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 Posted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 2:30 pm
Dark_Mana Sometimes, women are idiots and words cannot describe how big of an idiot they can be. Because I'm a man, I can't say that without being a jerk... so thank you.
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Posted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 4:05 pm
I don't agree with people thinking "they have to have somebody to be completed." And I also don't agree with selling yourself short. You shouldn't have to learn to develop feelings for someone or have to learn how to find them attractive. It's not fair to you and it isn't fair to them.
So, in a way, you should respect her for her decision. She isn't going to make you guys walk down a road that will inevitably lead to a dead end. Escpecially if she knows it is going to be a dead end. And most of the time, we know when things are not going to work out well enough to have a good relationship or if it is going to crash and burn.
I knew that it wasnt going to work out with Jared. He was a great guy, dont get me wrong. But I didn't like him in the way that he liked me and I let him go. I don't regret it because I know that if I had tried to date him it would have failed and ended up being awkward and unneccessary. AND he would have been really hurt.
Now, it sucks that she doesnt like you and that shes dating someone that may or may not be good for her. But it would suck even more if you two had gotten together despite her just wanting to be friends. There is always a positive to a negative situation.
You just have to be paitent. I was paitent and now I'm dating the most perfect guy for me. And it works. There will be a chick for you. Just dont settle, in any way.
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Posted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 4:33 pm
My Hollow I don't agree with people thinking "they have to have somebody to be completed." And I also don't agree with selling yourself short. You shouldn't have to learn to develop feelings for someone or have to learn how to find them attractive. It's not fair to you and it isn't fair to them. So, in a way, you should respect her for her decision. She isn't going to make you guys walk down a road that will inevitably lead to a dead end. Escpecially if she knows it is going to be a dead end. And most of the time, we know when things are not going to work out well enough to have a good relationship or if it is going to crash and burn. I knew that it wasnt going to work out with Jared. He was a great guy, dont get me wrong. But I didn't like him in the way that he liked me and I let him go. I don't regret it because I know that if I had tried to date him it would have failed and ended up being awkward and unneccessary. AND he would have been really hurt. Now, it sucks that she doesnt like you and that shes dating someone that may or may not be good for her. But it would suck even more if you two had gotten together despite her just wanting to be friends. There is always a positive to a negative situation. You just have to be paitent. I was paitent and now I'm dating the most perfect guy for me. And it works. There will be a chick for you. Just dont settle, in any way. I know what you mean. Believe me, I understand and fully respect her reasons for turning me down. They were valid, so I don't blame her and I don't hold it against her. That said, even if it's not with me, I really do want to see her happy. She's a good person, and she deserves to be with a guy who will treat her well. I hate the idea that she's putting herself in a place to get hurt just because she feels like she needs to date someone. Also, even though I know nothing is going to happen between us, and I accept that, it's still going to take me a little time to 'get over it'. As such, the timing of this is just unfortunate and painful for me. My emotions on the issue are my own problem, though, so I'll have to deal with that. On a more platonic level, we're still very close friends, and as such I worry about her. I think she's making a mistake that she's going to regret later, and it's all because she feels like she "needs" to date somebody and this guy happened to be there. So here I sit on the sidelines, unable to do anything while the girl I care about more than anybody in the world goes dumpster diving for companionship. All the while I'm feeling frustrated and miserable because I see this guy who's probably going to screw her over and who's just fallen into the place I'd give anything to be in, and he doesn't deserve her. It doesn't have to be me, I understand why it won't be me, but I know that she can do SO MUCH better than this guy. I know my own jealousy is present in my attitude on this issue, but that's a minor point. I've always been the type who has only a few friends, with a small circle of people I care for very deeply. If you're in that circle (as she is) then I'm far more concerned about protecting you than I am about myself. And right now I'm just worried about her. So yeah. I appreciate your comments. You said some very true and valuable things as pertain to my needs and my situation, but I'm afraid this issue also bothers me on levels that aren't all about my own romantic life.
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Posted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 8:36 pm
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Posted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 9:24 pm
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Posted: Wed Sep 01, 2010 10:54 pm
I'm going to try my best to not be offensive, but I can't guarantee success.
Let me ask you to consider this from a different angle. You keep saying that SHE'S making bad decisions and that SHE would be better off with someone more like yourself, but perhaps you should consider yourself for a moment. There's no easy way to say this, so I'm not going to beat around the bush: why should she consider moving her relationship with you beyond friendship? What is it you have to offer, besides being a pleasant friend? What about you is meritorious? While it may be painful to accept it, she may not, as Hollow said, see anything in you that she thinks is enough to maintain her interest past just being friends.
