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Quicksilver the Archangel
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 Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 9:39 pm
Popping in to give another set of crits, since you've revised her some since I saw her last!
@ Nyx: I admit, I was kind of attached to Pholus, but I think Nyx fits really nicely with the sphere, and especially with the new way you have the attacks. The darkness of the creature juxtaposed with the golden writing is really very lovely!
@ Flaws
Escapism: I like how you channel the escapism aspect here so that she's not insane or helpless. It's still a big flaw in that she's not confronting the issue, but it also has her channeling her energy into a subtask. The only thing I can suggest is maybe putting some example of what that simpler task might be?
Personal Honour Code: This is very clearly defined, and it makes sense in my head. Your examples are very good. However, maybe you could show how this could affect a battle with Negas/dealing with other Senshi? Even just defining whether she'll always take one side or the other/what she'll do if her honour code doesn't say to work with other senshi?
Demanding: Again, I think putting this in terms of how this flaw will affect Harper's dealings with Negas/Senshi will help completely round it out. If a Nega has her respect but not another Senshi, does that mean she'll listen to the nega, for example?
@ Attacks
Just a couple of spots that could maybe use some clarification; I quite like the way they level up! As I said before, the darkness with the golden writing is a beautiful image, and the way that you describe the creatures with "general" shapes but all shadowy makes a lot of sense.
1. When you say "a sense of unease" what exactly does that mean? Like, nervousness or anxiety? Or slight fear? Does it manifest the same way for every person?
2. How long is "a few turns"? Do they get longer as the attacks increase in power?
3. Can the attacks affect/hurt Senshi as well as Negas? Like, if Harper missed for whatever reason?
Keep up the good work~ heart
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Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 5:07 am
Just a note that I really appreciate your continued feedback, Quick, and I'm currently working on the areas you commented on!
EDIT: Made the suggested changes, to an extent. Since Harper's "honour code" flaw is a bit of a wildcard to her future developments, I'm hesitant to speculate further with it.
I folded "demanding" into "honour code," which might help. Added "harsh."
Attended to attack questions, but I'm still a little unsure on balancing them between overpowered and underpowered since her first two attacks are mainly distractions. Perhaps taking Mouse's original suggestion, with dropping the creature itself for the final and just going full NIGHTMARE FUEL area effect?
EDIT AGAIN: I think I've figured out the nuances of attacks! xD So, onward to stamping tryouts~ (but still open to crits until such an occasion o/c)
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Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2011 5:35 am
Hi, just popping in to offer a little crit on the attacks!
Two or three minutes is far too long, especially considering most battles only last three to five minutes. The usual length of time for an attack--especially at first stage--is thirty seconds for especially strong attacks, and a minute ish for weaker ones.
I'm also skeptical as to the point of honor code as a flaw and what it means for Harper as a person--I'm not sure if the way it's worded is what's throwing me off or if it's the flaw itself. Does she make snap judgements on people and then refuse to budge? What happens if her view on something was completely wrong or there are mitigating circumstances--perhaps the man who didn't donate blood legally cannot--does she feel bad about it later? How does this trait make her look bad to other people?
I also feel that leaving yourself an "out" like saying "If someone she respects says otherwise..." is a little bit of a copout. How does she react to that someone saying that they're not going to leave the thief to die or that they're going to help the fire victim who didn't donate blood regain their former assets? Does she drag her feet as she follows the person she respects? Is she angry or annoyed about her opinion being undermined?
I have to go to class, but I figured I'd share my thoughts before I went there.
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Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 6:06 am
The new sphere looks great! The general form of her powers are also good, but there are just a few tiny logistical notes for it.
Regular Attack:
- Two minutes is a bit too long for a first stage attack, even though it is non-offensive. I would knock his down to one minute. Also, I would take out the bit about her being able to control how many targets perceive the attack. That is a little too much power for a first stage. If she just creates it and then it roams the battlefield with zero direction from her, I think that is enough of a negative to earn that extended duration (since most level one attacks are around 30 seconds). Because this sphere is based on illusions, more or less, I would remove the part about it being able to bump an enemy. It can get close and freak them out, maybe give them a chill, but it can't physically move them because it is noncorporeal.
Super Attack:
- I think you can up the duration here to two minutes, but again, I'd take out the bit about her being able to control it and about it physically bumping people.
Eternal Attack:
- Because the attack gets other significant boosts at this stage, I would knock the duration down to 2 minutes. I would also get rid of her being able to fully control it, and perhaps instead focus on how it is partially sentient. Basically, instead of just lurking around the edge of the battle and being a creepy presence, her eternal attack is a little more hands-on. I would stay away from making it capable of physical attacks and instead focus on how it seems to attempt to creep enemies out -- ie, it will charge a random Nega and stop moments before impact, it will antagonize individuals repeatedly instead of the random wandering as it did before. Any 'sentient' nature in this creature is just a manifestation of Nyx's thoughts though. So she she might have a very, very loose control over it. Does that make sense? In short, I think you should make it clear that her eternal attack is basically a semi-guided, way more antagonistic form of the same creepy distraction attack she has had all along.
I hope that all made sense!
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2011 1:52 am
Attacks have been edited to reflect most of the suggestions. Thank you! heart I was really just stabbing in the dark with the duration, and I don't mind taking out much of the physicality and the control. It's actually rather nice to simplify it to a point. c:
However, I feel it may be straying too far from the original intent of it to take away all physicality. (As even with the literal phantasmagoria lantern shows, they are created from something 'real'.) I've written up a compromise in this regard for her eternal attack. I am also willing to toss in a "needs to concentrate/be immobile" aspect to add the physicality.
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2011 7:12 am
The changes to regular and super look good. Since this sphere is about scary illusions, I still ask that you steer away from the idea of this created "shifting series of phantasms, illusions, or deceptive appearances, as in a dream" being a truly physical, corporeal attack. The little sensations of being brushed up against or bumped are okay though, since they are minor physical attributes. I think regular/super toe that line nicely, and based on what you wrote for eternal, I think you are going with that same idea for eternal, which works.
For eternal, please list how many targets in total may be affected, or provide an area of effect. So, for example, maybe the phantom can work on five enemies, or maybe it can affect all people within fifteen feet on all sides of Nyx. I would just define that in your write-up. After that, this is stampable!
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Posted: Fri May 06, 2011 11:31 pm
HAHA, OH WOW. I'm going to come out of this with egg on my face, but I'll attempt a short explanation/apology.
I actually realized where you were coming from while playing a bit of Shadow of the Colossus and having a "is this how her profile could read?" moment. (I thought the brushing sensation was included in the bumping, too. orz) Reading that last post made me realize we're arriving in the same place and it's all good. I definitely didn't want these things to be stomping all over people and biting them or whatnot -- just a little 'maybe these are not teh shadows?' Sorry for any bad impressions with that. :c;;
I went with an AOE effect, because it seemed more in line with affecting the environs and an interesting change from the reg/super!
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Posted: Sun May 08, 2011 4:48 pm
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