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[Q] Richard, the Ghūl [READY] crit me up please! Goto Page: [] [<] 1 2

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Rown

Friendly Hunter

PostPosted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 9:30 pm


Reeshie Hack
Looks pretty solid! These are the only things that really come to mind...

You've talked about how he's pretty much a wise-a** and the slacker type when it comes to authority, but how would he react to someone bigger and more powerful/aggressive than he is? Would he still talk back?

While ghouls may have more than one natural ability outside of TiH, I think for this purpose you need to pick one.
If someone bigger/badder than Jude were to come along, he'd sure like to meet them. And by meet them I mean "ignore them." He likely would talk back if he knew his body could cash the check he was about to be given, though if he got his butt handed to himself he'd stop the remarks and plan his revenge. Jude may not have much in terms of strength and skill but he's got wicked amounts of cunning, something that aids him in elaborate plots perhaps.


For the sake of TiH, Jude's main natural ability is "guise" because it relates directly to his FEAR. I have the other one listed because it's a second option for when he gets stronger and older. I will go ahead and highlight, thank you for pointing it out!

Hopefully these answered your questions!

@Chobi: Thank you for stopping by! If you happen to think of anything at all, please let me know!
PostPosted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 9:43 pm


Ohhhhhhh, I like the thinking ahead thing. 3nodding

Reeshie Hack

Dapper Hunter


Carhop Cavalier

Familiar Teenager

PostPosted: Tue Oct 05, 2010 9:17 pm


He looks very well developed, you've obviously put a ton of thought into Jude! I've just got one concern; is it even possible for Jude to have friends? If someone is just as much of a d**k as he is, could they bond through that? Or is Jude just going to push them away? How does he respond to kindness? Or positive emotions in general?
PostPosted: Wed Oct 06, 2010 8:07 am


Carhop Calvalier
He looks very well developed, you've obviously put a ton of thought into Jude! I've just got one concern; is it even possible for Jude to have friends? If someone is just as much of a d**k as he is, could they bond through that? Or is Jude just going to push them away? How does he respond to kindness? Or positive emotions in general?
"Friends" is a word/term that Jude would likely never use when referring to someone. He can have things like "amusements" or "meat shield" or "scapegoat", but probably not friend. He could say "favorite" in reference to one of the above titles, but you're pushing your luck. Jude didn't come to Amityville of his own free will, he's not really staying of his own free will, and therefore feels that it's pointless for him to develop friendships.

And if he met someone who was just a big a d**k as he is, expect a pissing contest. Jude isn't going to back down easily if he knows he can beat the other guy/gal/non-formed fun bits around and end up being even worse than they are.

If someone tried to be nice to Jude, he'd be verbally abusive towards 'em. They obviously have to be messed up in the head anyway since they're nice, right? What kind of self-respecting citizen of Amityville/Halloween would actually want to be nice ? If said behavior is continued around him he may eventually get violent though it's more than likely set that he'll get confused. Very, very confused.


Thanks for taking the time to crit me! I should have your crit dropped off soon <3 <3

Rown

Friendly Hunter


Ryuthulhu

Golden Knight

15,750 Points
  • Spirit of the Smackdown! 100
  • Task Accomplished 100
  • Mystical Adversary 25
PostPosted: Wed Oct 06, 2010 10:40 am


OK I admit I laughed a bit when I read this over, in a good way. Jude looks like he could be a real blast to play, though I can see reasons where he could also be challenging to play, simply because he seems to reject people so broadly. It's not automatically a bad thing, but it will probably become more challenging over time since he doesn't seem like he'd go out of his way to have repeat run-ins with people.
I admit I also initially thought "Lovecraft" when I saw ghoul, but that's just because I'm a Lovecraft geek. ((Lovecraft's ghouls take on somewhat more of the hyena aspect I think, since they're described as being somewhat canine in appearance. If you're familiar with the stories, just ignore me, otherwise you might get a big kick out of reading Pickman's Model))

Does the actual Halloween staff have the 'true' version of any of his past, or does anyone at all? I can definitely see not wanting to post it out in the open, since it prevents even accidental meta-gaming, but if you haven't done so I would consider writing up some of his true backstory. Even on characters where no one really knows their full history, I tend to find it useful because it colors some of the way they handle things, and in Jude's case, might have an effect on the particular lies he'd be more inclined to create.

...Although give that it's you, Rown, you probably already did this and I'm just preaching to the choir.

