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BlackFireKitsune Vice Captain
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 Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 7:58 pm
In response to his statement, her gaze lowered to a tile closer to her feet and, consequently, depressing her expression further, and her fingers started to fidget slightly, pulling at her sleeves or the fabric around her knees. How did the conversation go from thanking him to talking about this? About painful memories being dredged up that she had sufficiently stomped into the dirt before throwing them into a reinforced steel box and locked it at the back of her mind for so long? How?
Her expression and silence in the matter, and lack of a denial, could be correctly interpreted as a 'yes.'
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Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 8:24 pm
Complete rage and indignation seized him all at once, alongside a resounding sense of failure as a human being. "How." A terrible expression overcame his features. Suddenly he was standing, hands tensed into fists. One of those fists was soon planted firmly against the wall, a loud bang accompanying it. He glared at the wall, designating it as the temporary offending party. The hand finally fell away, knuckles bruised, and was almost immediately brought back to the same position with another swift motion.
"How?! How the hell?!" He turned to Claire suddenly. "How could something like that--!" He broke off in a growl, teeth gritted, and thrust another punch at the poor wall.
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BlackFireKitsune Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 8:35 pm
It was obvious that she was not expecting that reaction, and her own instinctive reaction to this was immediate. She flinched, shutting her eyes tightly and bracing herself, as if... expecting something.
It didn't come, however, and when she opened her eyes she found herself staring at her knees, realizing with a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach just what her reaction had been and what it meant, and more importantly - why she was used to it.
And then her face was buried in one arm, the other hugging her knees close to her still. She had avoided all of this for so long, why were both memories being dragged up now, just to flaunt around her and invade her thoughts regardless of how hard she tried to hide them again?
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Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 8:43 pm
He noticed the flinch, the change in her posture, and immediately expelled all anger from his person. He leaned forward and touched his forehead to the wall, unable to face - or even look at - Claire. "I'm sorry." He shook his head slightly, hardly caring what kind of marks the textured wall would leave on his forehead as a result. "I'm sorry..." At this point he was only half apologizing to Claire. He backed away from the wall just enough to allow room to bring his bruised and battered hand up to cover his face. "Arceus, I'm so sorry..."
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BlackFireKitsune Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 8:51 pm
It took her a moment to notice that he'd stopped and was apologizing for.. for what? She inhaled deeply to try to restore some semblance of calm to her emotions - and her voice - which succeeded in the latter but mostly failed in the former. "For what?" She asked in a quiet voice, allowing herself to peek up at him. Her expression showed no traces of anything besides simply anguish and inner turmoil that she was attempting (and mostly failing) to conceal. A sudden pang of envy hit her then, momentarily wishing she could have just forgotten all of this like Lucas had for so many things.
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Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 8:59 pm
For what? "How about for being this damned useless--" He stopped himself, realizing that his volume had begun to rise again, and quietly planted the side of a fist against the wall in resignation. "For being this stupid, useless, horrible, pitiful excuse for a man who can't even-- Ugh." He returned his hand to his face, sliding down to sit on the floor - though noticeably further from Claire than he had been before. "I should just... go back to Galactic. I probably deserve to be dragged out into the street and shot anyway."
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BlackFireKitsune Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 9:08 pm
She bristled slightly, obviously thinking the exact opposite of what he was going on about. "No you don't." Her tone had changed - it was firm, not trying to argue with him but more like.. Outright denying any sort of possibly of it. End of argument before it even started.
Her expression was different too, mostly due to the fact he'd inadvertently thrown her a lifeline in the form of a distraction from her thoughts. "Why would you ever say that?"
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Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 9:20 pm
His retort was immediate, "Yes I do." Damned if he was going to have his decision revoked moments after coming to terms with it. "Because-- Everything. I can't do a single thing right. Never could. Never will." He removed his glasses for the sake of better burying his face. "All I can do... Arceus damn it all, all I can do is mess up. s**t." Elite Agent? What a joke. All he could do was betray and be betrayed.
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BlackFireKitsune Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 9:27 pm
"No you don't." Damned if he was going to beat her in a stubborn competition. But now the tables had turned - finally, in Claire's opinion - and it was her turn. At least they'd gotten away from her horrible memories.
Despite Lucas' distance from Claire - on purpose, no doubt - within a few moments she'd slid over and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He really looked like he needed a hug. Plus he gave her one earlier, so it was only fair, after all. "How have you messed up anything? I have yet to see you be anything less than the most chivalrous, kind-hearted person I've ever met in my life. Here, of all places." Funny that she'd find someone like that in a criminal organization.
