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 Posted: Fri Oct 29, 2010 10:55 am
Matisha [ Critting time!!!*0*
Sizing up: I love how you have developed him but he has a very suspicious personality and it works well when all he can sense is the guilt people feel, but who can he trust, what have they done? Was it bad? Will they do it to me? These questions must drive him crazy! If he feels all around him are guilty of something (which we all are at one point! And some of us classify the smallest events as guilt ridden) does he even want to make friends with these people? Or on the other side, could he keep them due to his gift? We all have dark secrets to hide and often we want them hidden. If he starts snooping about many people will feel threatened by him, it could lead to some dangerous events where the ‘not to bothered’ students do something criminal and they know he can sense it. He could be a prime target for many bad eggs!! Poor Corbin ;D In particular, he only senses guilt at this point if the person is currently feeling it. He won't be able to feel it if they did something terrible in the past but have now gotten over it or, as has been said, if they feel no guilt at all for what they've done. So even though it will be a pretty big nuisance, it largely won't be a constant thing from everyone, but it will probably cycle from person to person. This would generally lead him to leave people at arm's length, more so he can observe them and try to figure out from afar what exactly it is they're guilty of; if it's a misunderstanding he'll probably help if he can but will likely just let it go its own way and let the person get over it themselves. If he finds out it's something serious, like "I got so mad, I seriously hurt that person" or what have you, then his reactions and opinions would be more hands on. AS A SECRETLY SELF PROCLAIMED VIGILANTE FOR JUSTICE, HE DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO KEEP HIS NOSE OUT OF OTHER PEOPLES BUSINESS xD But I would actually love to see Corbin go into a situation trying to make things right, over stepping his boundaries and getting a lot of hate. It'd confuse the s**t out of him and he'd probably go mope with his shinies wondering what he did wrong. Quote: Eye for eye: This mentality can lead to a lot of problems in the near future!! He will be labelled a trouble maker by the teachers, it only has to be more than one ‘unoffical fight’ with him involved with someone else involved before they start to think Corbin’s behind the whole thing! And what happens if someone makes a genuine mistake? What if they trip and stab him, or loose control of a curse, and make it so he is unable to control his ectoplasm? He would have to take ‘revenge for this, but they didn’t mean it! Would he care? Good point! It's unfortunate, but in Corbin's mind he's not doing any of this for gratitude or status, so if he has to get thrown under the bus to make things 'fair' as he sees it, then it's fine with him. As far as accidents go, if they're directly on him, it'll depend. An accident, of course, is a mistake, so there really was no ill will meant behind the act. Of course, if he ended up getting seriously injured from it, he would want to do something to make it even but that wouldn't necessarily mean that he would hurt them right back. If someone willfully punched him in the face because they thought he was being a d**k, yeah, he would punch them, but if someone tripped and they clunked heads, he's not going to head butt the person xD Quote: Collection: Love the connection with crows for this. Surly though he asking for trouble if he steals from people, of course someone may react badly to him stealing something, aka punching his lights out! (I know I would!) yet he deems his behaviour acceptable because it something he wants, but will punch said person back! He is very mean, even if he himself doesn’t realise this! And for someone who would like to protect the innocent, surly he would need to protect them from himself! He certainly doesn't realize this! With this situation, it's sort of an extenuating circumstances; as it's a compulsion of his, and stealing is not a good thing, he will often do the opposite in these cases and allow 'revenge' to be exacted upon him. If he stole the bracelet right off your hand and you slapped him, he'd allow it and return the bracelet fair and square. Stealing isn't something he likes doing and often feels guilty about doing it himself, so if the person doesn't know they were stolen from he would eventually admit it and allow them to get even with him. I mostly added this as I thought, from previous crit, it would be a good flaw, but I wonder if it should be removed since it's a bit contradictory?Quote: And also are the bullets he fires made out of his ectoplasm? Doe they disappear once they hit something, or fall like slim? Does he reabsorb them?? This is just general interest from me!!! <3
I am sorry this is rushed, i may add more later because I like him so much <3 ] I'm still thinking on this! Haha! I would think it's safe to assume the bullets are either made out of ectoplasm or FEAR, but ectoplasm probably makes more sense. They do, indeed, disappear once they hit something, in a sort of ghostly burst, but whatever they collide with will feel eerily cold, like a ghost just passed through them, for a few minutes. He doesn't reabsorb them, he needs to rest and collect/feed on more FEAR before he can fire again. I'm glad to hear he's so interesting, I really am fond of him ; w ;; -should draw him today oh yes- I wonder how he and Sarias would get along, since neither of them have 'friendship' listed as their top priority.
