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 Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2011 11:37 pm
He felt rather like a lovesick schoolboy, the way he was acting - the way he had started to always act around Yue, but there was something about holding her in his arms that made Jianyu feel...well, he wasn't entirely certain how to describe it. Something warm and comforting, like he held something very precious within his grasp - and he did, in a way. Yue Lao was the most important thing in his life, and would be for the rest of it and even after. She made him feel more confident than he ever had before; Yue had managed to do what no one else had, dragging Jianyu out of the facade that he had so carefully managed to perfect into stoic distance from the rest of the world. For years, he had managed to disconnect both his head and his heart from most of the goings on in his life, preferring to keep himself both neutral and focused only on the task at hand. Bataar had been the first to break that mold, but it had not lasted as long as Jianyu had believed it to, and even then Jianyu had managed to hold onto at least some semblance of his former, serious self.
But Yue...Yue had danced, rather than walked, into his life unexpectedly, situating herself so easily and so simply within him that it had become normal; and slowly, very slowly, Jianyu had started to change. He had let go of his previous personality, letting himself relax around not only her, but soon enough the rest of Lunaria as well. She had eased some of the tension inside of him that he had not known he was holding; held his hand and gently, lovingly, guided him towards something new, something more, something better. Thinking back on it, it was really quite a remarkable feat.
"That is not entirely true," Jianyu murmured, his words laced with amusement. "However, you are by far the most beautiful person to ever grace this planet. And that is not an exaggeration by any means, seeing as how I have very obviously met every person on this planet."
There was laughter in his voice as his lips met hers, his fingers tightening on her upper thigh. Perhaps it was dangerous, the two of them being alone in this room together, the night turning cold around them, but Jianyu would not go too far; not before their wedding night, at least. However, kissing Yue was very addicting, and, he reasoned, that after their battle that evening, they both deserved to indulge each other for a few moments.
He pulled back, shifting positions so that Yue was now sitting facing him in his lap, her legs on either side of him, and then with a devilish grin, Jianyu wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, pulling her flush against him so that he could kiss her again, long and lingering, filled with a flurry of emotions.
"Nothing more than what, dearheart?" he whispered teasingly, and nipped at her throat, kissing a line from her jaw down her neck and back up again to claim her mouth with his. This went on for several more moments, until finally Jianyu reclaimed his senses and pulled away, resting his head back against the wall, his hands settled comfortably on Yue's hips.
"We need to stop this," he said and laughed quietly, before adopting a mock-serious look. "I fear you are much too tempting. We cannot be in the same room together."
Jianyu grinned up at her, then hugged her tightly, pressing his face into her shoulder. He held her there, unwilling to let go as he asked, suddenly serious, "You have no regrets about marrying me...right? After all, I..."
He stopped and cleared his throat awkwardly, a flush burning across his cheeks as he turned his head, resting his cheek against Yue's shoulder now. Swallowing, he said "...I am not...not the most worthwhile man. I had a male lover, and I am certain that most find that fact repulsive...I left you in pain with your feelings for so long, that I..."
Jianyu trailed off, biting his lip. He knew quite well he had asked for reassurances many times from Yue already, but each time he heard it, the meaning went deeper. He needed to ingrain it into his mind, his heart, his soul; his uncertainty over Yue's desires clouded his better judgment and his own love for her. The surreal feeling, as if it could not possibly be real, was not completely dissipated, after all, and Jianyu had a feeling it would not entirely go away until they were married.
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Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 1:42 am
Perhaps it was her typically stubborn nature, but despite Yue feeling absolutely ridiculous at times, she was adopting a devil-may-care attitude about letting her affection for Jianyu show. Even though she knew that she should rein herself in, she had absolutely no intention of doing any such thing. It was against her nature, and she knew that Jianyu had fallen for her because of her real personality: he was the only one who had truly seen that side of her. Even now, she still marvelled at his ability to enter her life and rearrange absolutely everything. He had undone all her careful planning with a handful of words and a smile. At first, she had thought he was serious. It was to her delight she discovered underneath that exterior, he could keep up with her just fine. And now he could surpass her. Sometimes his jokes tripped even her up. A worthy opponent, a coveted best friend, and soon a treasured husband.
Caring in battle was a new feeling she would have to get used to. One of the reasons she was so effective in battle was she did not get mired down with the details of everyone fighting around her. She focused on the task at hand with single-minded determination, which usually meant that her opponent withered under her intense attention. Yue Lao's attention in battle meant a meteor hammer to the face.
The longer she had known Jianyu, the more he had opened up. Not just to her: she watched him become more at ease with everyone. She loved him for that change. She loved him for each aspect of his personality, and for the changes she had seen, and for the way which he made her seem almost honest and coherent. Yue had been on guard. Jianyu had slipped in behind her defences, brushed her hands down with a casual word and a kiss or two in greeting, and she had just let it happen.
