fallen harts
Quote:
Who drank my tea?
"Lily!",her sister shouted for her assistance. She sat down her tea cup and ran.
"Is everyone ok?",Lily leaned against the door way, exhausted after sprinting from the garden.
"Yes, but I wanted to know if this needs salt.",her sister held out a ladle filled with soup. Lily just stared at her
"I thought someone was hurt or it was serious...",Lily turned around and walked back to the garden befor her sister could respond. When she found her spot the tea cup was empty.
"Lily!",her sister shouted for her assistance. She sat down her tea cup and ran.
"Is everyone ok?",Lily leaned against the door way, exhausted after sprinting from the garden.
"Yes, but I wanted to know if this needs salt.",her sister held out a ladle filled with soup. Lily just stared at her
"I thought someone was hurt or it was serious...",Lily turned around and walked back to the garden befor her sister could respond. When she found her spot the tea cup was empty.
Ok, so I post this and then I fix it?
Quote:
Who drank my tea?
"Lily!",her sister alarmingly shouted for her assistance. She sat down her tea cup and ran.
"Is everyone ok?",Lily leaned against the door way, exhausted after sprinting from the garden.
"Yes, but I wanted to know if this needs salt.",her sister casually held out a ladle filled with soup. Lily just stared at her.
"I thought someone was hurt or it was serious...",Lily turned around and walked back to the garden befor her sister could respond. When she found her spot the tea cup was empty.
"Lily!",her sister alarmingly shouted for her assistance. She sat down her tea cup and ran.
"Is everyone ok?",Lily leaned against the door way, exhausted after sprinting from the garden.
"Yes, but I wanted to know if this needs salt.",her sister casually held out a ladle filled with soup. Lily just stared at her.
"I thought someone was hurt or it was serious...",Lily turned around and walked back to the garden befor her sister could respond. When she found her spot the tea cup was empty.
EDIT:Oh, I am sorry, is it to short. I totaly spaced out that part. I am sorry. sweatdrop
That second edit is just nasty. You already should rarely ever use a dialogue tag coupled with an adverb. You show her alarm through the use of an exclamation point. And I wouldn't even say she shouted, as you show that too through the use of one. Use an action tag instead. And it's pointless to say she casually held it out. It doesn't convey a different picture than just saying she held it out.
