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 Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 12:41 pm
A part of Bell wished he would push for the information Reach for it, drag it, no, tare it out of her. It wasn't something she would ever volunteer to say willingly. She selfishly was holding on to the very thing that was eating at her mind. As it were, though, it seemed both were apt to suffer in silence and try to hold together a strong face.
Bell shook her head, "I'm supposed to be exercising it or something like that, but I don't think it's really doing anything." It probably didn't help that she was more prone to laying on that side.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 12:48 pm
"Maybe... Maybe il't just take some time for it to help ?" It was still rather early after their injury, after all.
But who was he kidding ? His lips pulled tightly, even going white from the pressure before he talked again. "But that's... not what's bothering you, isn't it ?"
Maybe she thought he was a failure, that he'd had to get an upgrade to even have the slightest chance of survival. It was certainly something he feared.
He wasn't sure if he could take yet another person abandoning him. Not after Lily, not after the look his father had given him at the hospital.
"Talk to me." He was downright pleading. "Please."
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 12:57 pm
"Maybe,.." She had already wasted money on several self defense classes he had to miss because of this. Why had she even thought of bothering to begin with? And what was the point in going to them now anyway, when she wasn't even sure she'd fight again anyway? Well...She had said that just because she wasn't going to be fighting the Negaverse until she figured things out for herself, doesn't mean she wouldn't still patrol with him. If he wanted. True, he had upgraded, but she still...
Huh, wha? She tried to think about what he might think would be the real matter.
"Just..thinking about Elysion, that's all. The whole 'who's the real bad guy' thing, y'know?" Another strained smile and another attempt at eating.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 1:46 pm
He wasn't buying it.
He wasn't buying it at all. He just couldn't understand why. He'd told her when things went wrong. It might take awhile, but he still talked about it.
Why wouldn't she ? Was he really this worthless ?
...This really wasn't how he had planned this day to go.
"I don't think that's it." He sighed, picking up his empty dishes to wash them in the sink. "But I get the hint."
He wasn't trying to jab at her, not in the slightest, but he had been a tiny little unstable node even since that fated first battle, alternating with feeling like s**t and being ready to cave in at any moment.
Right now, it was more the latter.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 4:09 pm
That hurt. She visibly flinched, although he probably hadn't seen it, having gotten up at the time.
"You really want to know that your girlfriend is a murderer?" She asked, tone incredulous, hurt, afraid, and slightly angry. She sank in to her chair, hands folded in her lap, worrying with the end of the hoodie. The look on her face said it all. All the worry, sadness and hurt.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 4:26 pm
Wait.
What ?
No, seriously. Wait. What ?
That had to be a joke, right ? He'd frozen in mid-drying on his plate. But no, there was no way in hell she would say that as a joke.
Then, suddenly, he seemed to remember that the world was still turning, and he dropped his plate on the counter before all but rushing back at her, croutching down to look at her.
It hurt to see her that way.
"It's better than not knowing." He said, softly, hand reaching to touch her cheek. "Elysion, right ?"
It wouldn't surprise him. It was hard to feel sorry for who it might have been - negaverse, what else could it have been ? - when he'd been nearly killed by one himself.
"Dear." He said, voice still whisper-soft. "Tell me everything you need to say. Im here."
"Im not going anywhere."
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 5:02 pm
"Elysion" It was a dry whisper of confirmation before the sharp, shaky, intake of breath, somewhat like a sob, came, then a pitched blubbering and tears as she explained;
" 'e died believing that 'e was helping protect the Earth and 'e said a name and, and I can't help but think that there are family and loved ones that'll never see 'im again and, and, and they're humans with real lives and families just like us and I.. I-" That's when, between all the sobs and shaking that the words became undecipherable.
And then,
"And everyone kept talking about how the Negaverse is so bad because they kill people, and I killed someone, and I didn't hesitate I just did it and what for? Because that's what we've been told to do? They've been told the same thing, and there are even senshi on their side, too, and.. and I'm so scared what the others would think, and how you'd react I just...couldn't..say it."
It hurt. Everything hurt.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 5:14 pm
This definitively wasn't what he had expected. But now it didn't matter. Nothing else mattered but the woman in front of him, the woman that slowly slid into his awaiting arms, the one he held close, the one who was crying right into his shirt.
A youma army could rampage by at the moment and he couldn't have been bothered to give a flying ********. No, the only thing that mattered was Bell.
He understood how she felt, even though he had never done the same thing, but the Elysion battle had proved him something - if it came down to it ? He might very well had it in him to kill. It was something he never thought he could do before.
He did doubt that a negaverse agent would react like this to their own kills, but it was what made Bell good. What made Bell human.
