1. You have to think twice about throwing away an empty instant coffee jar.
3. You say he/she is "on the meeting" (instead of "at the" or "in a" meeting).
5. You answer the phone by saying "allo, allo, allo" before giving the caller a chance to respond.
7. When crossing the street, you sprint.
8. In winter, you choose your route by determining which icicles are least likely to impale you in the head.
9. You are impressed with the new model Lada or Volga car.
10. You let the telephone ring at least 4 times before you pick it up because it is probably a mis-connection or electric fault.
11. You hear the radio say it is zero degrees outside and you think it is a nice day for a change.
15. You are pleasantly surprised when there is toilet paper in the WC at work.
16. You look at people's shoes to determine where they are from. .
18. You are pleasantly surprised when there is real wine in the bottle of Georgian Kinzamaruli you bought in a kiosk.
19. You notice that Flathead's cell phone is smaller than yours and you're jealous.
20. Your day seems brighter after seeing that goon's Mercedes broadsided by a pensioner's "Moskvich".
21. You are thrown off guard when the doorman at the nightclub is happy to see you.
23. You wonder what the tax inspector really wants when she says everything is in order.
25. You plan your vacation around those times of the year when the hot water is turned off.
26. You are relieved when the guy standing next to you on the bus actually uses a handkerchief.
27. You are envious because your expat friend has smaller door keys than you have.
28. Keys can double as self-defense weapon.
29. You ask for no ice in your drink.
30. You start using "da" instead of "yes".
36. You change into tapki (slippers) and wash your hands as soon as you walk into your apartment.
37. You take a trip to Budapest and think you've been to heaven.
40. You can read bar-codes, and you start shopping for products by their country of production.
42. It doesn't seem strange to pay the GAI $2.25 for crossing the double line while making an illegal U-turn, and $35 for a microwaved dish of frozen vegetables at a crappy restaurant.
45. You give you business card to social acquaintances.
46. You wear a wool hat in the sauna.
52. You are curious as to when they might start exporting Baltika beer to your home country.
53. Cigarette smoke becomes 'tolerable'.
56. You no longer feel like going to your "home" country.
57. You speak to other expats in your native language, but forget a few of the simplest words and are forced to throw in some Russian ones.
58. You remember how many kilos you weigh - but forget how many pounds. .
66. You look for kvas and kefir in the supermarket, and ask to buy half a head of cabbage.
69. You can sleep through a hangover without curtains on your windows.
77. You have had your clothes ruined by all the so-called Western style dry cleaners and have to start the cycle over again.
80. A weekend anywhere in the Baltics qualifies as a trip to the West.
82. You sit in silence with your eyes shut for a few moments before leaving on any long journey.
83. You look in the mirror to turn away bad luck if you have to return home to pick something up you've forgotten.
84. You catch yourself whistling indoors and feel guilty.
85. You never smile in public when you're alone.
92. You get wildly offended when you are asked to pay at the coatcheck.
94. You are afraid of offending someone by asking them what they do for a living.
99. When you begin paying attention to peoples' floors and can distinguish the quality of linoleum and/or parquet, and thus determine social status, taste, and income e.g. embezzled, earned, pension, unpaid, etc.).
100. You get excited when the dentist smiles and has all his own teeth.
101. You can spark a debate by asking for a decent Mexican restaurant.
105. You laugh at Russian jokes.
106. You actually get these jokes.
107. When you realise that all the above and the other messages on this subject posted here are what you love about Russia, that you've been here long enough to feel at home and wonder whether you'll ever be able to fit back in in the old country....
112. You are dumbstruck when high school or college students wait on you with a smile, reciting a 90 second spiel on the "specials of the day" - and display complete knowledge of the contents of each menu item...
114. You try pay a traffic fine one the spot and get arrested for attempted bribery.
116. You are surprised to see that the cooks in a Chinese restaurant are actually Chinese.
117. You get bored with the pace and organization around you, and can't wait to get back to Russia.
120. You are insolent to people for leaving their jackets on when entering restaurants, etc.
Oi voi, 52 out of 120? I dunno if that is a good or bad thing!