Actually, she had fought it like she was possessed, but that was all a distant memory which she preferred not to acknowledge. She had dealt with it far from gracefully, however.
"How is it not entirely true?!" Yue asked him, giving into a small fit of laughter. "You are indeed the handsomest Lunarian I have ever seen, Yu. You can argue with me until we grow old, but I'm never going to give up," Yue told him, cuddling back into him once she had calmed down. "Every person, you say? I demand you list them all. One by one. By name, occupation and waist size."
Yue chewed on her lip to keep from inhaling sharply again as Jianyu tightened his hold on her upper thigh. So many inappropriate thoughts. She hummed loudly in her imagination, drowning them out. Sort of. Yue knew that they were both resolved to waiting for their wedding night, but that wouldn't stop them from teasing each other. She could wait three days. Barely, but it was manageable. Since when had Yue been so impatient?
It didn't help that he adjusted her so that she was sitting in his lap, her legs on either side. Pulling her against him, she felt her chest press into his, and pressed her hips into him firmly. She swallowed and took a deep breath, trying to form words, even though her attention was very accutely focused elsewhere. "Nothing more than... everything, Yu," she smiled, laughing quietly, "I want your mouth, your chest, your skin, your thoughts, your breath, your body. I want to press into it all and absorb it, or else you can absorb me, okay?"
In response to his declaration that they needed to stop what they were doing, Yue tightened her legs around him, and leaned her head against his chest. "Can we be in separate rooms together? If not, I'm not moving. I could stand in the doorway, and you could sit on the inside of the room, and we could be together that way...?" she suggested, finding a loophole in his declaration. In the meantime, she didn't look like she was about to budge in the least.
Yue's arms slipped around Jianyu in turn when he pressed his face into her shoulder. She listened, patiently, as he tried to find the words to express himself. She wanted to interrupt as soon as he suggested she might have regrets, but she waited until he had said everything he seemed to have wanted to say. "Not a single regret has crossed my mind or my heart, Yu." Yue took a deep breath, and then leaned back a little, so that she could make eye contact with him. Her hand cradled his face, thumb stroking across his cheek slowly, gently.
"If ever you feel doubt, or worry, I will happily tell you every day until we die that I have no regrets, that you are the one I love. And I love you in your entirety. You're beyond worthwhile; I respect and love you. There is no nickname in the world that could express how much you mean to me. And as far as a male lover is concerned, I'm hardly going to judge you on that one; my mothers have spent my entire life hiding from everyone, so that I could grow up normal." Yue smiled, her eyes betraying a hint of regret at the sacrifice they had made. But it wasn't purely for her; her mothers had businesses, they did not want to risk public opinion if it meant their livelihoods would be affected.
"Whatever pain I went through was probably my own doing," she added, grinning at him. "I felt so much for you and had no idea what to do with it, so I took it out on myself and on everyone else. That much is not your fault!" Yue Lao pulled her body in close as she could to Jianyu's, squeezing his torso as tightly as she could. Her lips traced their way up his neck and jaw again, to his ear. "I love you, only you, every aspect of you forever. I'll prove it by loving you every single day, and... okay, most nights. Most nights sound good to you?"
Yue's glint was back, her eyes sparkling with mischief, her lips curled in a smile as she pressed them to Jianyu's jaw. In truth, his asking her these things made her more comfortable, and less afraid. If he was worried about these things, then she did not have to feel so bad about worrying that he would regret losing Bataar and gaining her instead.
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Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 6:32 am
Jianyu snorted, his lips against Yue's neck as he said "Trust you to find a loophole in my not-entirely-serious suggestion."
In truth, he had not meant it at all; the idea of being in separate rooms for the next three days made him quite disheartened, and Jianyu's hands tightened on Yue's hips as she pressed against him. He shifted, leaving her room to wrap them around his waist as he linked his fingers behind her back, holding her steady.
"You have my everything," he told her, looking her straight in the eye with a serious expression. "My mouth - " He leaned in and kissed her abruptly, fervent and passionate before pulling away. "My chest - " Jianyu lifted one of her hands, pressing her fingertips against his torso so that she could feel his heart beating beneath her palm. "My skin." His hands skimmed her legs, skin against skin, before settling on her upper thighs. "My thoughts," Jianyu said, leaning his forehead against hers . "My very breath," came the next one, and he let his lips hover over Yue's so that she could taste him, breathe with him. "And my body," he finished quietly, and slid his hands up her back, sitting up so that he could cradle her tightly against him, so tightly intertwined that there was not an inch of space between them. "All of it. It is all yours. Keep it, do as you like with it, and let me do the same with you. Let me be with you forever so that I can learn everything there is to know about you."
