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 Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 8:24 am
"And what do you suppose I am, some kind of walking who-knows-what? I happen to be a female too-"
It sounded like she hissed on the word female, as though admitting it out loud was the worst thing she could do to herself.
"-yet I don't intend to act the way you are. A Gold would never pick someone that they felt could be walked all over, even if they had similar personalities. You're here for a reason, like you said, so start acting like it."
Faranth, Yulu hadn't meant to start lecturing anyone today. She didn't like to lecture people period, but it wasn't as though this person before her didn't deserve a good tongue-lashing. This kind of attitude about her, claiming that this is how females should be, positively infuriated Yulu.
"And as for how a woman should act? I sure as Faranth don't know about that either, their behaviors and what not, but I can tell you that acting like you've been hit a few times doesn't help anyone - not even yourself."
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Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 8:33 am
"I don't want to be walked all over!" She cried out in protest, shaking her head, "I... just know my place. It's hard... trying to figure out what people want, if you don't act the way they expect, you get ostracized!" Her voice rose in protest, hoarse from lack of being loud, "You don't know what it's like! There's less trouble if you just do what's asked..."
She bit her lip and turned away, flushed with a mixture of embarassment and upset. Her fists balled at her sides but from then tension of her shoulders and her posture, it was doubtful she'd respond physically - rather, she seemed caught where she stood, standing as she endured a lecture. "Please.... If you need to lecture me, wait until after I'm finished....?" She doubted that would work but it was worth a try, she really did need to do her chores.
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Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 8:59 am
"I hadn't intended to lecture you, but you seem to make it easy enough to do. You're new here and people know this, from the way you move to how you act around others. I know this place isn't exactly accepting to females, but look at the odds on the sands. We have far more females out there than even eggs, more females than the males. They will have to accept the fact that this clutch will bring more females into the ranks, whether they like it or not."
Song whirred against Yulu's face as the woman talked, her own movements moving boxes around. While it seemed like she may have just stomped off after all of this and left Marcillus to her own devices she had offered to help, and doing anything else would be rude otherwise. Perhaps then it would just be best for them now to work in silence, since any and all benefits this girl could have provided to Yulu seemed nonexistent.
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Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 10:15 pm
Marcillus blinked. She hadn't thought about the Hatching from that respect. She swallowed, thinking over how she would phrase her speech, "What... what do they expect, then? How am I supposed to act?" It confused her, the possibility of Impressing a dragon not meant for her. She had little idea of that meant... Impressing, only that dragons needed people and it caused the person to need the dragon. Almost like the importance of a marriage in the Hold, except it was to a beast rather then a person.
"How do you at, then? You're a woman... do they not look down on you and pressure you?" Was she just special like that? The odd one out even here? She pursed her lips and wrung her hands, shaking her head. That was probably the answer... she was lacking in some way. She always had been, mother and father had never looked at her with pride, just a wistful, forlorn sort of disappointment. That, Marci figured, was what she figured she was up against here.
At least she knew the routine well enough to cope.
Hopefully.
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Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 10:47 pm
"Kid, I act how I please regardless of how others look at me. I don't regret a thing I say or do, nor will I allow others to tell me how to live my life. I've been through that for too long, far too long, and it's finally my turn to be in control of my destiny. Weyr traditions or not, I'm going to stand on those sands and Impress a fighting dragon."
Yulu looked over at Marcillua with a look that almost held a bit of pride. It was true that Yulu didn't back away from anything she said or did, nor would she ever take them back even under threats. Her life from the moment she left the Hold was always in her own control, and she intended to let the rest of it play out from that point on.
"As for what the Weyr wants of you, it's nothing you'll willingly want to give back. They'll try to bend you to their wills and ways, and if they can't convert you they'll kill you, in a manner of speaking. You just need to be more assertive in yourself. I'm the kind of guy who just says his mind you know, so usually that doesn't rub over well, but even I know when it's time to bite my tongue and when it's time to speak up."
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Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 11:25 pm
"You must be strong... for that." She replied quietly, returning to her work, "You must come from a good family to be so confident. They must have loved you very much." Marci smiled wearily at that comment, wishing vaguely she could claim to come from such a background.
"I'm used to this... It's how I was raised." She offered a bright smile and it contrasted greatly with her words, "My name is a boy's name. Marcillus. A fine first-born son's name, don't you think? My birth destroyed my parents' plans so I got caught between being a lady and being the eldest son. Funny... I'm not much of either."
She sighed and shoved the box up onto it's shelf, bending to pick up another a moment later. "They don't expect me to speak back and operating outside those expectations causes friction... friction that keeps me on the outside. I'm happier when I'm included, but thank-you for your advice."
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Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 11:32 pm
Enough was too much. Entirely too much.
