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alright, so update.

I have had quite a discussion now with her over it. the evidence that she will have no other babies... is in several visions concerning that matter. one that her foster mother had of which all she knows is that she told her she "better keep this one, [she] won't get another one; this is [her] last chance.", and another one being shared by her and her foster father (which they each had multiple times throughout their lives, the most recent one being one they had at the same time, when she first found out she was pregnant with this one), which made it clear that she would have only two children, one girl and one boy.

the reminder of advances in medicine are noted. I have been given such reminders by every source I've talked to about this issue already. so I'll leave it to each individual whether they believe this metaphysical reasoning, and accept it as logical. I trust that it's going to prove true, seeing as things like this tend to prove true, especially when women who have visions are involved. don't ask, my life is exciting. xp

so, Shan had originally been under the impression that I feared she'd be jealous of me mating with other women. I knew she'd allow it, it wouldn't make sense of her not to, knowing her. she didn't realy expect me to have the other fears about it that I did.

I told her about me paranoia of choosing between a difficult custody battle and adopting an extra hungry mouth into the family. my fears were soothed by reminding me of the importance of choosing a trustworthy Consort, such as a Loyal Slave, and also that the finances won't be that hard of a problem if we add her to the household, especially if she pulls her weight.

we are going to discuss it more tonight. though I'm also needing to impress Sorin right now, who's very unhappy with seeing Shan upset over me so often. that she and I had a fight yesterday didn't leave a good impression.

I also discussed this issue last night with one of my... options. my Top-Slave, Holly, who is also my Personal Adviser. that started off well, but didn't stay that way...

she was very happy to hear of the idea of bearing me a child, especially knowing the significance of that duty. she told me that she'd have some explaining to do to Dale, but that it would make her very glad.

but when it came to the thought of me still wanting to live with Shan and Sorin, and to take the baby with me.... it became complicated. you see, she doesn't like Shan. Holly is a mysogamist, and she believes that a Woman's place is in submission to a Man. she has a very traditional monogamous wrld-view, though she has no problem with my Polyamory, and hascome to accept it of me as part of who I am. but the way she see's my relationship with Shan, she has a chosen mate alredy, and I appear to be "on the side", which makes me appear to her as "less of a Man". Holly's vision of me when she thinks of my Polyamorous lifestyle is that I'm the one with multiple Spouses, or who has a Mate and is a swinger. not that I share a Woman with anyone else.

in addition to this, she has a jealousy, because she always feels like there is someone more important to me than her, even though she's my First Slave, the First one I ever owned, and the one in the top rank. I had to console her and remind her of her importance to me, and that even Shan knows that my Slaves are important to me. something that I have for me, that provide a service that she can't. and that Holly herself is special and important to me in a way that Shan can never be, the same as Shan has a Romance with me which Holly could never feel and match.

finally, there is the fact that my plans with Shan completely contradict her plans for me, which were that she'd hav her own home and we'd live together and take care of eachother... she fantasized, and even hoped, that I'd never realy settle down with anyone else, and I'd be her Bachelor Master for life. not to mention if things go well with herand Dale, they'll eventually move to Ireland.

I asked her hypothetically who's orders she'd follow if I Commanded her to come live with me instead of going to Ireland, as well as how'd she feel if I took the baby and she didn't come with.... she didn't know who she'd listen to, but she did tell me that in the event she followed my orders she would feel hurt and betrayed, and that if I took the child she'd feel a great sense of loss... not just over the baby, but over me as well. she did promise me that despite any pain or sadness or anger she couldn't help but feel in these scenarios, she would still be loya to me, and belong to me, and follow my Commands.

this is turning out to be quite the stressful relationship. iii-_- I'm aware none of theseare emmediate concerns... I can't help feeling a little impatient, but most of my worry comes from the conflict between the significant people in my life, and unreconcilable conflicting plans and feelings.

of course you can't. because nobody keeps slaves anymore. human trafficking? that's just a conspiracy. and S&M relationships? purely roleplayed. nobody actually lives that way.

dude, think what you want. whatever.

Agreed. sad That really does change a lot, your situation is getting more and more alien to me the more I read about it. I guess it's good that I read the whole thread before posting because now I know to just keep my mouth shut about trying to give advice about your tricky situation, since most relationships people discuss on Gaia (that I've noticed anyway) are monogamous and both people are on equal footing with each other.

your right, it does change alot... I realy should have put that in there from the beginning. I'm sorry, I've just been stressed.

and aye, I know that alot of folks would consider me crazy that I base so much off of a dream. but it isn't like I'm making medical decisions based on it, and I'm sure that we may get some testing done to be certain. it is just that I believe that what was seen in these visions is going to be true.

and we're all equal in this relationship. nobody is considered higher or lower or more or less important. even that I own Holly and the submits to me isn't a difference in importance or equality. it's more of just a dynamic. in her eyes she may believe herself to be "below" me, but she has alot of differences in philosophy than I do. Holly realy believes that she is meant to submit to men because it's ordained by nature. o_O;

and polygamy isn't legal in any of the united states. my marriage to Shan will be a handfasting and it won't be legally recognized. in fact, I'll have to keep a public face of being just a friend and roommate.

and how can I not be upset about not being able to have a baby with my own Wife? seriously! crying

aye, you're right there... iii-_- I had taken Holly as a Slave before I accepted myself as a Poly. and at this point in my life, I'm loath to give her up. I had at one point, given her the choice to leave me for another Mistress.... she had a crush on this girl you see, and I felt that despite the fact that reserve the right to keep her to myself, I would give her the choice.

in the end, the girl who wanted her as a Slave had no interest in her sexually, and she eventually gave up on her. Holly was then abandoned for being a "traitor", and when she returned to me I swore to myself that I would not give her up again.

and now this has come up...

Ha, well I've never been good with words, so that's true

it's alrigt dude.... this stuff happens. thankyou for your support, it is appreciated. but they can all think whatever they will, demonize me for trying to keep the discussion on-track, whatever they want. it's a free country (allegedly), and I support the 1st-Amendment.