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Posted: Fri Jan 28, 2011 11:53 pm
"Mmm..." He couldn't exactly refute that in honesty. The only real separating factor from this and every other time he had considered it was Claire's presence and influence. He had spent years at Morrison's side, often trusting the man with his life, but his partner had never gone as far as to give him a name unique from Lucas.
"My plan," he elaborated, "is to bury myself in the subconscious and release the memories that I'm guarding. Not all of them, of course, and not all at once." That would do far more harm than good. "Smaller things at first, such as basic hand-to-hand combat and self-defense. Missions here and there. The odd instance where I emerged for his protection." Such as when he had been startled by Callista's Misdreavus, or when Claire had jumped at him. "My hope is that this will create, alongside ability, confidence. So that he feels no need to panic."
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Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 12:06 am
Crap, she was guilty and at least partially responsible for this. Double crap. She sighed, reaching a slender hand up to run her fingers through her hair as she thought. His initial reaction confirmed her previous thoughts. "No, there's no if. I'm sorry for that, I didn't mean for it to cause any harm.." And yet it had, but she knew quite well she couldn't go back and change things, so all she could do was apologize.
Oh, releasing every memory all at once could be catastrophic. No, it more than likely would be. His sounded like a good plan, though how he would ever set about burying himself in the subconscious was completely beyond her understanding.
Still crazy.
"That sounds like a good idea," she murmured thoughtfully, absently playing with the fabric around the knee of her pants. "No doubt he'll still be confused and probably disconcerted about everything, but on the whole I think he'll be alright. If not, I'll be here to help if possible." Though how she would be able to help him cope with the memories, she hadn't the slightest idea.
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BlackFireKitsune Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 12:15 am
"What? No, it's... It's really rather strange to call it 'harm' when it's something I appreciate..." Holding whole conversations as his own self, being given a name... He would have scoffed at such things in the past, but they had value. Or at least Luke felt they did, and that was all that mattered to him.
He nodded, "I would appreciate it if you could help him. I'm not sure what sort of problems might arise, but... It's more of a peace of mind thing, I suppose." A moment of contemplative silence. "Also, I'd prefer if he never knows I existed. I don't want him to have that sort of burden."
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Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 12:40 am
The fact that he did appreciate it gave her a little peace of mind about the whole thing, but she still did feel bad about it. But again, she couldn't go back and change things. And, since it seemed like he really did appreciate it, she didn't think she would change her decisions after all. "I'm glad you appreciate it Luke," and she was, it helped her feel less guilty. She was still partially responsible - probably a lot responsible - but it didn't seem like quite such a bad thing anymore. "But I am sorry if I made it a harder decision than it otherwise would have been.."
She sighed a bit, reaching up to pull her long hair around and to the front of one shoulder while frowning thoughtfully. Curse her need to fidget with something during certain types of conversations.. "I'll do whatever I can to help, though to be honest I'm not exactly sure how I could help, but I'll try regardless." Hopefully she'd have a plan this time instead of winging it, if or when the time came.
"Alright," she said with a slow nod after a lengthy pause to think. "I won't mention you to him. Should he go on believing it was all just due to lapses in memory?" That could be a bit awkward to explain, but... explaining to someone that they had dissociative identity disorder was probably much more awkward.
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BlackFireKitsune Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 7:16 am
"Unfortunately I'm not not really sure what you could do either... I'm sorry I keep blindly pushing you into matters that don't concern you in the first place." He had no one else to rely on for these things, though. Once he was gone, he wouldn't be able to monitor Lucas's emotions and responses anymore. The thought caused a sudden coldness to ripple through him, reflecting in his knit brow and slight grimace. He couldn't place it as fear, though a vague notion in the back of his mind realized it as such.
"Yes," he affirmed. "I don't believe he'll ever actually bring it up, but in case he does, I'd prefer if that's what he believes. He should be happy to have his memories returns. I'm... glad I can finally do something for him, something that will directly make him happy." A bitter smile spread in place of the apprehension. In all the years he had spent protecting Lucas, he never managed to actually bring him and of the joy he so desperately wanted him to feel. In this way, his disappearance could become truly meaningful.
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Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 1:33 pm
She shook her head, a small sad smile on her face. "No, there's no need to apologize. I wouldn't offer or I would just decline if I really didn't want to help, so I guess in a way I'm sort of making it my concern too."
The changes in his expression evoked a concerned frown from the young woman, and she shifted a bit. Usually Luke didn't display or even show that he had a larger range of emotions. "Alright," she said with a nod, but then paused hesitantly. "When would you..?" For some reason she was too hesitant to finish the sentence. It was... rather odd, but it felt like Luke was more real too, and that.. wasn't a very good thing. Crap.
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BlackFireKitsune Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 5:06 pm
It was odd for Luke as well, and there was something distinctly bittersweet about the fact that his emotional potential was only just beginning to emerge in what were essentially his final moments. The thought sent another brief shudder through him, reminding him of how poorly things could have turned off if he had discovered this aspect of himself sooner. The possibility that he would have come to the point where he consciously overpowered Lucas was an increasingly real threat, and he steeled himself in his decision.