Yulu burst out into heavy laughter the moment the girl she was assisting mentioned that Yulu must have come from a loving home, that her parents were good to her. She was laughing so hard she barely heard the last bit about friction, whatever it was meant to be, and soon she found herself doubled over with tears in her eyes. She wiped them away with her thumb, still chuckling, and she shook her head in an effort to make the laughter subside.
On her shoulder Song spread her wings with worry, uncertain of what to make of the feelings that her person sent her way. While she was certainly laughing, Song knew laughter was really nice, there was something inside her person's head that was almost screaming out loud. Something not happy and nice at all, and Song almost hissed a warning in Yulu's ear over it all. Thankfully the little Gold didn't have to since Yulu settled, her throat being cleared before she could speak further.
"Faranth, you think you'd had it bad, just being named like a boy and being raised to be the best of both worlds? Try not having a choice in what gender you want to be, and have it beaten into you daily when you can't seem to remember the difference between right and wrong."
There was another chuckle, though her shoulders were calming down.
"Ah man, 'ruined'. Your rough life was probably a cakewalk compared to the s**t I've been though, but I'm not going to turn this into a pissing contest. There's no point in us comparing apples to oranges in what happened in our childhoods, since you clearly came out of it just fine. I did too, though I happened to find myself a rather interesting guy because of it all."
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Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 11:45 pm
When Yulu began to laugh, Marcillus stood up straight, eyes widening as her life was mocked. Debased in every sense by that laughter and by the words to follow... she bit her lip hard enough to draw blood as tears threatened to spill over her cheeks.
"Get out." She murmured, head down as she lost and tears rolled down her face, "You've said quite enough. You insult me for trying to fit into a world that has no place for me. You insult my beginnings... you tell me I should not be here... you tell me I'm too weak... and yet... and yet I garner respect. Go away, Yulu.... I don't need your help."
Marcillus had thought Yulu might try to understand... to help, but now... now the other Candidate seemed more interested in bashing everything about her. In trying to roll with the flow, she'd only managed to aggravate Yulu, or make her laugh... there was no kindness there, no want to know. "Just so you know... I wasn't raised to be the best of both worlds, as you put it. But you wouldn't care. Just go, please, and let me work."
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Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 11:53 pm
"But I can't leave, you know? You're not done with this, and the guy who gave you this task will be back shortly. In the state you're in you'll never finish it on your own, and I can easily get it done while you just cry like a little girl over in that corner. Just keep crying until you feel better, and then get back to work."
Yulu simply ignored the comment to get out, and the little bits that came afterward, though the laughing smile on her face was gone and replaced with a look that could perhaps mirror an apology. She hadn't meant to make anyone cry, most of all not someone knew to the Weyr who was trying to look towards others to depend on them. She certainly wasn't being a decent person, but that also meant she wasn't being an overly horrible one either. She had spoke her mind and it had caused tears, but Yulu was not going to back down or regret it.
"When you're done crying, just promise yourself not to cry again. You've cried enough in your childhood, haven't you? Didn't you come to the Weyr because you had something you wanted to do, even if no one else would support you in it? Didn't you come here because you wanted people to see you for you and not the image of you they've painted you with?"
Yulu moved a few more boxes, making sure she was putting them in their right places. She didn't speak harsh, nor did she whisper kindly, instead her tone never wavering from a person trying to tell someone to pick themselves up. It probably was doing her no good to do this, she'd already become hated enough to be told to leave, but Yulu wasn't going.
Not yet.
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Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 12:06 am
"I can do it. Without you." Marcillus spoke through her tears. They were the quiet kind, the sort of weeping that leaked from the eyes and rolled down the face but was no accompanied by sobs or convulsions. Silent tears.
She'd learned long ago to work through her upset, regardless of the task. Men didn't give up, they didn't waver. Women and men alike knew their duties and stuck by them. She was no different.
"You've no right to tell me what to do." She replied shortly, shaking her head and narrowing her eyes, "Go away, Yulu. I don't want you here. You've done quite enough. It doesn't matter why I came here. You wouldn't care, you'd laugh and call it worthless like everything else about me. You're no different then my parents. Go away."
She continued to move the boxes, slowly, one by one and fell into silence broken only by the occasional sniff as she wept. Yulu was an awful person, why was she staying? Even her parents faded into the background after they told her how worthless she was.
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Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 12:13 am
"You know, I'm still not going to leave. I'm not going to let you cry by yourself in here, because Faranth knows who may hear your tears and come running. It probably will be someone trying to comfort you, but then again it may not be. So until you stop crying, you're stuck with me."
Yulu kept working as well, though she slowed her pace to force this other girl to actually pick up hers. She'd said before she wasn't leaving until the task was done, and Yulu didn't feel a need to repeat herself on that issue either.
