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 Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 6:25 pm
its pretty nice but u should organize it better cuz it took me a while to understand it. okz. x3
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Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 6:45 pm
More spell check, less drugs
I like the basic idea, but
You need to learn formatting and spelling
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Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 6:56 pm
What is life?
is it freedom?
punishment?
a gift?
friend ship?
but it all comes down to what is life?
how did we get here?
why are we here?
what is our future? where was our beginning?
when is our end?
Yet it always comes to what is life.
And I have my opinion
and you have your's
_________________________________________________________
How about you try something like this? It's practically the same thing, just edited and revised.
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Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 7:37 pm
reminds me of how i think, only, my mind is a bit more organised x3 it was good
BTW PEOPLE- i like random pm's. =D SEND THEM~!
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Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 8:18 pm
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Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 8:18 pm
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Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 12:07 am
you did a good Job, and i read it the same way that Gamascar did! im assuming you had this in mind, since we both got it -can pull really weird things out of her head at times- I'm a sophmore and i liked it. yes, i can type properly, but i don't feel like it. anyway, you did a great job dear, and if you'd ever like one on one feed back, just pm me, tell me you'd like soem help and send me the poem! if you'd like to see some of my stuff just look me up in the arena ^-^ i have a few things posted, though with the HW load -missed 3 weeks of school- i don't have a ton of time to write of late, though i'll make time for helping people, always manage to some how. meh... RAMBLING! have a good night guys
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Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 11:26 am
I agree with the people above, without punctuation it becomes a little unpleasent to read... and it doesn't really have rhythm. Read this, it might be helpful smile http://www.buzzle.com/articles/writing-poetry-how-to-write-a-poem.html
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Posted: Fri Sep 25, 2009 3:24 am
OK, the content is alright but it is hard to follow. You need grammatical devices like commas, semi colons, etc. otherwise people have a hard time following it. I am in ninth grade and I started writing novels and short stories when I was in seventh grade. When I first started I had a huge problem with run-on sentences, spelling, grammar and all that stuff that you need when writing, but after two years I am really finding it sismple. If you work hard then you can be successful. ALso you might try writing some short stories or reading some more advanced books to get a feel for how grammar works and where you should put commas and semi colons because it will really help you with your poetry. Good luck!
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Posted: Fri Sep 25, 2009 1:11 pm
i tried frreading it in the way it should ahev been wrote and i liked it so far
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Posted: Fri Sep 25, 2009 5:11 pm
That was probably one of the best poems I've ever read. (I'm in 6th grade too)
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Posted: Sun Sep 27, 2009 10:15 am
The only thing I'd critique you on is your grammar. Please, please, please use commas and punctuation in general. It's pretty easy, just find the independent and dependent clauses and stick in the comma accordingly. Make sure your poem flows smoothly, so it's easy for people to read and understand. Other than that, you did a great job! ^__^
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Posted: Sun Sep 27, 2009 5:32 pm
You need to separate those verses: a verse in each line, because it seems prose instead of a poem.
Also, in the end, you repeat many times the word life... Maybe you should work the last sentence =)
But it's good =) keep writing =)
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Posted: Sun Sep 27, 2009 7:13 pm
it has good content and emaning...and i'm no grammar freak, but c'mon dude...at least punctuate it!!! i read this and i start wondering wat the shiz ur trying to tell me, way to jumbled, and i agree with the whole:
"
the
enter
key
iz
ur
friend
!
!
!
"
thing!!!!
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Posted: Sun Sep 27, 2009 8:33 pm
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Reply
