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 Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 12:22 pm
For me, it's not so much the last year, but the last few months that have seen the most spiritual growth and development. I started this year with the Pagan Blog Project to start exploring my own beliefs and concepts, which for me is easier to do through the written word. I have come to learn through reading my writing that I actually have a much better grasp on concepts and practices than I realized.
A few months ago my fiance' lost his job. He was with out his unemployment and insurance. All we had to live on was my SSDI and SSI. We were both on a downward spiral. I had lost my sense of self and spirituality. I still had beliefs and I still felt I was a witch, but I also felt I had lost contact with that aspect of myself, that it was gone.
To help us both we went for two two night camping trips at a very quiet ad remote camp ground. We were completely unplugged. Our phones were for emergencies only. We had an MP3 player for music, and that was it. There were obviously flashlights and everything, but there were no showers in the campground, and no running water outside of the caretakers cabin. Outhouses were it. Hand sanitizer was all we had for washing our hands. It was perfect.
It was during these camping trips that my connection to nature and to my true inner-self returned. I remembered who I was, a child of nature and a country girl. The peace of the river, the collecting of wood, the comfort of the fire, and the sounds of nature were what it took for me to wake back up.
My time in the city had really started to block my spirituality as I couldn't really connect to nature when I saw trash everywhere and had 18wheelers driving by several times a day. Those trips brought me back to who I really am.
Now I trust myself and my intuition much more. I have had less and less self doubts when crafting spells and rituals. I feel that I can really reclaim my spirituality and identity as a witch.
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Posted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 6:27 pm
I was actually reflecting on how far I've come in a year back in August. I was going to post a thread about it but then classes started and I haven't had a moments rest since then ((which is why I'm never on Gaia)).
But anyway, even though it's technically been a few years since I dedicated myself to the Norse gods, the past year I've finally begun to feel like I had my feet firmly planted on the ground and a better understanding of my faith. Whereas beforehand it felt like I was drifting, I didn't know where to begin or exactly how to go about my path. Although the last few months school and work have occupied all my time so I haven't proceeded much further than that. Still, I feel like I've come a long way. I feel more independent than I ever have.
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Posted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 7:04 pm
I've come full circle. I'm back at the beginning not knowing where to go or what to do. I'm feeling much more secure in my being lost though. I'm finding random hints here and there that are helping me find my way. I know it'll be a long time before I figure out where I'm supposed to be, but it's okay.
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Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 9:39 pm
Sanzolvr29 I was actually reflecting on how far I've come in a year back in August. I was going to post a thread about it but then classes started and I haven't had a moments rest since then ((which is why I'm never on Gaia)). But anyway, even though it's technically been a few years since I dedicated myself to the Norse gods, the past year I've finally begun to feel like I had my feet firmly planted on the ground and a better understanding of my faith. Whereas beforehand it felt like I was drifting, I didn't know where to begin or exactly how to go about my path. Although the last few months school and work have occupied all my time so I haven't proceeded much further than that. Still, I feel like I've come a long way. I feel more independent than I ever have. I definitely felt similarly when I started to identify as a Heathen. I felt like I'd put down roots. It was great. smile
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Posted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 4:24 pm
I think this is why i don't post very often lately unfortunately. I've simply regressed so much. I had a few months of great spiritual exploration, and then I started to slow down, eventually stop, the place I lived wasn't conducive to ritual, I had trouble keeping on top of the limited amount of space in my room and it became a disaster which i wasn't comfortable making into a sacred space or using for the rituals I understood how to do. It's been a while since then I live in a better situation, at least in that regard, but now I feel so lost. I felt lost then, but I felt like i had a trail to something meaningful. I do practice some aspect of my animistic beliefs but even that has not stayed where it was. I'm struggling to find motivation in all aspects of my life, I don't know if i'm supposed to sort out another portion of my life first and this will come into focus or what. I guess I don't post as much because I'm ashamed.
