Welcome to Gaia! ::

I have no respect for you anymore. oh wait here is some size zero font that only reinstates the hatred I have for that thing.

"A courier’s job well done! There may not have been metal music, but at least we had a fire-breathing lizard. That’s pretty ******** metal, right?"

That made me lol. Besides that a good installment. I skipped through any explanations though, I've played every pokemon game out there. xD

My mouth is a cupcake

Your argument is Invalid

CHAPTER 3: Here There Be Bugs

Last time we met a grumpy old guy, played courier, and caught a monkey and sparrow.

This time, we’ll be trotting through a forest. Joy…


Anyway, let’s continue along Route 22, shall we?


Oh, great…it’s you.

GARTH: “Hey, Tyler!”

You are not my friend. Don’t refer to me on a first name basis if you are not my friend.


What, with Pokémon barely even at Level 10? Yeah, of course I was…

GARTH: “You probably don’t have any BADGES, do you?”

No, I don’t… and obviously, neither do you.


You were kicked out by middle-aged, balding rent-a-cops?

Wimp…


Yes, but I don’t want to battle…

Aw, screw it. The game is going to make me battle anyway.


Second battle with our rival! Hey look! We’ve already got more Pokemon than him! Ha ha!


As you can see, he picked himself up a Pidgey. The spiky-haired wuss couldn’t handle the awesomeness that is Spearow!


Leer will lower defense, making Pidgey weaker to physical moves.


I don’t know why they make the sprites disappear when hit. Makes screenshots look bad.


This Pidgey’s tougher than I thought…

No need to worry! I’m sure Spearow will pull through!


Oooh... sad


Well, s**t. Serves me right for bagging on Pidgey for being average. stare


Lizardo can handle this no problem.

I think I’ll take the time to mention something. This is, as far as I know, the only optional rival battle in the game. A lot of people end up missing Route 22 and head straight for Viridian Forest, bypassing this battle entirely.


Lizardo hates filthy pigeons...



Sure, why not?


Let's hope Mankey fares better than his feathery comrade.


Squirtle might have a pretty high Defense, but thankfully Mankey specializes pretty well in Attack.

Hopefully Mankey will be able to pierce his defenses.


Hi-yah!


You've got to be kidding...


Shoot, that Tail Whip is going to be a problem…

Lowering defense, huh?



Well, two can play at that game!



Great, that wasn’t much better…


One thing that always bugged me…I understand that wagging your tail cutely might cause someone to drop their guard, but how does leering at someone lower their guard? Wouldn’t leering at someone make them more cautious of you and therefore make them more alert and ON GUARD?

Ah, I guess I shouldn’t complain. I am the one doing the leering, after all.


s**t, another Tackle and Mankey’s done for.

Please use Tail Whip next turn.


crying


Oh, holy crap, that was close! gonk


For the love of J. Robert Oppenheimer, please die!



W00t! Taste the atomic fire of Mankey’s Low Kick!


Alright! Me-two, him-none. Just the way it should be.


b***h, I had a perfectly healthy and hateful Lizardo in reserve. You never stood a chance, luck or not.

Pay up, a*****e.


Thank you.



You could always try a cardboard box...


mad Don’t talk that way to me. You’re not my dad!

Come to think of it…where is my dad? confused


Yeah, that’s right. Walk away, girthy.


Hey, wait, did he climb UP this ledge?? Why can’t we do that?!

Cheater!


Anyway, back in Viridian City.

We’re going to go blow all our money before we set out. Trust me; we’ll need some of this stuff.


Here we have the Viridian Mart selection. They don’t have the best quality goods for sale here, but they’ve got a pretty nifty selection for beginning trainers.

They’ve got Poke’ balls and Potions, both of which I’ve explained. Antidotes cure a Poke’mon of the Poison status ailment and Parlyz Heals bring a ‘mon out of a state of Paralysis.

By the way, that is not how you spell the word “paralyze.”


When buying at your first Poke’mart, I find it’s usually a good idea to buy enough to have at least five of each item that was available.

The Antidotes will be very helpful up ahead. Trust me.


Hey look, it’s Old Man Friendly. It appears he just had his morning coffee.


Yep, just as I thought.

GERIATRIC: “Hm? What’s that red box you have?"


Wow, these things haven’t been out that long and already people have heard of them. Word sure gets around fast.

GERIATRIC: “Then let me give you a word of advice.”

Listen to your elders, kids! They always have relevant information to give out. Especially about how shitty the Depression made everyone’s lives.

