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 Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 8:19 pm
let me ask you this, could you give your child away, just cause your not perfect or dont live in the perfect environment to raise a child, and there is always the what if, what if the people that adopt the child arent the best parents either, just cause they have a job and can support the child doesnt mean they will do any better than me, its not like giving away one of those pets you have, its a child, my child, but i want this child to have a good life and raising it myself is the only way i can be sure it has a good life, bad environment or not i'll do what i can to make sure it does
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Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 8:31 pm
You're missing the point. Parents want their children to have better lives than they had. So if you grew up in a bad environment, with no father, a drug-abusive mother who had you as a teen, wouldn't you want your child to have something better than that? There are also open adoptions, where the child would be raised by mature people, but you can still see and visit him. But I second Lorien's opinion. The baby would be better off with a more mature couple. You're just being stubborn and selfish about it. I know that if I were to get pregnant, I would abort it right away. I want children, but I won't keep it if I feel I wouldn't be ready to take care of one.
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Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 8:40 pm
Riku is my Twin I know that if I were to get pregnant, I would abort it right away i could never do something like that, just cause i make a mistake im gonna kill a child, i couldnt live with that
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Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 8:41 pm
kotic muffinz let me ask you this, could you give your child away If I was 15, doing drugs, drinking, living with my mother who drank and did drugs too, had no money in the bank, hadn't been taking prenatal vitamins, wasn't finished with college yet, etc., then yes, I could give the baby up. Because even if I wasn't in a place to care for the baby, I would still care about him. And that means I would put his needs before my own selfish desire to be with him. kotic muffinz just cause your not perfect or dont live in the perfect environment to raise a child Few people are completely perfect. But when you literally have nothing to offer a child other than love and when you know Social Services would actually take your baby away if they knew the details of his home environment, then you really have to stop and ask yourself if you're making a choice that's better for you or for him. kotic muffinz and there is always the what if, what if the people that adopt the child arent the best parents either Anything is possible. But adoption is actually a pretty hard process. It usually involves a lot of time, money, background checks, etc. So the people who adopt usually want a baby very badly and have been thoroughly screened. kotic muffinz just cause they have a job and can support the child doesnt mean they will do any better than me Actually, yes, it does. You have love to give a baby. So even if they had love, a strong desire to bring a baby into their life, a job, and nothing else, they'd already be better parents that you and would have a lot more to offer the baby than you. kotic muffinz its not like giving away one of those pets you have, its a child, my child, but i want this child to have a good life and raising it myself is the only way i can be sure it has a good life, bad environment or not i'll do what i can to make sure it does So in order to give your baby a good life you're going to give him a bad life with no money and an unhealthy home environment? Are you even reading what you're typing? You're so desperate to have any excuse to keep this baby that you don't care how selfish you sound or how bad off he is. And that is why you should not be a parent. The only way to be a good parent to him and to make sure he has it good is to let him go.
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Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:05 pm
say all you want but im not changing my mind, im willing to raise this child and im gonna give it everything i have to offer, tho it may not be much but dammit im going to do this, i did this and im going through with it, im not taking the easy way out
i believe in karma, and i believe i have led a good life, and i believe that life will find its way to work things out for the better, maybe not the best but things will work out, i dont care what anyone says, im not giving my child away just because im wasnt born into the best environment with two parents that have good jobs, my mom raised me, and i think she did just fine, its not her fault i made these chioces, its mine
if your ever faced with a choice of what to do with a child your going to have in 9 months, trust me, getting rid of it is the last thing on your mind, it crosses your mind but you think of all the what if, and there is only one thing you can control and thats raising the child yourself, poor or not last thing you wanna do is give up your child
its not just a child, its my child, its easy to say the stuff your saying when your not in this position
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Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:45 pm
If you two have decided to keep the baby, have you scheduled a doctor's appointment yet?
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Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:01 pm
I got pregnant in high school at 17 years old. I was VERY fortunate to have a man (yes, he is a man now) who wanted to stay with me, even married me while I was still in school, to take care of me and our child. I kept my daughter, but every single day and every single time something bad happened, I wondered if giving her up for adoption was a good idea. My husband and I went through a lot of hardship trying to start preparing for her. We lived with friends for a time, I had to quit my job then we became homeless because said friends didn't want us around anymore and I had to go live with my mother and her abusive boyfriend for two months before we finally managed to get our own place. I almost went into preterm labor at 30 weeks because of all the stress I went through. Luckily, my daughter was born at 42 weeks and perfect. Then I graduated high school with much effort.
Now, I'm having my second child and he's going to be here in 4 weeks or less. Again, I had thoughts about putting him up for adoption as well. Once again, we ended up with a lot of hardships. I lost the job I had gotten because I was so sick during the beginning of my pregnancy. My husband started losing hours at work then got fired and he's lucky to have found a small cash job that barely pays the bills so he can continue to take his online classes to go to school. I still wonder to this day if it would have been better to put my daughter up for adoption and none of this would have happened. Sure, I am providing for her and she has a MUCH better life than my husband and I ever had..but I want more for her and my son. Will we get there? Yes, eventually.
