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 Posted: Mon May 04, 2009 5:45 pm
Not sure why I'm bothering to record this. Maybe its because I don't have anyone I can talk to anymore around here. At least, well I don't feel like I do. Soon...I doubt anyone will.
Tonight was probably the worse night of my life in the Weyr. I didn't go the the sharding feast and instead got some wine from the Kitchen but didn't ask and went to the lake. To be quite honest, I didn't want to watch people newly impressed get congratulated. I just wanted to be on my own...
But then...I met up with Con, Firyal, Nehren and this other guy named Mal by chance. It was strange but maybe the alcohol loosened my tongue. I was actually having a good time even though it was a group! It shocked me a little but it felt ok.
We just really got started talking and drinking...then I started to tell a story about The Great Gold Rider, Conomor and his Gold named Gildeth. Hadn't even gotten the story beyond myself when this sharding blue rider named Z'nal showed up.
He must have had a wherrie up his a** because he came in with a fury and...Yeah...he destroyed a party that hadn't even gotten under way. He told us we stole wine...he gave us latrine duty till the next hatching...then decided to punish the rest of the Weyr candidates. Probably just wanted to make sure to give us a good old Lynching from the rest. A man just like my father - cruel and controlling - What a shell-born winner.
I didn't say a word in my defense. It would have fell on deaf ears if I had.
Just like any other time in my life it's better to become invisible. I have a feeling that until new eggs crack I am going to have to find a way to survive in this place. I don't think I did anything wrong. Everyone takes food from that kitchen. Why is wine any different?
But I guess the worst of it is that now Conomor looks at me like I am so kind of a plague. I thought we'd be good friends. Well I guess not now. I never have seen anyone look at me so hateful as he did. Well maybe...my father...but I guess I never thought...nevermind.
I'm not sure what to think anymore about my life here now. Most of the time, I work so hard and have to deal with other lazy bastards who do nothing but complain. Now, I feel like I've been pushed into a position lower than thread. I guess it isn't hard to feel like that...after what Con said to me.
I think I'll just become invisible. If I'm not talking, eventually no one will see me...or care. Not that they did anyway...well wait...L'thor cares. I know that...but...what would he think of me now? -sigh-
In 5 turns, it won't matter much...I probably won't be able to stay here.
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Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 4:51 pm
So...I have a new roommate, Mal. I am not sure what to say. Should I be happy that I am rooming with someone in the same boat I am? Or feel miserable because everyday I get to look at someone that got shoved into this mess without fault at all. I'm not sure what to think. Maybe I shouldn't.
Oh...but yeah, I am one day going to finish that tale about Conomor and the Great Gold Dragon, Gildeth. I had a brief dream about the story the other day. I still think it would have been a great story. I'd ask Firyal to help me finish it but I haven't seen her in awhile and I'm not sure how she's doing.
Mmm...I will continue this later...I need to get to work.
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Posted: Tue May 19, 2009 7:35 pm
Haven't taken any notes as of late but recently I've been learning a lot about RIDING STRAPS! And so I must impart my knowledge here so I can keep practicing until it become second nature. It's a lot like working with a saddle so L'thor is teaching me repairs first so I can see the inner workings of how they are put together. You know, stitching in new threads,c
Eventually, I am going to buy some materials so I can practice cutting and stitching even if I can't make a full set of straps I can work on individual skills.
L'thor's been really been a great tutor so far and I'm really working hard to impress him and make myself a better
OH!! And I met a weyrling by the name of T'ka and her dragon named Haanyath out by the lake. I've been eating dinner out there lately while the weather is good. I didn't think we were going to get along at first but then we sort of got talking about the straps design I was practicing. Haanyath is built differently from Raith so it really helped. What's even better is that T'ka helped me with a few corrections to fit Haanyath better. I think when Haanyath is larger she's isn't going to be as sleek as Raith but a bit more muscular. I wonder how that works as far as flying goes. I'd love to see greens race.
T'ka told me a few more things that Weyrlings learn in their lessons. She says their rather boring at times but if I was in those classes....If only. Well, I'm taking a list of things I can learn without a Dragon. T'ka said they learn Dragon Anatomy and Hygiene. So I'm going to talk to L'thor about that. I bet that there's a lot of clean up with baby dragons. Probably a lot like cleaning stalls but well, maybe it's larger crap piles. Then I'm guessing, bathing ...oiling...Mmm.. I should find a night that I can help L'thor again with Raith.
Yeah...journal...I'm pretty tired lately but if I don't work hard, I'll never get anywhere with my dreams right? I can't make a dragon choose me, but I can do my best to make me the best I can be.
Besides, people still look at me funny around the Weyr at times...at least the ones that know I messed up. They'll probably never think I'll be anything more than a thief. I don't know if I care what they think...I mean...I'm not that bad...really.
