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 Posted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 5:01 pm
Paris knew he should just tell him the truth. If there was a moment to reveal to Chris how badly he'd fooled him, now would be it. But he just... couldn't do it.
It wasn't because he felt guilty or anything like that, or so he tried telling himself. He was trying really, really hard not to feel anything, because that hadn't been the point of this entire thing at all. But somewhere along the way it had gone from tricking this poor sap to actually enjoying their dinners and walks in the park and surprise sailing trips. He hadn't meant to enjoy it that much. He was pretty sure he could find someone else to enjoy the very same things with, but... he didn't even know anymore.
The more he thought about it, the more he figured telling Chris now would be a bad idea. He didn't even know how Chris would react. Would he be sad? Maybe cry a little? Paris hoped not. He didn't think he could take a grown man crying. Maybe he'd be angry instead. Anger was better, in some ways. He was used to anger. But they were in a canoe in the middle of a lake, and he'd really rather not have Chris angry enough to tip them both over, and then he'd have to spend the rest of camp having Chris angry at him, which meant the forest ranger best friend would probably be angry at him, too, and might try to claw his face off, and the ex-girlfriend... he didn't even want to think of what she'd do, considering she seemed to be trying to get back on Chris's good side, although something told him the best friend's wrath would be a bit more lethal.
"No, it's fine," he said. He couldn't take it back now. He's just have to find another opportunity or let Chris in on his little secret, one that wouldn't result in him being hated and potentially attacked for it.
He tried to come up with an excuse to explain away his hesitation. "I just haven't... really done this. The girlfriend thing. I've gone out with some guys here and there..." Quite a few, actually, but he wasn't going to say that. "... but never anything serious. And I wasn't really expecting you to ask me that now, so... sorry, it was just kind of a surprise," he said, showing him a smile and letting out a little laugh.
He was so screwed.
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Posted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 5:13 pm
Chris smiled a bit wider when Paris did her best to reassure him, feeling much better about himself now, although he wondered why her laugh sounded a bit awkward. Maybe it was just because she was nervous about it...? He would just assume that for now... She didn't give an indication of it being anything else.
And it wasn't like she was seeing someone else, right? He'd gone out with her enough to know if he caught her in the middle of something. Sure, he tried giving her a few days in advance for going out to lunch or dinner, but going to the park and things like that was a bit more spontaneous. He liked it. Zee was usually busy and Daniel had his new female interest that he was pining after. Being able to call up Paris and just... go out for a crepe in the park was nice.
"Really? It's okay, I've only done this once or twice before," he admitted, although his smile faltered, figuring that talking about past relationships was just... bad business right after asking her to be his girlfriend. "Uh, I mean... it's not like anything will change... Just... instead of saying that we're just dating... it's a little more official."
An 'item' is what his mother would say, but that was usually about his older brother, instead of himself. He didn't have much luck with relationships, so he stayed away from them... Until now, of course.
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Posted: Sat Jun 25, 2011 10:12 am
'An item'... right. They were an item.
Paris knew he really should have thought this through a little more before getting into it. His fun had just turned itself into a very big problem, and now that it had, he wondered why he'd even been dumb enough to start this in the first place. It was stupid and it was going to end badly, he knew, whenever it finally did end. He told himself, again, that he should end it now, but then he thought of where they were and how Chris and other people would react -- and, he admitted, all the nice things he would lose -- and he knew that now was not a good time.
He didn't know when it would ever be.
"Right..." he said slowly, agreeing with him.
What was he supposed to do now? Chris could tell that he was uncomfortable about something, and Paris didn't want to do anything to give himself away. But how else was he supposed to react? Gush and shift around in excitement? If he did that, he'd worry about it seeming too fake, but he couldn't just sit here looking awkward, and he had to somehow show Chris that he really was alright when this, even if he suddenly really wasn't.
"Stay still," Paris told him, putting his paddle down in the canoe and inching off of his seat to slowly and carefully draw closer to Chris. The canoe wobbled a bit and he paused, trying not to disrupt the balance and tip them. Once he was close enough, he swooped in to give Chris a quick kiss before inching cautiously back to his seat.
"I've never had an official boyfriend," he revealed, his mouth raising into a bit of a grin. "So count yourself lucky. You're the first to pass the test," he joked, trying to bring the mood back to normal.
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Posted: Sat Jun 25, 2011 10:51 am
Chris did as he was told and held still as Paris got off her seat to lean forward to kiss him, leaving him smiling as she went to sit back down. Part of him was telling him not to act like such a blushing bride. It's not like he'd never been with someone else before... in fact, his most recent ex was there at the camp with them. Talk about awkward. But he really was happy that Paris seemed more or less okay with it.
"Really?" he asked, a little surprised, before frowning. "Wait, there was a test?" Er, he was joking too, of course, but he couldn't help but wonder just how well he did with this... test... Or maybe he was just being silly and shouldn't worry about things like that? Probably not... It was probably pass/fail, anyway.
He smiled at her, shaking his head as though to dismiss any awkwardness. "Well, then, I'm honored to be your first," he said, before pausing and frowning at his word choice. "Boyfriend..." Since... yeah... awkward...
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Posted: Sat Jun 25, 2011 1:41 pm
Paris held back another round of awkward laughter at Chris's comment, glancing off to the side for a moment and biting at his bottom lip to prevent himself from grinning in a way that would give him away. Nope, definitely not his first. Well, in certain respects. First boyfriend, yes, but there were a lot of other firsts Paris had gotten through experiencing a long time ago.
When he thought about it more, he wondered if this should even be considered official. If Chris was his boyfriend, it was only because this entire thing was a sham.
"Let's keep going," he said when he could trust himself to speak, looking back at Chris and keeping a smile on his face. "The kids are getting further ahead of us."
Perhaps it would be best to simply not talk about it, to move on and continue their dating as boyfriend and girlfriend and not make a big deal out of it, without Chris being any the wiser. It wasn't like it could last, not with Paris's secrets and lies. Maybe, after a while, they'd just drift apart, and they could break things off without Paris having to tell him anything, and just go about their lives as normal. Chris was his first, but he didn't have to be his only. Agreeing to this relationship didn't mean there had to be any sort of long-term commitment.
Or maybe Paris had just gotten himself in over his head.
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