He could say many things right now, but they all came short. Everything seemed lacking. His own questions about what they were doing didn't help any. "I won't tell anyone." He finally said. It certainly wasn't his place to. "I understand."
Valentine's day definitively got shot to hell.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 5:26 pm
"Thank you," her whisper was muffled, but still easily heard, "I'm so sorry I messed everything up." It was supposed to be a nice, happy, day. Now she had gone and killed that too, and she felt horrible about that on top of everything else.
Somehow, she'd make it up to him.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 5:32 pm
"You didn't mess anything up." If one wanted to be technical, he was the one that had asked. He run his hands across her back, gently, softly, in an attempt to calm her. The floor wasn't very comfortable, but he didn't care. He wasn't moving an inch until Bell was ready to.
"That's what im here for." He continued. "For the good things, for the bad things. The only way im going anywhere is if you kick me out." He wanted her to be absolutely certain of this. That he didn't think she was a monster. That he didn't think she was evil, or twisted.
If she was evil or twisted, then that made him exactly the same. No, she was someone who had done something that she regretted. She was someone who definitively needed time to think, time out of this war, and he would be there every step of the way if she needed it.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 5:43 pm
The day she kicked him out would be the day.....something incredibly impossible happened. Right now she wouldn't doubt pigs flying or anything of that sort, so a simple something had to do. Indeed, she hated the thought of not having him as much as he probably hated the thought of abandonment. That was something that made them work well together. She couldn't ask for anyone better. Part of her wondered if she truly deserved this kind of perfection.
She finally pulled back and wiped at her face with the hoodie sleeve, "Then you're gonna be here a long time." There was an attempt at a smile.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 6:41 pm
It was highly ironic that she thought he was perfection while he felt like he was falling apart at the seams, tearing out piece by piece the more he though about things, and how to handle them.
"Good thing I don't want to be anywhere else." He said, reaching out to brush the rest of the tears away.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 7:11 pm
"You're wonderful, you know that? And, and this'll work itself out. I don't want to be sad and mope around. I wanna be strong for you... I,..guess I just have to find a way to deal with it. We can help each other rationalize things again, right?" There was then hope in those eyes. Questioning hope. Could she do this? Could she become a stronger, more stable person emotionally?
"If,..if we fight for the good of our friends and each other then...we can never be on the wrong side, right?" That was...one option at least.
She didn't want to be sad, because that didn't help him. It only seemed to drag his mood down with her, and she didn't want that. She wanted to see him genuinely happy, not just seemingly so. And it wasn't fair for her to want that and then not be happy herself, right? It seemed so simple in thought, but actual application was another story entirely. Time heals all wounds, so they say. Well,...they'd see. She leaned in to that hand that wiped away some tears, trapping it between her cheek and shoulder for a sullen, sweet, nuzzle.
"I love you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'll try an' make it all right again though. For both of us." Make what right, and how? She wasn't entirely sure. But she'd try. If for no one and nothing else, then for him. He didn't deserve to be weighed down by her and her...over-emotional complexities that seemed to do nothing but cause problems.
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Posted: Thu Feb 17, 2011 12:58 pm
His eyes softened a bit. He didn't believe himself to be wonderful. Or... much of anything special. Especially lately.
In his mind, it was a small miracle she hadn't tired of him yet. Him and his baggage, his issues, and his uncertainty...
"Il't be easier if it was black and white." He said. "But it's not. It's just an endless sea of gray." He shook his head. He didn't want to think about it.
So why couldn't he stop.
"Take your time." He said, softly. "I love you."
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Posted: Thu Feb 17, 2011 9:37 pm
Bell could easily list off the reasons why she believed Xavier to be so wonderful but he'd probably not believe any of it. But indeed, she admired his bravery, determinedly, kindness, his ability to think for himself rather than mindlessly following what they'd been told - and Bell was seriously questioning a lot of what they had been told herself - his perseverance, and even his lack of faith in himself, which might have sounded odd, but hey, at least he wasn't arrogant! At least there was room for her to try and be the wind beneath his wings, that special support. Hell, she even loved that damnable male pride of his. She loved the fact that he was hers and that he wasn't going anywhere. She loved that loyalty, even if she sometimes feared she'd do something to lose it.
And what good was she? She wanted to be there, to support, help, and hold him together when he felt like he was falling apart. However, Bell felt like a complete failure in that. If she had been there, in that fight, helping him, maybe he wouldn't have gotten so hurt. Maybe her emotions wouldn't have gotten the better of her and lead her to kill someone...
She finally stood, a little dizzy at first, and looked around, "I'll clean things up." It was the least she could do, right?
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