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 Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 1:13 am
Hey the only thing I have noticed is the need to separate into paragraphs, an example would be when someone talks, the paragraph ends when that person is done talking and the description of them is finishes.
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Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:24 am
The day bones walked[2/8]((I type how i think. I dont think in paragraphs.))((Also, no ones said good job, or bad job. I'd actually like to be commented about the content. Rather than just people telling me my grammar sucks.....))
I soared through the skys of Hueco Mundo. Beneath me, and beneath the sand was my Ivory Gaurd. Warriors I had created. They had no feelings no emotions, no needs as far as I knew. In high numbers they were very dangerous. I'd use them to help with my training. Should a hollow almost succeed in ending my life my gaurd would rise up and quickly dispatch him. I knew there was more to this body than the techniques I already unlocked
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Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 9:49 am
((I never said it sucks, sorry for trying to help, But I do like the content.))
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Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 4:55 pm
((Thank you. I know your only trying to help, but no ones commented on anything other than my grammar. Which I know isnt up to par. The reason why I allowed commenting was so I could get help, and advance faster. Even still. I really put some time(and a tad bit of my soul) into this PRP. ))
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