"You know, when I was born my mother passed away and I was raised by my father. He didn't want a daughter either, since I couldn't carry on genetics in the way he wanted, and he decided that he'd do the best he could to raise me as a boy. I don't think there's ever been a time he looked at me without hate in his face or his hand balled into a fist."
She didn't know if sharing anything about herself would help, but it couldn't hurt. Maybe this girl might even feel a little spiteful and try to laugh back, but Yulu was okay with that.
"I can't remember him ever calling my name either, now that I think about it. I was always called something else when we were alone, though he may have mentioned me once or twice when we were out. I was always 'you' or 'that thing'. I don't even know if he was the one to name me after all, it could have been one of our neighbors."
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Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 12:23 am
At a loss on how to rid herself of this unwanted presence, Marcillus chose instead to ignore it. She didn't respond, didn't even change her expression as she worked, having schooled it into the neutral mask of her youth. When the other spoke of her past, Marci's gaze flicked over but only alighted briefly on the other's face before it returned to her work.
She kept willing the other woman to go away and leave her with her chores and tears. Yulu only made things worse, made her cringe away from memories she'd spent the past few years running from. She'd finally found some freedom, was trying to find herself, and this bully had to come and put her right back in her old place.
Her lips curled into a deep frown at that thought.
She thought she'd escaped that life... what was it about Yulu that made such turmoil still in her chest? Marcillus didn't like it. She didn't even laugh when the personal history bit was spoken, chose instead to act as if it wasn't even said. What was she to say to that? She had no idea and she certainly didn't feel like laughing at the other - it wasn't something funny, and she wouldn't mock Yulu's life as Yulu had mocked hers.
Marci just wanted her to leave already.
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Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 8:50 pm
"You can be quiet and pout all you want, but I'm still not leaving. You're not even halfway done and time is passing us both by quicker than you think."
Yulu had been silent for a while herself, her focus now on putting certain things in their proper places. She'd been able to tune out what little sniffles the piece of work in the room with her would be giving off here and there, and for the most part she was reciting formulas for salves inside her head. Even if Yulu appeared to never be in deep thought over anything it was rare that she actually wasn't thinking, her mind always doing something.
Atop her shoulder Song had been flashing images in and out, worry and upset mixed with confusion and concern, though eventually the little Gold had settled back to simply sitting next to Yulu and occasionally rubbing her face against the woman's cheek. She stayed silent, something Yulu appreciated, though she wasn't shaking her apparent worry over the state of the person that her person had hurt. Blue Shiver's person would be upset that her person had made another person cry! Her person should say she was sorry.
Yulu smashed that thought from the flitt's mind almost instantly. She ever apologized. Song didn't seem to approve of that, and she took the moment to start sliding from Yulu's body down to the ground, her intentions being to walk over to the crying figures side.
Cheer up sad person!
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Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 8:00 pm
Marcillus shook her head, "I'm not pouting. I'm trying to will you away." She grumbled, annoyed her silent treatment wasn't working. What would get this person to go away? "I don't even know why you're staying. You've made it very clear what you think of me."
She paused when Song chirped at her and she stuffed the box on the shelf before she crouched down to pet the gold. Smiling despite herself she cooed to the little flit, "Hey there... Don't worry about me, hmn? I've got work to do, so be careful and do end up in my feet."
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Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 8:12 pm
Song looked up as this person decided to talk again and even touch her, the lids to her eye closing with pleasure as she enjoyed the petting. She let out another verbal chirp as she sent images to indicate she wanted more affection to be bestowed upon her. Even Yulu had to smile at the gentleness that was coming from such a small creature, a feeling that everything was okay an certain things didn't need worried over anymore. As long as there was affection from any person then Song would be happy.
How long they passed in this little measure of affection was unknown, Song doing her best to keep Marcillus distracted, though the moment was broken when Yulu's gravel voice broke in.
"I never outright said I hate you, you thought about that yourself. I only laughed at you because you were getting carried away over something so small that I couldn't understand why you were getting upset. You did the rest from there on your own."
Yulu's tone was rather soft as she bent down and extended her arm to the golden flitt, who tilted her head to the side softly before climbing up and heading towards Yulu's shoulder. Song rubbed her face against Yulu's cheek once she came into full contact, quite happier to actually be with her person. It was nothing against this other person, but for Song only her person was meant to be.
"Anyway, we're done here. You've stopped crying and I'm leaving like I promised you I would do once the tears stopped, so don't start again or I may have to stay longer."
If that was a joke it certainly wasn't funny, but Yulu was amused anyway. She started into the hall, looking back over at all the sorted boxes and full shelves. A good way to pass the time indeed.
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