But you want advice from someone who is in your position? Well, I may not be in your exact position but I know what's it like to wonder what to do. If I had been in your exact position, I would give my child to a couple who wanted a baby, was ready for a baby, and could care for my child so that he or she could have a better life than I could provide at the time. Does it make you a bad mother? Hell no it doesn't. I think it would make you an excellent mother, responsible, and mature enough to say you made a mistake and you are going to fix it by making sure this child is taken care of...even if it means you aren't the one raising him/her.
It takes a lot more than love to raise a baby. It takes a lot of money, time, and patience. You're barely half way through high school and you're going to want to at least graduate high school to get any kind of job worth anything. But if you're seriously going to take on this responsibility, you need to start acting now. If your mom won't stop taking drugs, you need to leave by either getting emancipated or living with other family, or living with the father if he wants you. You need to get insurance like Medicaid. You need to find a good OB or midwife to see and start prenatal vitamins yesterday, at the least.
My point in this jumbled mess of what the hell is this? I think you should at least consider adoption. Keep it as an option, look into it but if you really think you can do this and provide a safe, healthy, stable environment for this child...well, I'd be happy to give you any advice you need help with.
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Posted: Sat Jun 19, 2010 8:40 am
i spent the past few days thinking and talking to james and my mom, and we are going through with raising it
my mom raise me as a teen on her own and i turned out fine, so if she can do that then i can do it with my mom and james helping
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Posted: Sat Jun 19, 2010 9:14 am
Well, if that's your choice then your first step is to get yourself some prenatal vitamins and stop smoking weed. And while you're doing that, you need to get medicaid or some other form of insurance to get into a doctor ASAP. After that you can see about getting on WIC, too.
http://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/ <--WIC info
http://www.fns.usda.gov/snap/faqs.htm <--SNAP, or foodstamps
http://www.cms.gov/home/medicaid.asp <--Medicaid
http://www.webmd.com/baby/drug-use-and-pregnancy
http://www.whattoexpect.com/what-to-expect/landing-page.aspx
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Posted: Fri Jun 25, 2010 5:58 pm
How is it you disagree with abortion, yet you can drink, smoke and use drugs while pregnant? Those are much, much worse than aborting a small sack of cells.
Whereas, if you're 6 month along and you're still partying, how do you think that's better?
Being pregnant and under the influence can give your baby development issues such as down-syndrome. Which means you have to take care of them for more than half of their life.
You're obviously having this baby to form some sort of status among your friends.
Well, since it's "cool" to have a baby at such a young age, explain to them why you can't go out for lunch because you don't have money to spare. You can't go out tonight because you have a colicy baby. Do you know what colicy means? You should look that up, since young moms often have very colicy babies, usually because they don't know how to care for them.
What about giving birth, have you read about that?
Here is a quick quote from a woman's experience.
"I was told it would feel like very bad menstrual cramps but that's not what it felt like to me. It was much more intense and it was almost all in my lower back. Every time a contraction would come, my lower back would slowly begin to seize up. It was kind of like the muscles inside were slowly twisting harder and harder until it became almost unbearable, and then it would slowly subside. It was still much more painful than I had imagined it would be."
You'll be going through so much worse than that because words cannot describe.
You might want to look up what drinking, smoking, and using marijuana will do to your baby. You're being very selfish if you avoid it and continue to do it. Don't worry, they're not lying to you.
"Marijuana crosses the placenta to your baby. Marijuana, like cigarette smoke, contains toxins that keep your baby from getting the proper supply of oxygen that he or she needs to grow.
Studies of marijuana in pregnancy are inconclusive because many women who smoke marijuana also use tobacco and alcohol. Smoking marijuana increases the levels of carbon monoxide and carbon dioxide in the blood, which reduces the oxygen supply to the baby. Smoking marijuana during pregnancy can increase the chance of miscarriage, low birth-weight, premature births, developmental delays, and behavioral and learning problems."
This poor child is going to be raised in an environment where no one cares (which is obvious looking at the choices you've made).
Perhaps if you stopped looking at what you want for a minute and take a look at what the child will be brought up in.
Will they be clean? Will they eat every night? Will they be embarrassed to go to school because they smell, don't have clean clothes, and everyone seems to point it out? Will you be able to explain to the teachers that you just can't afford for him/or her to wear clean clothes? Will you buy all their clothes from second-hand because you're too busy using your money for drugs, booze, and smokes? Will you be able to afford breakfast, lunch, and dinner, every night?
Will they get a Christmas, or will you be saving for money an entire year to get them the toys their friends have so they don't feel like an outcast?
Can you afford diapers, formula (God knows you can't breastfeed, and you probably won't after it starts to hurt), wipes, rash cream, bottles, soothers, toys, bedding, crib, clothes, stroller, and all the baby necessities? Will you feel bad if your baby goes without these?
