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Chapter XI: ME, IRL

Sorry for the delay, my computer was being astronomically slow. mad Anyway, I'm going to go all out today providing my computer doesn't be ghetto as I am motivated for once.



I wonder what this chapter has in store for us?



Eh, at least we're not dogs to no monarchs or even monarchs for that matter for the first time in Dragon Quest history.



We're just a boring, boring peasant who sells stuff. mad



Oh man, I can so totally relate to him, it's not easy slavin' away day after day for 100 Gold a day. : (



"Head west" in a village of two houses, one inn and three shops (weird, I know) we need directions on where we work.



Oh hey, there's those children again, only in this chapter, they don't get captured by evil people and stuff like that.



We're poor, we're fat and we're not proud, yup, that's me alright. Only, I'm not bad boy enough to go to work in my pajamas. On that note: jeez, does anyone even wear pajamas these days?



In which he gives you one whole piece of gold. mad I usually just push him to the edge of town and leave him there.



Oh laud, you don't even want to know what "Boss" does to him when he's late, or so the creepy internet fanbase says. gonk



Yes, yes, I know how to work, God, this is probably my... life and I still need to be taught on how to do it? mad



-wink wink nudge nudge- wink no you perverts, his house is down there. D:<



No.. those swords you see are just oversized dildos, welcome to "Tal my Oon XXX Erotica Shop!"



Of course! Heal Slimes are for cheap, cheap, cheap! Although we don't sell Princess Alena blowup dolls because we're not perverts and the FBI are on our asses.



Ah, the club, the only non painful toy we have in stock.



Who even has a Brey inflatable doll anyway? mad



Well someone's a bit too straight. mad



That's going to make your friendship awkward.. "Hey Timmy, happy birthday, here's a wooden d***o!"



We buy anything but drugs and real humans!



Just cause we're all kinky pricks.



Srsly, you all need to learn the difference between chain link mail and leather. D:<



Then Taloon goes into one of his mood swings and refuses to show the customers the goods.



I SAID NO! mad



Good grief and I thought I was poor.



DO I?! WOULD I?! heart heart heart



Hands off NPC, that's my Sword of Malice. mad



Kbai and don't tell your friends about it! 4laugh



-Fun fact: Alena got 600g via taking .3 seconds to open a chest.- mad



Hellz naw, spending my life working is- what the hell am I saying? A hunt for useless key items it is then!



And his true intentions have been revealed- build a bigger weapon shop than the one he is working in just to spite his current boss.



Y-you mean Heaven doesn't have a need for weapon shops?



Like any other night whilst you sit at home and do... NPC things.



Only we're not going to work today. wink

Tune in next chapter for skipping work, stealing from monsters, $$$$$$$$ and useless key items. Oh, and maybe a sassy village.

I really do love Taloon too, just as a fun fact, he's the most popular character in Japan out of all the characters in DWIV cause he's just that different/awesome. : D

Chapter XII: No One Else Got It, So We're Going To

Right, so our new character, Taloon is about to skip work and get high dungeon crawl instead, why? Cause for whatever reason, some p***k stuck an Iron Safe at the bottom of a dungeon and he wants it. So with that being said, let's go outside for once and explore the Irish world of Torneko Taloon!



Screw work, we could probably use the exercise anyway (which kudos to Taloon, more than I'll ever do)!



In case you forgot about my rant, to the left is chapter two, remember, with the Princess scandal and those silly thieves who wanted a Golden Bracelet?



Oh insane Chapter 3 drop rates, how I love thee.. heart



That's no random encounter, it's a.. it's a.. random shop encounter to sell off all my Ch. 3 drops cause people are too lazy to book it to a town and do so?



La la la~ I'm too stingy to buy anything from the store, so what do we do? Kill monsters and take their stuff. heart



Wouldn't Ch. 2 be a less painful experience if drop rates were this frequent? <3



For me?! Oh you shouldn't have! 4laugh



Chapter 3 may not have child kidnappings or twelve year old girls with two male escorts, but the creepy lines are still there!