If in 5 turns I don't impress, I'll at least be the best has-been candidate...and maybe a better trader? Well, at least L'thor will help me find a way to travel the world. I know I know...I should think like most holders do. Stay in the hold, settle down....root.... I'm just not that person, Journal. Ok...well maybe I just haven't found a reason to want to be that person.
Ah!...Journal...I should tell you about all the new things in my dreams lately but I have to get to bed now. It's getting late.
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Posted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 2:38 pm
Here I am in the infirmary...I'm not getting many visitors but L'thor did come to see me. It's ok though, I don't want to get anyone else sick. So I'm pretty much here...sleeping, coughing and doing what all sick people do...sleep. It isn't that much fun but I can't really run around. I want to get back to working on something. Riding strap mainly. Maybe even plotting out my future journeys. I don't know. But either way, I'm just so bored here.
But the healers have been bringing me food I like and I finally feel good enough to eat so that part is helping. I think they were getting worried when I wouldn't eat. Hard to take in food though when you're feeling that miserable. Oh...and the kitchen actually sent up a tart! MMmmm.. it was so good.
Oh...Yeah. Con got a bronze. I'm guessing he's really happy now and well maybe he'll have a really good life now. Sometimes I really want to stand up and tell him how wrong he is about me. I guess that's a new development for me; I should have straightened things out with him...not let them go this far.
But...well maybe we're just going to dislike each other for the rest of our lives. Are we enemies? I don't know. Should I be standing with him...against him...If I ever impress I guess that will tell me my place in his world. Since all that seemed to matter were the rules. -laughs to himself- I wonder if he really ever liked me at all. One day, I'll prove to him I'm something more. Gee. I don't know why I care so much about that.
You know, I doubt I'm much like the kid that came to the Weyr...world's been changing so much for me lately. But I'm keeping focused with L'thor's help on my goal here. I'll succeed where others fail even if I have to work harder and longer to get there. L'thor gave me the silver platter. I won't let go of it.
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Posted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 11:33 pm
So I'm out of the infirmary now and back to my room again. It took me a few days to get myself back in the swing of things around here but I'm back to normal chores and people don't seem to notice me as much since the latrine stuff. I guess that blew over just like L'thor said it would. Most people are being pretty careful because the flu seems to have been wide spread around the Weyr.
Me...well I'm just happy to be back to normal chores even if I still don't like the candidate master. I guess I'd rather see his grouchy face than be stuck for any longer in bed. That seems weird to say but ok...I said it.
Oh and they put me back in the meat locker again...with supervision the first few days but I guess since people have been sick they need all the help they can get. So I'm back to gutting and cutting on my own now. It's hard work but I'm not complaining. Somehow, I almost feel like my old self again but a little older...maybe wiser. Well, I still got a long way to go but Mom might be proud of me.
I over heard that Ren got himself a little flit egg! Lucky! Got to wonder what sort of flit will hatch from it but I've yet to see him with his prize. Hopefully, L'thor helped him out with that. I bet he was fretting all over it! -laughs-
Ok anyway Journal...I'm guessing another hatching is coming soon. And this time I'll collect an egg shard for that collection I wanted to keep. Guess I can't get one from the last hatching so I'll just put a marker in the box for that space. Shells! I still can't believe I passed out on the sands! Well, this time, I'm just going out there and standing my ground then afterwards... go to bed unless one of my friends impress. Then I need to at least say congratulations.
Also, there's people running around messing up food and stuff around the Weyr, I'm guessing that they're kind of upset about how packed we are. I think I understand them because things aren't healthy around here...but well I've had too much trouble following me so I don't want to take any chances right now.
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Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 10:00 pm
Someone finally did something far worse than what I did. Her name is Kyllae and she snuck in to the sands and touched all the eggs before they were hardened. Man...people really treated me really bad over two wine skins, I can only imagine what they'll do to her.
Not to say I'm not angry because the little ones in the eggs might be dead. They really are the victims here along with there mother and rider. We won't know until the hatching if any of them are going to make it. I can only imagine the pain they are feeling. I know my mother's pain as she tried to protect me over the years, I can sympathize with the rider and queen. If there was something good I could do to alleviate that pain; I would. But...I'm only one of a number of candidates. And I am sure that Favan would not want to see me or any other candidate about now.
Kyllae was really stupid and I am sure that the leaders of the Weyr are going to be harsh with her. I wonder if they will throw her out of the Weyr. It probably is an appropriate response...beyond that I have a feeling their won't be any touchings. Actually, I wouldn't blame them for not allowing it.
So, here I am stuck in my own space...how do I feel about this? Well, Kyllae was really dumb and made a really bad decision and...well deserves punishment. But...I'm kind of at odds about the street justice the rest of the candidates will want to give out. I've been through that and I think it's wrong. Isn't what the Leadership chooses as punishment enough for the girl...for anyone? I'd think so but maybe that thought is only because I've experienced it.
......what will I do if I see someone doing to Kyllae what others have done to me? -sigh- Don't answer that.
