Welcome to Gaia! ::

Thank you Matisha hun. ^_____^

I think I will use the Shimmermering mandarina surprise

CIV SIDE:

She's starting to look a lot better! However, I'd err on the side of not making her TOO quirky just for the sake of being able to take her seriously in RP. Right now she goes around in cosplay all the time, and holds what she thinks are real conversations with imaginary characters... that's crossing the line of silly and making her look crazy. XD

It might help if you imagined what you might think of Sienna if you met her in real life. Wouldn't you find it a little overly strange to run into someone dressed as a fictional character and talking to herself? I would pull back a bit and remove these behaviors since otherwise she doesn't seem very believable. ^^; She can like fictional characters more than real people, but believing they're actually real is going a little too far. Likewise, she can enjoy making cosplay outfits, but wearing them on a daily basis is going to make her seem like a crazy, obsessive fangirl to other characters interactng with her.


Your virtues are going to need a lot more information! Remember the question process I posted earlier? Those should be applied to your character's virtues as well as your flaws! The only difference is that instead of answering the questions in a way that shows how she's unlikable, you use them to show other players what makes her likable.

You have the motivation behind her Humble trait, but not how it affects her actions and why her friends might respect or admire her for it. Listener needs to be expanded in the same way -- you've already started this a little, but you need to show why she's worth sharing your problems with if she doesn't give you advice.

I'm also still having trouble seeing why Sienna... Hello... is a flaw. Is her daydreaming a constant, genuine interruption to people trying to interact with her -- do you plan to write her drifting off like this on a regular basis to the point where it can irritate other characters? If it's not something that can potentially happen in a general sense, and in a way that gives other characters a reason to dislike her, then it doesn't really count as a flaw!

If she DOES daydream that often, then her Listener virtue doesn't make much sense when paired up along with it. How can you say she's a good listener when she's drifting off all the time and not even paying much attention to the people talking to her?


A really important part of character building is not only giving her a good balance of positive and negative traits, but making the character consistent. All of the traits need to relate to each other in a way that makes sense! In the same way you might expect your friends in the real world to behave in certain ways based on their personalities, characters in the RP world can be expected to behave in certain ways based on their profile.

A good profile has a basic idea behind it that can be seen through all of the traits -- literally, you should be able to tell what kind of person Sienna is by reading her over! It might help to write yourself a short summary of what kind of character you imagine Sienna being and then building a profile based around that. I feel like you're kind of picking traits randomly and hoping they fall into place right now instead of basing them off of a foundation of some kind, so it should help a lot to start with a basic idea and then work from there.

If you haven't done this already, then start by thinking first about what kind of character you think would be fun to play. Then you can work these traits around that idea. c: Doing it this way means you're more likely to end up with a character who looks fun to play with as well!


SENSHI SIDE:

You need to be specific about how long the attacks last for! When we ask for duration time, we literally want to know how many seconds her magic is in effect. You can look through other senshi journals in order to get an idea of what an appropriate duration time is.

In addition, her Super attack looks like it's better suited for a senshi of Moths than a senshi of Silk -- the wraps should still be silk threads in order to fit her power sphere. She can summon silkworms that spin the threads for her, but the silk part has to remain the focus of her attacks since that's her power sphere!

I can't say much on her Eternal attacks since you don't have much information... what do you mean when you say it absorbs magic? D: I have no idea what this effect would do in RP! When you're describing the effect of a magical attack you need to be more specific than this. Again, it's going to help if you go look at the journals of existing senshi to see how they describe their attacks. Other players need to know exactly what your attacks are going to do to their characters so they know what to write in battle RPs with you, so a statement as general as "It absorbs magic" is not really going to work here.

Revision? Still making changes Chits still welcomed. Sorry for long hiatus I had medical and life issues to deal with please bear with. I have the art already I just need to get her approved I also have Senshi of Starfish quest to be Crited soon.

Thank u everyone for being patient with me. I am kinda slow

Thank you for your crit !!!
v(=∩_∩=)ﾌ

Bit of feedback on your attacks! I'll put my commentary in bold:

Execution: Sailor Amalthea opens her hands and silk threads shoot out of her finger tips and wraps her intending target.
Effect: silk threads shoot out of her finger tips and wraps her intending target.
Use Limits:Can be used only once Reconsider the 'only used once' and consider 2-3. At first stage battles can be really difficult for newbie senshi and any advantage they can have it's a good idea to take it! (generally it's 3 regular, 2 super and 1 eternal)
Power Limits: They fade after a while and is strong enough only to bind her enemy for a short time. Water can destroy it. How long is 'after a while'? Is there a time limit? How many seconds or is it just for the duration of one post?
Range: It can only be used on one target at a time. The attack only effects one target, but how far is the maximum her target can be away from her?
They can be used once. They slow her target down and give her time to attack again or flee. They fade after a while.

Super Sailor Attack: Shimmering mandarina surprise

Execution: It's just like her first attack but the threads turn into actual silk worms that turn into moths that bind the enemy tighter than before.
Effect: Moths that act like a net and bind the enemy tighter. The Super attack should be an extension of the first attack-- Similar, but stronger, so to speak, generally with an add-on to make it seem more impressive. If you're planning on going with a net for her eternal attack, I'd suggest staying with silk threads this time, as opposed to the worms or moths. Maybe for her Super attack the threads just squeeze tighter and while the enemy is being squeezed they also feel like there are silk worms crawling on them?
Use Limits: Can be used once Again, consider upping this to 2, instead of just the once.
Power Limits: They bind tighter are a little more harder to get out of Maybe while water might dissolve the first attack easily the second takes a little bit more work? Or maybe even a sharp weapon to cut through?
Range: Can capture up to three enemys at the same time. I would consider making this 2 enemies, potentially standing closer together? Maybe within 5 feet of one another, to give you a reasonable range to work with

Eternal Attack:
Execution: For her Eternal Attack her attack acts like a net and flys out of her open palm.
Effect: It absorbs magic.
Use Limits:
Power Limits:
Range: She can summon about three or four of these

Since there's not much here for the Eternal Attack, I'll just make one section of a post... First thing we've got to do is decide how you'd like it to work. I think you've got a good idea with the effect of the net being that it absorbs magic, especially as silk is known as being an insulator for magic. That being the case, is it a net that you are really thinking about or would it be a silky shield?

Maybe something like:

Upon activation, Sailor Amalthea makes rapid hand gestures and silk threads form at her fingertips. She spins around and the silk forms a cocoon around her shielding her (and one ally within 5 feet of her, if applicable) from all magic attacks until her next post. While the cocoon will not shield her from physical attacks, it does work to slow them, making her harder to attack.

Quote me back if you have any questions or want to chat ideas!

bumping this up so I can find it easier later.