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Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 9:43 pm
He would have recoiled if he had been given any semblance of an opportunity to do so. Suddenly the violet-eyed girl beside him seemed like the most terrifying thing he had faced in his life, probably because she was forcing him to confront everything he'd been trying so hard not to face for so long - and succeeding even.
In place of an automatic retreat, what the hug elicited was another instinctive response, a phrase that he associated with the reception of any unwarranted kindness. "...don't deserve it." Ugh, this was miserable. His eyes remained steadfastly shut, as though in hiding. "I don't deserve it." Damn it all, I don't deserve anything. This was all just too familiar.
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BlackFireKitsune Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 9:54 pm
Despite his reaction, her fingers remained firmly laced around his opposite shoulder, and she shook her head. "I don't believe that. I can't believe that." She had some sort of idea how this was affecting him, judging by the fact he wouldn't open his eyes. Barely a few minutes ago she was in the exact same position, but for very different reasons.
It occurred to her she should attempt to tell him he did deserve it - though she wasn't entirely sure what 'it' was, honestly - but another idea struck her. Perhaps that would work instead. "I think you do. But, if you don't, tell me why. Why don't you think you deserve it?" Again, she couldn't help but wonder what sort of inner turmoils he had. "And repeating yourself won't do anything but make me disagree with you until you give me a reason not to." Of course she'd disagree with him on that point until the end, but he didn't need to know that yet. She just needed him to start talking, and maybe they could figure something out from there.
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Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 8:17 am
To the casual observer, the terminology one might have selected to describe Lucas might have been something like 'completely freaking out,' and it certainly wouldn't have been far from the mark. He slowly became aware of this himself and took a conscious effort to relax his nerves. The past was the past: gone, abandoned, and buried.
"Can't protect a damned thing. Only hurt and destroy. Betray. Some day you'll hate me too. If you don't already, what with me being such a--" He struck a frustrated hand against the floor, continuing to stare at whatever images appeared on the back of his eyelids.
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BlackFireKitsune Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 8:27 am
Well, at least he was talking, even if it wasn't exactly about what was wrong. Symptoms could be taken care of, but she needed to find the root of the problem itself to be able to help at all. "Do you mean what.." Ugh, memories.. "What happened to me in Galactic?" Terrible memories she had never meant to think about again, and she suppressed a shudder. "You can't blame yourself for that, Lucas." His hitting the floor didn't seem to bother or deter her in the slightest. "Why would I ever hate you? You haven't done anything even remotely close to maybe being bad to me," though Luke had scared the crap out of her on one or two occasions.
Thinking he was still upset about not being able to help her before, she added, "And besides, that drinking party I went to got broken up before it got too out of hand, and some of them were reprimanded. At least," she paused, furrowing her brows slightly in thought, "that's what they told me."
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Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 8:50 am
"That. Other things. Everything." Damn it. He could blame himself, and he would, and nothing Claire said could prevent that. She seemed to be attempting to refute him with logic, and so he turned it around and refuted her with experience, "You wake up one day and the person you love more than anything is scared to look you in the face. Why? Who knows. There's no reason for it. It just happens." He exhaled slowly. "You talk about cause and effect like it's black and white. There's not a single thing in the world that cut-and-dry."
Her amendment elicited a long groan, and he slouched further forward as if to become smaller, preferably to disappear altogether. Ugh. Hadn't he been placed in charge of the punishment for a group of people like that? Hadn't he sympathized with them and been lenient with their reprimand? Ugh. The realization turned his stomach.
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BlackFireKitsune Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 9:06 am
Logic was one of her only options because she lacked experience in this field. Only one of her boyfriends had behaved horribly, and she had been the scared one. There was no way Lucas could ever have acted mean to someone he cared about, so that left her thoroughly confused as to why any girl would suddenly just be terrified of him one day. Had that really happened..? "What do you mean, why would anyone be scared of you?" Maybe Luke, of course, that would be understandable. Her brain had yet to make any sort of connection.
Here she hesitated, not sure if she should try and continue down this path or try something else... She continued. "What was she like?" She asked quietly, still not releasing him from the hug that seemed to be making him feel worse. Oops. Even though the question might make him feel worse, she needed more information to make sure this really did happen, and wasn't just some sort of example he'd come up with off the top of his head.
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