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 Posted: Tue May 31, 2011 1:04 pm
Everything had a silver lining, uh ? Well, she couldn't help but hope that this silver lining would show up soon - things where still pretty mental otherwise. Through a large part of it was her own things to do - learning how to let go, and to forgive herself for things that Matthew wasn't even blaming her for.
This was her brother, through... her brother and best friend. If this made him hate her, she really had no idea how she could even deal with it.
Ashley was still fussing with the menu, unsure of what she wanted. She didn't remember the last time she had eaten, so it was probably time she did. "Yeah." She finally said. "I just need to find it, right ?"
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Posted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 2:43 am
Kaia nodded at Ashley as she picked up on her implication, though she couldn't help feeling like Ashley was going to have a harder time doing what she had suggested than she'd had simply repeating the philosophy.
She began to speak but, with a brief glance and a small smile up at the waitress waiting patiently, she shut her mouth again. "Could you give us just a few minutes? I think she's not quite sure what she wants." As all waitresses did, she simply bobbed her head with a smile and moved on to make her rounds. It left Kaia with room to speak, at least.
"I'll find him and talk to him, okay?" She'd said it before, but something about her friend made her feel as if she needed to stress it. "You're going to dig yourself an early grave if you keep stressing so much about something that was not your fault." She seemed genuinely worried as she stared across the table at the frazzled face of her newest 'sister'. She knew what stress did to the human body, she had read about it and watched documentaries, she was learning about it in school. Sure, Kaia knew that she could never really understand what worry about a blood relation was like but she knew what it felt like to be concerned over the only family she had anymore.
"I know you're worried about him, but I'm worried about you." She frowned as she leveled her bright, citrus eyes on the dark haired girl. "I'll help you find the silver lining, okay?"
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Posted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 5:59 pm
Ashley had felt completely silent when the waitress had come back, and was rather relieved when Kaia simply sent her back on another round. Better to let her handle dealing with other, unrelated people for the time being - she wasn't sure if she had the patience.
As for what came next, through, Ashley was a little unprepared. Did she honestly look this bad ? Well, she supposed she probably did. She hadn't gone near a mirror to see for herself recently, which was probably telling enough. "I know, I... I need to rest. Just... let go for a little bit." It was hard, through. Whenever she closed her eyes, it was like she was just seeing the scene again in her mind, still fresh and vivid in her memory.
She wanted to say this was why she barely ever planned anything, but Ashley was quite certain this would have been just as startling, and perhaps even more so, if it had been a spur of the moment decision. She just needed to truly calm down, process everything, then she'd just bounce back. She always did... right ? There was no need for Kaia to worry like that, especially not when they both risked deaths every time they powered up. A senshi was more likely get her long before the stress would, but it figured it wouldn't be a good thing to say.
Ashley was deliberately waiting, now - the waitress came by soon enough, and she ordered a salad. This would keep her out of her hair long enough for them to carry on for a little bit without fear of interruption. "It's just... Whenever I close my eyes, the whole thing just plays again in my mind." Did Kaia remember when it happened to her ? She wasn't sure if it was best if she did, or if she didn't. "It isn't a gentle process, not that it is for anyone, but it was... much worse than when it happened to me. So much worse. It drained him bone-deep... And it looked like he actually had died and then he..." Her voice was steadily rising, pitch rising until the words finally died in her throat, and she took the moment to calm herself.
"I don't know how much of it he actually can remember - he's been mostly sleeping, and his memory of what happened during the purification seems a little hazy. But he probably remembers the pain... I never meant to hurt him like that. I knew it would hurt, but not... like this." Never like this. "Im... worried that he might hate me for it, when he truly understands what happened. He's my brother, my partner in crime, my confident, and I've never had to deal with things without him. T-That's why I needed him, That's why I did it. There were other reasons, but it was the big one. I put my own brother though agony just because I couldn't deal with not being able to tell him about everything I did." And this was, perhaps, the thing Ashley blamed herself the most about all this.
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Posted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 9:36 pm
The silence from Kaia when Ashley started to talk about the purification process should have been enough of a giveaway, but on top of the sudden solemnity surrounding her she also brought her hand up to touch the center of her chest in an involuntary reaction to the conversation. She nodded slowly at the words Ashley was saying, even if she already knew what it would have been like for him.
