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 Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 10:46 am
If Tzao had known Mik's inner workings - that, confronted with an unsettling truth, the angel had pushed the matter away rather than face it - he would have thought a great deal less of his fellow Fa'e. He would have even reconsidered that brotherhood he'd so recently attached to Mikhail's name, whether the two of them were really the same at all. But Tzao was no diviner. Observant as he could be, he couldn't perceive the thoughts of others. So he remained confident, friendly, and warm toward the older Fa'e, certain that they were of similar minds.
"I faced myself," Tzao replied, matter-of-fact. "Alone, and many times. My Guardian showed me the way." Introspection, meditation, was the path to enlightenment that Tzao now knew, and he had resorted to it time and again when he'd fallen to his lowest points. And it had gotten him far; kept him alive this long, if nothing more, and prevented him from committing any mindless, terrible deeds. For as long as he was alive, he knew that he could trust his Guardian's wisdom.
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Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 11:18 am
So that was what it was? Mikhail had spent plenty of time alone in his life, but he'd never confronted himself. He avoided it, time and again, as if afraid of what he might find. Afraid of the confusion itself, somehow. He could risk his life for a friend, or someone he hardly knew, but he couldn't do something as simple as take a good look at himself. He'd never even realized it before, but it was true. And he was going to have to do something about it eventually - he couldn't avoid decisions about his future forever, and he knew it.
His posture wilted a little, and he bit his lip before speaking again. "Really?"
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Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 11:53 am
"Zhēn qíng," Tzao promised solemnly. "Though I do wonder. I came here to be with the other Fa'e, and I thought many things about what I would find, what it would mean to be around others like myself. I had hoped," he put a peculiar, saddening stress on that word, "that to be around other Fa'e would mean there would be others that would help me to become stronger. But it does not seem much so, does it? Among the older Fa'e, at least, the ones that I thought would be guiding. Those which I have met seem... adrift."
It was the kindest way he could think to word the only truth he'd found here. And the more people he spoke to about it, the more sickeningly sure he was that it was true. As the younger Fa'e grew, they seemed to become disillusioned, to give into their weaknesses - and then they became the older Fa'e who had given up altogether, settled for a life that had little to do with the powers they once were. And maybe some of them could afford to do that - but for Fa'e like Tzao, who had something insurmountable to overcome; Fa'e like Bhel, who had a mission they did not dare fail; or Fa'e like Mikhail, Tzao earnestly hoped, who had to grow stronger than themselves....
"I do not know if it is something we can abide by," the Taotie mused quietly. "It is this place, sometimes I think. There are patterns set that draw from human expectations which distract from what we, as Fa'e, need. When I was still alone, it was different. Lonely, but stronger. Here, I can have friends, but I feel weakened. Is that the choice we must make?"
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Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 4:40 pm
"I'd never thought of it like that," Mikhail admitted, but then, his concern hadn't been to become stronger - he just wanted to know what he was, what he had been. He hadn't gotten as far as the future yet, but maybe that was his problem; maybe that was why he was so stuck. "I haven't gotten to know any older Fa'e. Honestly, I haven't gotten to know many Fa'e at all - I mean, really know them. But I think I understand why they might be...adrift. That's how I feel, most of the time."
"But if it really is like that, I'd rather be weak and have friends than be strong and alone." He curved his wings around himself a little. "I don't know much, but I know I don't want to be alone. Not again."
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Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 5:40 pm
Tzao would have assumed that it must be different for him. Their experiences were much different, and Tzao's need to outpace his past life, to keep ahead of the hunger, drove him to very different goals than Mik might have.
But it didn't take much thought for him to realize, his assumptions were wrong. In fact, all he really had to do was to think of the last time that he saw Sofi, and....
"I agree," he replied, his eyes widening at the realization. "I would... not like to be alone again, either."
And here he was stumped. Because he needed the Fa'e, needed his friends - but what sacrifice would he have to make for that?