I think he looks like a lot of fun! Total jerk but in an way that should be a really fun RP to be in/read.
PostPosted: Wed Oct 06, 2010 11:08 am


[ I agree with Xaotl about the challenge of him being like he is (i have come across this is my own quest, if Sarias doesn't want to speak to people who will i have to RP with D: ] and although that won't be the same for you straight of the bat eventually other students will get wise to his games, unless they are complete push overs and dont realise he is lying/being a jerk - but then would he want to hang around with them? Will he have a 'nicer' side to him when people get 'close' I don't mean getting a BFF, but is there room for improvement? (i guess that can be said about any characters!)

But i absolutely love the idea of him, he does sound fun, cheeky, annoying, all of the above! and i can imagine some great RP plots with him being the centre reason for everything going s**t XD;;

also on a side note and just for my own wonderments - his mouth being sew shut, how does he speak? Has he trained his check muscles to move? words are mainly produced by own tongues can he still move that about in his mouth? or does he take on the guise of a human if he wants to rant to someone? Or is it one of the mystical things Halloween creatures can do and i am just nit picking XD;; ]

matisha

Business Vampire


Rown

Friendly Hunter

PostPosted: Sun Oct 10, 2010 8:47 am


Thank you ladies for both of your crits! Let me see if I can answer the questions in a good manner~!

About the run-ins with people - just expect much of the same. Unless someone has done something to either 1) impress him (good luck there!) or 2) piss him off (a bit harder to do, but more feasible than impressing). Otherwise a repeat is likely to occur with maybe a different outcome depending on the actions taken by the other person. Jude doesn't go out of his way to see someone, they probably shouldn't do that for him either. If people want to hang out with him, fine. He'll just end up calling them masochists or something since they'll be under constant strain of verbal abuse.

There is no such thing as a 'nicer side' when regarding Jude. What you see is what you get, except he MAY be a bit more of a p***k to you over time. Mostly likely.

@Xoatl: His past is what's written. Even I don't know his true past just yet, but likely if I decide to tell it all I'll get with a mod and go over it. You should just assume that whatever it was he did to get sent here it was NOT VERY GOOD and he doesn't regret a single bit of it. That's pretty much all you need to know about him XD;;

@Matisha: In regards to your question about speaking it's a little bit of column A mixed with column B. He's trained himself to talk about a long while, and the magic of Halloween or whatnot has allowed him to communicate easier anyway. He could take someone's form to talk easier if he wanted to, but it would make him sick in the process and defeat the purpose (or so he thinks)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 10, 2010 5:27 pm


Again as of last time I can't give you a huge crit cause i freaking love your character. But I can leave you with some situational questions to see how your character would react. These are just silly things for fun.

How does he deal with embarrassment? Does he get his revenge right off the bat or does he wait for just the right moment? (I know you said hes hard to get upset but lets say some one crossed that line)

Does he notice girls? Or is his tunnel vision so narrow he REALLY doesn't notice anyone including a cute girl who might like him?

Can he pin point who the other bull shitters are?

How would Jude react if some one was wearing the same thing he was?

again these aren't really crits.. just fun. IDK. I love this character as I've stated before =]

Chobi_Chocobo

Distinct Lunatic


Rown

Friendly Hunter

PostPosted: Sun Oct 10, 2010 5:55 pm


Chobi_Chocobo
Again as of last time I can't give you a huge crit cause i freaking love your character. But I can leave you with some situational questions to see how your character would react. These are just silly things for fun.

How does he deal with embarrassment? Does he get his revenge right off the bat or does he wait for just the right moment? (I know you said hes hard to get upset but lets say some one crossed that line)

Does he notice girls? Or is his tunnel vision so narrow he REALLY doesn't notice anyone including a cute girl who might like him?

Can he pin point who the other bull shitters are?

How would Jude react if some one was wearing the same thing he was?

again these aren't really crits.. just fun. IDK. I love this character as I've stated before =]


As for dealing with embarrassment, he'd wait and plot. There's not point in getting instant revenge because revenge planned out can lead to the best outcome. Jude's oddly meticulous when it comes to ruining someone's life.

If a girl said she liked him (because he certainly wouldn't really start the relationship) he'd probably poke her eyes out "on the account that she obviously does not need them/was not using them".

Jude cannot tell who other bullshitters are per say, but a liar generally knows another liar when they hear 'em. Basically he'd have a way easier time calling a bluff than say...someone like Chuppi.

If someone was dressed similar to Jude he'd wonder why they weren't cold all the damn time. Clothing though isn't something he can't control nor would he care to control, so basically it doesn't matter to him if someone dresses similar/exactly the same.
PostPosted: Sun Dec 11, 2011 3:03 pm


MOVING HIM UP BECAUSE PEOPLE SAID SOMETHING.

it's been over a year, ahahahahahaha

Rown

Friendly Hunter

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