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 Posted: Fri Mar 03, 2006 4:36 pm
I used to hate the term "genderqueer," and the term "queer" as well. I mostly hated genderqueer because I hated queer. But I'm getting along better with it lately. Probably because there's no escaping that it's what I am and I should just suck it up. xp
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Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 10:40 am
I don't think you have to identify with the word queer if you're not comfortable with it. Identify how you want to identify. I personally love the word queer because it is so inclusive of the different identies I have. (One of them being genderqueer.) I am a big fan of taking back the words people use to harm us and making them empowering instead. If I use this word to describe my identity it takes away some of the power it would have had over me when someone throws it at me as an insult. If I embrace the word it is not as upsetting to hear it. This applies to a lot of other words as well. Anyway, that's my piece on THAT. At least for now.
This is all the happy ranting I can muster this week.
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Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 12:01 pm
rejectanonymity I don't think you have to identify with the word queer if you're not comfortable with it. Identify how you want to identify. I personally love the word queer because it is so inclusive of the different identies I have. (One of them being genderqueer.) I am a big fan of taking back the words people use to harm us and making them empowering instead. If I use this word to describe my identity it takes away some of the power it would have had over me when someone throws it at me as an insult. If I embrace the word it is not as upsetting to hear it. This applies to a lot of other words as well. Anyway, that's my piece on THAT. At least for now.
This is all the happy ranting I can muster this week. Well, I didn't exactly mean that I HAVE to identify with it, just that there's no other word that is precisely inclusive enough to describe those aspects of me, as you said. Also that if it's "our" word, it can lessen the impact when "they" use it, as you also said. razz
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Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 4:30 pm
Okay, so I guess I have a sort of happy rant for today. I've finally MADE A DECISION. I have a lot of trouble with these things, so I suppose I should really be proud of myself. Either way, I've finally decided on my name. I've had the first one for a long time, but the middle name was more difficult for me. So once I go through the name change process I will be Ryan Patrick. Oh, and I decided to change my last name, too. To my partner's last name. So that we match.
Now what to obsess on next...?
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Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 5:09 pm
This might not be viewed as "happy" by some, but I was in a really crazy mood and felt happier than I thought was possible for a few hours. Here are the results:
"I'm bursting with excitement and hapiness. I'm looking forward to the future. All the wonderful changes that are going to happen, the struggles and challenges to overcome. There will be pain and sadness, but so is life. I can't let it bring me down. I'm alive today. I could die in another minute. So I'll make this a happy minute and I'll make as many minutes as happy as I can because I can. I am in control of who I am and what I feel, more so than I usually give myself credit for. I want to laugh in my ecstacy and never stop smiling. I want to break into tears and cower in the intimidating reality of life and never stop being scared.
I want to run away from here as fast as I can. I want to run towards all things great. I want to do it all right here. I want to make change here, now, forever. I can feel everything right now. I can taste the meals I've not had. I can feel the pain I'm awaiting to feel. I can feel the end of depression that is to eventually come. Everything makes sense even though I don't understand anything at all. It is because I know I will never have the answers that I seek, that makes everything so explicably simple. I feel ultimate, invincible, knowing that I'm going to die. I look forward to it. There is no fear. I don't want to die now but I like not knowing when I will die.
I want to be out in a grassy field in the sun and all alone. I want to never see anyone ever again. No one exists. Just me and the field of daisy's. Everyone is me. We're all me, we're all no one. We don't exist. You don't exist just like I don't exist and it's wonderful. I'm sorry that I hurt you and I'm sorry that I will continue to hurt you, but you're all going to hurt me too, so everything is okay. Everything is tragically okay. It passed. I passed. I survived. I over reacted. It ended sooner than I expected. But I won't complain. Maybe this is just temporary. Maybe it'll come back. I'll be ready. I won't actually. I'll break again just as I always do. I'm happy that I'll be there when I finally break for good. What a sight it will be.
The other day I was trying to imagine what living would feel like without depression. I couldn't even comprehend the feeling. I imagine it would be light. Depression makes everything feel so heavy like being under a damp blanket. But what if happiness made you feel too light? Like you could be destroyed by anything? At least a blanket offers cushiony protection. Happiness sounds like being naked with nothing to hide behind.
For clarification's sake, I'm really unexplicably happy. I want to laugh at everything that normally makes me want to cry. Nothing can go wrong because there is no wrong. I don't feel the urge to strive for what is right because there is no right. There just is, and that's all that I want. It's all I can have. Won't you join me up here? It's so free, light, and warm. It's everything you could ever want and not want. It is. Life is so ******** ridiculous that it's hilarious."
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Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 9:25 am
It is good to see that you are happy Nios. It beats being sad.
Ah rantness time once again.
A boy in my class asked me to have coffee with him, and I said yes because I liked him long before he asked me and we talk in and outside of class.
He has seen me in my wardrobe which is tomboyish/femme depending on how I feel currently.
I think he may like me, or simply wants to hang out with me.
I can't help but feel giddy at the prospect of having someone interested in me, but I don't want to be restrained or controlled genderwise. That is my fear, I will have to tell him I am androgenous/bi gendered, and genderqueer. He calls me by my male name as well which is wonderfull.
As long as he is ok with who I am then I may consider dating him if not, we can still be friends.
He is not a super masculine bio guy either, which I like too.
I hope it works out.
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Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 9:09 pm
Yay! I love to be happy! what a good idea for any forum. 4laugh
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Posted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 9:48 am
Happiness makes the world go round.
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Posted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 9:59 pm
How'd it go, Dream_Raven?
As for myself...life is hard, and I suck at it. But my friends are awesome. And they like me, despite all my bullshit. We make each other less unhappy. And that's pretty ******** cool.
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Posted: Tue Apr 04, 2006 3:02 pm
Lately, nothing happy has happened to me. But I finally posted in Gaia again :3 So I guess that's a good thing :3
Oh. And i've still donated more to this guild than anyone else :3~
XD
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Posted: Tue Apr 04, 2006 8:00 pm
What do the donations go towards?
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Posted: Tue Apr 04, 2006 11:04 pm
rejectanonymity What do the donations go towards? NO ONE KNOWS. As of yet, NOTHING. Supposedly, one day we shall be able to do things with it, but when or what... confused Hey, Takeshi!
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Posted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 11:57 am
Astri How'd it go, Dream_Raven? As for myself...life is hard, and I suck at it. But my friends are awesome. And they like me, despite all my bullshit. We make each other less unhappy. And that's pretty ******** cool. It went well! We are great friends, as I expected would happen. I think he may like me, but I am not sure.
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Posted: Thu Apr 06, 2006 3:02 pm
Hiya ^-^
Long time no talk at xD
I ono. I have no use for gold anymore, so I just give it to the guild XP
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Posted: Thu Apr 06, 2006 3:13 pm
Astri rejectanonymity What do the donations go towards? NO ONE KNOWS. As of yet, NOTHING. Supposedly, one day we shall be able to do things with it, but when or what... confused Hey, Takeshi! Actually, it's already used to purchase Sub-forums, like the Crew Quarters. I am thinking of taking a vote on whether we should have an RP sub-forum. Of course, that might not be worth it if we don't have enough interested members to participate.
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