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Posted: Mon Nov 01, 2010 12:49 pm
XD When you said "AS A SECRETLY SELF PROCLAIMED VIGILANTE FOR JUSTICE, HE DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO KEEP HIS NOSE OUT OF OTHER PEOPLES BUSINESS xD" I just imagined him being like a hall monitor or something...
Anyway! I really like what I'm seeing here. He is very much like a crow (the collecting.. and possibly on the revenge bit as well. Not quite the same bird but I think I remember something about ravens holding grudges or somesuch..)
In the case that a very close friend of his does something wrong (could be something small or something more) and he finds out about it, would Corbin still want to whip out justice onto them or would their ties to him skew that perspective at all? I know he's not really much of a "GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS" type person but that's not to say he may not get some close peeps sometime?
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Posted: Mon Nov 01, 2010 12:57 pm
That's a good question! Actually, since he does not even perceive himself as above justice (in the rare cases of when he compulsively snatches shiny things from people), it's safe to say he would think the same of anyone, even those he was very close to. He may or may not have a lingering disappointment in them after the fact (it would depend on who it was and what they did, whether they lied about it, etc) but he would still want to be there and make things right, not by saving their butt but likely throwing them under the bus (do not trust Corbin with your secrets if they hurt other people, he will totally tell them) xD Also, in regards to the bird crow, I'm mostly basing Corbin not literally off of the bird but off of James Obarr's The Crow series, hence the whole revenge deal.
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Posted: Mon Nov 01, 2010 1:01 pm
Ah! I had a slight suspicion on that but I hadn't read that... and I can't remember if I've seen the movie at all. I might have but memory is extremely foggy on that if that were the case. XD
And will keep that in mind on the secrets bit. o_o
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Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 2:50 pm
My dearest Snoof,
I do not honestly see much need to critique at this juncture. <3
So many things have already gone over and the concept looks and seems rather solid due to all the work you have put into it. I've been coming back again and again trying to come up with something magnificent and neat for you to add and alas there is nothing I can think of. Do you have specific concern about it? I'll gladly help you ironing it out any time. I just think there isn't much you could add and whatever you have seems like it is needed from my perspective.
I truly enjoy Corbin and his concept. His attraction to shinies makes me smile. : D
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Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2010 5:42 am
Awww, that's really good news, Pales ; w ;;
I guess my biggest concern right now is that little ol' personality bit where his compulsion for shinies can drive him to stealing directly from others. I wonder if it's far too counter intuitive to his main personality as a whole or if it works enough that it's a good flaw. That's all I can really think that I'm unhappy with ; u ;;
I do wonder how he and your boyo will get on, hurrr = w =
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Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2010 6:31 am
Mayhap it depends on how badly he wants the shiny how badly it drives him to do it? Perhaps there is a scale of: oooh that's a nice shiny .... (to) FFFFFFFFFFF I WANTITIWANTITNOW.
And how long it takes for him to get driven to directly steal. Is it like a junkie whose desire for a drug builds over time until they are frantic and 'NEED' it or something else?
Or you can use it as a 'weakness' in the sense of people can hold the shiny in front of him and use it against him to get him to do what they want him to. Though you may have mentioned it somewhere I'm just a forgetful Pally at the moment having JUST woken up not too long ago.
Haha. Depends on many things, don't think Corbin'd be useful for blood so... They'd have to find a common ground to like or hate each other.
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Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2010 10:40 am
FFFFF I too am having trouble coming up with crit points atm so I will leave a bundle of love:
I adore the 80s Rocker vibe from him a ton, esp. with The Crow influences XD HE SEEMS LIKE HE'D BE SUCH AN ANGSTY PUNKGOTH. I also like the corvid influences in him too, it's a wonderful balance!