GERIATRIC: “Whenever you catch a Pokémon, the Poke’dex automatically updates its data.”

Professor Oak already told us this. We don’t need to hear it again.


Um...yes I do.


Uh, hello! See the Mankey and Spearow I have with me?


And a Weedle shows up out of nowhere. I guess I’ll take this opportunity to explain Weedle…it sucks. Its final form, Beedrill, may look cool but it’s very impractical to use in the long term. One thing you want to watch out for, though, is its Poison Sting, which has a chance of poisoning your ‘mons.

Seriously, pack plenty of Antidotes.


Okay, Grandpa, I don’t need to see this. You’re doing it wrong, anyway.


Watch, there’s no way this thing’s going to get caught so easily…


ZOMG, WTF, HE ACTUALLY CAUGHTED IT!! DAT’S AMAZING!!!!

Yeah, sarcasm aside, it’s deliberately scripted to catch to show newbie players how to catch Pokemon, but it still neglects one fundamental aspect of catching…TO. WEAKEN. THE TARGET!

A little trivia before we continue. Talking to this old dude can show this scripted event again. In the original games, you needed to do this in order to exploit the Missingno glitch, which I'll explain later. Unfortunately, you can’t exploit it in the remakes.


I’d say somewhere between P.E and high school sex-ed.

GERIATRIC: “And here, take this, too!”


Whoopee, another space waster…

What this thing does is it teaches things I’ve mostly gone over by now. So we won’t be using it.

GERIATRIC: “If there’s something you don’t understand, watch that. It will teach you the basics about being a Pokemon Trainer.”

You do know television is one of the biggest sources of misinformation because it’s owned mostly by liberals and MTV, right?


Don’t forget to make occasional trips to Poke’mon Centers to heal up your team.

Hellooo, nurse!


One last thing before we depart. Up ahead is this city’s gym, but it’s locked for the time being because its leader is not in town.

Either he’s out on a quest for world domination or taking a s**t.

Probably the latter…


Anyway, I’m now sick of this place. Let’s get out of here.

Oh, by the way, see that weird plant directly to the left of my sprite? Those can be cut down to open up new paths, but sadly we don’t have that skill just yet.


Here we are on Route 2. I think there are a couple of new Pokemon available here, but they’ll also be in the Forest, so I’ll go over them there.


Right here is a building constructed at the edge of the forest.


Here's it's inside. Let's see what these people have to say.


This sounds like someone who commented on me bagging on how much Rattata sucks.


Forest? Natural maze?

Now, where have we seen this before?


Anyway, we’re finally in the deciduous Viridian Forest.

I’ve always liked these cutaway pictures they gave whenever you entered a new major area. I can’t recall if they’ve brought them back in future Pokémon games. If they haven’t, they need to.


And this jerk has nothing useful to say.

Anyway, we’ll want to be going to the right to get through this forest. There’ll be some trainer battles up ahead. I’ll only be showing the first one and the last one.

However, we’ll be going to the left for a second.


There are several new Pokémon that can be encountered here, including Weedle. I might not get to all of them this chapter, but I'll try to go over any I miss next chapter. For now, I just want to get through this forest.


[singing] Lil’ Tyler and his pals, trottin’ through the forest… [/singing]


Hello, what have we here?


Somebody’s dropping their balls.

…okay, that was terrible, I’m sorry. xp


This a Caterpie. Caterpie evolves very quickly, but unfortunately its final form, Butterfree, isn’t really much better than Beedrill, if at all. We’re not going to be getting one.


And this is a Metapod. Metapod is the transition stage between Caterpie and Butterfree, so it’s not a very good Pokémon. When in the wild, it only knows a move called Harden, which increases defense.

It also looks rather…phallic.


It’s the Tree of Eden. We must eat its fruit!


We’re now going to be heading further into the forest.


Crap, someone spotted me.

That screenshot was supposed to get the whole exclamation mark! Goddammit.


If you get spotted by trainers, you have no choice but to battle them. No declining anything.

Why is everyone in the Pokémon world so rude?


Rick, huh?

Eh, could be worse. You could've been named "Tyler."


A Weedle? Haha, you’ve got to be joking!


Lizardo can handle this easily.


I have to admit, despite being weak against the first two gyms, picking Charmander makes Viridian Forest a total joke. You're mostly going to encounter bugs here and fire toasts insects.

By the way, in case any of you were wondering how Lizardo suddenly gained to extra hit points, it’s because this is Lizardo III, the new Lizardo. I had to re-install my OS and it deleted my old game, so I had to start from scratch…again.