And he doesn't (or at least in the canon world, you can probably expect to rip your eyes out if you see any Paulo fan art on the nets [damn you, 4chan mad ])
By the way, here are the character arts, don't go reading the descriptions cause they're from the spin off based four years later and may contain spoilers. D:< I guess blue hair is a dominant trait?



Anyway, after a day spent stealing/killing monsters, we go back for more.



Pfft, why would they drop stuff that I can't equip? D:<



That's why. cool PS: I totally love how the boss is cool with Taloon blowin' off work n' all.



Don't worry, it's my last raid I'll show you, any other raid will be in secret. D:



Good bye difficulty, it was nice knowing you for a whole five battles. <3



Needless you say..



I accidentally a whole chapter three. heart



Let's go get this safe which probably belongs to someone else, but no one cares because it's sort of in the middle of a dark cave.



Ooh, buttons, we all love them!



Wheeeeeee!~



And somehow that manages to blast Taloon upstairs which would probably hurt more than be fun, but at least it was fun to watch!



i c wut u ded thar, I want the Iron Sickle in the chest first. mad



Then of course since we're all in love with high def 8 bit graphics, we totally love when Taloon rides the waves/big ******** tsunami down a hole like it was a Friday night or something (poor, poor Paulo having to share a room with his parents. D: )



OH SHI- INDIANA JONES/TALOON'S OLD HIGH SCHOOL LOVER! gonk



But no, srsly, the point of this exercise is to try and get the boulder to fall down the left pit which can be accomplished by taking a right, a left and going up. :/



Been there, done that bro, I liked how it stopped rolling when you stop moving.



Ooh, pillar room with boulders, Iron Safe here we come!



And the biggest "******** you" moment in Dragon Warrior IV?



If you forgot to bring the boulder/pushed it against the wall, you have to reset the game. : D



Oh man, wouldn't that just piss you off if you didn't? You can almost hear Yuji's maniacal laughter.



Hmm.. village in the forest in the middle of nowhere with nightfall approaching, let's do so.

Next chapter- sassy villages, girly Princes, monarch drama, possible cameos, awesome pimp mercenaries and treasure raids!

PS:

Chapter XIV: Foxy Fox on the Run!

Sorry for the short update before, I had the perfect chapter title idea for this update. heart



Why we're doing this? We hate furries. 4laugh



And which we come to the violent, violent 8 bit image of a dog mauling a human.



Eh, I was always more of a cat person too.



I'm not even going to try to do the "But thou must" loop this time. mad



YAY, MOAR GOLD THAN WE ALREADY NEED!



Oh yes, besides hating furries, we need that bridge fixed.



Whew, and I thought we were going to run out of plot to fill.



I still think that dog is abused, he has no pixel love in his cage and he's surrounded by a poisonous marsh. gonk



Right, so plot progression: we finally answer the call of the demanding prince and get ordered to go to Endor which does not house a death star.



Gosh, you'd think that the Prince can do this on his own or get one of many (ie: 6) of his guards to do this instead of a random schmo.



Pfft, good luck, they have an arena, an actual house with residents and a lesbian princess, they'll kick your a**. mad



Does that guy look familiar? heart



Only without little boys or Heal Slimes. : (



Yes Ragnar, eight year old boys fight in tournaments, and go in casinos for that matter. :/



Pfft, we walked from our town, killed some foxes and saved a guy, Chapter 3 can't be done yet! D:



Luckily for us, he's all like "NO, U" so now we have to impress him, I know, let's hit on his daughter!



No need to yell about your love interest's father invading your nation missy, your father is right there.



God, you'd think he could just yell back from his oversized throne/box/cubicle, but noooo, he has to get off of it just to talk. D:<



-Eyeroll- well, officially, there goes our freedom, we're just some messenger now. mad



PS: Reed looks like a woman, that's why she's marrying him -trollface-



"They don't have to marry now, but they have to it's not your choice, it's mine and your nation is s**t" sincerely- King Endor.



And that's his plan of how to take over Endor, YAY NO FIGHTING!



Don't worry, things will get interesting again, sooner or later..



How about now? AAAAAA! AAAAAAAA!