Regarding his urge to steal contradicting his urge to PUNISH PEOPLE WHO DO BAD THINGS- This might be an emotional toil point for him, he might rationalize loopholes and get frustrated if people try to explain the flaws to his logic to him. O:
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Friendly Conversationalist
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Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2010 12:38 pm
Hallo Snoof~ Thanks for the crit on Tsetsiliya. ; ;! Belated reply on my part, so sorry about that!
As far as actual crits go, I'm not finding too much to point out that hasn't already been pointed out and rationalized/addressed by you! Overall he is shaping up to be pretty solid. This situation is just a "what if" if anything, but since he seems to have quite a black-and-white outlook on things, I would wonder what would happen/how he'd react if he met someone who did something bad for a good reason. Ah, the good old issue of ethics~
On the issue of other people, you say he can do with or without friends, but how would a person go about getting into his good graces? What would incline him towards being around others ( or should I say, letting someone else be around him )?
Also, I'd like to see more about his hobbies and interests outside of shinies! Does he enjoy doing anything else? Anything else he's particularly good at? Other things he might enjoy?
Aaaand finally, just a note about the "looking for his cause of death" bit. I'm not entirely sure if that's delving too much into the aspects of their life before death too much, since the focus here is really on the afterlife. Part of me thinks if he figured out what had happened to him, that might be the equivalent of freeing himself from his quest for vengeance/crossing over? I could possibly be reading too much into things but that's my take on it. XD I just mention as much because when I was questing Dao Ming, I also had to scale back her life before death stuff considerably in order to keep the focus on the here and now. Just saying that it might be something to consider asking a staffer about if you haven't already~ :3
Otherwise things are looking good. Best of luck to you as well!
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Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2010 7:10 am
Pales Mayhap it depends on how badly he wants the shiny how badly it drives him to do it? Perhaps there is a scale of: oooh that's a nice shiny .... (to) FFFFFFFFFFF I WANTITIWANTITNOW.
And how long it takes for him to get driven to directly steal. Is it like a junkie whose desire for a drug builds over time until they are frantic and 'NEED' it or something else?
Or you can use it as a 'weakness' in the sense of people can hold the shiny in front of him and use it against him to get him to do what they want him to. Though you may have mentioned it somewhere I'm just a forgetful Pally at the moment having JUST woken up not too long ago.
Haha. Depends on many things, don't think Corbin'd be useful for blood so... They'd have to find a common ground to like or hate each other. Mmmm~ that could work. The stealing would likely be a VERY rare occurrence but when it happens he would definitely see himself in the wrong = w = -nods- I do think it could be a weakness; if the shiny is shiny/special enough, it could work as a bribe or some such, at the very least a distraction. Indeed it does ;D but I quite like him so it would be fun either way~ Bilious FFFFF I too am having trouble coming up with crit points atm so I will leave a bundle of love: I adore the 80s Rocker vibe from him a ton, esp. with The Crow influences XD HE SEEMS LIKE HE'D BE SUCH AN ANGSTY PUNKGOTH. I also like the corvid influences in him too, it's a wonderful balance! Regarding his urge to steal contradicting his urge to PUNISH PEOPLE WHO DO BAD THINGS- This might be an emotional toil point for him, he might rationalize loopholes and get frustrated if people try to explain the flaws to his logic to him. O: Guu, I am so happy ; w ;; ANGSTY PUNKGOTH ON THE INSIDE, HE WON'T LET YOU SEE IT, OH NO That's a perfectly good point > A > He may beat himself up over it when he is alone, but he is also a ghost and that sort of behavior (rationalizing loopholes) seems to be a near constant for them so this could very well happen 8U ------------- And I'ma split Halie's up into sections~ haliekins As far as actual crits go, I'm not finding too much to point out that hasn't already been pointed out and rationalized/addressed by you! Overall he is shaping up to be pretty solid. This situation is just a "what if" if anything, but since he seems to have quite a black-and-white outlook on things, I would wonder what would happen/how he'd react if he met someone who did something bad for a good reason. Ah, the good old issue of ethics~ This would be something that would absolutely confuse him, possibly to the point of obsession until he understood. It would be a case by case basis, but the very concept is so alien to him that even if he agreed in the end that it was for a good reason, he would be so hung up on the bad thing that happened he would probably lose sleep over it if he were alive. Quote: