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 Posted: Sun May 17, 2009 9:47 am
"I suppose... I probably should do that now.." Lird stated, his on tone of voice easily giving away his reluctance to do any such thing. He didn't want to get up... if he got up this would end.. and... he might end up sane enough to stop himself from ending up like this with Szin again... he liked it though, he wanted to cuddle him and hold him and touch him and kiss him and.. Goddess! He went a little wide eyed at his own thoughts... two men... he'd never... why would he..? But... he did.. with Szin... that was what he wanted Goddess No! He couldn't want that!
Szin would probably be mortified if he knew what he was thinking.. he had to master these bizare delusions. He shouldn't be thinking that Szin was... leaning towards him in that way. He'd been lost and alone, the contact was just comforting, that was all, he shouldn't be making anything of it. Goddess damn him he was black soul for taking advantage of the wanderer he'd saved... even only in his thoughts. It was wrong. He had been without worship, without purity in this black realm too long.. just this little taste of it was enough to dull his senses... he should not be acting like he was. It was deplorable.
Taking a steadying breath he lifted a hand and very gently brushed it over the soft lavender hair once again, smiling very slightly at how wonderfully soft it was, and once again letting his fingers brush ever so gently down the other males soft, dark cheek... "I'll go get to work on them, okay..?" He stated very quietly, tucking his arms around the other male to lift him up slightly so that he could clamber out from under him and push himself to his feet, flopping Szin gently back into the pillows with a little smile.
"I'll get them done, it won't take me long.. go.. pack if you like? You can come and find me after you're done okay lo- little one..?" He chuckled.. Oh Goddess... what had he nearly said..? "Anyway.. yes.. I'll see you when you're done backing okay? Szin..?" He smiled and turned to walk out of the room. Half way there he turned, laughed quietly, carried on walking, then turned again and the door, waved and stepped out....
Once he was just outside he paused again and sighed once. What on earth was he going to do...
Go and make those potions.. that's what... he pushed himself off of the wall and walked quickly down to one of the store rooms.
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 1:13 pm
No...no...no... Szin had to fight to keep from flinging his arms around Lird's waist. he wanted to grasp hold of him and bury his face against those strong stomach muscles. he wanted to ask Lird to hold him for a bit longer. Stroke his hair and tell him nice things. He wanted...he wanted Lird to kiss him and show him that he felt something more then just a fondness for him. he wanted Lird to like him. But...it seemed a bit clear that Lird did not like him in such a way.
Szin found his attraction to Lird unsettling. He could scare the friendly mage away, of that he was certain. But beyond that? He was just so strong..so kind. The fact that he was a male meant little to nothing to Szin. He'd never realized he could be interested in another male until now, but he accepted it. He nigh well embraced it!
"Of course Lird." Szin found himself speaking softly to the other as he'd urge him to go and pack. "I will wait for you here until you are done and ready to go." Here where he could snuggle into the warm pillow and pretend that he was cuddled against Lird. His green eyes watched the battle mage rise, and exit the room. Oh Goddess...don't let him be a fool and ruin this. As much as his heart and body yearned for Lird's embrace, he valued the males friendship so much! Szin forced himself to rise so he could sweep his things together. he would wait for Lird...more then likely curled in the middle of the big pillow and napping so his dreams could fondly travel the path his lips and fingers were currently denied.
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Posted: Sat May 23, 2009 9:26 am
The store room held such a strange aroma within it. It did not take him too long to retrieve the ingredients that he required, though he was aware that it would take him a good portion of the day to actually get everything that he needed together and made into the actual compounds, pastes and liquids that were required by Ariadne.
His time down in the lower room where he kept the tools and trinkets of the potions trade. The room was filled with steam, and smokes of different colours and smells, most of them unpleasant and decidedly thick and muggy. It would not take him too long to work his way through the liquids, the solid compound took some time, but he had to ensure there was no liquid left in it as it would spoil during even the short trip to the G'eld house.
He needed to make sure they pleased her so that she would not send him on the irritating trip to the east to find the extra ingredients. He didn't fancy the journey at all, not one bit... It would after all mean that he would have to leave Szin behind, for he would be sent with a lizard, and would not be allowed a second to lend to his companion. He needed to make sure this went well the first
It didn't take him more than a few hours to get himself finished off in the potion making department, dear goddess thought he wanted some after being trapped in that dark, smoky room with the vile smelling ingredients.
