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 Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2011 3:00 pm
Marcella sucked the last of the icing off her spoon and set it down on her plate, glancing away as she considered Tara's questions. It was not her responsibility yet. It would not be her responsibility until she was the one with the medical license framed on the wall of her office, and she had completed all of the tests and courses to earn it. In the meanwhile, she had plenty of time to observe, to assist, and ... to not be the one calling the shots.
And it would be a huge responsibility, Marcella knew that from the start. She had figured that she would be most ready for it when the time was right. She was already getting used to the environment, working in the hospital now. And she had seen the people who could not be saved, and it always frightened her, somewhere inside, but the best she could do was not think too hard about it, and move on.
Being the one to tell the families of patients like that that there was nothing to do, that would be her hardest test. And for the moment ... Marcella just tried not to think about that part.
Finding her mouth dry from sugar and sobering thoughts, she took a sip of coffee. Really, to be totally honest, she knew that doctors never made a difference in the end - everyone died someday regardless. But she was not sure she wanted to tell that to Tara. When Marcella replied, she settled instead for, "Why should knowing that keep me from trying?"
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Posted: Sun Apr 07, 2013 1:17 pm
"It shouldn't stop you, I know it shouldn't." Deep down, Tara knew that saving people was right. It was what she was meant to do. Fear shouldn't stop her from trying her best at it. She knew all of that, and yet she still couldn't bring herself to do anything about it. The thought of putting herself in harm's way again, after everything she had been through, was paralyzing. It blocked all rational thought, until the only option left to her was to run.
"I know it shouldn't," she repeated, "but what if it does anyway? Is there anything you can do about it?" Any way to shake it off and keep moving? Because the longer she stayed still, the less likely it was that she'd be able to start moving, in any way, ever again.
Tara picked up her fork again and took a couple of bites in quick succession, still trying to savor the taste. It was delicious, but the rich flavor was muted somewhat by her rapidly sinking mood. Even multiple bites didn't help it taste like the burst of flavor that had been her first bite.
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