When? "Tonight. I'll be gone by the time he wakes in the morning." His hands, resting in his lap, clenched into fists, and he trained a contemplative stare on them.
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Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 5:34 pm
"Okay." She hesitated, not really sure how to reply to such a morbid topic. "I'm sorry."
Alright, topic change in order.
"How did you get that scar?" She asked, reaching a finger up to lightly trace a line down one cheek to show which one she meant. He likely had more than one, anyway. "I've been curious about it but I didn't ask Lucas, I didn't think he'd know the answer." Especially because Luke was the one to go on missions and handle dangerous situations, so Lucas would have no idea.
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BlackFireKitsune Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 6:01 pm
He quite appreciated the change in subject as well, and he eagerly thought back to the responsible mission. Anything to escape the threat of hesitation. "Mmm, it was a mistake." His hand mimicked Claire's as he traced the lower path of the scar. "Lucas was upset over something and hadn't been eating or sleeping properly, and my response time was lengthened as a result. I became dizzy at a crucial moment, and this is the proof of that." It had become something of a badge of honor since then, especially when he had acted as an elite. Something about a jagged scar and a blind eye just screamed 'hardcore' to the lower ranks.
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Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 6:18 pm
At least he seemed glad for the change of subject, and she was, too. There wasn't much else to be said on that topic and it was too depressing to think about, but still.. Claire frowned slightly. For Lucas to be so upset over something he didn't eat properly for so long and have it affect him on a mission... "What was he upset over?" It had to have been pretty bad... Maybe something in regards to a girlfriend, perhaps..? That seemed to be the one thing that could upset him.
"That's awful. Wait.. can you see out of that eye?" She couldn't imagine being blind in one eye... that would be absolutely terrible. "What exactly happened?"
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BlackFireKitsune Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 6:51 pm
"Some woman gave up on him, I think was the problem." Who was it? Kristen? Crystal? It didn't really matter, at any rate. "He has something of a tendency to idolize women. Does nothing but hurt him, more often than not." As Claire had at this point seen.
"No, I can't." As if to prove his point, he raised a hand to cover his right eye, a few rapid blinks indicating his obvious discomfort with blinding himself before removed the obstruction. "We were pursuing a mark, Morrison and I. He created a distraction so I could strike, but I messed up and got the mark's attention. You can probably guess what happened from there."
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Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 8:21 pm
Yep, women problems. That seemed to be the main issue with Lucas, anything he was incredibly upset about was over a woman. "Yeah, I've sort of noticed.." Wait. Wait, wait. "When I was talking to Lucas before, the woman he mentioned... He called her Lindsey, but I don't think that was her real name.. do you know what it was?" That had been bugging her this whole time. She wasn't sure if it was the same one, but either way this Lindsey one seemed to be rather important.
"Is it bad only having the use of one eye?" That was a poor choice of words.. "Well, it must be inconvenient, I'm sure, but.. does it affect your work at all?" There, better.
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BlackFireKitsune Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 8:33 pm
"That was Liselle." Hers was a name that was unforgettable, as much as Lucas pined for her. "Besides you and Morrsion, she's the only person I've ever directly spoken with." Not that Claire had asked anything like that, but hey, why not. "You might have met her. She was still with Galactic when we met. Worked in medicine or something."
He hummed thoughtfully. "It was strange at first, but once I adjusted to it, I was able to function the same as before. There was no loss of depth perception, despite the blindness, so I was able to grow accustomed quickly." He adjusted his glasses momentarily, as if to indicate them. "My depth perception has been taking a blow in the last several years, though, and so I wear these to keep in top form." Probably more of an explanation than Claire had wanted, but there it was.
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Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 8:44 pm
Liselle. "That's a pretty name," she noted idly, internalizing the name in case it ever came up again in conversations she had with Lucas. At the mention of her still being in Galactic, her brows furrowed in thought and she studied a section of the floor, as if that would help her remember. "I can't say I remember the name.. but then again I don't remember the name of everyone I came across on a daily basis. What was she like?" What had Lucas said about her again? That one day she just.. got distant, or something? The key to that had to lie with the conversations he'd had with Liselle, she was sure of it.
Her eyebrows rose slightly, considering the depth perception thoughtfully. "I thought being blind would alter depth perception, but I guess I was mistaken. Not that I'd want to be blind or anything, of course." Arceus, no thank you. "The loss of depth perception lately, is that because of the blindness too?"
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BlackFireKitsune Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 9:08 pm
"Timid, easy to frighten, and quick to give up," he evaluated, feeling no need to hold back on the criticism. "In short, she was weak. I believe Lucas has some sort of innate desire to protect others. I don't quite understand it myself, but..." He gave a small shrug. Sometimes Luke's other half's thoughts were simply beyond him.
"You would think that, but apparently sight and depth perception are separate functions within the eye. I'm not sure exactly how it works. I imagine the current decline in my depth perception has something to do with the damage in my eye, though I'm not sure it's specifically due to the blindness." Thanks to the lenses, it wasn't a huge problem, and that was the most important matter to Luke.
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