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 Posted: Thu May 05, 2011 9:14 pm
"You don't know that..." He said angry, but it might have been true... still, what wouldn't he have done to keep her longer, to keep her safe till he could... till he could what. Prove to the queen that all she -needed- was the same strength granted to Tanzanite and they would have seen Castor dead?
Too late now... the wrong strings pulled and now Castor was PRINCE, Lina was with them and god only knew if she could be saved again... or was her only salvation death... death or letting her start killing her one time allies one at a time in the name of 'Love'.
"Tanzanite.. she would have helped... she was saved, did you know that?"
He wanted to twist it into something hurtful, something to play with her head but the words felt too thick in his mouth, heavy to the point he could not utter them. "You left... you left and you left to die and you tell me that now... you knew before what I did the last time I thought you were dead...what the hell did you think I'd do if you let Castor Kill you?
Everything, everything was twisted up and wrong, if she cared... if she cared she would never have gone to die would she? What about Lyra... what about... anything.
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2011 9:25 pm
Only so long could she be a punching bag for volatile emotions before her own spilled out and she took a half step towards Zink in anger before realizing it. "I was going to die Zink! I didn't care what happened because I was supposed to be dead and gone! Then I find out the one normal, untouched spot of my life, the one person I thought was safe from all of this, was Sailor ******** Castor! My enemy!" Her voice was rising on the night and carrying.
"I've never felt anything the way I felt then and I was ready to die for that. I didn't know Tanz had been captured and was tortured. I thought she left me. Left me because I was weak, and stupid, and I felt too much. I didn't want to drag you into that." The words were ashen in her mouth, bitter and awful. "Seems like I did worse a job shielding you from my faults than I thought." Hands dragged through hair and yanked at the curls viciously.
"Maybe I thought if Castor killed me I could be strong like she is strong. But both times she was saved by a power greater than anything I've ever felt and...and..." And they wouldn't bother to save me. That was the hardest part to swallow. She thought that she was worth something when in reality she was nothing more than another nasty little pawn. Castor never saw her as that. He wouldn't let anyone use her that way ever again.
It was worth it for that alone.
"I can't make you understand, any of you. I can't explain what it is to wake up every morning and know that nobody died so I could keep breathing. It's beautiful. That's all I want for you."
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2011 9:47 pm
"I've never felt that -either-... I never WILL because neither of us are fighters like Tanz... that's not the ROLL we can fill...COULD have filled, there are other things... other... I don't even know. What makes it any ... better that would would have committed SUICIDE rather than let... let something lesser help you, let ME help you..."
"Tanzanite, and those like her...her students... her... followers let them...DIE for strength, let US...live for clarity. Don't you see? They can't make you better than you are because they can't make you one iota wiser.... and the Senshi...they can only..."
He stopped, he stopped because he knew then he was just talking, He couldn't talk her back no matter how much he wanted her there beside them again, how much he was sure it was NEEDED. He knew because despite not wanting to admit it she was... happier now. She was happy in a way he had never seen, it might be a false one, senshi's lies and snips of hopes dragged before her like tinsel, but she was happy.
"You know what they do... " he finished, the momentum gone and a hollowness to his words. The smoke almost gone leaving him standing, a dark figure in the twilight, his uniform almost a mockery of her own, Dark with blue designs, not half so bright as her own but still.
Still it twisted that small dagger in his chest... distant trees... 'perhaps you were Zion'... just another whisper to haunt his dreams.
"They always say be careful what you wish for..."
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Posted: Tue May 10, 2011 9:56 am
There was a deep pool of regret, pity, and sadness in Lina Knight's eyes as she stepped forward and laid a hand softly against Zinkenite's cheek. It put her within his reach but not so close that she couldn't lunge away before the worst of the damage was done. But there was an ease and confidence that said she knew he wouldn't, maybe even couldn't, do to her what he would have done to that senshi.
"You couldn't have saved me Zink. I would have never asked you to do that for me because it would have ended up hurting you way more than I could ever have tolerated. Nobody could have saved me." Which was a lie. Tanzanite could have saved her with the power she now held but would that have truly been any better? Would Tanz have been any more understanding of her emotional delicacies than the queen?
Remembering the fight that had occurred the last time that the General-Queen had found out about Linarite's weakness the black hand dropped the mask the shudder that ran across her skin. No. Nobody could have saved her in the end. Over time Linarite would have ended up another howling voice in the dark caves of the Negaverse with no humanity left.
Nothing was worth losing her humanity.
"I'm sorry." For what she couldn't have said.
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Posted: Tue May 10, 2011 10:18 am
"Are you?" He shot back, it was a hurtful thing to say and he knew it, regret chased the anger around like cat and mouse.
"Are you... I don't know that you can be... not now. I don't even know what you've become!" He shook his head and folded his arms over his chest, closing off in a way he almost never did in uniform.
"...Everything I -did-..." His voice cracked and he drew back sharply as though that snap in his tone had hurt him physically. "... So... Selfish, and I can't even hate you... I'm just ... disappointed."
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