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Highschool for the Magically Inclined. [RP]

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Persocom hikari's P U P P E T S

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tablowme

Fashionable Genius

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Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2011 4:39 pm

The power and history need work.

History:

It's undetailed and bare, please fix - too choppy.

Powers:

No offense, but I honestly don't even know what her power is - too vague, please fix.

Posted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 3:23 am

Nipples of Poseidon

The power and history need work.

History:

It's undetailed and bare, please fix - too choppy.

Powers:

No offense, but I honestly don't even know what her power is - too vague, please fix.

Its not vague it explains the powers Actully quite well. The history is fixed honestly can sometimes it be a mystery and a person dosnt want to tell? Can you leave it at that? I had at least 3 to 4 sentences in which its all it asked for. No matter its fixed. Check the powers again if you dont know what a mage is , its basicly like a magician or a witch. there.

Persocom hikari

3,950 Points

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tablowme

Fashionable Genius

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Posted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 3:32 pm

Persocom hikari

Approved.

When I first read the profile, I was stumbling because it was in orders I didn't understand - that was my problem, that was why I didn't understand any of her powers. I know what a mage is, so I'll just base it off of that.

Honestly, not telling the history is the lazy writer's way out - just because your character doesn't know it, doesn't mean you don't, but thank you for fixing it.

Posted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 5:30 pm

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- ғυчυ αcαםємч -
cяєω

Mio has been sorted to Wyvern house!

Dorm: Gamboge Dorm
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Fuyu Muley
Captain

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