SPECIAL BONUS BOREDOM EPISODE!
WARNING! PLOT HOLE AHEAD!
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PLOT HOLE OVER
[On a beach somewhere...]
Employee 1: I'm pissed.
Employee 2: Because we no longer have jobs?
Employee 1: Yeah, well... no. I'm mad that these 'hipsters' think they're all cool playing versions of Tetris with exploding blocks. I mean, WTF?
Employee 2: WTF indeed.
[Employee 2 takes a sip of his "tequila" (which is really just a box of Juicy Juice with the word tequila taped onto it)]
Employee 2: You know, I finally understand the wording of that "Severance Package" memo Veggie sent out that one time.
Employee 1: Really? I threw it in the the shredder as soon as I got it.
Employee 2: Apparently, what it said was that by severance, management would recieve bonuses for cutting lower employees' heads off, or by any means terminating them.
[HardKore Waiter Veggie approaches the two, holding a tray of french fries with toothpicks stuck in them]
Veggie: Yeah, I would have been rich if it weren't for that meddling BMN! And that stupid dog too!
Employee 1: O rly?
Veggie: Ya ****ing rly!
Veggie: But after that whole a** incident, they refused to pay me. Said I didn't focus on quality when I pulled out the starship. ****ers.
Veggie: Anyway, would you gentlemen fancy some hors-doveurs?
Employee 2: No thanks.
Employee 1: You don't have ketchup. Go die.
[Veggie storms off, flustered, but not before eating the contents of the tray.]
Employee 1: So... are you ever going to change your name?
Employee 2: Eh? Maybe. I was thinking of something like Susan or maybe Eggbert.
Employee 1: Uh sure. I'll go with Joe then. Maybe we'll have a story written about our adventures. The Eggbert and Joe Show! That's what it'll be called.
Employee 2: But I want to be the 2nd name in the credits!
Employee 1: Fine, but don't cry when the hate me all gets addressed to me.
[Scene ends.]
[Down in Africa...]
Veeshan: HI HO STAINLESS STEEL MADE IN TAIWAN SIIIIILLLVARWARE! [sound of a whip cracking] Heeya!
[Atop his noble zebra, Veeshan rides the grasslands in search of everything he missed while working at the office.]
Veeshan: [singing] We don't need no education!
Veeshan: We don't need no thought control! Eh??
[Veeshan is knocked off his zebra by a stranger on a hoverbike.]
Veeshan: Hey! I may have been a secretary in my younger days, but that doesn't mean you can drive like you're in a hurry!
[The hoverbike stops and the stranger steps off.]
???: Sorry man!
Veeshan: Spooty? DUUUUUUUUDE It's you!
Spooty: Uh yeah, I agree.
Veeshan: Where'd you get that ride?
Spooty: Well, I came up with an engine that runs on the power of tired, overused cliches. Fuel is cheap and plentiful, because as you know, not everyone is a comedian.
Veeshan: Brilliant!
Spooty: Yeah, for now, when I need fuel, I stuff a few old memos into the tank. The ones that mentioned stuff like 'paradigms' and 'synergy' and 'combat boots'. But what are you doing out here in the middle of the savannah riding a zebra?
Veeshan: Geez, do I have to summon Captain Obvious?
[The hoverbike's engine revs at the sound of the cliche.]
Spooty: Cut that out! You're going to overload it!
Veeshan: Sorry... Have you heard from anyone else?
Spooty: Nah. Don't really care to know.
Veeshan: Where are you headed?
Spooty: Oh I was just going out for pizza? Care to join me?
Veeshan: Sure.
Spooty: Well, I didn't build that bike with the intention of carrying zebras, but I think he can fit too.
Veeshan: Not a problem.
[Somehow, they all make it to the nearest pizza parlor, wherever the hell one would be. The scene ends.]
[Downtown LTUopolis at a local gym]
Bubba: Ok people, lets move those flabby legs, one and two and three and four.
Bubba: Come on fatasses! MOVE!
Student: Sir, how come you aren't excercising with us? You're the instructor! I don't mean to be blunt too, but... YOU'RE AS FAT AS ALL OF US COMBINED!
[Bubba eats a cookie and looks at the student, crumbs dropping down his chest.]
Bubba: Yer out of line! Now I'm going to make sure you're towel whipped every time you hit the showers. NOW KEEP JUMPING!
Student: Yes lardbuc... I mean sir!
[Another student sneaks over to Bubba's bag of cookies, and takes one. Much to his regret...]
Bubba: GRRRRRAR! Nobody steals cookies from me, not even Veggie!
[Bubba gets up in a hurry, which unfortunately causes an earthquake. He is the crushed, not ironically, by a falling door, killing him once more.]
[The city rumbles, the people panic. And Lady M. Well...]
Lady M: NOOOO!!!! Darn earthquake knocked out the power. Now I can't play anymore Planet of Warcrap! I only have one other course of action.
[She turns on her radio.]
Radio: A 7.3 earthquake has just shaken downtown LTUopol-
Lady M: No this won't work... [She fiddles with the dial]
Radio: CRRAAAAAAAWLING IN MY SKIN! THESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEAL!
Lady M: Yep. *sniff* He's right, my elf-ninja-stewardess's wounds won't heal until I log back in. [she starts crying.] Where's... a razor?
[She goes into her bathroom, and what happens next is up to the reader. The episode ends]
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