C-convenience in an RPG?! Oh yes. Well, you're on your own for getting that gold buddy.



Oooor not, we can just pull 35k out of our asses by treasure raids.



Right, mercenaries, if you didn't have the patience to buy a Sword of Malice, then you'll probably need them.



Wouldn't Strom make the most perfect dating service? 4laugh



And our second mercenary, OH GOD YES MINSTREL SPRITE, DO WANT! <33333



I wish you could keep Laurent emo



SHUT UP, I LOVE LAURENT, so I stick him in lead for these five amazing days.



Yeah, screw you Taloon, beside looking pretty and help fightin' Laurent dun' want nothing to do with you and your quest for money. mad



Oh for- and I thought 35,000 gold was a lot. gonk



Treasure Tiem!

Next chapter- cave raids, pricks, boring monarchy stuff and maybe a new chapter.

Chapter XVI: NOT ME IRL

I had this done like a week ago, then something happened and my post didn't submit and I didn't want to redo it, I'm going to redo it whilst I have at least a small shard of inspiration in me. D:



You knew more girls were on their way. mad



Ooh, strong girls, you show those 1990s modest mage girls who is boss! Wait.. they are mages? TYPICALLLL, NEEDS MOAR ALENA!



Eh, give em' a break, dancer girl =/= captured princess mage wuss.



It's also an apparent desert town when the surroundings is a lush green land with trees n' s**t. : D



I like how there is more people watching her than all of the towns in DWIV combined. heart



Dear Lord, you'd think they'd give this avenging their father thing a rest every now and then. mad



HAAAAAAAA, BALZACK! lol



Assuming that that's all the two have been doing all their.. life.



:/ Taloon got paid one G more.



You're not my real master, you can't tell me what to do! mad



There's no desert towns south of the capital (with an "S" at the end) of Ukraine. mad



My reasons why I'm not going to be a dancer anytime soon. gonk



We're just UPS, no package for you then. mad



Hi Lynn!



Yes, that is her punishment: she gets sent to a castle. :/ But then again, with that war that broke out there (yes, an actual war for the first time ever) and that new mysterious King, I wouldn't want to go there either. D:



WHY DO SENSOR TRADITIONS, NA?!



Almost home, I can smell the perogies from here.



Aaaand we're home, northwest of here lies nuclear town by the way. heart

Next Chapter- we come home, not really do anything, leave and pick up some guy who is hiding in his mother's basement.

I think I'll get one more entry in before I fly to dreamland/insomnialand. :3

Chapter XVIII: Incomplete Castle Raid



Such as.. Mara's Bang spell that she totally knows by now? But noooooo, we have to do things the hard way. D:<



Pfft, he's just asking to be scared shitless. mad



Anyway, that's all there is in Keeleon right now, let's head north. (PS: You can see Keeleon to the south, Ch. 4 is so small..



Ah, the boarding pass, been screwing up us RPG'ers since God knows when..



Didn't we just- like I mean, he was the one who just rejected us, damn it lack of unique sprites in Ch. 4! mad



In which it has absolutely no significance to the plot whatsoever, but whatevs, I did say only 99% of NPCs are helpful.



DUN DUN DUN... who knew that the guy that these three were looking for was the King of their nation all along, sheesh, someone needs to watch the news/read the paper.



And boy, was it a sight, with all the lesbianism you can handle 4laugh then she left her love and the Princess of Endor got married to a man (the letter exchange of Taloon, anyone?) whilst Alena was away.



Yes, a whole four people, although as you clearly see, "Joy" is slacking off work and dancing with men.



Happens all the time bro, the other day, half a dozen eggs "accidentally" flew into my neighbour's window.



Nara could have told us this fourtune. mad I guess we'll have to rely on our own instincts in finding a loud sounding object..



And travel to the only place that we haven't gone to..



What a nice town, the "Game Over" song is even playing! 4laugh



Well, to Reactor #4 it is, where we will certainly be met with 80 forms of cancer in each limb!



Ever heard of.. you know evacuating the town? :/



Well, there goes our potential item upgrade. mad



In case you're wondering, that's what happened to this town, however, unlike 1980s Ukraine, they decide to stay int their town to absorb all the cancerous yummage they can take. Because we're sassy magical (literally) heroines, it does not affect us at all.



