Welcome to Gaia! ::

sorry this took me so long, oy my job is crazy. Anyways.

Do the characters seem believable? As in, do they seem like real people?
Well as of now they seem pretty flat, however Vladimir is shaping up nicely. The only thing is though is that I felt like he was fitting into too much of a steriotypical anti-hero/wolverine-meets-the guy from 24. So I would try to either give him more edge so that we see more anti than hero, or you give him more heart so that we see more hero than anti. If that made sense lo.
Are the scene set-ups well developed or lacking?
Hmmm well there seems to be a lot of background dump that, usually, prologues tend to leave out so that there is an heir of mystery. I wouls suggest that his disdain for religion be explained later, that there should be less of the wife plot and more into what they are doing right then, right now. Pretty much just focus on the main plot and let the sub plots enter a bit later.
How does the dialogue flow? Well or clumsy?
Some parts I found it to be interesting, others I felt were either not needed or just flat. Now flat doesn't mean that the words were flat, rather the way they were presented seemed too stilted. The first dialogue for example could have really been shortened and more impactful. hmmm let me try something:

"What were the casualties?" Vladimir asked the vigilent looking soldier projected by the video feed.

"It was my fault sir," he answered frantically, "It was a cargo ship, but I misjudged it sir. The logo, I thought, was a passenger's ship. Even the flight records afirmed it, saying it was going from Xiang to Ialu. But I errored in judgement."

"Mach, it's not your fault. Vaughn would have been on either ship, he knew how to do his job right. Come on, what's the count."

"Five-five hundred sir," he said, and for the first time, ever, Vladmir saw his soldier slightly twinge with remorese, "so far."

See how that was shorter and to the point but still affective? I don't know, really, if that stayed true to the characters, but it shows that it could have been less wordy and to the point.

Also the terms are quite confusing. Even if this ever gets published and you have a glossary, it still would be wise to explain what they stand for before giving the term, like M-A-G-I-C. PLus, even with the glossary, the reader would like to remember what it all stands for without having to referance all the time.

just a thought, I write sci-fi too and many people like it better when I give easier terminology.


Grammar and Spelling?
Oy...ugh geese I wish I could help more with this one. But my grammar-station is closing and the janitor is scrubbing the floors. Hopefully the squad will be back tomorrow. lol
Word choices? Should it be more varied or are some words not needed?
I would mix it up a bit with more flavorful words, more non-traditional. Like "and the screen disappeared" could be "causing the screen to evaporate". You can see the action of evaporating, sorta like a poof and its gone or the screen shrinking into nothing. With disapear there isn't a lot of how the screen went away. If that makes sense...lol.
What do you feel about the story? The characters? The setting?
Well I'm only connected with Vladmir and th others I dont really care about, however I wish I did. Usually, but this is just me, I like to get at least some glimpses of other characters' thoughts and not focusing too much on the MC. Like what is Torq thinking in all of this? Valkeri? Zhao? We know their praying, but what are they feeling? Also, as far as names go, some of them seem too mushed together. Vladmir, Valkeri, Vaughn. All with Vs and As, it gets a bit confusing.
Do you think you can predict the outcome of this story? If so elaborate.
Hmmm not quite yet, too early to tell. But Genocide doesn't look good.
Lastly, are there any style tips you wish to share?
Just spruce it up a bit, go with non-tradional things like making adgetives into verbs, or nouns into adgetives. It gets interesting, coming up with things like that.
Try to eliminated was, were, to be, had, and words like that. Instead of "She was smart," it could be "She beamed with intelligence,"

also, get and got and all its forms are clumsy words. For sirst person its not so bad, but for third it tends to sound uninspiring. Like "She got up and ran", "She jerked out of her chair and ran"


And well that's it! Cant wait for more, Im curious of where this is going.