Don’t worry, he still hates everything.


Wow, a Caterpie. This guy sucks.




Boom, one-hit KO!

Lizardo hates pesky bugs.


We win!


I couldn’t come up with something witty for this one…sorry.


Yay for mugging!


From here on out we’re going to be skipping some trainer battles.


If you stay out of a trainer’s line of sight, they won’t spot you and battle you.


Hello. I didn’t know this was here…


Whoever left this here must have been a saint. How very considerate to leave me some poison cures.

As a matter of fact, none of my Pokémon have been poisoned yet. I must be lucky this time around.


Ladies and gentlemen…Solid Tyler.


I can’t help but hum Saria’s Song from Ocarina of Time whenever I go through here.


Looks like Mr. Saint left us a Potion as well.

I swear this guy’s like the second coming or something.


This is the last trainer in Viridian Forest and unfortunately, we can’t sneak by him.

Time for another battle.


I have to finish this chapter, that’s why!


Usually, a trainer having only one Pokémon indicates that it’s really strong.


Or…maybe not.


I didn’t show the entire fight, but I’m pretty sure you guys can figure out how much effort it took me. mrgreen



I think you sucking had more to do with it.


Money! Yay!


Almost there...


Ugh, FINALLY, we’re at the other end of the forest.


Here are some of the folks inside the building. These people really have nothing useful to say, so let’s move on.


And here is another part of Route 2. Nothing here we haven't already seen, but it's a good place to grind for the upcoming boss.


We’ve finally made it to Pewter City!

We’re going to end things off right here, but before that, a quick note. I didn’t go over all the Pokémon in Viridian Forest, but I will get to the rest next chapter because I’ll be going back in to search for something special.

Stay tuned!

Next chapter:
A Lesson in Astrophysics


This Let's Play is brought to you by LightsideDarksider, aka Tyler. Tyler is a sophomore Biology major at CSU Monterey Bay and finally got his coffee...but is STILL holding up traffic on I-5.

Beedrill is pretty great for a while, actually.

Also,

Sucks =/= Useless.

Trust me, when I think something's useless, I'll call it useless. "Sucks" just means it's not very good, but still good enough for something. "Useless" means it's not any good at all.

Going to be working on Chapter 4 tonight. Expect to see it sometime tomorrow.

I'm probably not going to be doing anything more than two chapters per week at the most. I'm back in college now and despite my schedule not being too hectic (although that may change when I get into another class I've been meaning to take...and get a job), I'll be a little pressed in terms of how much free time I'll have.

Chapter 4: A Lesson in Astrophysics

Last time on Let’s Play Pokémon Fire Red:






………………………………………..
We now resume our Let’s Play.


Anyway, we stopped at Pewter City last time around, but…


We’re heading back into the Viridian Forest for a spill, to get something special and to go over the Pokémon I missed last time.


This is a Kakuna. Kakuna is the transition stage between Weedle and Beedrill. I don’t really recommend Beedrill mainly because of it's stats; they're very unspectacular for a fully evolved Pokemon. Let’s just leave it at that.

On the plus side, Kakuna looks slightly less phallic than Metapod. Well...okay, maybe not.


This here is Pikachu. Everyone knows who this is; this rat’s mug is plastered all over the franchises’ merchandise. Pikachu is actually a pretty good Pokemon; lots of speed and it hits okay, but it's defensive stats are terrible. However, equipping a Light Ball to Pikachu will double its’ offensive stats. Its’ evolved form Raichu is also a good Pokemon, unfortunately it can’t take advantage of the Light Ball.

It’s an excellent Pokémon to handle the second gym with, so we’ll be catching one as a temporary party member.


This is actually attempt #2 to catch a Pikachu. Mankey landed a critical hit on the last one…


Yes, we caught a freaking Pikachu! It’s also the first female ‘mon on our team. Yay, girl power!


Well, we’ve done what we needed to do here. Time to ditch this place.


Okay, we’re back in Pewter City. This place has got a museum, but despite that, it STILL doesn’t quite fit the definition of “city.”


Pokémon Center with house in front? Check.


Poke’Mart? Check.


Here’s the museum. We’ll be taking tour of this place later on.


And here is the gym. Yep, that’s the extent of this “city.”

Now, before we begin our gym challenge, let’s take a look at the party.


