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i have a tale to tell about this piece of writing...
this was posted on the Purkle couch yahoo board by a Scottish member of the group and it caused an uproar!
a lot of the members were quite offended by it, it really demonstated the vast gulf between British and American humour, they don't seem to have developed the knack of laughing at themselves as we have, not if the fun is poked by someone else anyway ninja

.... Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.....
She needs to go there then, it is gorgeous! The epitome of the "Western " Scenery. Might I suggest she try a road trip from Las Vegas to Seattle, WA such as the one I made last year which was a lovely introduction to Utah! Well, the trip did make me very ill, but God will save the queen I am told sweatdrop

..... You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') ......
I honestly did NOT know that

........You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.....
rofl

...... You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.....
I agree

.....The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire......
If I may be so bold, why in the world do they have Devonshire Cream? Just wondering

.....Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.....
Politically incorrect is the stuff humour is made of! I think the movement for political correctness sounds like something Hillary (the cow) Clinton dreamed up

.....You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 21.5% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2006.....
NANCIES!?!?!?!? rofl

.....You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America......
TRUE

........You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde........
ABSOLUTELY!!!! I concur!!!! then I want all their products thrown into a big Guy Fawkes Day Bonfire so I can stop reading every label to make sure I am not contributing funds to some pathetic neurotic socialist french owned company!
rofl

......You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat......
On the other hand, not mutilating potatoes for the empty carbs would suit my little WickedPotato just fine, too!

..... As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.......
YES! must be why tea is not so popular here

.... I don't drink, so the beer topic is N/A for me .....

..... You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists......
EXCELLENT IDEA

.... Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy......
Not me, I was raised to think of it as a relief after the Bay of Pigs and Cuban Missile Crisis Fiasco

Lmao @ the funny potato.