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This is actually true0.o I did that today in search of a lightbulb for a desklamp. I finally ended up using the one from my broken floorlamp.

how do you give an oboe perfect pitch? by throwing it in the dumpster without hitting the sides!

What do you do with the wind player who sucks?
Take away his instrument, give him two sticks, and stick him in the back.
What do you do with the percussionist who sucks?
Take away one stick and put him in charge of the band.
What do you do with the band director who sucks?
Take away his last stick and put him in charge of the choir.

Ba duh pshh.
Last part added courtesy of me on behalf of our sucky choir director who recently quit, thank God.

Ahahahahahahah~! Yay for trumpets~!

Trombone

Whats the difference between a dead squirrel in the road and a dead trombone player? there are skid marks in front of the squirrel

What is the dynamic of the bass trombone? On or Off

How do you improve the aerodynamics of a trombone players car? take the Domino's Pizza sign off

Flute

Did you hear about the flute player who was so out of tune they noticed? me nether

A flute player and a fiddle player were standing on a sinking ship. "Help!" Cries the fiddle player, "I can't swim!" "Don't worry," says the flute player, "Just fake it."

How do you tune a flute? You mean you can tune those bad-boys?


Percussion

how many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? none, they have a machine to do that

Heard backstage, "All musicians and drummers to the stage."

Tuba

these two tuba players walk past a bar... well it could happen!


Saxamaphones

Whats the difference between a lawnmower and a sax? The neighbors are upset if you borrow a lawnmower and don't return it

Clarinets:
Q: What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: How do know a clarinet player is playing loud?
A: You can almost hear them.


Color Guard (flags)

Colorguard hit point system:
Other flag = 0
Flute = 10
Clarinet = 10
Saxophone = 15
Trumpet = 20
Trombone = 25
Baritone = 35
Sousaphone = 50
Drumline = 55
Drum Major = 65
Band Director = Run!!!

Murphy's Law of Colorguard
If any toss can be dropped, it will.
If any toss can't be dropped, it will.
After things have gone from bad to worse, spin.
When the going gets tough, spin.
Complex drill spots have simple, easy-to-understand wrong ways to get there.
Don't let your captains know you're better than they are.
You never know who's right, but you always know who the judges think is right.
When you do not know what you are doing, do with a smile on your face and your head up.
Remember that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse if you weren't in guard.
Spinning is not the answer. Spinning is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

How to Annoy a Guard Member

Jump when guard members run by and yell "Please don't hit me!"
Ask "Is that heavy?"
Just watch the guard carry big flags, but don't move out of the way.
Ask "Can you go somewhere or do you have to do that flaggy spinny thing you do?"
Ask "Are you the people that twirl those things at football games?"
Say "Colorguard sucks."
Say "I could do that."
Ask what we do then say "Thanks for clearing it up. I always got you and cheerleaders mixed up."
Sit in a sweater and jeans and moan to the guard members in skirts about how cold you are.
Put marbles or some other small object in flag poles.
Say "Don't you feel stupid out there holding that white stick thing?"
Tell us that all we do is stand there and spin our "little" flags. (Most of our poles are taller than you.)
Four words: "Guard isn't a sport".

The best one yet

Wood winds kick brass