Not to mention the opinion that, despite being her friend, you should simply let her live her life the way she chooses and accept the consequences that brings.
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Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 1:08 am
Ash, it's all more or less true what you're saying.
Nevertheless, I totally can understand what Volvy feels right now. Of course he feels better than the other guy.
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Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 8:29 am
Shadowlit Facade I'm going to try my best to not be offensive, but I can't guarantee success.
Let me ask you to consider this from a different angle. You keep saying that SHE'S making bad decisions and that SHE would be better off with someone more like yourself, but perhaps you should consider yourself for a moment. There's no easy way to say this, so I'm not going to beat around the bush: why should she consider moving her relationship with you beyond friendship? What is it you have to offer, besides being a pleasant friend? What about you is meritorious? While it may be painful to accept it, she may not, as Hollow said, see anything in you that she thinks is enough to maintain her interest past just being friends.
Not to mention the opinion that, despite being her friend, you should simply let her live her life the way she chooses and accept the consequences that brings. I'm not offended. I get what you're saying, and you're basically right. I just think you slightly missed the point of my concern. Thus: I believe I've already said about a half dozen times that I know, understand, and accept that I'm not going to have a relationship with her and that her reasons for deciding against such a relationship are valid. I'm not saying she needs to be with me, or even with a guy LIKE me. I'm just saying that I think this particular guy is bad news and that she'll end up being hurt. There are a lot of good guys out there, and most of them are nothing like me at all, so dating somebody "like me" is not the point. As for letting her live her own life: it's not like I'm barricading her front door here. When you [metaphorically] see a drunk friend get behind the wheel of a car, it's your responsibility as both a friend and a human being to say something. In this case "saying something" is all I'm entitled to do, though. I've told her my opinion and left it at that. I know it's not my place to force decisions on her, and I'm not trying to. That doesn't mean I have to like the situation, though. And that doesn't stop it from hurting.
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Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2010 12:20 pm
Oh, and I know it sounds like I'm completely obsessing over this, but I'm really not. This thread is basically the only place I'm talking much about it, since it's a nicely isolated corner in which I can vent without it causing any problems in my real life.
I've got too much other stuff going on right now to spend all my time worked up about it, though.
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Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2010 2:33 pm
You have to ask yourself honestly, will anyone ever be good enough? And is it possible at this point to be just friends? I know coming from me that if one of my guy friends came out and said he liked me, that I would probably be wirded out. It's different if you know someone has a crush on you versus when they come out and say something about it.
It really does change the whole thing.
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Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2010 3:11 pm
My Hollow You have to ask yourself honestly, will anyone ever be good enough? And is it possible at this point to be just friends? I know coming from me that if one of my guy friends came out and said he liked me, that I would probably be wirded out. It's different if you know someone has a crush on you versus when they come out and say something about it. It really does change the whole thing. Both of those questions are pretty good. On the first one: you're probably right. I imagine my judgement of who is "good enough" for her is likely to be pretty skewed. Still, when a girl goes into a relationship already half expecting the guy to cheat on her, I think the bar could be pretty low and he still wouldn't pass. On the second part: I actually do think we can still be just friends without too many problems. We had several long, very honest and open conversations on the subject. I think, despite the lack of romantic spark, we both really do care a lot about each other and that we'll continue to be close friends.
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Posted: Mon Sep 06, 2010 10:53 am
Anyway, I'm doing what I can to move forward. I even got ditched by a girl in a bar the other night. confused
I think that was for the best, though. Not sure how much time I need to spend with somebody who thinks Shinedown is an "awesome Christian metal band".
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Posted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 7:41 pm
Volvy Anyway, I'm doing what I can to move forward. I even got ditched by a girl in a bar the other night. confused I think that was for the best, though. Not sure how much time I need to spend with somebody who thinks Shinedown is an "awesome Christian metal band". Meeting people in bars is stupid anyway.
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Posted: Wed Sep 08, 2010 9:13 am
My Hollow Volvy Anyway, I'm doing what I can to move forward. I even got ditched by a girl in a bar the other night. confused I think that was for the best, though. Not sure how much time I need to spend with somebody who thinks Shinedown is an "awesome Christian metal band". Meeting people in bars is stupid anyway. I kind of agree. I only went to check out a couple local bands that were playing, and some girl came and invited me over. So whatever.
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Digital Malevolence Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Sep 08, 2010 2:26 pm
Bars are the worst place to meet people 3nodding
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Reply
