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 Posted: Thu Apr 29, 2010 3:22 pm
Quote: t all started when Kallista was born, Trevor was the first person to see her once their mother gave birth to her. He had made a vow to himself when he first looked at his baby sister that he would watch out for her and be her guardian angel. He was at the tender age of 6, and when his father had told him that he was going to be a big brother he had vowed to himself and told his parents that he would watch over her and be her guardian angel and be in charge of her. As the years went by Trevor helped his parents take care of Kallista, he carried her and fed her when his mother or father were exhausted and needed a nap during the day. {more will come as my muse works} I'm not sure if this fits with what you've already established for the characters? I checked your official profiles, and Trevor is eighteen and Kallista is 17, which means he would have been six months old, not six years like the way it's worded right now seems to imply. Furthermore, a six month old doesn't understand when you tell them they're going to be a big brother - basically, INOM still follows real world logic. I'm not saying that your characters can't be as close as you want to portray them, just that your logic for the relationship right now doesn't entirely hold up? Just a thought.
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Posted: Thu Apr 29, 2010 7:37 pm
hm...I only put that there since people wanted to know..but I'll have to reword it a bit.
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Posted: Thu Apr 29, 2010 7:50 pm
Silverah Quote: t all started when Kallista was born, Trevor was the first person to see her once their mother gave birth to her. He had made a vow to himself when he first looked at his baby sister that he would watch out for her and be her guardian angel. He was at the tender age of 6, and when his father had told him that he was going to be a big brother he had vowed to himself and told his parents that he would watch over her and be her guardian angel and be in charge of her. As the years went by Trevor helped his parents take care of Kallista, he carried her and fed her when his mother or father were exhausted and needed a nap during the day. {more will come as my muse works} I'm not sure if this fits with what you've already established for the characters? I checked your official profiles, and Trevor is eighteen and Kallista is 17, which means he would have been six months old, not six years like the way it's worded right now seems to imply. Furthermore, a six month old doesn't understand when you tell them they're going to be a big brother - basically, INOM still follows real world logic. I'm not saying that your characters can't be as close as you want to portray them, just that your logic for the relationship right now doesn't entirely hold up? Just a thought. thanks though ^^...any thoughts on how I should word it then?
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Posted: Thu Apr 29, 2010 9:52 pm
I don't think it's a matter of the wording, more a matter of the basic idea. If he's declared himself his sister's protector, it seems like it probably would have happened a bit later, maybe around ages three and four? I don't want to dictate to you how to write your characters, just think in terms of real world little kid logic (not Rugrats logic) and I'm sure you'll come up with something! smile
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Posted: Fri Apr 30, 2010 8:44 am
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Posted: Fri Apr 30, 2010 11:11 am
If you change him to the Senshi of Poetry, that might work better? There's a concept for it:
"rules/limitations
- The senshi may not reuse any poems or lines that have already been used in an attack.
- The target MUST be the subject of the attack poem.
- Target must hear the attack poem.
- The attack will not begin until the senshi has finished reciting the required poem, so while interruption can delay the attack, they do not nullify it.
1. Cutting Couplet: the senshi recites two rhyming lines. When finished, the letters of these lines solidfy and fly at their target. Can be used twice in battle.
2. Hazardou Haiku: the senshi recites a haiku, using the 5-7-5 format. When finished the words solidify and fly at their target in three large waves. Can be used three times in battle.
3. Sealing Sonnet: the senshi recites a sonnet, using the traditional 14 lines. When finished, the words solidify and wrap themselves around their target. This can be used on Nega, Senshi, Civillian, as well as animals and objects. It cannot be used to bind any being with powers above the third tier. Will dissappear within 4 turns, or should the senshi be rendered unconcious. Can be used once a battle. "
This might work better, as it doesn't infringe on Eridanus?
And your ref art is amazing. I want it.
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Posted: Fri Apr 30, 2010 11:28 am
hmm..I think I should do that
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Posted: Fri Apr 30, 2010 11:40 am
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Posted: Sat May 29, 2010 12:11 pm
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Posted: Thu Jun 10, 2010 8:50 pm
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Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2010 7:33 pm
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