'd come to call his best friend.
"You know, the first time I went on a real date with Chris, I thought about taking a picture of me on my phone and sending it to you, because I thought you'd be so proud to see me all dressed up instead of walking around looking like a whore," he told him. His voice had lowered by now, and it trembled lightly. "The first night I stayed here, I woke up in Chris's bed the next morning and I thought of you, and how being here was like being at your place again, because I felt like I could be myself and not have to worry about anything, but clearly I was wrong because you've always thought of me as some cheap whore, and I'll never be anything else to you."
He wanted to say so many other things. It was so much easier to be angry, yet for some reason it faltered when he needed it most, after building up and getting him to this point it just... failed him.
"I bent over backwards for you because I care about you, because you're the best friend I've ever had and I thought you cared about me, too. I did everything you wanted me to. I would have done anything. Backwards, forwards, it doesn't matter. I still would."
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