Yes, yes, yes, you didn't scare me in DQ II and III and you don't scare me now. mad



You can go "burn" in Hell, crackling flame as we totally are going in there because we like to do things the hard way and get unnecessary key items!

Next Chapter- Unnecessary key items, more stupidity from NPCs, p***y Prime Ministers, bigger guys, convenience and you guessed it: the end of this chapter!

PS: This is the second shortest chapter in the game next to Ragnar McRyan's

Chapter XX: YOU AGAIN?!

Welcome back to some more sexy 8 bit Warrior, where we last left off, Nara and Mara sort of ditched Orin to take on a bunch of guards and ran away, but who cares about them now? With that said, let's dive into another story possibly ending up tragic/lolwut like all the other stories we went through thus far!



Does that mean we actually get to equip good equipment this time?



More north than anything on another continent, but whatevz, we all love nameless villages.



Sounds like a fun chapter already..



Kang?... didn't we just- I mean he just saved the world once or twice already, deja vu, anyone? =o



Yes, yes I do, peaceful villages suck.



I guess that's the usual Dragon Quest/Warrior tease question that is present in every Dragon Quest/Warrior in existence. mad



Alright, we already broke the big rule: no outsiders aloud, but oh well, I'm sure a little poet can't be too big of a deal, who even follows the no outsider rule anyway at this day and age? D:<



That's cool n' all, but why is there even an inn in a village that doesn't allow tourists? D:



Just sort of chillin' in the flowers, enjoying life and getting high.



After lunch, it looks like we're going to break the game with the strongest spell in the game. cool



Pfft, guarding is for wusses, use the sharp end and be a man plzkthx. mad



Dear God, anyone remember that age? Oh the heartbreaks, graduation, drama and being chosen to save the world?



Yes, yes, yes Grandpa Dad. mad



That won't help me in a village where HP loss is impossible. D:< While we're not on that note: look at the age difference of my parents, eeeeeeEEEEEEWWWWWW.



Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?! I don't want that for lunch!.. we had that yesterday.



And here goes that Fire Emblem syndrome, if you die, I swear I'll.. mad



All while the poet guy is troll facing us from inside his comfy inn, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, LAURENT'S CLONE! D:<



Too bad I didn't learn Zap, eh? D:



Hands up if you saw that coming. After discarding us, we sort of go downstairs because monsters = tornadoes apparently.



Most unique sprited people are you know..



No, sadly, we don't get a green lightsaber and get to use the force and fly around in outer space..



Eww, love interests, who needs em'? D:<



Awright, bring on the narcissism! cool



Sure, I didn't like you, but maybe you could have put up at least a little struggle instead of making me look like a wuss out there?



Oh shi-, not even a corpse to lulz at. gonk



Eh, I guess she wasn't that bad, free items at the cost of emotional nostalgia of a lost friend, FTW!



After gawking about of the ruins of my village, we head south to this man's house to do a mandatory pillage. Sheesh, you'd think he would have saw what just happened just north of his house.



NO ONE LOVES ME AND EVERYTHING IMPORTANT TO ME IS DEAD. emo



Well we don't need his stubby love anyway. mad



Ooh, castle, let's see what the monarchs want this time!

Next chapter- we apply to save the world, meet people, get stabbed in the back and stab people in the back ourselves.

Chapter XXII: TRAITO- wait, TRAITOR!!

I'm going to try and do an update a day because I'm boss like that from now on and because my computer is being kind of fast, let's hope I totally didn't jinx it by saying that. D:



Right, so more classy caves, only this one is fun because you get to crash through walls and because I'm childish like that, I crash through them all like it was Super Mario World with that one level with the bricks and the spin jump? =w =



Ho s**t, a hole the Nara and Mara just fell down! Oh well, la, la, la... <3



WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! Okay, now I want them back, I LIKE MY WALL CRASHINGS! mad



Oh hey, guys! Wait for me! Hey! Hey! (listen!) guys? D:



DUN DUN DUN...