Hearing that she felt no regret eased some of the worry in Jianyu's mind, and he allowed her to move back, lifting his head to look at her. Her words washed over him as warm and comforting as a blanket. He had known that all along, of course; had heard her say it many times before, but hearing it now, after what had just happened in the inn...that was what counted, that was what he had needed so desperately - a reassurance that what they felt for each other was still there, and still tangible. Around Yue, he felt strangely vulnerable, opening up and spilling emotions he would normally never admit to having. His insecurities matched hers, both of them trying to figure out their place with not just each other, but within the world as a couple as well.
Her breath against his throat made Jianyu's lashes flicker, his breathing quickening at each touch of her lips. Then he laughed, the sound low and slightly rough. "Most nights sounds absolutely delightful," he told her, then leaned forward, using his hand to cradle her face in his, his mouth against her ear. "Thank you, dearheart."
It was whispered quietly, but with a ferocity that matched the kiss he had given Yue back at the Inn when he had found her still alive. He kissed her like that again now, roughly opening her mouth beneath his, inhaling her breath and letting his tongue slip in to taste her, taste her words, drink in everything she had said. When he pulled away, he was dizzy with his feelings, but there was a smile on his face.
"When you wake, I will be here," Jianyu said softly, laying Yue down onto the sleeping mat. He hovered above her for a moment, propped up on his arms, then rolled off to lay beside her, hitching her leg up to rest comfortably on his hip. "When you breathe is when I will breathe; as long as you live, I will live, and if you chance to not, I will live for you."
He gathered her into his arms, cradling her against his chest and burying his face into her hair, inhaling her scent. "Three more days, and then..." Jianyu whispered, but then he trailed off, knowing she did not need to hear the rest.
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Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2011 8:51 pm
There were two halves to Yue's thinking, in terms of spending time apart: Firstly, she did not like the idea very much at all given they had only started to see each other frequently again rather recently, and she missed that. Secondly, going home was a necessary evil for the next three days, as she would miss her mothers terribly after being married, and she would also miss her nest of blankets. Perhaps she could fashion one in the rafters... was there an attic? Yue wondered about the summer home, and looked forward to exploring it. And then there would inevitably be the job of cleaning it, which made her cringe internally. As she thought of these things, and Jianyu shifted, she wrapped her legs around his waist instinctively.
His voice drew her out of the plans. It startled her, somehow, and she felt as though she had been very far away, and was now so very happy to see him again. She had missed him, even though she had not left his side. As he pulled away from the fervent and passionate kiss, she found herself leaning in after him, as if she would chase him down and kiss him again. She pressed her fingertips against his chest, admiring the feeling of his heart beating steadily. When he skimmed her skin with his own, she took in a breath and held it, until his lips so close to hers reminded her that she needed to breathe, at least a little. So that she could stay with him. "All that I have, and whatever I am, it's all yours-- the bad, and the good. Hopefully the good outweighs the bad? Or that you like both sides of me," Yue promised, smiling as she pressed herself into their embrace.
It didn't bother Yue to reassure Jianyu. In fact, it simultaneously eased her worries. If he sometimes wanted to hear her say those things, then she knew she was not alone in her fears, which made them less problematic. She didn't have to be afraid of something they shared in common. Yue did not even know she had proper emotions, until Jianyu had made her see what she was capable of. It was true that it was her own strength which had changed her, but she had not even known she could change, nor would she have wanted to. But she was becoming a better person, all the time. Not necessarily good by any means, but better.
She was about to joke about the most nights promise, again, but the way his voice sounded as he thanked her was rough in a way which caught her voice in her throat. And the way he kissed her felt like she was being claimed, or challenged, or loved in a way which overwhelmed and swallowed whole and probably held on tight no matter what. All of these things at once, as he parted her lips, shared her breath. She returned his kiss in equal measure, tentatively brushing her tongue against his, as if in welcome. She swayed slightly as he pulled away, longing for the kiss again, leaning her face against his chest and breathing heavily. Her skin was hot to the touch, and her eyes seemed glazed or feverish. His voice soothed her, helped calm her down, again. It seemed like there was nothing his voice could not do.
"And every morning after," Yue mumbled, exaggerating but wishing it was true. Every morning, if she had a choice, certainly. And it didn't hurt to demand the highest prize; hopefully it would not be far from the truth. Even if she had to follow him into the mountains, deep underground, or-- spirits forbid it-- into the ocean, she would do so if it meant waking with him. She stretched out and then curled up, getting comfy on the mat. Her voice was soft as she replied next, and sincere; a state which Yue seldom exposed to anyone. Jianyu had seen it more than a few times, and if one were to count how many times it had happened in her life, most of them would probably belong to Jianyu.
"I can't die if you still live," she said, "because even though we have three days left, my life belongs to you; there's no difference for me. If you live, I live. And in the same way, if I live, you will as well." She paused, inhaling deeply, her breathing slow and even as she became more sleepy. "I'd give you anything you asked of me. I trust you with my entirety. And in three days, I will take good care of your name." Yue smiled to herself, thinking of how she would belong to him not just by heart, but name and body as well.
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