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Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 5:52 pm
"Maybe there's some other way," Mik supposed, sharing something he'd often wondered, but kept to himself. "Everyone makes it out like we've only got two choices, but...I'm not sure I like either one. I can't imagine being human, but what happens if we do reclaim our power? Does that mean going back to the way we were?"
He was not going back to sitting around Eden, guarding something that no one even knew how to find anymore.
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Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 5:57 pm
This was a thought worthy of consideration, and Tzao nipped a bit more of his tea before answering. "I do not think that it is even possible to return to the way we were, not in any exact manner," he decided. "If we were to try, we might come close, but too much in the world is changed since then. And if some part of how we hold our power can change... any part might."
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Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 6:08 pm
That made sense, and for once, it made sense in a way that he liked. Too often, he didn't want to hear the answers he got. While it made him feel a bit better, though, he still wasn't much closer to knowing what he wanted to do. That was going to take facing himself, eventually.
Or maybe he would do it sooner rather than later. Maybe. He had a little more tea while he thought. "What I'd do with power, though, I don't know. Do you?"
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Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2009 6:24 pm
"Now, that is quite the question, isn't it?" Tzao replied, but seemed to have no answer to it. He sipped his tea instead, let the topic hang long enough that it was only natural when he changed its direction.
"I have something I think I would like for you to see, one of these days. Some documents about some of the other Fa'e I'm safekeeping. Some of them have insight, in fact, into what the others might seek power for," the Taotie casually suggested. Mikhail had been at the amusement park where Tzao had acquired them, but Tzao did not remember seeing the angel in the library - the papers that had been there would have to be something of new interest to the older Fa'e.
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Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:21 pm
"Documents?" Mikhail inquired with earnest curiosity. "There are...documents? Like what?" The angel remained largely unaware of the goings-on at the amusement park, aside from his own little misadventure. He'd cut out early.
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Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:43 pm
"Unusual ones," Tzao answered. "There was a woman named Edel, you see, who gave gems to the Fa'e. Some of them, at least." The teen himself had been excluded, though not for a lack of trying. The thought made Tzao wry, thinking how upset he'd felt then, and how much a blessing it had turned out in the end. "These gems had powers that seemed to correspond to the desires of the Fa'e that asked for them. And these documents record it - everything about it, down to the thoughts of the Fa'e that were there."
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Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:55 pm
"Gems? But why?" Powers desired by the Fa'e who'd asked for them...what could they possibly have wanted? Were they just being greedy? And why only some of them? Not that he wanted in on it, because it sounded pretty fishy, so far.
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Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:06 pm
The teenager shrugged. "I doubt if anyone should know now, really. Edel also took something from each of the Fa'e and we had to fight to recover those things, and in the end, Guelherme lit her afire and she burned to death." Tzao was very calm recalling these events. He could remember the scene more clearly closing his eyes, how the blaze had lit up the night at the carnival, the giddy laughter of surviving triumph, but then before that....
"She did say something," Tzao recalled suddenly. "She said that there were those who thought that the Fa'e would be manipulated. Something about how they should control their own fate. She made it sound as though she were being very benevolent, and perhaps she thought that she was." The Taotie didn't think so kindly of her, though, and there were subtleties in his manners to express his opinion. She'd rejected him at a time when he was vulnerable, and caused his friends a great deal of grief. He had little pity for the one named Edel.
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Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:21 pm
Guelherme was that guy with fire for hair, right? Just how many Fa'e could set stuff on fire? That made at least three others, besides himself. Anyway, it wasn't really important. Surprisingly, he'd managed to miss something crazy happening - imagine that! Luck had been with him for once, apparently.
"Manipulated by who?" he asked suspiciously.
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Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:28 pm
"It's a worry. I do not think that she said," Tzao answered, pursing his lips. He tried to remember back to that night - what had Edel's exact words been....
Ah, it wasn't coming! "She spoke of destiny, is all that I can remember. Perhaps someone else would know more?" The Taotie racked his brains again, trying to remember names and faces. "Guelherme and Naolin were there, I remember. Aylana, Dusty, Lethe. Some other Fa'e as well, but I do not know their names. There had been quite a number, actually."
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