Soon he found himself stepping off to his own rooms to make sure his own packing was also done and ready, not that he would need a great deal with him. When he was content he stepped his way back out of his room and off towards the library where he had left Szin previously, making sure to be quiet in case the other male was occupied reading, or resting.
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Posted: Sat May 23, 2009 5:19 pm
It took Lird longer to make the items then it did for Szin to pack. He honestly had such little by way of personal effects. When Szin returned to his lent room, he looked at the pitiful looking backpack. It looked sad and deflated and just...sad. Szin flicked a finger and sent the yellow fairy light bobbing about the room as he killed a few minutes straitening up the few displaced items. Such as a bed corner that had not been tucked...and moving a chair back to where it originally had been. Szin had the feeling that Lird would only be distracted if he sought him out right now so...
He took a bath.
It was his normal routine after all. Szin could not help the slightly compulsive behavior. He always felt dirty when he spent time alone. Maybe it was the darkness all round him? He found solace a bit in soaking in the hot water. There was something calming about laying his head back, and watching his fairy lights split into dozens of tiny lights. They reminded him of stars or fire flies on a warm summers night. There would be no such bath's once he accompanied Lird though, and he felt that it would be wise to get one last one in before they were to leave.
Plus, his nerves had begun to effect him. Szin closed his eyes and exhaled as he floated in the bath. This was the first place he had found safty. They were going back out into the darkness and the tunnels. To the cities where his unkind and evil people lurked. He felt a sharp stab of fear when he took the time to consider just what they would be doing. But Lird would be with him...and Szin felt more trust in Lird then he ever had with anyone else.
Was it just because Lird had saved him? Was his attraction to Lird the 'Damsel in Distress' syndrome? Had he only felt this attraction because Lird represented safety after a time of torment? Would he have felt the same way about someone else? What if it had been that some other drow had stepped in and took him away? Would have felt the same drawing towards them if they had proven not inclined to hurt him? The questions made Szin's chest ache. It was so hard to think properly and come to a honest conclusion on his own. Particularly when he did not want to think that his interest in Lird was just a result of fear.
Lird had been kind. He had been gentle. Lird shared a secret with him that he could understand. And...and... Szin opened his green eyes and released a deep chested sigh. Lird was handsome. He had a strong face and such eyes...Szin found them so alluring. Szin wrapped his arms around himself and he glanced into the water around him. He felt a strong bout of tears attempting to well up in his eyes. Why? Why why? "Why?" He whispered into the darkly rippling water. Why did he have to feel these things now? After years of not feeling so much as a nudge of attraction, it finally happened to him way down here? And to a man that he was certain was not comfortable with it. He had seen the slight hints. The way Lird drew back at times. He didn't want to offend him. He didn't want to make Lird angry at him either. Szin lifted his hands and pressed his palms to his eyes. "Goddess..why...why..." He mumbled softly to himself. This was unfair! After all of his pain and troubles. Why did he have to be drawn to a male? A male that more then likely had no interest in him beyond taking care of him? All of Lird's actions thus far were...coddling. Like what one would do with a small scared child. that had to be how Lird saw him. A small scared child, but he was no child! He was a adult and he wanted something that he knew Lird would not be able to give him!
Szin left his bath feeling far worse then when he had entered. His eyes had refused to cooperate with his wish's and tears leaked from the corners as he dried himself off and pinned his hair back. It was with relief and emotional exhaustion that Szin carried his limp and prepared pack back into the study. Just as he had intended, Szin flopped into the giant pillow, and he snuggled deeply into the side where Lird had lain. He could almost imagin he could smell him...that strong comforting musk that was so faint about him. Goddess...he wanted to kiss him so badly...
Szin was unaware that he had drifted off until it was that the door opened. The slight sound caused Szin to start out of the light sleep he had drifted off into. He had been dreaming of arms. Strong well muscled arms wrapped around him. And a hand that felt so gentle upon the back of his head..and lips..strong passionate lips against his neck that made his legs weak... Szin blinked and looked his sleepy eyes up at Lird, and felt a warmth flush through him at the sight of the man that he'd definatly been dreaming of.
"L-lird?" He spoke quickly and rubbed at his eyes to chase away the phantom images. Goddess, his spine tingled and his neck burned for the presence of those lips. "Are you all done?"
