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Posted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 7:47 pm
A man with the ceremonial kazekage robe entered the almost coronation like event. I guess this was always meant to be. He thought as an old lady approached him and placed upon his head a white hat with the word sand written on the front. “Sunagakure welcomes you, third kazekage.” She said softly as a smile covered her face. “Now, face you people, and protect them with you life!” She then cried as the people in the village began to cheer. While the ceremony went on there was dancing, cheering and all sorts of crazy tomfoolery going on; the ceremony lasted for about three hours and it began at eight o clock so that at eleven every one would be back at their position protecting the village. The old lady and 4 other elder people were gathered in one room discussing what would they do next. “I think we should test him.” One of them said, “You are right!” They all said except the lady that gave him the kazekage hat. She stood up and glared at all of them, “You are all crazy, what the hell are you going to send at him? A fake terrorist attack? If he is the current leader it is because he can take care of himself and the village!” She said. As she screamed at the four other men one of them snapped his finger and suddenly a cloud of gray smoke appeared and a kunai flew out at the woman and hit her in the head, the lady fell and blood rushed out on the floor as it began to stain the rug on the room. The smoke cleared and the man kneeled in front of the elder that called the attack. “What do you wish my lord?” The man said coldly to his leader. “Kill Roy!” He said boldly as the ninja nodded to his master’s order and disappeared in another cloud of smoke.
The ninja that was used by the elders to kill the old woman made his way to the kazekage tower. As the-would be assassin began to close in on Roy, he was on top of the tower, looking at the sight of his new village. “I got you now.” The man cried as he took out a Katana and sung aiming at Roy’s neck. “I knew… those people couldn’t be trusted.” The kazekage said as he took out a scroll and summoned a puppet that was identical to the lady that was killed by the elders. “I am Roy, Roy Mustang, the burning puppet of suna!” He said as he rapidly attached strings to the puppet, it then took out a blade from it’s elbow and clashed whit the assassin, when the initial clash happened small sparks could be seen from the battle field. “Why are you doing this?” The kazekage asked softly as he moved his hands and the puppet kept clashing whit the sword of the enemy, he then took out another scroll and summoned a puppet that seemed to have a range meter on its left eye, he then twitched his fingers and the puppet jumped to the other side of the ceiling. Roy then twitched his fingers and the newly summoned puppet took out a gun-like thing from its arm, Roy moved his hands as the first puppet he summoned kept holding back the attacking ninja. The second puppet then added a pressure gadget on the tip of the gun, Roy then twitched his fingers and the puppet at the edge shot a kunai that went through the female puppet and hit the ninja right on the head incapacitating him. “No one messes whit my village.” He said as he dropped the strings and put on a white glove on his left hand. “And for those who dare to do it, they will find out, why I’m called the burning puppet of Suna!” He said as he snapped his fingers and an explosion occurred that could have been seen from 2 miles away, once the flash and smoke cleared all that was left of the enemy were ashes and the outline of his body, the outline Roy was planning on using to remind his villagers, that no one messes whit the top dog on the village.
(( Edited ))
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Posted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 7:50 pm
There were numerous spelling mistakes, periods where periods were not meant to be, and even no distinguishing thoughts from actions by using italics or bold, etc. And thats from the first 5 sentences. You also seemed to spell with wrong every single time...
I deny this. O:
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A City Of Fools Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 7:54 pm
Yeah man it's like what Wood said...I need you to redo this. DENIED!
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Posted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 7:56 pm
Sorry if that wasn't within my crew powers. xD Critiqueing people is just my thing. XD
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A City Of Fools Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 8:03 pm
Its cool, its what your here for anyway xD I just wanted to co-sign 3nodding
You can deny if you see fit but let me know before you accept someone in this thread or the demons thread. Other custom threads can be accepted as you'd please though
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Posted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 8:04 pm
Mistah BomChickaWahWah Lol its cool they don't have to be from Naruto it just needs to be amazing. And aww man I was looking forward to Grell! Oh well. And I'll warn you all in advance the storyline isn't going to be as traditional as most Naruto guilds so expect a lot of unexpected. And Wood I can;t wait to see you back in L&L. You can start making things in Mist but do me a favor and post a sample of your genius here so that the Guild Captain sees that I'm not just letting anybody become a Kage xD Oh and btw to everyone...I am now** the Raikage...why? because I said so dammit! EDIT: @tiny I don't remember it enough to say you were good enough for a kage position but I know you'd be good enough for a demon or Sannin position if I gave you that rank and it was 1600 words long. Hmm...could you repost it or possibly do another sample? don't have it with me, or in the mail box. cleaned it up like three weeks ago. Darn. I'll type something up later.
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A City Of Fools Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 8:05 pm
Lol. Sounds good, boss. ;D
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Posted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 8:07 pm
M o u r n ii n g W o o d There were numerous spelling mistakes, periods where periods were not meant to be, and even no distinguishing thoughts from actions by using italics or bold, etc. And thats from the first 5 sentences. You also seemed to spell with wrong every single time... I deny this. O: Ms word lied to me!! TT-TT
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A City Of Fools Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 8:09 pm
Lol. No offense meant, but if you write like that and need spell-check, grammar check, etc. then your not good enough to be a kage.
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Posted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 8:14 pm
I think Wood is going to be the Gregar of DON xD (Inside joke for all the people of POTS who know about Gregar)
And yeah Wood I think when the profiles start coming in, you'd be a great profile moderator.
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A City Of Fools Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 8:15 pm
Me no get joke! D;
Lol. I'll think about it. >> [Ish lazy] XD
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Posted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 8:15 pm
M o u r n ii n g W o o d Lol. No offense meant, but if you write like that and need spell-check, grammar check, etc. then your not good enough to be a kage. When I said word, I meant I copy/ paste on word just to be sure...
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A City Of Fools Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 8:30 pm
I know, and what I'm saying is that if you make that many mistakes and dont notice and have to go on word just to check then your not good enough to be a kage. o3o
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Posted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 8:37 pm
M o u r n ii n g W o o d I know, and what I'm saying is that if you make that many mistakes and dont notice and have to go on word just to check then your not good enough to be a kage. o3o But I didn't find any errors... that's all that matters, and I only need to do that when I do rp samples cause I send them to some of my friends to see there responces TT-TT But if you say so... TT-TT Please reconsider =3
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Posted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 9:36 pm
Edited.. all that was asked for was fixed.
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