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 Posted: Mon Sep 14, 2009 1:10 pm
That would actually be a fascinating study, when Roka thought about it. No one else had ever done it before. Could be an idea to consider to help get her name off the ground. But for now, she'd have to stay out of dreamland. "If there was anything that could keep someone from Impressing, they wouldn't be searched in the first place. So, no, I couldn't imagine it would. Even if it could, the memory is suppressed, so there wouldn't be any danger to either party since it may as well have never happened at all." She took a sip of her klah. Any idiot would already know, but for politeness sake she asked, "Why?"
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Posted: Mon Sep 14, 2009 1:31 pm
Uuni ground her teeth and shoved another bit of food into her mouth to keep from feeling frustrated. She felt like screaming at Roka for always assuming that being searched made someone automatically sane, as if they were immune from any sort of trauma. What about after. What if someone snapped while they were a candidate?
Hell, what if she really had snapped? Uuni decided not to bother Roka with the idea.
"I thought, you know, that might have been my problem." She swung her legs over to one side of the bench and reverted her eyes to the cup of klah. It was comforting to spin it while she waited for Roka to talk.
"It's why I've stayed away from sex, you know. It would happen on occassion, in certain spots in the Weyr. Little onslaughts of emotion, I mean, but . . . ********, this doesn't even sound sane. I have to be some kind of heartless b***h to have forgotten, right?"
She shut her mouth after that. The only thing that would have made this more fun and cliche would to have a violinist start playing in the background. Maybe she would pay one. Sattire always lightened the mood.
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Posted: Mon Sep 14, 2009 1:55 pm
This was where Roka differed from the naturals.
Someone in this profession only to help and to heal would have considered Uuni's predicament from a best-for-her angle. Roka, however, was only on her way to being such a person. Half a turn from now, perhaps she'd care more. Maybe it would be less than that. But for that moment, on that bench overlooking the sands, she considered her future over that of her patient. Such a twisted, thought provoking story...
The fork in the road was before her, and Roka didn't take the more noble of paths. "Blocking out memories isn't so much insane as an extreme mental defense." There it was again, the jealousy (though not as intense as watching everyone around her walk away with a dragon way back when). How easy life must be for those who could just up and forget their problems. What kind of person would go looking for them again? Answer: Uuni. (And Roka, but she didn't realize it.)
"I think it's important we explore this. See where it leads. Once your mind is freed, you won't have any more questions about what happened or if it is effecting Impressing." The sympathetic tone of nothing more than a human mockingbird that skipped a very important verse: This could make me famous.
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Posted: Mon Sep 14, 2009 2:17 pm
One hand on her klah and the other supporting her head, Uuni watched Roka as she started to speak. It was one of those rare moments that usually occurred after sex that Uuni settled down and just listened. There was nothing pulling in her in another direction, and if Roka would give her the chance to rid any disadvantage in Impression, she would take it. What else could she do?
As Roka kept going, Uuni found it within herself to gradually begin a nod.
If she noticed the lack of sympathy, she didn't seem to care. Sympathy was not a card that she was handed often, and the lack of it in this situation was barely noticed. Roka couldn't have found herself a more willing subject if she'd searched Pernwide.
"You're the healer. Just tell me how."
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Posted: Mon Sep 14, 2009 2:33 pm
Where there was jealous, guilt soon followed. As much as she'd have liked to think otherwise, Roka was only human. Still bound by some minor, trivial code of moral conduct, she drummed her fingers on the handle of the bench. One of her rare silent moments she'd spend pondering.
"There's no exact or perfected method on how to handle anything like this. But, I'd like to make your mind as open as possible, and improve your well being. It would possibly up your odds." And if Uuni did Impress, rest assured Roka would be scurrying to her office to write up the incident from start to finish and shove it down the throat of anyone who would listen. The adult version of: Look what I did!
Part of her wanted to ask for agreement, a verbal contract of sorts, but it would be silly since Uuni had already issued her such approval. "You need to tell me some things first. When did you feel you were the closest to remembering?"
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Posted: Mon Sep 14, 2009 2:49 pm
Of course there wasn't. Smart Roka was almost as lost as she was, Uuni figured. But as lost as that might had been, it was still less lost than she was.
"My well being, okay." Strangely, Uuni felt like taking notes. There was a fear that if she didn't write every bit of this down that she'd forget it along with a great deal of other things in life.
"I'll try," she answered as honestly as she could. The area of concentration, the sands, was where her eyes went. She fiddled with her the cup of klah experimentally. There was one obvious answer to the question, but she had to make sure she wasn't jumping to conclusions.
There were mostly little moments with huge packs of emotion. Which was more monumental, those, or the small panic attacks she'd suffer at night in the middle of the night? What did they call those? Enhanced nightmares?
"A couple of months ago, I think. I was sure I needed to be there, but I couldn't figure out why. I must have waited in one spot for a candlemark before I realized there was no one to wait for." There were other moments that had been more emotional, but none were on the edge of knowing something like that moment had been. It had aggravated her for days after in the way that everything else had not.
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Posted: Mon Sep 14, 2009 3:02 pm
A couple months ago?
Roka's interest in the theory thrived with every word. Months ago and it was still driving her up the wall? It seemed, to her, that made the claims more authentic. She kept an open mind, if not a careful one. This could be a trick or Uuni could simply be insane. But she doubted this girl had enough insight to pull off such a wide scale prank, and she was still convinced dragon's didn't Search the madmen of Pern. All evidence pointed to exactly what Uuni had claimed.
Except, one thing didn't quite add up...
"Why exactly are you so convinced that there's memory amnesia at work here? Surely, there has to be more evidence than just that. "
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Posted: Mon Sep 14, 2009 3:09 pm
Uuni could have glared her down in that moment.
In fact, she did just that. She gave Roka her best hateful stare. It wasn't very scary and it didn't look very hateful. It just looked like a young woman exasperated.
"You asked me when I thought I was the closest to remembering. That's what I came up with. If you wanted me to tell you about the guilt I get nowadays when I even look at someone wrong, about the panic attacks some nights, and the fact that half the Weyr knows about a lover I had in the past, and I don't, you could have just asked for that.
"If I don't Impress, I'm going home, Roka. Maybe that's not a big deal for you, but it is a death sentence on my end. I don't know what I'm doing, okay? If I could hand you the answer, I would just do it myself."
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