"I don't think we're.. designed to use the power that we're gifted in that process." She was frowning a little as she spoke, trying to find the words to put to the ideas she had been contemplating for a long time. "Our bodies, our starseeds, they were made to harness something entirely different. The gift is never painless, not even for you, but I think.." She paused then and pressed her lips together, clearly lost on how to say what she meant. Putting vague concepts into words was always hard. "I think it has to break us, so we can be rebuilt for a gift beyond our grasp."
She sat back after she had finished her explanation, her hand still stroking over the crack she knew lay beneath her glamor. She watched Ashley, listened to her fears and her guilt, but when the girl was done there was no judgment in Kaia's eyes.
"He won't hate you for it. He might be upset at first, but everyone is a little bit when they wake up in this life. War isn't kind." She shrugged then and finally dropped her hand from her chest, setting it down on the table pointedly as if she was forcing herself to stop obsessing. "Just be patient with him if he's short, in time he'll come to realize that there are far worse fates than this."
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Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2011 4:19 pm
She figured that there were, in fact, fates worse than this. Death, for instance. Not all of them had to be strong enough to survive something this extreme.
"I think you're right. That's certainly what it looked like..." Ashley fell silent when the waitress returned with their drinks and meals - she started picking at her salad as soon as the woman had gone again. Thai salads were always delicious as far as Ashley was concerned, and she figured it wouldn't be beyond Kaia to simply not let her go until she had all but picked her plate clean, much like a mother would have.
The thought made her smile. "It's going to be something to adapt to all around, I think..."
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Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2011 1:03 am
She was pleased that her attempt to describe her vague theory had not only been understood, but accepted. Who could know for sure what magic did to something she had only known about for a short period of time? She could look at her starseed, she could touch it and inspect it in ways most people couldn't, but that didn't give her any insight to what it actually was. Thus, she had theories, but no definitive answers.
"Of course it will be, but you just have to hold your head up high and look forward to the future." She smiled and stabbed a piece of apple with her fork, popping it into her mouth and chewing in silence for a few moments as she watched Ashley play with her food.
"Eat up, okay? Then we can go do something fun for a while before we head home to talk to Hiro." She took a sip through the straw the waitress had provided for her tea, then made a 'go on' sort of motion with her hands to rush Ashley along.
"We'll just be girls today, no cosmic war or Earth's soldiers or any of that." Then she paused and, with an awkward laugh, tapped the fingers of her free hand against the table top. "You might have to help me a little with that part though."
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Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2011 8:32 am
...Yes, certainly not beyond her at all.
Ashley then stopped playing and ate, through she looked amused rather than annoyed by all the mothering. She figured she probably needed it, right now.
"I can do that. Oh, I know, i'll take you shopping !" A lightbulb might as well had gone off in the distance. Her credit card was going to hate her when it was over, but Ashley didn't care.
Therapy by shopping : go !
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Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 6:04 pm
Kaia was beginning to learn, between Ashley and Serah, that shopping was apparently the cure-all for the blues. She couldn't remember being a teenager that ever loved to shop, but her friends certainly seemed to enjoy. She couldn't really complain - as a newbie in town she was definitely lacking in some things.
"That sounds like a good day to me," she laughed and settled down to eat again, picking through her fruit cup to find the pieces she liked the most. Some would have found the silence unnerving, but for Kaia it was just peaceful.
Despite her unfamiliarity with the civilian life, she was looking forward to this, if only because it meant they could be normal for just a little while. There were few times they ever got a break and if she had to be a little awkward to give it to Ashley, she would.
Sometimes they all forgot they were just teenagers.
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Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 11:43 am
Ashley had pretty much stopped playing around with her food at this point and started actually eating it. This was an improvement, at least. And hey, this was a tasty salad. Perhaps later, when things would be less... well, what they were, she could bring Kaia back here to make up for it ?
"Is there anything in perticular that you need ?" It did finally hit her that, well... Kaia had basically started everything over. "Summer clothes ? You have any yet ?" This was important. Clearly.