Oh, crap, we’re going to get slaughtered in there at this level.
Training time!
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Several days of procrastination and a half-hour grinding session later (no, I’m not kidding)
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………


Now that’s more like it! Let us enter!


Looks a bit…eh…hard.

Bad puns aside, let’s see what that guy next to the statue has to say.


I already do dream big. It’s one of the reasons why I’m always so bitter. I dream big and I get sorely disappointed when expectations are not met, which happens often.


I’m not really enthusiastic about it, but…sure, why not?


That’s like saying ‘I’m no astrophysicist, but I’ll teach you about the concept of gravitational force between two planetary objects.’

Hint: Use Newton’s law of universal gravitation.


I don’t think so, buddy.


Oh, great, he’s going to tell us anyway.

Due to my total lack of a clever name for this guy, I’m just going to call him ‘Bob.’

BOB: “The first Pokémon out in a match is at the left on the Pokémon list.”

Okay, nothing we don’t already know.

BOB: “By changing the order of Pokémon, you may gain an advantage. Try different orders to suit your opponent’s party.”

Well, this guy was totally helpful.


Let’s challenge the Gym!


I ain’t no kid.


Not…saying…anything.


And he calls me a kid?

This guy has two Pokémon with him. He’s probably going to be more of a challenge than the gym leader himself.


His first Pokémon is a Geodude. Geodude is a Rock/Ground type, so electricity won’t do squat against him.


Mankey can take care of this no problem. Fighting-types smash right through Rock-types.


Defense Curl is another stat raising move. It’ll improve Geodude’s Defense slightly.


Hoi-yah!


Hm…I could’ve sworn that would do more damage. Stupid Defense.


Okay, so three hits. I guess that’s not too bad considering it’s a Rock-type were dealing with here.


You’re only delaying the inevitable, fool.


He never stood a chance.


The next Pokémon he sends out is a Sandshrew, a Ground-type. Sandshrew isn't available in the wild in FireRed, only in LeafGreen, but it's a pretty decent Ground-type.

Once again, Pikachu can’t do jack, but I’m sending her out to get some experience anyway.


I guess we should let Spearow have a turn.



Don’t you just love it when opponents cancel out stat changes?



Sometimes I think I got the Spearow equivalent of Krillin from Dragonball.


Hopefully Mankey can do some real damage.


Okay, that was not much better.

Well, it’ll have to do.



Boom, right in the crotch!


Know what “V” stands for? Too bad, I’m not telling you it stands for ‘victory.’


The p***y version of “damn.”


That is absolutely correct. It is important to know that in the field of astrophysics and astronomy, ‘light-years’ is indeed a measure of distance. If I remember correctly (and by “remember” I mean “looked it up on Wikipedia”) a light year is about 9.4 trillion kilometers or 6 trillion miles for those of you who don’t use S.I Units (i.e. Americans).

The reason I’m writing all this is because I’ve spent most of the LP up to this point informing you all of s**t you already know, so this time I hope you finish reading having actually learned something.


Here’s another thing to learn: mugging people makes life easier.


We’re now ready to face Brock, but before we do, I’m going to start a little tradition right here and show you guys the status of my current party before challenging the gym leader.


Mankey is going to be our ace in the whole for this gym challenge. Brock uses Rock-types, so Fighting-types are going to be at an advantage. Low Kick is going to work wonders against one of his ‘mons, too. Upside to Mankey is that his Attack Stat is high and he’s pretty fast; downside is that he lacks a bit in the defensive department.


Lizardo will be our viable back-up in case Mankey goes under. At level 13, Charmander learns Metal Claw, a Steel-type move, which has an advantage over Rock-types. However, Lizardo isn’t as adept in the Attack stat category as Mankey, but his defenses are better and his Speed and Sp. Attack are not to be underestimated.

Also, now that he knows Metal Claw, Lizardo is now 30% more ******** metal than before.


Spearow is going to be pretty useless in this fight. As a Flying-type, it’s got a disadvantage against Rock-types, plus it doesn’t have good moves yet.


And if you thought Spearow was going to be pretty useless, Pikachu is going to be totally useless. Her level is too low and she doesn’t have any attacking moves that can affect Brock’s Pokémon, due to them being partially Ground-types. So she’s staying in the kitchen for this one.


Enough walls of text! Time for a battle!


I’m Tyler. I have come here to kick a** and drink Coke…and I’m all out of Coke.


I swear if I didn’t have my mind in the gutter…


neutral


OH! Your Pokémon are Rock-types! Okay, now I get it!


Actually, I was going to challenge you knowing that I’ll win, but whatever floats your boat.