Eww, Mara and Nara DO NOT look good in enemy battle form! D:



LOLMETALSLIMEHUNTING.



They also explode and make me fall into a hole when they die.



In the hole, we run into them again being pursued, USE BANG MARA! mad



Oh Mara, Nara knows Outside by now! 4laugh



Oh... sad



I kind of see Mara as the bat because she gives me wings wink and Nara as the goblin because she's an uptight p***k.



Isn't being able to equip Steel Broadswords and not sell them for 3,000 just great? heart



I'm sure you can see their tiaras at the bottom of the picture, we're not falling for that again! mad



DUN DUN... wait..



No silly goose, Nara was giving pseudo vague fortunes to Strom. 4laugh



Well, we are in backstabbing cave, let's crash through some walls again! <3



And so we do.. ooh pillar tiled floor, random key item time!



Oh laudy laud laud laud, the funnest part in this cave EVER. heart heart heart heart heart



I guess it would be a trick to boring people who don't like crashing through walls/can't put two and two together, but that's your reward for crashing through walls. <3



Can't equip it, can't do nothing, wat do with it?



Oh yes, give it to Mr. McStabstab.



rolleyes And tapping your feet and saying "there's no place like home, there's no place like home."



Yessssss, we're sassy enough to survive the sassy desert!



Da na na na, can't touch this. cool

Next Chapter- Pointless towns, port towns, light of DOOM and a lighthouse of DOOM.

Chapter XXIV: What is a Lighthouse Even Doing Here?

Might as well get this done when I'm in the mood, you all know how I get when I'm not and ooh boy it ain't pretty. D:



Right, so lighthouses, apparently, small rivers are just that dangerous that they need lighthouses in DWIV.



Up north guarding the stairs, it's everyone's favourite man, Taloon! heart I'm sure his Sword of Malice will be a great asset for us.



Thank the NPCs for forcing me to wander this far. mad



You're out of luck there buddy, Mara dun' learn no water or ice spells in this game, although we can blow up the beacon via Bang spell. <333333



B-but what about that Sword of Malice you're holding in your hand?! Or maybe you're not confident without Laurent to help you out?



D:<



Tit lights are more badass though, just sayin'.



So onward we go for finding a lolwut flame to overpower the tit light, Sun Flare into the Dreadnought's engine in FFII anyone?



Hidden treasure room stuffed with well needed gold, FTW!



Oh hey, on screen enemies, the world needs more of! D:



Yeah, then he pussed out, that p***y. mad



Silly monster, you can't enter towns! 4laugh



That was a baaaaaad move, buddy. twisted



CRAAAAAASH! heart



Teaches you to try and teleport in Dragon Quest/Warrior when you're inside! 4laugh



Don't you just hate hope rape Mimics?! gonk



I still don't know how you can keep a flame inside a treasure chest, but hey, whatevz.



And we're there, apparently anything purple is in league with evil, ooh, sexy daemon dancers!



Captain: "HAH, THAT LIGHT LOOKS LIKE A TIT!"
Sailor: "CAPTAIN, LOOK OUT FOR THAT ROCK!"
Captain: "OH SHI-".



Then we'll really be "rays of hope", eh? Eh? lol



Ooh, pallet-edited generic enemies, I'm scared!



Oh Mara, you bad girl, you're just sassy to end up spewing flames at them!



Put a shirt on, tit light! -throws Serenity Flame into it-.



Might be no rainbow bridge, but at least we don't have to put up with that evil purple or enemies for that manner anymore for the whole five seconds we jump off this LIGHTHOUSE.



How... convenient. <3



And because he just love being man sandwiched between Laurent and Strom, he tries his luck with Hector and me. mad
Who the hell is Hector? If you remember, he's the guy who me met in the sassy desert who let us use his horse.



And I'm not going to say no this time. mad



But we never use him, rather unequip his S.O.M and give it to me. heart



Yeah, sure whatever the Hell that means..

Next Chapter- Ship navigation (you all love that in an RPG, don't lie), references, an inn to end all inns, sick people and perhaps frozen caves if I'm in the mood.