I guess I think that everyone running around here shouldn't be doling out their own personal vengeance just because their pissed off. If I were in charge of this Weyr, shards I'd change a few things!
There has to be better ways to handle the problems in this Weyr. But until a dragon steals my heart, my words are going to mean little to those around me. While I've never hoped for any particular dragon in the past, I guess now I hope for one that will help me realize my dreams more so than follow me through them.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this; I still want to travel....I want to change the world but Journal...maybe it's this Weyr that needs changing?
Sometimes I dream of what I would do here...if I only could change the world.
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Posted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 9:07 pm
Journal...Today I learned that someone or something is stealing from others in the Weyr. There's things missing and I'm not sure whose doing it but I know it wasn't me. I haven't taken anything since that day by the lake. I learned my lesson but still I'm kind of worrying that someone is going to point the finger at me. Maybe I shouldn't be so concerned since most are still talking about that Kyllae girl but I think being cautious is a wise move on my part. I don't want to be caught holding the bag.
I'm thinking I'll start looking on the side for the culprit because someone should. I'll talk to L'thor about it. I don't want to go off and do something that might make matters worse although, the Weyr has so many problems building up that I wonder when the bucket will start overflowing. As a candidate, I'm not able to do that much. But really, when I look around the Weyr can the riders do that much? As a farmer, I'd be worried about the stores of supplies from what I saw. And with the poor meat, the burnt foods...Are we going to be able to survive...Winter?? I thought about writing home to see if my family farm could help but...I'm not sure that's wise because news might get out about the state of affairs here.
Shards I sound so old...
My Imagination keeps running over things I'd do if I were in charge here like the Weyrleader....but it would take a lot more than just my ideas to run something like this place. I wonder what sort of skills it takes beyond flying a Gold. It's weird to think that someone I've been standing on the sands with might be the next Weyrleader in time.
Someone like Con...well C'mor probably would try for it in the years to come. He's even got a bronze dragon now...so you know he probably has a pretty good chance. Not sure if I'd want Con as a Weyrleader though. Although leadership...I don't think its about the one man running the show but...well more than one putting heads together to figure stuff out then...doing. Maybe if we all worked together for a change...things could be good for everyone.
I guess when it comes down to it....you have to ask yourself - Would you be willing to do the job? Yes or No. Then the other part is... Are you ready? Yes or No. Its a lot of responsibility and weight on one's shoulders.
Maybe I'm just over analyzing stuff... My imagination shows me so many opporutnities and I envision a future much different and better. How can I make those dreams a reality?
Overall, I'm just thinking that before I lose all my thoughts to that new dragon...if ever I impress, I gotta look beyond riding straps and anatomy to think about...well how to make a quality of life that's good for him or her. Seems, I think about that dream all the time in one way or another...just wishing a dragon would find me worthy.
Oh! Speaking of dragons...I saw two greens taking off for mating flights with a ton of males behind them. Talk about getting the attention of the Weyr! I'm kind of wondering what happens during those moments with dragon and man. But I didn't see any of the people involved and even if I did; well I might have felt I was interrupting something if you know what I mean. I thought about asking L'thor but well yeah...how do you ask that?
Ok enough of serious stuff.
Guess what!?
What?
I heard a rumor that a gold might have laid some eggs on the beach! So maybe L'thor and Raith will give me a lift there so I can go hunting. A chance for Adventure! YES! I know so many people with flits now that sooner or later something good has got to happen! Bad Luck I will beat you! -shakes fist-
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Posted: Mon Sep 28, 2009 3:02 pm
I'm so stupid. I asked L'thor if he liked me. I shouldn't have asked...I should have kept my mouth shut. Now things are awkward and I don't know what to say. I could have guessed the answer. Maybe I thought, just for a small chance when he told me about D'los and how we were similar in a few ways that maybe...Oh Shards. It was dumb. I really suck at relationships. Heck, I've only manage to work my butt off since I've come here from chores to candidate crap classes that I've been to a million times to hear the same things over and over for each new kid that shows up. I've dreamed of so many things I want to do. Why can't I just manage to grasp one of them?
Anyway, I kind of feel weird about seeing L'thor right now after getting rejected like that. I guess I will get over it soon enough. I'm not his type. Doubt I ever was. He's not looking for any relationship. Maybe he's the smarter man for it. Why have a relationship when you've got a dragon? He's got it made....
Ugh...and I've been here for 2 turns now..with nothing to show. No...thats not entirely true. Because in the same night of my stupidity at the beach, I also found Mine who hatched there and has become my most precious friend. He's made everything just a little more bearable while I make stupid teenage mistakes.
But yesterday, I had the sweetest dream that Mine had become as big as a dragon and finally I was flying. When I woke the little guy was plaster on my cheek and head trying to get warm. He's so small. I guess I am sort of lucky.
Just got to think positive and turn this around! Mm...I wonder if I could make rider straps small enough for Mine. He'd be awfully cute in them.
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