On the issue of other people, you say he can do with or without friends, but how would a person go about getting into his good graces? What would incline him towards being around others ( or should I say, letting someone else be around him )? He isn't particularly against friends or acquaintances, but if he can sense guilt in you then it would certainly make him more wary (since he can't sense what the guilt stems from yet, and probably won't for a long long time, he thinks it best to just lump them all together). So his preferred candidates for such would be 'innocents'. Beyond that, he rather likes helping people, especially with problems they really can't handle, so if anyone came to him wanting assistance with something even so simple as a piece of homework, he'd be all up in that. Quote: Also, I'd like to see more about his hobbies and interests outside of shinies! Does he enjoy doing anything else? Anything else he's particularly good at? Other things he might enjoy? Crows are noisy little things, and I think this would translate into Corbin in what music genre he would listen to; 80s rock and metal, which he would likely blast while doing homework or thinking in general. As said above, he really likes helping (as a vigilante, he can't simply be obsessed with his own past!), so I think he would end up setting up a sort of detective agency club to help people find lost items or sort things out that they're too scared to. Being a ghost and a Wraith, Corbin's a bit obsessed with the few things he retains and so revenge/justice sticks highest on his priority list of interests and to-dos. Quote: Aaaand finally, just a note about the "looking for his cause of death" bit. I'm not entirely sure if that's delving too much into the aspects of their life before death too much, since the focus here is really on the afterlife. Part of me thinks if he figured out what had happened to him, that might be the equivalent of freeing himself from his quest for vengeance/crossing over? I could possibly be reading too much into things but that's my take on it. XD I just mention as much because when I was questing Dao Ming, I also had to scale back her life before death stuff considerably in order to keep the focus on the here and now. Just saying that it might be something to consider asking a staffer about if you haven't already~ :3 Otherwise things are looking good. Best of luck to you as well! That's good to note! In actuality, I wasn't planning on Corbin ever finding out what happened to him (or if he did, it would be looooong after he'd have graduated and stuff, therefore not applicable in shop). It's his drive, but as a character not my ultimate goal with him. I'll definitely keep that in mind if what I've got ends up being too close to 'life' stuff, but like I said, never intend for him to figure it out while he's at the school, if ever = w = d ------------- Unrelatedly, I've also had a thought. When it was brought up in an earlier crit by Rown that there was another species that could judge people, I was at a loss for what else I could possibly have Corbin's natural ability be but I just remembered another power specific to The Crow; FLASHBACKS ;D Now all I can see in my head is Corbin picking something up, having a murder flashback from the item, and going "Jinkies, a clue" so I think I'm going to just use that as his Natural Ability instead. It will require me to rework his personality slightly, but mainly just omitting/tweaking some bits and updating from these crits which needed to get done anyway. What do you guys think?
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Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2010 7:58 am
I think it'd probably work a bit better actually. It'll be one of those things that could also be more helpful to him instead of staring at someone and going 'I KNOW YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG AND WHEN I FIGURE IT OUT...BOY ARE YOU IN TROUBLE KUKUKUKUKU.'
That and Kettil would be mildly uncomfortable being stared at that way. He knows he's pretty but seriously stop staring 8D.
I kid.
I think it'd work well for Corbin. : 3
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Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2010 6:01 pm
Updated Corbin's Natural Ability as well as his personality (and a slight edit to his History that could easily be overlooked).
If anyone has any suggestions for a better name to give to a detective club, by all means throw them at me xD -so bad with puns-
I will eventually endeavor to collect all of the questions and answers into a Q&A like many other peoples have in their quests = w =
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Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2010 1:01 pm
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Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 1:52 pm
CORBIN ARTS, HEEEEELL YEAH
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Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 10:03 am
Get back on the first page, dewd = u =
-should make a list of all of his tapes with pun names based off of real bands-
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