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Posted: Thu Jun 11, 2009 11:42 am
"I am.." Lird stated as he heard the quiet question, noting the strange tone of the other males voice as he crossed the room towards him. Szin looked a little groggy and he found a smile tugging at his lips as he looked down at the younger male, crouching down near him as he reached the cushions where he sat. "You seem to have had a nap.." his tone showed the smile that he had on his face. "Sorry I kept you waiting so long there, i wasn't expecting some of that to take as long as it did...." He shifted himself to the side slightly and settled himself down, fidgeting slightly on one of the cushions.
He shifted slightly in his seat to turn and face Szin again. He hadn't wanted to leave the room previously when he'd needed to work on the potions, and now he was back in the room and he really wanted nothing more than to just sit back down here, as he had, and reach out to Szin to wrap his arms around him. He'd loved how nice it felt with the smaller figure pulled up against him, and he really wanted to have that sensation again... that warm, comfortable feeling... but as he had chided himself earlier, could he really condone treating the young male like that? He'd helped Szin out, yes, it was true... and what if Szin felt that he had to repay him..? What if he allowed the attentions just because he thought he should...?
He pushed a small smile onto his face. "I have someone readying things for us to leave.." he stated quietly. "Putting some food and drink in a bag so that we can travel in comfort..." He lifted a hand, holding it out to the younger male, if Szin came to him now it was his choice... he wasn't forcing him to do anything...
There was still a pang of guilt, but he couldn't help but hope Szin would come closer. They didn't have to leave right away, but he really wanted to hold him close to him again. He had no idea why... not really, but he had such a growing fondness to him, the pretty young male he had found wandering lost in a cave.
"We have a little time until we leave. It will take them a little while for our things to be readied..." He was just talking for the sake of talking now. Oh Goddess he liked Szin... he really... really liked him..
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 7:18 pm
Szin looked up at the looming figure, and he smiled easily up at him. "It is okay Lird." He quickly forgave his friend. "I still tire easily and sleep a lot. I am sure once we start to travel I will have more energy." He watched in the pale light as Lird settled himself down across from him. Szin couldn't help but shift himself a touch closer to Lird. His head nodded to show he was listening to Lird's words as he spoke. It was good that someone else was packing the food. Szin had considered doing it himself, but he still felt like a guest. To go so far as that made him feel a little uncomfortable. When Lird lifted his hand towards him, Szin did not hesitate to go to him. he shifted on his knees and slipped alongside the inside of the open arm so he could press against Lird's chest.
Goddess... It was so depressing. Szin felt a terrible ache forming in his chest. Lird saw him as a child. Of this he was certain. Something to be comforted. But...Szin saw Lird so differently. He wanted those touchs to mean something more. He wanted those kisses to leave his brow and cheeks and press someplace more intimate. "Then I suppose we ought to enjoy the fire while we can." Szin answered in a soft murmur. "It may be a while before we can relax like this, as I'm sure a nice large fire like this in our travels will attract unwanted attention." And the darkness was going to return. And the cold. And the sinking lost feeling... Szin closed his eyes tightly and pressed himself more firmly into Lird's side. So long as Lird was with him he was certain he would be fine. He would protect him. he just had to be careful. no more humming and singing. He'd have to keep his fairy lights to dull blue and purple colors rather then the bright yellow and pale white that he preferred. Lird would watch over him and keep him safe...
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Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2009 12:00 am
Szin closed his eyes as he sunk into Lird's arms. He felt a warmth of safety within those strong limbs. If only he could stay there forever. Never to move. never to be parted. he could happily sleep the rest of his life away in Lird's embrace. Yet as wonderful as it all felt, there was still a sense of anguish that hovered over him. he felt Lird' face nuzzling into his hair, and his heart clentched as tight as a fist. If only that arm would pull him closer yet. If only those fingers would slide under his shirt so he could feel those wonderful fingers against the bare skin of his back. When Lird wrapped his second arm against him, Szin's heart began to beat more quickly. Oh! Oh how good it felt! He wanted to moan softly into the ear that was so close to his lips. he felt a warm flush burning at his cheeks. There was something so terribly intimate about being held like this. He wanted to sink into the warmth and just...let go. He wasn't certain what would happen at that point. He likened the sensation to being a strand of silk tossed into a strong breeze. Pulled and carried away by the strength of that which surrounded him.