Friends did not let friends look ridiculous.
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Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 2:34 am
She smiled a little as Ashley asked that. Many people didn't realize exactly what it meant to start over - sometimes the very basics, the things people took for granted, weren't there. It was nice that Ashley realized that, though she wasn't sure that she would be completely comfortable with Ashley trying to rectify the problem. She knew she needed help, it was just hard sometimes when it went against her nature.
"I do, actually." She smiled politely around a bite of her food, but mentally she was already telling herself that she needed to suck it up and just accept whatever Ashley had in mind. She did need some things. "Not very.. many, but a few."
She hadn't had to buy any clothes since the winter when Serah had taken her, but she had absolutely refused to let the girl buy two sets of clothing for her at the time. It had been hard enough to look at the price tag for it anyway.
"I've been washing clothes very frequently at the moment." She laughed a little at that, though it was a poor joke. She wasn't the best at humor. She just compensated by taking another bite of fruit.
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Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 7:02 pm
"Well, I can help with that !" The two of them were rather similar, once you got to the core of it. Both girls thrived at their best when aiding others, or so it looked like.
It seemed odd that no one else had done it already. Through perhaps they'd just provided other things ? Yes, most likely. But no matter - Kaia would no longer be all alone as long as she was around.
"What kind of clothes do you like best ? Colors ?" That certainly would help narrow down possibilities. Ashley had no idea that she was possibly being pushy or overbearing - she had found something she could throw herself heart and soul into, a distraction from her brother who still slept back home, and she was going straight for it.
She... had to learn how to let go.
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Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 3:52 pm
"Uhm," was the only answer Ashley got for a while, which should have been the first clue that Kaia knew absolutely nothing about clothing. She didn't even think it was something that was a recent development, either. When she looked at fashion magazines or shows, she just felt completely lost, where as anything she had known previously at least gave her a tiny tickle of recognition.
Fashion had never really been her thing, it seemed.
"I like neutrals?" she offered finally, smiling awkwardly as she said it. She took one last bite of her fruit bowl and pushed it away, nothing left but a few pieces of fruit she either didn't like or didn't want. Her hands folded carefully on the table and she just shrugged.
"I don't know, I'm not good at fashion or.. almost anything related to that." It wasn't to say she had no taste, or no preferences, but she wouldn't know how to tell Ashley until she saw it. "I guess my style is mostly just what is comfortable."
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Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 4:18 pm
Ashley didn't seem into a worry to get an answer, picking off the last bits of her salad - with nothing left behind, this girl ate all her veggies apparently - as Kaia searched her mind for an answer.
"That shouldn't be too hard to find, I don't think. Actually, I think I know just the place..." She waved for the waitress, and asked for the bill - the two of them on one.
Hey, she had been serious when she had said it was on her.
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Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 10:47 pm
Kaia started to say something as Ashley asked for the bill, but then remembered that not only had she consented to this, she also didn't have a lot of money to throw around for the time being. So, instead, she just settled back into her chair with a soft smile and a shake of her head. When had she ever let people start taking care of her?
"I'm glad you do," she shrugged her shoulders and brought her hands up a little in a hopeless gesture, "because I wouldn't even begin to know where to start looking. I just rely on the good grace of other people most of the time for this kind of thing."
She could read books on how to tell good fruit and veggies apart from bad ones, what cuts of meat were the best, but fashion still baffled her no matter how many books she read. It was just so.. unpredictable. There was no one way.
Despite being Guidance as Alkaid, she needed a lot of it for herself as Kaia.
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Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 12:59 pm
Once upon a time, Ashley had practically lived for shopping. And partying. All sort of stupid things teenagers did.
And then things... changed. She discovered a world she hadn't even known existed, a war that threatened everything and everyone she held dear. And then, suddenly, those things hadn't been as important anymore.
But today she could let it all back on the forefront again. Shop up a storm for Kaia and try to forget, if only for a few hours, the images that replayed themselves in her head whenever she closed her eyes.
Ashley paid and tipped the waitress, and then stood, slinging her purse back on her shoulder. "It's not too far from here, actually... We can get to it by foot easily." She said with a nod.
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