Honor? What? I just want to complete an LP chapter…


Alright, finally!

We’re now going up against Brock, the first Gym Leader. Here’s what the dude looks like; you have Bulbapedia to thank for this image:

He thinks he looks so cool with those squinty eyes. Makes me want to puke. On another note, Brock is actually a real name; I'm not kidding.

Anyway here’s his team:
- GEODUDE, Level 12; Tackle, Defense Curl

- ONIX, Level 14; Tackle, Bind, Rock Tomb

Only two Pokémon, but they’re pretty tough. Nothing we can’t handle, though. Let’s do this!


Sometimes I wish this was a video LP just so you could hear the music, because the Gym Leader music is totally awesome.



Mankey VS Geodude. Looks like a pretty even match-up.



Or maybe not. Looks like Mankey’s finally hitting hard.




That took almost no effort at all! Like I said, gym trainers usually tend to be more challenging than the Leaders themselves.


Hell no, the Hog-Monkey stays out!


His second and last Pokémon is Onix. This thing’s got pretty high Defense and can really screw you over if you’re not careful, but we can handle this.


Haha!


Low Kick does more damage the heavier the target is; perfect against a fatass like Onix.


Aw, so close to a one-hit KO.


Will Onix kill Mankey before Mankey kills him?


Not on your life.





And with that, El Brocko is defeated. Amount of effort taken: practically zip.


That’s right. Don’t ever take me for granted, because then you’ll lose.

BROCK: “As proof of your victory, I confer on you this…the official Pokémon League Boulderbadge!”


One down, seven to go!


The Boulderbadge increases the Attack stat of all your Pokémon.



Watch out, everyone! It’s Detective Brocko, ever observant!

I know what we need to do…


…let’s rob him!



Yay, we got a CD that costs only a few cents to press, yet goes for $15 at your local store!

Oh, wait, that’s the music industry…



In other words, it’s like one of those educational program CD’s that teach you stuff like Calculus, only instead of teaching you how to compute limits and derivatives, it teaches you how to breathe fire and s**t.


Translation: It has a product key that’s good for only one install.

That’s even lower in morality than Microsoft!


You only get one install, dude. Which comp shall it be?



Not the best Rock-type move, but lowering speed while inflicting damage is very useful.


Anyway, time to get out of here! Oh, by the way, Brock? You suck.


I was thinking of inserting a tour of the Museum into this chapter, but I think I’m going to put it off until I get the ability to cut down trees.


Head to the east side of town and you’ll see the entrance to the next route, along with some shady character loafing around.


Crap, I think he’s going to try and sell us something. Don’t fret; I know what to do in these situations:

‘WE DON’T WANT ANY OF YOUR p***s-ENHANCING FORMULAE. MY PECKER IS ALREADY BIG ENOUGH. LEAVE ME ALONE.’


Interestingly enough, I bought a male-enhancement product from a hobo at a gas station in Salinas for ten bucks not too long ago. I tried it immediately. In an instant, my weenie grew as long as a football field; in fact it grew so instantaneously it stabbed the hobo right through the heart and ended up leveling the entire gas station, causing a series of gas leak explosions which released several tons of carbon dioxide into the air, killing the ozone layer and caused everyone but myself to bake under the sun and bleed to death internally. Then dragons came to admire my long Schwartz-o-mundo.

True story.


Oh, so that’s who you are! Great, what does that pseudo-intellectual geriatric want now?


Did you wrap it with a pretty bow???

…what? I’m just asking.


Sweetness! We get a nice pair of Nike’s.


Getting rid of these lame-a** Converse.

…yes, I know Converse is a subsidiary of Nike. Nobody cares.


We now have the ability to run. There’s not even a fatigue bar, so we can technically run forever. Don’t you just love the power of foreign, underpaid child labor?




Give Professor Oak my regards! And by ‘give him my regards’ I mean ‘tell him I hate him.’


What’s this? A letter?





Aw, look at this. She got sober enough to shop and write with some degree of legibility.

*sniff*...she really does care.


Okay, I think now’s a good time to end things off.

One more thing, I’m probably going to be slower in updating from now on; about once a week on average. I’m back in college.

Anyway, next time:
I need to think of a title.


This Let's Play is brought to you by LightsideDarksider, aka Tyler. Tyler is a sophomore Biology major at CSU Monterey Bay and realizes saying "rock-hard" more than once during conversation makes you gay.

I'm amazed you still kind of believe it. XD