Everything costs money.
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Posted: Fri Jun 25, 2010 7:12 pm
She and Him
How is it you disagree with abortion, yet you can drink, smoke and use drugs while pregnant? Those are much, much worse than aborting a small sack of cells.
Whereas, if you're 6 month along and you're still partying, how do you think that's better?
Being pregnant and under the influence can give your baby development issues such as down-syndrome. Which means you have to take care of them for more than half of their life.
You're obviously having this baby to form some sort of status among your friends.
Well, since it's "cool" to have a baby at such a young age, explain to them why you can't go out for lunch because you don't have money to spare. You can't go out tonight because you have a colicy baby. Do you know what colicy means? You should look that up, since young moms often have very colicy babies, usually because they don't know how to care for them.
What about giving birth, have you read about that?
Here is a quick quote from a woman's experience.
"I was told it would feel like very bad menstrual cramps but that's not what it felt like to me. It was much more intense and it was almost all in my lower back. Every time a contraction would come, my lower back would slowly begin to seize up. It was kind of like the muscles inside were slowly twisting harder and harder until it became almost unbearable, and then it would slowly subside. It was still much more painful than I had imagined it would be."
You'll be going through so much worse than that because words cannot describe.
You might want to look up what drinking, smoking, and using marijuana will do to your baby. You're being very selfish if you avoid it and continue to do it. Don't worry, they're not lying to you.
"Marijuana crosses the placenta to your baby. Marijuana, like cigarette smoke, contains toxins that keep your baby from getting the proper supply of oxygen that he or she needs to grow.
Studies of marijuana in pregnancy are inconclusive because many women who smoke marijuana also use tobacco and alcohol. Smoking marijuana increases the levels of carbon monoxide and carbon dioxide in the blood, which reduces the oxygen supply to the baby. Smoking marijuana during pregnancy can increase the chance of miscarriage, low birth-weight, premature births, developmental delays, and behavioral and learning problems."
This poor child is going to be raised in an environment where no one cares (which is obvious looking at the choices you've made).
Perhaps if you stopped looking at what you want for a minute and take a look at what the child will be brought up in.
Will they be clean? Will they eat every night? Will they be embarrassed to go to school because they smell, don't have clean clothes, and everyone seems to point it out? Will you be able to explain to the teachers that you just can't afford for him/or her to wear clean clothes? Will you buy all their clothes from second-hand because you're too busy using your money for drugs, booze, and smokes? Will you be able to afford breakfast, lunch, and dinner, every night?
Will they get a Christmas, or will you be saving for money an entire year to get them the toys their friends have so they don't feel like an outcast?
Can you afford diapers, formula (God knows you can't breastfeed, and you probably won't after it starts to hurt), wipes, rash cream, bottles, soothers, toys, bedding, crib, clothes, stroller, and all the baby necessities? Will you feel bad if your baby goes without these?
Everything costs money.
where are you getting that im ok with doing all this parting, and i never said anything about it being ok with doing drugs and all while pregnant, and yes im aware that stuff cost money and fyi i have a job working in a local bakery with my mom so who are you to go around saying all this crap, its not like i planed this baby, it just happened because i made a mistake and got high and drunk and had unprotected sex, judge me all you want but people do make mistakes and im willing to live with it and take responsibility for it
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Posted: Fri Jun 25, 2010 7:34 pm
kotic muffinz i never said anything about it being ok with doing drugs and all while pregnant You might not have come right out and said that it was ok, but you do have a pot signature and your status says your mom bought you drugs a day or two ago. So that tells us that you don't think quitting for your baby's life/health is a very big deal, even if you don't come right out and say so. kotic muffinz people do make mistakes and im willing to live with it and take responsibility for it We all know that people make mistakes. The problem is that you're not taking responsibility for this one. If you were actually taking responsibility you'd be completely off drugs, cigarettes, and alcohol; you'd be proud to say you were off those things while pregnant rather than putting them in your sign as if moms on drugs were cool; and you'd be looking into adoption so that your baby could be raised by a couple who actually want him, can afford him, and aren't at risk of getting him taken away by Social Services.
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Posted: Sat Jun 26, 2010 9:09 am
Ok everyone, truce time. ninja Can we just agree to disagree?
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Posted: Sat Jun 26, 2010 10:45 am
I dont want to become to involved in this debate but I want to say one thing. Remember that if you give your baby up for adoption its not like you wont be able to see him again, and also you can always have another baby when you older and more prepared for it. One more thing, by smoking pot and by possesing it, you are breaking the law and that in itself could get your mother and you into a ton of trouble.
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Posted: Sat Jun 26, 2010 11:28 am
its not illegal for my mom to have marijuana, she gets medical marijuana for chronic pain and thats legal here so yea all of the marijuana she has comes from clinics approved by the government
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