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He, likewise, cracked a bit of a smile, glad to see that at least some of the upset had smoothed from her expression. "What I'm trying to say is, I want to be with you, Nani, but you deserve a better guy than one who's mixed up and doesn't know where he comes from, or why he is, or even how long he's gonna live."

He reached up and smoothed hair from her brow. "And I want to be that better guy. The answers that I need....they aren't here. I'm not sure where they -are-, exactly, but I need to find them."

He inwardly steeled himself, finding his conviction harder and harder to keep a hold on. "Not too long, I hope." he told her. He didn't have an exact timeframe in mind for this venture...hell, he really didn't even know where he was going to begin with it.

"It can't keep going on the way its going, though." he went on. "This whole fight with my dad today....its just going to keep happening if I don't try and get a reign on my life now. Its not fair to you to have to plan seeing your boyfriend around whether his dad's gonna be home or not, ya know...?"

He'd meant it to be a light-hearted statement to ease the tension, but it fell flat as it left his mouth and he sighed, resting a bit more heavily against her.

"Give me a month." he said at last. "If I don't find anything, I'll call it a wash and come home."

He reached out, gently stroking the side of her face with his fingertips. "I'm always going to come back to you, Nani." he assured her, his touch pausing as it reached the base of her jaw as he leaned in closer. "I promise."

His lips brushed hers gently once, before kissing her deeply.

He was bewildered by the reaction as his arms went further around her to soothe her as she cried. To make matters worse, he felt himself narrowing his own eyes against hot tears that prickled at the corners of them in response.

Oh damn it. Damn it...!!

And here he'd thought it wasn't going to be as bad as he'd originally dreaded...

"I don't want to go." he told her in as steady of a voice as he could keep a hold on. "You know I don't. But if I stay, this is never gonna get fixed..." Feeling brave enough to look into her eyes, he met them only to immediately wish he hadn't. The aqua-blue orbs that stared back at him told a miserable tale of this having been a story she'd lived before and already knew it didn't have a happy ending.

He found himself second-guessing the conclusions he'd drawn earlier. Why COULDN'T he just stay with her? Why COULDN'T this just be the end of the fights with his dad? Why---

Zhane snapped his eyes and mind shut against that line of thinking before it could complete itself, a single tear slipping from the corner of one eye. There was a very good reason why for all of those things: Running to hide behind his girlfriend like a scared little boy was to prove Talon right about everything he'd accused him of. Finding the strength to walk away from everything he loved most for awhile to find answers that would help to shape his future, THAT was growing up.

But at the immediate moment, he was still here. And she was still upset.

"I can stay for a little while." he relented, nuzzling her forehead. "If it'll help, I won't go until you're asleep."

He wondered fleetingly if now was a good time to tell her that her mother had asked her to stop by later if she had the time. Though, just as quickly, the thought was gone again.

At her words, he gave her a smile that he tried to feel against the other more unpleasant things roiling within him at the moment. He didn't want to waste the time he had with her now being remorseful over the fact they'd be far out of reach of one another come morning.

His hand found hers, clasping it reassuringly as he took a step toward the direction of her dwelling. "Let's go inside..." he whispered. "Its getting cold out here."

"Heh, I don't mind." he assured her, though he made no move to step inside even as the door swung open. His attention was still squarely on her. And trying very hard not to think of what the first day without her was going to be like.

Not right now. Not when other things were left undone.

As her hand made the third pass through her curls, he caught her wrist gently, tugging her close enough for their lips to meet once more. The kiss unbroken, he guided her past the threshold into the house, hooking the door closed behind them with one foot.

By all rights, he should have been exhausted, but found himself wide awake. She had drifted off to sleep nearly an hour ago and he had found himself inventing excuses to remain where he was just for a little longer.

Zhane studied the way the moonlight played through her hair, and off of her wings. He tried to memorize the subtle rise and fall of her breathing and the soft warmth of her body beside his. He wanted to hold this moment, just as it was, perfectly in his mind.

At length, though, he shifted slowly away from her, guiding her hand that had rested on his stomach to the mattress. He paused, waiting to see if she'd wake, before quietly and quickly dressing himself. That done, he hesitated before casting a lingering look over his shoulder at her.

Leaning carefully over the mattress, he brushed a kiss over her cheek. "I know you understand why I have to go." he whispered in a barely-audible tone. "I love you, Nani."

Before second thoughts could cement themselves, he drew back, leaving her room, and walking through the silent and sleeping household. When he reached the kitchen, he paused and tore a sheet from the pad of paper near the telephone to scribble a short note.

Leaving it in what he hoped was an obvious place on the counter, he fumbled into his pocket until he found his housekey and deposited it on top of the paper.

With that business in order, he continued on his way to the front door, easing it open and closing it carefully behind himself.

With the first and hardest steps taken, the journey had begun.