Lird's words helped him focus a bit and pull away from the foggy desire to sink further into his arms. He tightened his grip, and Szin felt a small hitch form in his breath. Wetness stung the corners of his eyes. "I..." He tried to speak as Lird was holding him so close. So tight. He promised to keep him safe. Szin felt so assured for those few moments. When Lird loosened his grip, he struggled with the desire to cling to him and plead for him to not let go. If he could, at that moment he would have burrowed under Lird and clung to him like a protective pillow. "I know you will." he finally finished the sentence he had begun. Szin's green eyes peered up at Lird. Such promises...such words. Szin was still convinced that Lird saw him only as a lost child. The hugs and the petting. The wonderful protective promises were all things a father might say to his son. That was not how Szin wanted to be seen by Lird. His heart longed for something more. More personal. More meaningful. When Lird's hand brushed and lingers upon his hip, he was inclined at first to dismiss the sensation. Though... had he lingered? Or was that just wishful thinking on his part? Szin's breathing deepened as his heart began to race a bit. He tilted his head up to look at Lird while those fingers stroked through his hair.
"Hold me close." He responded in a faint and trembling voice. "Hold me tight...until the embers die." He wanted to beg Lird more. He wanted to kiss him. He wanted to feel those hands gripping him tightly and..Goddess...To feel that powerful body on top of him....he would never feel so safe as at that moment. Nothing could get at him with Lird upon him. Szin closed his eyes and pressed his head forwards, so he could rest his forehead on Lirds chest. "I could never find your attention tiresome. You saved my life Lird. You keep me safe. You protect me in a world that would tear me apart." He assured the other as he pressed his chest a bit more firmly against Lird. Oh Goddess! He felt a creeping desperation to cling to Lird and just...never let go. never ever....he could be happy with this, surely he could!
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Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2009 7:15 am
"Until the embers die you will stay in my arms..." Lird reiterated the strange agreement they had just settled upon. He shifted himself slightly so that he was able to keep his arms around the younger male with greater ease, and simply allowed his fingers to keep trailing though the unusual lavender hair... such a beautiful colour... only the surface would could give life to something so wonderful...
"There is some life in it yet, but there is no hurry to leave... I will not let the world get to you... my delicate little flower.." It was how he saw him, delicate and easily hurt. It was a rare visage in this dark world, but one that he was perfectly willing to try to protect and keep. He did not wish to allow the darkness to reach Szin...
Lifting a and Lird brought Szin's head closer so that he could rest his chin on top of it... if her were able to look into that lovely face any longer he'd break.. he would give in and just kiss him.. press their lips together and risk the fear he predicted he would see in the others eyes... would he even be able to control himself there..? What if he carried on.. continued to kiss him and paw at him.. he could just end up driving the lovely male away from him... he couldn't risk it...
"I'll hold you close..." he murmured quickly, his eyes fixed on the fire, wincing slightly even in the low light. "I'll keep you in my arms until the embers die..." He loved him....
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Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 5:24 pm
Never would he be happy anywhere else again. The realzation came as Lird rested his chin on the top of his head and held him close. Szin's eyes half opened to look blindly off into the darkness not quite banished by the small fire. As much as he longed for the sun and star light. As much as he desperatly wished to feel the free moving breeze and hear the song of the birds above, he knew there was no way he could return it. To sacrifice this, Lird's embrace, would be more damning then death. It frightened him, how deeply this feeling reached. With so short a period of time spent with him, Szinaun could not deny how close he felt to Lird. As time passed, this feeling was only going to grow.
He was going to become swallowed by it. He was going to fall into it and become hoplessly lost. Szin wanted to tilt his head up and take Lird by the cheeks. He wanted to peer into the mages eyes and open up to the other male. He wanted to tell him how frightened he was of this. How sure and profound the feeling of love he felt for his protector and rescuer. Most of all though, he wanted to reassure him that it was not because he was in a vulnerable state that these feelings had become born. They felt too strong to be a simple weak willed creatures grasping at it's only sure source of protection.
I love you. I love you. His heart seemed to beat in his chest as he laid there in Lird's arms. His lips could find no words to follow Lirds own, he had spoken beautifully and in the silence that followed Szin could feel the warmth of them mingling with the glow of the fires embers. He could lay here and wait until the embers died. he could then take up his pack and follow Lird's path. Where ever in the underdark that Lird went, Szin would follow him unquestioningly. He needed to... Just as the flowers needed sunlight, he knew he needed Lird in order to truely feel alive. Inside, he released his desire to return home with a unspoken and unacknowledged agony. He would not speak of it to Lird ever, he would stay with him. Just to be near him. Just to be held by him. Even if Lird only held him as one would a child, he would convince himself this was enough, for to somehow damage his relationship with Lird by indulgeing in his true desires. Well... that surely would be death itself wouldn't it?
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Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2009 11:47 pm
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