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Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 9:59 am
Adalyna I think this is why i don't post very often lately unfortunately. I've simply regressed so much. I had a few months of great spiritual exploration, and then I started to slow down, eventually stop, the place I lived wasn't conducive to ritual, I had trouble keeping on top of the limited amount of space in my room and it became a disaster which i wasn't comfortable making into a sacred space or using for the rituals I understood how to do. It's been a while since then I live in a better situation, at least in that regard, but now I feel so lost. I felt lost then, but I felt like i had a trail to something meaningful. I do practice some aspect of my animistic beliefs but even that has not stayed where it was. I'm struggling to find motivation in all aspects of my life, I don't know if i'm supposed to sort out another portion of my life first and this will come into focus or what. I guess I don't post as much because I'm ashamed. We all have those times Adalyna. It's nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, that shame can get in the way of you making progress. Shame tends to hold people back. Just ease into it. Maybe start by meditating and just trying to get a sacred space. Little steps. Just don't stress about it too much.
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Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 7:19 pm
CalledTheRaven Adalyna I think this is why i don't post very often lately unfortunately. I've simply regressed so much. I had a few months of great spiritual exploration, and then I started to slow down, eventually stop, the place I lived wasn't conducive to ritual, I had trouble keeping on top of the limited amount of space in my room and it became a disaster which i wasn't comfortable making into a sacred space or using for the rituals I understood how to do. It's been a while since then I live in a better situation, at least in that regard, but now I feel so lost. I felt lost then, but I felt like i had a trail to something meaningful. I do practice some aspect of my animistic beliefs but even that has not stayed where it was. I'm struggling to find motivation in all aspects of my life, I don't know if i'm supposed to sort out another portion of my life first and this will come into focus or what. I guess I don't post as much because I'm ashamed. We all have those times Adalyna. It's nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, that shame can get in the way of you making progress. Shame tends to hold people back. Just ease into it. Maybe start by meditating and just trying to get a sacred space. Little steps. Just don't stress about it too much. You're right, and your encouraging words mean a lot to me, thank you.
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Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2012 2:16 pm
kage no neko I've come full circle. I'm back at the beginning not knowing where to go or what to do. I'm feeling much more secure in my being lost though. I'm finding random hints here and there that are helping me find my way. I know it'll be a long time before I figure out where I'm supposed to be, but it's okay. Comming full circle to me at least means the cycle is in process. Saying you've come back to the begining to me means that you are now looking for new places to go in addition to where you've been. I've been finding myself going back to basics.
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Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2012 2:36 pm
Loona Wynd kage no neko I've come full circle. I'm back at the beginning not knowing where to go or what to do. I'm feeling much more secure in my being lost though. I'm finding random hints here and there that are helping me find my way. I know it'll be a long time before I figure out where I'm supposed to be, but it's okay. Comming full circle to me at least means the cycle is in process. Saying you've come back to the begining to me means that you are now looking for new places to go in addition to where you've been. I've been finding myself going back to basics. I used to feel so rushed, like I had to figure stuff out NOW or else. And now I'm back to the beginning. I know way more but I'm still lost. And I'm not in a rush at all. I'll figure it out eventually and it'll be okay. I'm slowly working on figuring out what god has been contacting me. And it's okay. What's weird is I'm actually pretty far away from the whole witchcraft stuff anymore. I'm enjoying nature and looking into buddhist concepts. But nothing really witchy lately.
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2013 11:27 am
I think this is the first time I can say I really /feel/ pagan, as opposed to someone who just researches paganism. It's been a recent change, but I've been learning how to incorporate my beliefs into my life, learning about myself, doing lots of learning.
And for the first time it seems constructive, like I'm really building something besides a store of knowledge.
I hope this year continues that way.
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Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 4:40 am
I think the last couple of months has definately seen me learn to pull the bullshit out of what I've been reading. I look back on my fluffy bunny phase now and shake my head.
I've been re-reading this free "Wicca" course I recieved years ago. Dear gods it's like reading Starhawk again.
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