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Grayson was a man who listened, and listened carefully. Sometimes, if the subject wasn't important, he let his gaze go bleary, stared into the distance while his mind worked around what was being presented to him. It didn't mean he wasn't listening, though he'd often been reprimanded for seeming to ignore what was going on around him. He wasn't as absent-minded as he might give indication of, but even still, no one would look at him that night and think that he was anything but attentive.

It was cold, and that was distracting, but he'd remained silently focused through most of the meeting. His arms were wrapped around his long, lean frame, chilled hands tucked under the armpits of a much-loved Colts sweatshirt. His hair was damp and unbound, leaving a gigantic wet spot over one shoulder and inspiring a splitting headache, and he hated himself a little bit for taking showers at night. Though he shivered, he clamped his jaw, doing his best to keep his teeth from chattering against the cold.

He was also tired, and though he might have been paying the strictest attention, he had to fight to keep himself from yawning. It seemed like he was always tired lately, but the lethal combination of it being late, him having already gone through his nightly routine, and the near numbing cold weren't making things easy on him.

Still, his head swung to each person as they spoke, and even if he didn't comment, his eyes followed them, and he carefully filed away what he was learning. He'd been spending too much time alone since Barren Pines -- or too much time with too few of his comrades. It was a bad habit of his, one that he swore over and over again he'd change, and he flinched at Serenade's words. He knew he wasn't responsible, and he knew he was lazy. Still, knowing something wasn't an excuse; he needed to get out, he needed to offer himself up for patrol, he needed to start acting like a Zodiac. He was a Zodiac, and he needed to start acting worthy of it.

It was hard to change, though. Standing in a circle with people whose faces he knew, people he felt he should know more than anyone else in the world, people that he knew on a level that he couldn't even explain, he was afraid to ask for help. He didn't want to be inadequate, didn't want them to see him as the crack in the Zodiac, the weakness in the line. He felt guilt for his performance after Barren Pines, guilt for not making the effort to patrol with any of them, guilt for not being there when Jude died; the last thing he wanted was to see so many pairs of disappointed eyes on him.

Still, he couldn't just stand there. Not the entire night. Briefly, he touched Elke's elbow, a smile ghosting around the corners of his mouth. He understood her frustration, but more than that, he understood her loving and generous heart, and knew that she only wanted the best for all of them. She'd made friends with the lunars, he knew, while he only knew one of them, and she wanted to defend them. For his part, Grayson was more inclined to trust and lean on his fellow Zodiacs than anything, but he wasn't going to rule out the lunar senshi entirely. Common ground was the best place to meet, wasn't it? He was glad they were at least going to try.

His fingertips lingered against her elbow a moment longer before he dropped his hand, clearing his throat. His voice was steady and low, but not quiet; he could be easily heard, and for all his feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, he sounded calm when he said, "For patrolling, I can patrol with anyone who needs a partner. I'll give out my work number in case you need to get ahold of me when I'm there. If I don't answer my cell, I'm probably working."

He slid his hands down his thighs, glanced around the group. His gaze lingered on his Captain's face a moment, and there was shame in his eyes. He'd shown up for Saturday morning sparring, but he'd done so little patrolling. Had really done so little. He'd encountered one Negaverse agent, and she'd stolen a man's starseed and escaped. He'd defeated youma, but he'd done that with the aid of Jude and Dani, and even now, he wasn't patrolling with the latter.

He blinked, looked to Serenade. There was guilt here, too, for not protecting his princess as he ought to, for not making the effort to be as close to her as he could. He couldn't attend Crystal, obviously, but he could try a little harder. He could try a little harder with all of them.

As frustrated as he was with himself, though, as much as he told himself he needed to try harder, he wondered if he would. Could. Knew that he had to, but didn't quite trust himself to do it.

Damn it, he would do it.

"I'm sorry I haven't been very available," He said finally, teeth chattering around the last word. Violet eyes roved around the assembled faces, and he couldn't bring himself to smile. It seemed useless to say, and as he did, his voice lost a bit of its volume, but he still stated, "I'll do better from now on."

Even if it was only a promise to himself, he would do better from now on. With that, he cast his eyes to the ground, finished. Unconsciously, he leaned closer to Elke, arm brushing against her shoulder.

He would do better.