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Greed is for amateurs.

I haven't seen my fiance in nearly a month. He went home to Colorado for Christmas last month and since his classes don't start until Monday, he waited until today to come back to Oklahoma. But... He has to settle back in and get his stuff for classes this weekend. Next weekend some of his friends are coming up from near Texas so he won't be here again. There's two more weeks of not seeing him.

This is getting to be a little more than I can take, and it's not because I miss him so much. Over the summer I went over two months without seeing him. This is just over one month. Why am I freaking out about it?! Maybe it's just Winter. I hate Winter.

Disorder, chaos, anarchy: now that's FUN!

Took some advice my friend gave me to show this other friend of mine a song I wrote for him but I was unsure because it admitted my true feelings for this friend. But I ended up showing the friend in hopes that maybe he liked me back. But turns out he is dense. There it was the words staring him straight in the face: 'I love you' and all he can do is say "I like it" and jump up and down a few times in excitement.

...He also said he was gonna frame it in his room and put it up. I didnt believe him so spent an hour trying to get him to tell me if he was just joking. Turns out he wasnt and he actually is going to, mind he hasnt done it yet and I said I wanted proof for when he does.

But why does he have to be so stupid? I mean come on even a brain dead elephant would have been able to tell that I like it if it read the stupid lyrics. So I went home and wrote another song, a hurt song, and the guy even though he saw me for an hour after he read it and at school didn't even realize the fact that it upset me. I mean yeah I'm glad he liked it and all, but I'm still disappointed.

Errgg...

Mmm, I think every girl goes through this at least once in their life.

But I found out today that he has a giflfriend which really ticked me off. I made a complete idiot of myself I know I did.

Haha, actually no Strawberry. He's actually really sweet and funny once you get to know him. He just has a troubled past is all. But I still hate the fact that I was an idiot. Our friendship seems fine but I'm afriad it might not be now...

Haha, I didn't try to make it awkward. We're good now, or so I hope because I sort of did another stupid thing which made me angry again.



Took some more advice and told him I like him out right, as in to his face there on Thursday. Turns out he did realize I like him from the song. I was such an idiot. Makes me so mad at myself and for listening to my friend but at the same time I'm so glad I got it off my chest. Four years is a long time to keep something like this to yourself.

But uggg. I can't even talk to him now. I texted him the other day with my new phone number and stuff seemed fine but that wasn't face to face. I saw him at school the other day too and I didn't know how to feel or anything. I was void of any and all feelings around everyone. And he didn't even say anything to me when I told him except "oh, I knew that!" I mean there could've been something he could've said. Like if he doesnt like me as more than a friend he could've said so.

Yet everyone I know who I've talked to thinks he likes me as more than a friend which just confuses me more. And I dont know if I should talk to him about that or if I should just let it go. I mean I told him I wasnt expecting anything from telling him and that I still wanted to be his friend and all that fun stuff but I mean c'mon! Uggg. I'm so angry, confused and yet very happy....odd....

*hits head off table*

Uggg, my friend is mad at me and he wont tell me why.

I texted him a harmless joke my friend said to me and he completely took it the wrong way.

Now hes not texting me. I was like the way youve been acting lately its like you dont even want to be my friend anymore and he said he still does but when I asked him again why he was mad with me he still wouldnt reply.

And now I dont know what to do. Im afraid I'm loosing him ever since I told him I like him its like hes been pushing himself away from me. I wanr ro keep texting him to see if everythings alright but Im afraid my dreams that Ive been having lately will come true and he'll freak out at me and tell me not to text him ever again and then completely stop being my friend.

I dont know what to do. I feel like crying but I know I cant. And I dont know what I'll do if I loose him as a friend, his friendship means sooooooo much to me. Grrr. *head+desk*

We are all a little weird. And life is a little weird.
And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours...

Oh, I know her boyfriend hates it. He's super-sensitive and he knows how it makes me feel when she does it. But she won't stop! I'm not sure how much longer they're going to be together after the Mexico Mission trip over spring break. Things are not looking good.

Another rant! I had to install Windows Server 2008 for an assignment this week. I got it done and got everything worked out while I was at school, but at school the computers are 64-bit. None of my home computers are, so they won't run a 64-bit operating system. I had an assignment and a half to finish and couldn't do it because my computer won't run WinServ2k8x64 at home and I couldn't finish it at school. ARGH!

...We join up with them and fall in
Mutual weirdness
And call it
Love.

We are all a little weird. And life is a little weird.
And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours...

Start threatening to kick people out. And then start kicking them out.

...We join up with them and fall in
Mutual weirdness
And call it
Love.